by AKM Miles
“Thank you, Dr. Zardi. I appreciate you using your influence to get us in tomorrow. We’ll be there. Yes, I have the instructions.” Daniel looked up as his father said goodbye to the doctor, and Daniel felt bad that his usual manners were missing, but he just couldn’t bring himself to say anything right now. What was that about tomorrow? He shot a panicked look to Mano who had come out before his father and Dr. Zardi.
“X-rays in the morning. You knew to expect that, right?” Mano said under his breath as he drew near Daniel. Daniel just nodded.
His father walked over and stood beside Daniel’s chair. Daniel refused to look up at him. It was a small defiance, but it was all he had the strength for.
“I’ll take you all back to Mama Sasy’s. Mano, here are the instructions for Daniel. No food after midnight, and he’s to be at the hospital in the morning for the x-rays, endoscopy, and the ultrasound tests.” Nick handed the sheet to Mano and walked to the door. Daniel got up and followed. Was his father not taking them to the hospital? He was just leaving it to the others to cart him around? That was— Daniel paused in his thinking. Okay, maybe his dad was doing what he thought Daniel wanted.
Daniel got into the back seat, and Mano got in with him. He woke up when he heard the car door slam. He found himself lying with his head on Mano’s shoulder. Jerking away, he started to apologize.
“Shh, relax. It’s no problem. You need to come in and get something warm and soft again to coat your stomach, and then I think you should go to your bunk and sleep if you can. That sound good?”
“Yes, please. Maybe I could have a pancake?” Daniel didn’t want anything, but knew these people wouldn’t let him rest without trying to help him more. It was good of them, but he just wanted to be left alone.
“Daniel?” His father was standing by the car, looking a little haggard and haunted.
“Yes, sir?” Some things just never left you.
“I’m going now. I know you don’t want to be around me, and I’m going to give you that. All I want to do is hold you and tell you how much I love you and how happy I am that you are back and safe now, but I know that’s not what you want. I also know that these people can take excellent care of you. I’ll be back, but not to hound you. If you can find your way back to me, that is all I will ever ask of this world, but I’m not going to push you. Let Mama Sasy, Easy, Mano, and Boddy help you, son. I love you.”
While Daniel and Mano watched, Nick, with tears in his eyes, got back into the car and pulled away. Daniel was afraid to look at Mano. He was afraid he’d see disgust on Mano’s face. Did these people all think he should embrace his father and let it all go? Just like that? He just stood there, looking down at the ground.
“I bet you’re wondering if I, or anyone here, is going to judge you. Don’t think that, Daniel. We know better. You are entitled to feel the way you do. Look up.” Mano waited until Daniel did, and said, “We all love Nick, and through him and his dogged determination to find you, we love you, too. We can’t help hoping that someday the two of you will find your way back to the relationship you had, or even better, a new relationship. But we don’t expect anything of you that you can’t handle, especially right now. Come on, relax. Don’t worry. It’ll make your stomach hurt more. Pancakes, huh?”
Daniel sighed in relief, wondering at how Mano always seemed to know just what to say, what he needed. He followed Mano into the diner and jumped a little when Mano yelled, “Boddy, pancakes for Daniel.”
“Coming up,” Boddy yelled back, and Daniel grinned.
“Uh, Boddy’s kind of a weird name. Where’d he get it?” Daniel asked.
“Boddy got his name because Easy couldn’t say Ichabod, like Ichabod Crane. That’s who Easy thought the guy who worked in the kitchen looked like. Boddy acts like he hates it, but he loves Easy, so he puts up with it and now he’s just Boddy. Wait’ll I tell you about the bat body story.” Mano laughed and Daniel decided that story could wait.
Maybe he’d get used to the noise and the happiness here. He followed Mano back to what he was learning was the “family” booth. Before long, there were two plates of pancakes on the table. Mano’s plate had bacon and hash browns, too. Daniel’s had two pancakes. There was a pitcher of warm syrup and a milkshake for Daniel. He felt tears sting his eyes as he looked at the food, made with such caring and thought, just for him, by people he didn’t even know. He wasn’t used to this. He didn’t know what to do with his feelings. Mano, as usual, was right on it.
“Just enjoy it. Eat as much as you can. You’re getting special treatment. By that, I mean that Mama Sasy is leaving you alone, not smothering you with love. Everyone is respecting your space, and that’s what happens here. They seem to know what people need. I needed attention and got it in spades. You need some space and a special understanding. Get used to it. Your life is looking up, Daniel. I’m happy to be your friend.”
It was all Daniel could do not to cry as he tried to eat the soft, warm pancakes that Boddy had made for him. He couldn’t believe this was his life now. These people, that he didn’t even know, were bending over backwards to give him just what he needed. Daniel couldn’t wrap his head around that. He ate, and when he wilted, Mano led him back to his bunk and he fell asleep, knowing that someone would wake him when he had to get up for the next day’s trials. He was safe. That was enough.
Maybe home was just a word.
Chapter Five
Daniel whimpered. Dreaming. He was in that movie reel again, but this time instead of dreaming of home like he did when he was at Jack’s, he dreamed of being hit and scared and in pain while under Jack Basham’s control.
“Dude, uh, Daniel? Hey!” Someone was gently shaking his shoulder.
Daniel came up swinging. He’d never been a fighter, but he wasn’t about to be molested now. He’d made it this far, and Jack wasn’t going to—
“Hey, Daniel, it’s me, Benny. It’s okay, man.” Daniel opened his eyes and saw the thin boy that he’d met before. Right, Benny. He looked at the boy, who seemed to be about his age. His hair was light brown and longish, and he kept pulling it behind his ear. His eyes, Daniel remembered from seeing him in the showers, were light brown, too, like pretty wood. Daniel thought Benny was good-looking but skinny, big time, just like he was.
“Sorry, I’m sorry.” Daniel covered his face with one hand and his aching stomach with the other.
“No problem, man, really. You were dreaming, and it was bothering you, so I was just trying to wake you up. Maybe you can get back to sleep now.” Benny turned to walk away.
“No! I mean— wait?” It came out as a question, but it was really a plea. Daniel was afraid if he went back to sleep he’d be right back at Jack’s.
Benny looked surprised, then he smiled slowly. “Sure. Pull your feet up. I’ll sit down here.” Benny sat on the end of Daniel’s bed and crossed his arms around his own legs.
Daniel didn’t know what to say now. He’d just wanted to not be alone.
“Is it okay if I don’t talk? I just don’t want to go back to sleep yet.” Daniel shivered, rubbing his arms. “You talk. Tell me about Benny.” After a pause he added, “Please.”
“Sure. There’s not much to tell. My dad kicked me out of the house when he found out I was gay. That seems to be a recurring theme here, huh? At least your dad changed his mind pretty quickly, by all reports. Mine said he never wanted to see me again, and yeah, I tested it. He hasn’t changed his mind. My uncle is cool, though. He’s a policeman, and he told me about Mama Sasy’s. They’re good people, Daniel.”
When Daniel just looked at him, Benny nodded his head as if understanding the look and went on with his monologue.
“My uncle is one of the officers who arrested Mano for murder. He was innocent, of course, but he had to go back to Tampa, and Easy went down to help him. They were able to prove who really did it, and they are the coolest couple ever. Man, you can just feel the love when they’re around. They’re not all over each other in public, but i
f you watch closely, and I do, you can see the looks and the secret little touches between them. Makes me think that maybe I’ll find something like that someday. It also makes me glad I haven’t gone the other way.” Benny paused and despite himself, Daniel was intrigued.
“What other way?”
“You know, hooking up at bars and messing around with just anybody. I might have been tempted until I saw what it could really be like, when there’s someone special, ya know? I don’t mean to sound all preachy or mushy or anything like that. Everybody is entitled to do whatever they want. I don’t know about you at all. You may have been, uh, I mean…”
“It’s okay, Benny. I’m a virgin. I was attacked but managed to get away both times, and Jack never got that far. He was getting close, though, and I was scared all the time. He was just waiting.” Daniel’s stomach rolled and he grabbed it.
“Waiting for what? I mean, I’m glad you’re okay, but what was he waiting for? Permission?” Benny’s head was tilted, and Daniel thought he looked cute. What was that?
“Jack had this code thing that he must have gotten from his father that he kept repeating, ‘you don’t mess with kids’. I guess eighteen is the magic age, so I lied to him and told him I was seventeen. He kept asking when I was going to be eighteen. It scared the shit out of me every time.” Daniel closed his eyes, but when he did he saw Jack so he opened them again. There was Benny at the end of his bed. That was better.
“How old are you?”
“Nineteen.”
“Cool, dude. Smart thinking. I’m glad you were able to, you know, not get…” Benny paused, and Daniel filled in the blank.
“Raped? Yeah. I escaped that, at least.”
Benny reached out to Daniel, then pulled his hand back before making contact, clearly afraid of freaking Daniel out again.
“I didn’t mean to sound like you hadn’t had it hard or anything. Listen, the little time I’ve been on my own has been scary as hell, and I wasn’t gone for two whole years. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Can I ask you something?” Benny sounded hesitant, but Daniel was so glad to be talking normally to someone that he nodded.
“Do you think you can let that all go and get your life back? Do you know what you want to do?” Benny waved his hand in the air, then bopped his forehead. “It’s probably too soon to even think about that, huh? You just got back here, and things are pretty much up in the air still. I don’t mean to be so nosey.” Benny stopped his questions and looked down at his hands that were now clasping his knees.
Daniel actually smiled. “Relax. It’s not nosey. Just, I don’t know— uh.” Daniel paused, not sure how to continue.
“Interested,” Benny supplied.
“Yeah? Like, interested-interested, or just what-a- sad-story interested?”
This time it was Benny who smiled before asking, “Truth?”
Daniel was sure of himself this time. “Always.”
“Yeah, I’m interested, like for real. You’re cute, smart, and need a break right now. I’d like to be your friend, and I know you’re not ready for anything more. Frankly, I’m probably not either, but, if you need a friend…” Benny grinned over at Daniel.
“Really? You don’t think I’m a total loser?” Daniel looked intently at Benny, trying to read him. “I’m sick right now, I’m skinny, my hair is nasty-looking and even my skin is, well, it’s not like it used to be.”
“Hey, dude, Daniel, I’m not ready for anything heavy right now, either. We’ll just take it slow and become friends. My life is sort of in limbo, too. We’ll just be good friends. We’ll have someone we can tell our private thoughts to without worrying about other people knowing. I kind of need that, too, ya know?” Benny put his hand out on the bed, palm up, and left it there, looking right into Daniel’s eyes.
Daniel didn’t even think twice. He put his hand in Benny’s and shivered when Benny’s fingers curled around his. Wow, he hadn’t realized he was so starved for touch. He thought about jerking his hand back, but instead he tightened his fingers around Benny’s.
“Nice,” Benny said.
“Yeah.”
Almost simultaneously, both of them yawned. Daniel managed a chuckle and let go of Benny’s hand.
“Go on, go back to sleep. I’m fine, but thanks. Really, Benny, thanks a lot.”
“No problem, dude.”
“Enough with the dude, call me Daniel.”
“Okay, Daniel. Sleep now. You have to go to the hospital in the morning, right? Tests or something?”
Daniel sighed, rubbing his aching stomach. “Yeah, tests. Mano said he’d take me, but I don’t want him to have to miss work. I know my dad wants to, but I just can’t stand being around him. I’ll see if I can get a cab in the morning to the hospital. Maybe it’s not that far from here. I didn’t pay much attention to where we really were and what’s close.”
“Maybe Easy can take you if Mano needs to work. It depends on whether Easy has a run to do. Don’t worry about it. Mama Sasy will figure it out. You want me to go with you?” Benny asked.
“Would you? God, I would like that, Benny. It’s kind of freaky, but I don’t want them to all put their lives on hold. Don’t you have something you have to do?” Daniel was appalled at how eager he was to have someone go with him. Yesterday, Mano, and now, Benny. It was so unlike Daniel before he left Nashville. Back then, he’d have been the one offering to help someone and now he wanted someone to hold his hand. Despite the fact that it made him feel like a fool, he admitted that right now, he needed that hand very much.
Daniel laid there thinking about the novelty of having a new friend, a gay one. His crush two years ago in high school seemed so long ago. It had just been thoughts and fantasies, not even X-rated ones back then. He wondered if Benny really was interested in him or was just trying to make the new guy feel better. No. Daniel had to start trusting people again. He would begin with Benny.
Well, Benny and Mano and Easy. He wasn’t sure about Mama Sasy yet. She was all into his dad and how wonderful Nick was. Daniel wasn’t quite ready to jump on that bandwagon yet. But the guys here were pretty cool and seemed trustworthy.
§ § § §
It had been three days since the battery of tests that told Daniel his problem was exactly what he had imagined it to be bleeding ulcers. Stress, poor diet, and lack of sleep and rest had all contributed to the problem. Now he had pills to take, and his diet would be lacking a lot of things that had acid or caffeine. Right now, Daniel was fine with a steady diet of pancakes, oatmeal, biscuits and gravy (Boddy’s were great), and macaroni and cheese. Comfort food was what he’d craved for a long time and been unable to get.
He hadn’t seen his dad in all that time. It was Easy who had taken him for the day at the hospital. Daniel was beginning to really enjoy spending time with Easy and Mano. Benny was right: they were solid in their relationship. They weren’t overt, as Benny said, but it was so evident if you were looking. It just made Daniel feel good inside to see a positive, healthy gay couple.
Mano was all excited because his mother was coming up to live at Mama Sasy’s. Now there were going to be two Mamas— Mama Sasy, Easy’s mom, and Mama Rosa, Mano’s mom. Lots of mamas around, when Daniel had not had one for a long, long time. Mama Rosa was going to live in the apartment with Mama Sasy, between the diner and the dorm, which was in front of the apartment where Mano and Easy lived. It was a pretty nice setup they had here, and Daniel was happy to be part of it, except for the part where he knew his dad was going to be showing up all the time. He still wasn’t ready to deal with the swirl of feelings in his head that occurred with just thinking of him, much less seeing him.
His health was getting a little better. His hair, washed daily, which he considered a treat these days, was beginning to get its color back. Who knew that being unhealthy would change your hair color? Daniel hadn’t thought he was vain before, but he did hate that he didn’t have the almost white/blond hair he used to. He shook his head, thinking that the col
or of his hair was the least of his problems.
The nights were the strangest. He dreaded them because they always brought nightmares and anxiety, which usually brought on the pain in his stomach. But, it also brought Benny to his bed. The young man who shared the dorm with him had proven to be the best thing in his life right now. Every night, as soon as the awful pictures in his head got the better of him and he cried out, Benny was right there. The last two nights, he’d even made Daniel move over and had stretched out beside him. Daniel woke with his head on Benny’s shoulder and Benny’s arm around him.
The first time it had happened, he’d almost freaked out, but since Benny was sound asleep, Daniel calmed down and enjoyed the feeling of being held, even if it was just pity or compassion or friendship. It was nice. And the good Lord knew he wasn’t ready for anything more. Both times, Benny had been gone when Daniel woke up in the morning.
Mama Sasy had insisted that Daniel take it easy until he felt better, but he was getting tired of having nothing to do. He went in search of her, wanting to know what he could do to earn his way.
“Honey, are you sure you feel up to working? You can take all the time you need.” Mama Sasy said, looking intently at him, as if she could tell if he was better or not.
“I feel better, and I don’t want to mooch, ya know?” Daniel felt funny eating and sleeping and wearing things that he hadn’t worked for.
“Of course, but…” Mama paused and smiled, nodding her head. “Okay, I should have known any son of Nick’s would not want to—”
“Could I not be Nick’s son here? Could I just be Daniel?” Daniel felt like he was being rude with the question, but he really did want to make his own way. He didn’t want things just because he was Nick Webster’s son.
