by C. R. Jane
The spark that would glimmer at my hope to be the Goddess of millions simply wasn't present, either due to my pure exhaustion or because I was tired of hearing Sybil's shouting voice for twelve hours straight.
"Sybil. Maybe that's enough," Ina looked concerned for me, which wasn't often. The last time she had, I ended up vomiting lunch and spiking a fever that had me down for a week.
If only that opportunity would bring itself at this moment. It must have been in a pathetic situation to want to be sick versus practicing for another twelve hours tomorrow.
"She has to perfect the ritual. Many souls across the galaxy need the Goddess of Eternity, and she's acting like it's a joke,"
I would have responded to her comment, but that's how tired I was. If spending twelve hours a day dancing, practicing magic, studying, and ending it off with a four-hour ritual trial of me doing the same magic spells and dance moves was a joke, then my goodness. I'd like to see her do half of what I did.
Instead, she'd sat or paced around the entire time while screaming at me. That should have been considered her workout for the day.
"Sybil, this is getting ridiculous. She'll never obtain Goddess status like this," Eve walked into the room, looking irritated.
Deciding that this was my chance to rest, I locked my magic up, the golden fans in my hands burst into tiny butterflies that fluttered upward until disappeared altogether.
Sybil's vile glare only made me roll my eyes. "I can't do this anymore. I won't even have magic for this ritual if I keep going," I voiced.
My voice was like a croak, leaving a little worried I'd lose it altogether. It wasn't the first time I'd lost it working too hard on my vocals to sing the words of the first part of the ritual.
The ceremony was called the Ritual of Luminus. It was where the Goddess who was born with magic cloaked in gold, would sing, dance, and weave a spell to unlock her status and ascend her to her position as a Goddess.
Once the ritual was initiated, the Goddess soul would be rooted in the land, and the sole individual who held such role would be rooted to the universe for all eternity until the next Heir is born, raised, and completes the ritual once more.
Long story short. I was born to take over for the current Goddess of Eternity. No one knew where she lived now, some saying she hide in the depths of the forest to be one with nature and continue her role until the next individual took over.
Whenever I thought about it, I felt pity for her. Your entire existence devoted prayed to, and now she lived a life of solitude.
A part of me didn't want that for myself. I wanted to explore a little more, or at least, learn what love was.
All three of my sister had never loved a man, nor kissed one. It was a choice they had made, but I didn't follow the same values. I craved the feel of a man's touch or enjoy the tenderness of their lips.
I couldn't grasp how they could ignore their personal cravings, but they must have trained their body to do so. I, on the other hand, hadn't.
"She won't perfect anything when she's pale like that and can barely keep her magic from teetering," Eve voiced. "Give her a break,"
"No," Sybil shook her head. "She will conduct the ceremony this month,"
"Sybil sister. We've talked about this over and over. You can't force her to do the ceremony on your timeline. If she doesn't agree with her heart that she wants to do this, she'll never ascend to Goddess status," Ina explained.
Eve walked down the stairs of the large marble training room, heading to where I stood in the middle, versus Ina and Sybil who were off to the side.
"Look at her," Eve pointed at me. "Do you want her to pass out again?"
"I want her to ascend," Sybil huffed.
"She's not ready to ascend!" Eve groaned. "Since the day she was born, all you've done is constant drills of how she needs to ascend and be the Goddess she was born to be. Why would she want to help millions of souls when she's been drilled to do so? For the ritual to work, the host must want this more than anything. She must crave with her very soul for peace, tranquility, and power to be loved and prayed to when she ascends to Goddess status. Without those key aspects, she'll never be able to do the ritual,"
"We don't have time for that. She's eighteen!" "That's exactly my point!" Even shouted, causing Ina and me to flinch. "She's eighteen. Her whole life has been you yelling at her, saying how important her role is for many people across the universe. She's proved to you over and over again, that she's working hard, studying, practicing, and trying her best to be what you want her to achieve. That's not living, Sybil!"
"She's been born with a gift that will millions! Her purpose is to live for them!"
"No, it's not!" Eve screamed back.
I watched them continue to fight, the back and forth intensity of the matter made me a little nervous.
"Ina?" I looked over to her, seeing her worry was similar to mine.
"You two. That's enough," Ina did her best to be neutral.
"This is ludicrous," Even argued, crossing her arms over her chest. "If I was mentored by you my whole life, I'd never want to be a Goddess,"
"Thank goodness. No one needs someone who doesn't see the importance of all of this," Sybil spat.
"You don't see the value of this at all. You're only helping because YOU want out. You want to be able to move on with your life by whisking her off to her destiny. That way you can be free to do whatever you want," Eve revealed.
"Says who?"
"I heard you myself when you were drunk complaining to your girlfriends of what burden all of this is for you! No one told you to take this role, and yet you've not shown an inch of compassion! But wait till Luna does ascend and become the Goddess of Eternity. You'll boast about how it was thanks to you and your devotion for our Moon and stars. Put yourself on a pedestal and receive all the praise and adoration from the people when you've been nothing but horrible to Luna!"
"As if you're a good sister," she snapped.
"I'm ten times better than you! When Luna becomes a Goddess, she'll be stuck forever! That will be her role until the new heir of the role is born and raised by new sisters assigned to her. You haven't given Luna even a chance to enjoy the world. To live as a child, teen, and now as a young adult. I bet she has so many regrets right now, and she's yet to even experience what it was like to have friends or someone to love. You've isolated her into only working for YOUR freedom. Nothing else. Just admit you're selfish and move on. Don't be a hypocrite and lie to. my face," Eve raged.
The room was silent, but also spinning, making me wish I could sit down. I personally hated when my sisters fought, and though I tried to be as quiet and not interfere during their heated arguments.
I'd heard Sybil complain many times of having to deal with me. I was a burden to her, leaving me to wonder if I was the same burden to Ina and Eve.
It wasn't as though I'd asked for this destiny. Surely if I did, I wouldn't feel as though my life was never my own to live, breathe, and enjoy.
With a sigh, I turned away, begin to head to the large door.
"Luna?" Eve called out.
"I'm going to get some fresh air," I mumbled.
"We're not done," Sybil barked.
"No, we are," I stopped and turned to look at her, not caring about the intense disappointment that must have portrayed in my black eyes.
"No asked you to raise me. No one told you it was your sole duty. The person who took this responsibility is yourself. I'm not clueless anymore, Sybil. I've heard it countless of times how you hate having to teach me every day and how stupid I am. How could a born to be Goddess not grasp this, and that? If only she could hurry up and ascend. Then the burden would be lifted," I muttered, repeating her exact words out of many conversations.
I remember overhearing all her hurtful words in the late evenings when she'd drink and assume I was asleep in the bedroom next door. I was eighteen now. She didn't need to watch me anymore.
She could live her life. Boast and be praised by
her friends for taking the role as my sister mentor for her to look good. I didn't care about all those things.
I just want to experience the world without all the burden and responsibility.
"Y-You don't-"
"Yeah, yeah. I don't know anything. I'm just an idiot who rather relax in nature or watch a performance out of the only evening you give me off every week. I'm just a simpleton because no matter the study decisions, the demonstrations, and the constant hours of training, I can do nothing to your high expectations. I get it, Sybil. I'll never reach your expectations, and honestly, at this point in time, I don't see me being anywhere close to reaching the Goddess of Eternity's expectations if they are as high as yours,"
Sybil held her tongue, staring at me like I was poison. I sighed and shook my head.
"You don't even feel a hint of pity for me. You care solely about your freedom. Now about the fact I've never gotten to play and enjoy what it means to be a friend with anyone. Nor have I enjoyed a man's affection. I barely get to live in the moment of those lovely plays and performances, and my constant routine is all revolved around being the Goddess and giving the rest of my eternity to that power. All when I've enjoyed not a spec of happiness. It's quite a pathetic life, don't you think? But alas, you're the one suffering,"
I turned away, heading up the remaining stairs. "I'm going for a walk. Don't bother making dinner for me. In fact, don't bother at all with any of this. You are free to leave your role as my apparent sister and teacher. Go enjoy the freedom you desperately want with the man you crush on and the friends you wish to hang out with. I'll figure this out myself," I declared.
"Luna," Eve whispered, but I began to walk away.
If I saw the sadness in eyes, I'd want to comfort her and apologize for laying the truth. I was tired of being screamed at and walked upon like a doormat.
If the universe wanted me to accept this role, I'd want a taste of all that I crave. Even a moment to explore my curiosities and see the beauty this one of many universes had to offer.
With tired legs and a sad heart, I made my way to the back exit of our large home, in hopes the universe would lead me somewhere close to the happiness I desperately crave for.
A Taste Of Another Destiny
Walking into the forest, I struggled to keep my eyes open. I yawn escaped me and I lifted my hand to cover my mouth.
My goal was to head to the same loving tree I'd visited for most of life. I actually called her Eternity, because I felt as though she'd been there before I existed. Not many, if any, came to visit the depths of the forest where she was like I did.
Surely, they couldn't sense her magic, but it disappointed me that such parts were ignored. The forest was thick but mesmerizing in its beauty, having wonderful wildlife that roamed freely in their habitat.
I'd seen a few animals, from bunnies to even a bear, but they never saw me as a threat. We respected one another in a shared environment, and I grew up enjoying that natural agreement amongst us.
Seeing the large base of Eternity insight made me smile, my legs stopping to give a brief moment to admire the Tree I'd visited since I could walk. Whether it be her energy that called to me or the peacefulness her sight delivered, I wish my magic could make her into a human being.
In my mind, I imagined us being the best of friends. All the times she'd listen to my sobs of frustration and the few times I'd tell her of my deep insecurities. She was the friend I'd wished was in my life.
The one who I leaned on because I had no one else to dump my problems to.
I began to walk again, wondering what my sisters were doing now. Surely, they were arguing amongst themselves, Eve doing her best to defend my predicament and Sybil ignore any of it. Ina, of course, would stay neutral, the position she general took depending on her mood.
Or whatever side appeared to be winning.
Reaching Eternity, I smiled and lifted my left hand up, closing my eyes and allowing the tiny bits of magic I had left in me to be free.
Butterflies full of light and power manifested in my hand, fluttering through the air and crowding around Eternity's branches.
I smiled weakly, loving how their luminous glow lightened up the many branches that stretched far and wide, demonstrating the growth of the aged tree.
Placing my hand on against the bark, I rested my forehead against it, closing my eyes for a long moment.
"Good evening, Eternity. How are you?"
Her energy was bright as always, and I could sense the vibrancy source run within her bark and down to the very roots that had spread beneath the surface.
A gentle warm breeze passed by, unnatural for the cool evening. I giggled quietly, feeling her loving response glide through me.
"It's good to see you. I know. It has been awhile,"
With all the training and the preparations Sybil had been doing for my Luminus ritual, I'd end each session with barely any energy, resorting in taking a quick shower, and sleeping to rejuvenate for the next day.
Getting an opportunity to have some fresh air felt impossible, but with today's events, I needed this more than anything.
That and the three travel performers, Allen, Alex, and Ansiel.
Since that eventful day eleven years ago, they had made Luminus one of their yearly stops. Every performance, I fought with all my might to see.
Last year, I snuck out just to witness it, not carrying about Sybil four how lecture of how irresponsible I was and that these performers couldn't stop my fate.
She was right. I had no hope in my fate changing. This was what I was born into and would be the duty I carried upon my shoulders for the rest of my existence.
However, as I grew older and wiser, I wanted to have some good memories to hold onto. I had all the bads, the ugly, and the miserable of what my childhood and teens had been.
I'm certain I had a mental catalog of every lecture I'd received since I was at least six of Sybil screaming, to the times Eve and Ina, too, were exhausted of my numerous attempts and disappointments.
All the sad memories I had to carry and not enough happy ones to balance it all out. To spend eternity in solitude would be difficult, and lonely. Couldn't I make a few good memories to keep me company?
This year, I'd hope to witness the Trio perform, especially with the constant reminder that my ritual would be happening this year.
However, thanks to Sybil, I'd missed it entirely. Maybe she'd caught on to what I wanted to do or more importantly, what I wished to say for many years.
I'd had a crush on Ansiel since that day I'd met him, watching as he stood proudly in my defense against my sisters without question.
Since that shining moment all those years ago, he'd been my little crush.
He wasn't the only one...
Oddly enough, Alex and Allen caught my attention once I got to meet them individually. All our interactions were short, whether it be a few short minutes to half an hour after their stunning performances.
Sybil despised them, giving me constant rants of how I idolized them like they were gods. I didn't idolize them.
I secretly wished to be with them. All three of them.
Those thoughts began to surface in my mind when I was sixteen, and the last two years they had grown stronger, blossoming into something I couldn't decipher just yet.
My crush for Ansiel was the strongest, but Allen and Alex didn't fall too far behind. All I knew was that Sybil had found out, or at least assumed I liked one of them.
The result? Making sure I missed this year's performance. There was no time for distractions, and that was what she ranked them. A waste of time in her very words.
Now they were probably gone, their journey to spread joy and happiness moving on from our universe, Luminus. I was still depressed about it, and it could be one of the many reasons why the ritual wasn't working.
I had built up enough confidence in myself to tell Ansiel my feelings. To let him know how I felt and my crush for more than ten years.
Our age difference didn't matter to me, as it didn't for many individuals of Luminus we lived triple the age of other specifies across the universe, and sometimes you connected with someone who was older or younger than you by ten to twenty years.
It was an acceptable standard, or that's what Even had explained. It was a shame that I couldn't ask about the chance of being with more than one person.
Or even three.
With a tired sigh, I closed my eyes, wondering what I should do. I was tempted to let this all go, to stay here and remain hidden until I faded away.
It was sad to wish for, but it would also give me a second chance at something else? If I stayed here, until my body gave up, what would happen?
Would I start again somewhere else? Or would I be in a land of darkness and let down those millions of individuals waiting for the day I ascended.
Something gentle rested on my shoulders, but I couldn't open my eyes anymore. I was never one to sleep standing, yet this seemed to be that prime moment.
"Luna?"
The voice was low yet tender. For a second, I wondered if it was Ansiel I was imagining. The thought lingered in my head, but I also realized it wouldn't matter. No one wanted to give me a shot at enjoying this universe before I'd be unable to.
All of this burden made me feel hopeless, especially when my body was as exhausted as I was now.
Would the universe take me now? Would it hear my tired plea?
Something ran through my long black hair, pressing my head into a firm surface.
"What has the evil woman done you this year, Prince Luna," the loving voice made my heart flutter, the familiarity of Ansiel's voice left me excited to see his face for himself.
My body, however, wasn't cooperating. It was tired from all the training from dawn. Now that I'd closed my eyes and let go for a swift second, it was time for me to sleep and not stay up.
My body was lifted up and began to sway side to side. There was no way for me to figure this out or wake up from my mid-dream. All I could do was allow myself to rest.
Eternity's warm energy was fading, but I felt no harm would come over me. The universe would protect me, just like this individual carrying me to who knew where.
