My heart stuttered and squeezed as I looked at Casteel, and I knew—I knew he hadn’t planned to say that last part, or at least he hadn’t meant to say it like that. His surprise was sharp and cool, and the moment his gaze met mine, I looked away.
I swallowed the ragged breath I wanted to exhale. “How is Beckett?” I asked. Vonetta had said that the young wolven was walking with barely a limp, but it was time to change the subject.
“It is like he wasn’t injured at all,” Alastir replied. “What you did for him—”
“I was only trying to ease his pain,” I said again. “I don’t even know if I’ll be able to do something like that again.”
Alastir nodded, but he didn’t seem too convinced of, well, anything. And then, he left. Alone, I turned to Casteel.
“That was fun, wasn’t it?” he asked.
I didn’t know what it was about how he’d said that, but I laughed. “Almost more than I could handle.”
He smiled, his body finally relaxing to match his posture. “I could tell.”
My gaze flickered over him, and I…I knew the anger and frustration had faded. The sadness was there, lingering beneath it all, but there was a strange sense of contentedness, too.
“Are you reading my emotions?”
“No.” I paused. “Sort of?”
“What does that mean?”
“I’m not sure what it means.” I glanced down at my hands. “Ever since I woke this morning, I can read emotions without opening myself—without having to concentrate. I focus, and if I want to know…I know.”
“And if you don’t want to know?”
I frowned. “Then I don’t. I don’t know if crowds will be different.”
“Because they sometimes overwhelm you.”
He remembered. I nodded.
“That’s…” He trailed off, and I looked over at him. “What am I feeling now?”
“I…you’re feeling curiosity. Not concern.”
His head tilted. “Why would I feel concern?”
“Aren’t you worried that I will develop more empath traits?”
“If you’re thinking that I’m worried about you becoming a Soul Eater and feeding off my emotions, you’d be wasting your energy.”
I frowned at him. “I would hope you wouldn’t think that.”
“What I do think is it’s all amazing,” he said. “You’re amazing.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Especially when you shut Alastir up. That is a talent that even I haven’t mastered.” He sat forward, stopping so that we were nearly at eye level. “My parents will likely be displeased, but they will welcome you. I’m not saying that to make you feel better. I mean it. Their anger or disappointment will not be directed at you.”
I actually believed that.
And I almost believed what he said to Alastir about his parents loving me as fiercely as he did. Heartmates.
Casteel curled his fingers around my chin, drawing my gaze back to his. “What?” His gaze searched mine. “What are you thinking? I know you are thinking about something. You always get this look on your face when you’re thinking about something you don’t want to share.”
“What kind of look do I get?”
“Your nose wrinkles.”
“What? It does not.”
“It does.”
I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not. “I wasn’t thinking anything.”
“Lies.” His thumb swept over my bottom lip. “Tell me.”
His gaze caught and held mine, and my heart started pounding. I fell into his warm amber depths, and I could feel my mask cracking. “I was thinking…I was thinking that you can be very convincing when you speak to others about how you feel about me.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
He dragged his lower lip through his teeth as his lashes lowered. “But not convincing enough.”
I knew he spoke of Alastir, but I thought if he were any more convincing, I would start to believe him.
His lashes lifted. “There’s something I want to show you.”
Astride Setti once more, Casteel controlled the reins as he led us through the woods, riding in the kind of companionable silence I’d felt with few people before. He hadn’t gone straight, toward the town. He veered left, where the canopy of trees was quite a bit thicker and the woods were dense for as far as I could see.
“Look,” Casteel said, nodding toward our right.
Turning my head, there was no stopping the smile that lifted the corners of my lips and spread across my face. Before us was a stunning field of flowers with showy red petals and black whorls, swaying slightly in a breeze.
“Poppies.” A light laugh escaped me at the unexpected sight. “I’d never seen so many in one place.” My gaze swept over them. “It’s beautiful.”
“Yeah,” he agreed after a moment, clearing his throat as he shifted behind me. “It is.” The horse started to move along the edge of the woods and the poppies. “They’re grown here in the meadows for medicinal use.”
I arched a brow. “You don’t worry about people using them for other reasons?”
“Do the fields look empty to you?” When I nodded, he tapped my hip lightly with his fingers. “There are sentries in there, camouflaged so they’re hidden. The fields are monitored at all times so no one with the knowledge of how to cultivate the poppies can use them for ill-gotten gain.”
“Goodness,” I murmured, half expecting someone to pop up from the rows. “That’s smart. I’ve heard it’s becoming a problem in some of the cities.”
“While I was in Carsodonia, it ran rampant, and I saw it taking hold in Masadonia, too. But can you really blame those who live under such conditions, desiring an escape, no matter how temporary? Many of them who lose hours and days in opium dens are those who gave their children to the Court or to the Temples,” he said. “It may not be right, but I can understand why.”
“I can, too. I mean, they’re seeking peace, even if it doesn’t last.” Sadness crowded out the beauty of the field.
“This is only part of what I wanted to show you.” He urged Setti forward, pulling me from my thoughts. “Something I think you will appreciate.”
“I appreciated the poppies,” I admitted with a faint flush.
“I’m glad to hear that.” His chin grazed the side of my head as his arm tightened briefly around my waist, pulling me more fully against his chest.
The movement left me a little breathless. It always did, and it was something he did often. I wondered if he was aware of it as he took us deeper into the forest. Was it a purposeful gesture or one he wasn’t even aware of? The act reminded me of what I remembered seeing my father do. He always seemed to be pulling my mother close to him, as if he couldn’t bear for there to be any space between them. I didn’t think that was the reason for Casteel. Maybe it was just a method of communication for him.
Yet again, I found myself wishing that Tawny were here. I could ask her. She would know.
Sighing, I allowed myself to soak in the dappled sunlight of the forest, the chirps of nearby birds, and the scent of rich soil and…something sweet?
I sat up straighter as I caught sight of wolven-eye blue and soft purple lilac blossoms. The display was magnificent, climbing a rocky hill and spilling over in thick, spirals of color. It wasn’t until we grew closer that I realized there was an opening in the hill, a gap of blackness behind a curtain of blue and purple.
My heart began to pound as Casteel stopped the horse once more and we dismounted, leaving Setti to graze. I thought I had an idea of what Casteel was going to show me as he took my hand, leading me to the nearly hidden entry that one most likely wouldn’t find if they weren’t looking for it.
“It’s a little dark in a part of this,” he warned me, sweeping aside the heavy fall of flowers. “But it won’t last long.”
A little dark was an understatement as we entered the hill. I could see nothing in the cool air. My g
rip on his hand tightened. “Can you really see anything?”
“I can.”
“I don’t believe you.”
A low laugh came from in front of me. “You’re wrinkling your nose right now.”
I totally was. “All right, then.”
“Do you remember the caverns I mentioned before?” he asked. “The ones that I came to with my brother?”
The ones that he’d also come to with the girl he’d once loved. Yes, I remembered, and it was exactly what I suspected when I saw the entryway. Disbelief still seized me in the darkness. Was he really bringing me to a place he’d once shared with his brother—with Shea when he sought to escape confusing conversations that his parents were having? I almost couldn’t believe he would bring me here.
“Yes,” I answered, finding my voice. Up ahead, I could see faint light breaking through the darkness. “I thought they were in Atlantia.”
“They are. And here. But what you can’t see is that many tunnels branch off from this one. Some of them run for miles, all the way to the Skotos Mountains and then beyond them, to the bluffs by the sea,” he explained. “Malik and I spent endless hours and days trying to map them out, but we never found the tunnels that passed through the mountains.”
I could easily picture little boys spending an entire childhood racing through the tunnels. My brother would’ve been the same.
“This is a part of them,” he said as sunlight began to seep through the fissures in the ceiling of the cave. “The best part in my opinion.”
Damp, sweetly scented air reached us as Casteel turned to our left, where streams of sunlight washed over deep gray stone walls. He let go of my hand and hopped down a foot or so. “There’s a slight drop here.” Turning back to me, he placed his hands on my hips and lifted me down.
He didn’t let go when my feet were steady on the rock floor. He remained there, our chests inches apart. I looked up, and his eyes immediately locked onto mine. A shivery sense of awareness passed between us, one nearly impossible to ignore as we stood there. There were shadows in his eyes and around his mouth, and that sent my heart racing all over again.
And it didn’t slow as he backed up, his hands slipping away from my hips. A ragged exhale left me as he turned and walked forward. I felt like a bowstring pulled too taut as I got my legs moving.
The lilacs had crept their way into the cavern, rising over the walls and streaming over the ceiling. Wisps of steam danced in the slivers of sunlight as Casteel stopped in front of what appeared to be some sort of rock pool.
“Hot springs,” he said, kneeling down and running his fingers through the water. It bubbled in response, fizzing. “It’s not the only one in the cave system, but it’s the largest.”
I stopped beside him, staring at the springs. It was large, about the size of the Great Hall in Teerman Castle, the edges irregular. Outcroppings of rocks jutted from the frothy water in several places. “How deep is it?”
“It’d probably reach your shoulders through most of it.” He rose fluidly. “It does get a little deeper farther out, near the entrance to another cavern. You’ll see that area is dark, so I would stay away from that if you can’t swim.”
“I used to be able to,” I told him, bending down. Warm water fizzed around my fingers. “But I don’t know if I remember.”
“I can help you remember when we have more time,” he offered, and I tipped my head back to look at him. “We will be expected at dinner tonight, but we still have a little more time to…just be.”
We.
As if we were a unit, a lock and a key.
The night before, I had eaten in my room while Casteel left to do, well, something princely. I wasn’t even sure if he’d eaten when he returned after the sun had set, and he joined me on the terrace. We didn’t speak much then either, and it had been…comforting.
I turned back to the pool. “How much time do we have?”
“About an hour.”
An hour seemed like a lifetime.
“You shouldn’t waste a minute of it,” he said, almost as if he’d read my thoughts. “I’m going to check on the horse. I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.”
Looking over my shoulder, I watched as he disappeared into the tunnel, leaving me in privacy to undress.
He was always so…unexpected, his actions and words a constant contradiction. Considerate and then demanding. Teasing endlessly and then cold as looming death. Violent beyond all thought and then unbelievably gentle. I knew I could spend a dozen years by his side and never fully see all his facets—all the masks he wore.
Dragging in the sweetly scented air, I tore my gaze from him and quickly undressed, leaving my clothes and boots in a messy pile. The grass was cool under my feet, and the breeze warm against my skin as I walked forward. Water teased my toes, warm and frothy. I carefully eased down the earthen steps, delighted as the water quickly reach my hips, lapping around my skin as I moved farther out. Heady, pleasant warmth seeped through my skin, into muscles sore from hours of riding. The lush scent of the water soothed my nerves as it fizzed around my breasts, reaching just above them. Stopping in the middle of the pool, I tipped my head back and let out a soft sigh.
In an instant, I knew why Casteel favored this place. With just enough sunlight filtering through the cracks above to see by, the soothing, lulling sound of birds chattering, and the heady fragrance of lilacs climbing the walls, it was a mystical, private hideaway seemingly fashioned from the imagination—a place you could spend a lifetime.
Or at least I felt like I could stay here forever, enjoying all the little bubbles tickling my bare skin as the white-tipped foamy water rinsed away more than the dust from the road. It swept aside the fear of the magic in the mountains and washed away the lingering questions I had about myself, about what had happened when I touched Beckett, about my future, and about him.
I turned, stirring the gently churning water.
Casteel stood at the edge. He’d moved there quietly, so I had no idea how long he’d stood there, or what he saw. There was a hardness to the line of his jaw as he stared at me, and when he spoke, there was a roughness in his voice that hadn’t been there before. I saw hunger I’d mistaken for anger when we stood outside Vonetta’s house. “Do you find the springs to your liking?”
“I do.” I dragged my arms through the water, watching it fizz and bubble in response. “I’ve never seen anything like this.” Lifting my gaze back to him, I reached for the edge of my soaked braid. I began unknotting the plait as he tugged off one boot. “There are springs in Masadonia that Tawny and I snuck off to a time or two, but the water was cold, and we couldn’t stay in long. She would…” I sighed as a twinge of melancholy threatened my peace. “She would love this place.”
“You’re sad. I can hear it in your voice. I’m sorry that you miss her,” he expressed, removing his other boot. The socks followed. “I know how hard it is to be apart from those you care about.”
“You do.” And he did, far more than I did. Hair unbound, I let it lay over my shoulder. “But she is safe for now.”
“For now,” he agreed, reaching behind his head. He gripped the collar of his tunic and pulled it over his head and then down his arms, revealing the broad width of his shoulders first and then the delineated lines of his chest and the trim hardness of his stomach.
A different kind of nervousness than before rose within me and then abated as he tossed the cloth aside. He was undressing, and I should look away. I should feel embarrassed by his soon-to-be blatant nudity. But I didn’t avert my gaze as his hands dropped to the line of buttons on his breeches. Heat crept into my cheeks as he slid them down his hips. The way his body was angled gave only a tantalizing glimpse of sleek muscles. His pants landed with his tunic, and then he looked to where I waited.
Our gazes met and held, and I didn’t know what got into me, if it was the warm, bubbling water, the serene beauty of the lake and the dreamlike surrealism of being in Atlantia, or maybe it was the hun
ger he’d spoken of earlier. Whatever it was, I lowered my eyes and let myself look. My gaze drifted over his chest again, then down the coiled muscles of his stomach and over pale nicks and grooves. I got a little hung up on the indentations on either side of his hips and then my breath quickened.
He wanted me, shamelessly so. I didn’t understand how or why. He cared for me, but I was only partly beautiful. I was no seductress, and ill-experienced to boot, and he had only been drawn to me in the beginning because he needed me to free his brother. But he desired me. Even I knew that.
I forced my gaze lower, to the Royal Crest branded onto his skin, just below his hip. His hand drifted over the brand, halting as if he sought to hide it for a moment, and then rose over the numerous slices across his stomach. My gaze followed.
Anger rushed me. That kind of premeditated cruelty was disturbing. “I…” I started to apologize for what had been done to him, but I caught myself. My eyes met his once more. “I wish they could feel the same pain they inflicted upon you.”
A slight flicker of surprise lit his features. “Even your Queen, who cared for you so tenderly?”
My heart turned over heavily. “I don’t think I will ever be able to reconcile the Queen you knew and the one who cared for me. But, yes. Even her.”
His head cocked. “You mean that.”
I nodded, because I did.
A half-grin appeared. “So incredibly violent.”
This time, I didn’t even bother to correct him. “Perhaps a little.”
His deep, rich laugh echoed throughout the cavern, daring me to forget what had come to pass and what lay in wait, challenging me to take what I wanted.
I sank under the water, eyes closed. Bubbling, swishing liquid danced over my face and through my hair. What did I want? Him. I wanted his hands on me, washing away all the reasons why I shouldn’t. I wanted to feel his skin against mine, crowding out the world around us. I wanted the touch of his lips, chasing away any logical protests before they could form. I wanted his mouth on mine, kissing away the lies his lips once spoke. I wanted his hands on me, soothing away the sting of guilt and the feeling that I was betraying myself. I wanted to feel him inside me so I couldn’t feel anything but him. I wanted to be so completely devoured by him that there was no room for the fear that he would become a scar upon my sure-to-be-broken heart. Because…because what if Kieran was wrong? What if after Casteel accomplished what he wanted, when he fulfilled his end of the bargain, all that remained was lies and betrayals?
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