by Annie Murray
‘Oh—’ the woman said, eyeing her daughters. ‘Is summat the matter? I hope they haven’t done anything wrong?’
‘No—’ Maryann smiled nervously. ‘Nothing like that. Only – I’ve met your daughters over in the park a few times recently and we’ve got a bit friendly like. There’s a reason why I was looking out for them . . . D’you think I could come in and talk to you for a minute or two? There’s summat I’d like to say to you.’ She glanced at Amy and Margaret but their faces were blank once more.
‘Well – awright then,’ the woman said doubtfully. ‘I ’ope it won’t take long though. I’ve got the dinner on.’
She led them into the nearest room, which was the front parlour. Maryann was not in a state to take in much detail except that the room was very clean and neatly arrayed, with polished brasses by the grate and moss green curtains.
‘Sit down, won’t you?’ the woman said, easing herself into a chair. They were positioned either side of the fire and there was a rag rug between them in bright colours. Maryann could smell lavender. Nervously she took off her straw hat and sat holding it on her lap.
‘Why don’t you run along, girls?’ Janet Richards said.
‘Oh – no, please,’ Maryann said quickly. ‘They need to stay.’
‘But I thought you said – I mean they’re not in trouble . . .?’ She frowned anxiously.
‘No – at least, not the way you mean. Oh dear, this is so . . .’ She clasped her hands under her hat to try and stop them shaking. ‘I don’t know where to start.’
Janet was beginning to look as if she doubted her own wisdom in letting this stranger into the house, so Maryann plunged in and began talking quickly, explaining, trying not to put things too harshly nor to skirt round the truth. The girls stood close by.
‘See – as soon as I saw him again I knew it was him,’ she explained. ‘’E weren’t called Arthur Lambert when ’e lived with our mom – Norman Griffin was his name. But it was him, and when I saw your daughters, the way they were, I just knew. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve suffered it yourself. No one’d believe me when I was their age. My mother turned against me – she still won’t see me. And today I asked Amy whether ’e was . . . well, doing the same to her and Margaret and when she said ’e was I just couldn’t let it rest. I know this’ll be a shock to you and you must think I’m terrible to interfere, but I had to come and say something rather than let them go through the same . . .’ She ran out of steam at last.
The woman’s expression was frozen. Shock, fear, disbelief all competed and for a time she couldn’t speak.
‘Amy—’ she gasped eventually. ‘Amy? What’s she saying – who is she? And what’ve you been telling her?’
‘Oh, don’t be angry with them!’ Maryann implored her. She all but got down on her knees in front of the woman to plead with her. The girls stood listening, hanging their heads. She wanted them to speak up and plead with their mother, but she knew they couldn’t do it. ‘They shouldn’t get in any trouble for telling me. They’ve been through enough – it’s him you want to ask questions of. He’s the one who takes over people’s families, wrecks their lives. I know ’e looks like a gentleman and ’e’s polite and well dressed and everything but underneath ’e’s summat else – there’s a side to ’im only a few of us have seen.’
The woman’s eyes narrowed into slits, the look of sweetness quite gone from her face. She struggled to her feet, raising her walking stick as if she was going to hit Maryann, who hastily stood up as well.
‘Who are you?’ she hissed. ‘What d’you think you’re about, coming into my house and coming out with this filth in front of my two young girls? What’ve you been saying to them – poisoning their minds and filling them with these dirty lies. What do you want? You must be wrong in the head. Why didn’t you say this woman’d been hanging around yer, Amy? What’s she been saying to yer? Did she tell yer to come and make up stories about your father?’
Maryann’s hand went to her throat as she watched Amy. For a second, which seemed eternal, the girl stood motionless. Then she raised her head a little and her face was burning red. Eyes still looking at the floor, she said, ‘She daint make me, Mom. It’s true. It’s what ’e does – to Margaret and me. ’E does . . .’ Her mother was shaking her head in horror. ‘’E does, Mom – upstairs, at bedtime.’
They all froze then, because there came the sound of the front door opening and a man’s heavy tread entering the house. The front door was closed, loudly, and his footsteps moved through to the back.
‘Janet!’ They heard a moment later, ‘Janet?’
She looked round at her daughters and at Maryann with utter contempt. Maryann, feeling her legs give way, sank down on to the chair.
‘He’s come home for his dinner.’ Janet’s mouth twisted bitterly. ‘Now we’ll see, won’t we? Arthur!’ she called. ‘We’re in the front.’
The door opened and Maryann found herself face to face with Norman Griffin.
Forty-Two
He looked so wide, filling the doorframe, standing there in his black coat. There was a long silence. In a corner of her mind, Maryann could hear the clock ticking and a horse’s hooves passing in the street. His glance swept round the room, rested on her for a fleeting moment during which her pulse seemed to stop, then passed over to his family.
He had shown not a flicker of recognition. Have I changed that much? Maryann thought. Looking at him she was stunned once more by his familiarity, as if even now when he was fatter and his hair thinned she could remember every pore of the skin on his face, every quiver of expression. Her body, seeming in his presence to remember even more, his loathsome touch, felt turned to water. If she had not already been sitting down she would have collapsed.
‘My dear? What’s going on?’
Janet Lambert was standing, leaning on her stick, the girls near to her. ‘Oh Arthur,’ she said and then burst into tears. He was beside her immediately.
‘Whatever’s the matter, love? What’s been going on? Who’s your visitor?’ His words dripped concern like syrup.
‘She came in with the girls – she’s been saying the most terrible things, Arthur . . . And now Amy’s saying them too – the same lies . . . I can’t even bring myself to tell you . . .’
He turned, looked at Amy and Margaret, then Maryann felt his eyes boring into her.
‘What’s going on in my ’ouse? Who’re you?’
She thought her anger might choke her. She managed to stand up, clutching folds of her skirt in her hands to steady herself. ‘You know perfectly well who I am, Mr Griffin,’ she spat at him. ‘I’m Maryann Nelson. Remember – your stepdaughter? And under the law you’re still married to my mother, Mrs Florence Griffin.’
She heard Janet Lambert gasp. ‘Arthur no! She must have the wrong person. What’s she saying?’
Norman Griffin gave a bewildered shrug that could have won him a part in a troop of actors. ‘I’ve no idea, my dear – where on earth did you pick ’er up from? Has she got loose from the asylum or summat?’ He even managed a chuckle. ‘Never heard anything like it. Why did you let her in?’
‘You know who I am!’ Maryann shouted at him. She could feel herself becoming hysterical. There was such a pressure rising inside her that she felt as if she might explode.
‘D’you think I’d ever forget the man who did things to me that shouldn’t be done to an animal, you vile, filthy pig?’ She faced Janet Lambert. ‘He’s the one who came to our room night after night and interfered with us so’s we prayed every day that night would never come. D’you think anyone’d ever forget that? And now’ – she turned on Janet Lambert – ‘you’ve got two daughters praying the same thing. Because from the day you let that animal into the house they lost their childhood. They were never safe again. Tell her Amy—’ She stepped over to the girl and held her shoulder. Speaking softly she said, ‘You know what you told me – say it to your mom. Tell her the truth or he’ll just go on and on and you’ll never ge
t away from it.’
Amy’s shoulders were shaking. She put her hands over her face. Her mother watched, appalled, her eyes stretched wide. Maryann squeezed her shoulder.
‘Come on then, Amy.’ Norman’s voice was soft, mocking. ‘Let’s hear it then. All the terrible things I do to yer – buying you nice frocks and taking you both to the pictures. Tell us all about that. Oh – and we’re going to the zoo next weekend, aren’t we – better get that off yer chest as well.’
‘Amy?’ her mom said quietly. ‘Have you got anything to say or was it just this woman talked you into it – got you to make up a story?’
As Amy sobbed, Margaret remained in stony silence. Her gaze never left the floor.
Norman turned to the girls’ mother. ‘I don’t know who this woman is or what she wants, but the last thing I’d ever want is for you to think badly of me or have any suspicions about me. Is there anything else you want to ask her before I put her out of our house?’
Janet looked round desperately at all four of them: her daughters, silent except for Amy’s weeping, at Norman who was looking at her in wide-eyed appeal, and at Maryann who was staring pleadingly at Amy, her own face wet with tears. She stepped towards Maryann, a hateful expression in her eyes.
‘How could you come and say such terrible things to us. What’s wrong with you?’
‘But they’re true – every one of them! Look at your daughters! They’re too frightened of him to speak. When did Margaret last speak at all? And that’s what he’s done to them – you’ve got to believe me. Why else would I come to you – you’re strangers to me. But I saw your daughters and I saw myself in them . . .’ Her weeping took her over then. ‘Oh why doesn’t anyone ever believe us?’
‘That’s quite enough of that.’ Norman suddenly laid both his hands on Maryann’s shoulders and began to propel her fowards. ‘Get out of my house, away from my wife and daughters with your filthy lies . . .’
‘If she’s your wife then you’re a bigamist!’ Maryann shrieked helplessly. She twisted round. ‘Amy – Amy, I wanted to ’elp you. I did – I wanted to be there with you.’
Amy looked across at her, her face blotchy with tears. Suddenly they heard her voice raised in a howl. ‘But you won’t be here, will you?’
That was Maryann’s last sight of her as Norman propelled her to the front door. In the few seconds before Janet managed to limp out into the hall he spun Maryann round and forced her up against the front door, one hand against her throat. This time there was no doubt as to whether he recognized her. His eyes were malicious slits.
‘Don’t you ever come near me again, or you’ll regret it. You know I mean what I say, don’t you, Maryann?’ He pulled her back and opening the door, handed her out into the street.
‘I know you!’ she yelled, spinning round. ‘I know who you are even if they don’t!’
The door slammed, sealing the family in behind its solid green exterior.
For a moment she stared at it, stunned, then took off along the road.
She slid down into a deep black hole that afternoon, wandering the streets with no thought as to where she was going. Seeing Norman Griffin again at such close quarters, his physical presence, his denial of her had stripped her in just a few moments of the calmness and sense of identity she had painfully erected for herself over the years. She had come crashing back down into her childhood emotions. The child who had lain in her bed looking up into the empty darkness, helpless against the progress of Norman’s feet up the stairs. Never again, she had said, never again will I let him have power over me – yet just a few minutes with him and she felt close to disintegration. She walked and walked, in such a state she saw nothing of the people, houses, factories, parks around her.
At some point in the afternoon she found herself walking along the boundary of a cemetery and when she reached the gate she went in and sat down in a quiet spot on the damp grass, looking out across the graves, scattered and tilted like old men’s teeth. The sky was hazy and it was still warm. She gave no thought to whether she was warm or cold, hungry or tired. She tried to think clearly but only terrible, negative things came to her.
I can’t stand up to this. Sal couldn’t and I can’t. Sal’s dead and I’d be better off dead, peaceful like these people in here. I can’t face anyone again. I can’t marry Joel. Can’t do anything . . . There’s nothing left . . . And she had let those girls down so badly. She had utterly betrayed them. She kept hearing Amy’s last despairing cry, ‘But you won’t be there . . .’ What would Norman do to them now?
She lay on her side on the grass, wishing there was something that could cover her: a blanket, a mantle of leaves or a thick fall of snow, or that she could burrow into the earth like an animal, anything so that she could hide her grief and self-disgust away. Curled up tightly, she could smell the grass, the earth. Birds chirruped in the trees. Eventually, overwrought and exhausted, she fell asleep.
It was dusk by the time she turned into Nance’s road, the light going and the air full of smoke, trapped in the breezeless space between the houses. She was trembling with weariness and lack of food and couldn’t put on a brave face to hide her leaden despair.
Nance was sitting at the table darning a sock with sharp, angry movements but she got to her feet immediately. ‘What’s ’appened? You look terrible!’
Maryann sank down at the table and began to weep wretchedly. ‘Oh Nance . . .’
‘What is it? It’s not Joel, is it?’
Maryann shook her head. ‘I ain’t seen Joel today. It’s him . . . I’ve seen him, his family. . . .’ Nance sat back down again as it all came pouring out. Norman Griffin, Amy and Margaret, everything.
‘I wanted to save Amy and Margaret and all I’ve done is let them down and make everything much worse for them and I can’t do a thing now. I can’t marry Joel – I can’t even face seeing him. I feel like I did that time I ran away from him before – I thought it was all better, but it ain’t. I ain’t normal, Nance. I’d be better off finishing myself off, that I would.’
‘What are you going on about?’ Nance blazed at her. ‘You love Joel and ’e loves you! What the ’ell’s got into yer? You can’t let that bastard wreck yer life for you the way ’e did Sal’s! You and Joel are made for each other. How can yer even think about saying that? If I had even a tiny bit of a chance to marry Darius I’d be off like a shot and there’s nothing standing in your way, Maryann. You’re lucky – just you remember that!’
Maryann put her face in her hands, shaking her head. Through her fingers she said, ‘I don’t feel lucky. I feel dirty and disgusting. You can’t be happy, Nance – so why do I deserve to be?’ Face wet with tears, she looked up at her friend.
‘Oh Maryann,’ Nance said sadly, her anger gone. ‘I know I don’t know ’ow it feels to ’ve ’ad all that going on with him and Sal and that. Only – there must be a way of making things right. If you let ’im wreck yer chances with Joel he’ll’ve spoiled all yer life . . . Look – you ain’t in a state to think about anything. Let me get you a bite to eat and a cuppa tea and then you can ’ave a sleep. You’ll see everything straighter in the morning. I saved yer a helping of stew – soon get it heated up. And there’s apple and custard.’
‘Ta, Nance,’ Maryann said dully, wiping her eyes on her sleeves, grateful for Nance’s mothering. ‘Don’t know what I’d do without you.’
Nance gave a crooked smile. ‘You don’t ’alf look a sight, you do.’
Maryann looked down at herself. She knew her hair was all hanging down. Her hands were grubby and there was mud on her grey skirt and shoes. She got up to wash her hands in the scullery.
‘Where’s Mick?’
She saw Nance’s expression tighten. ‘Not been ’ome yet.’
‘What – not for ’is tea? That ain’t like him.’
‘Nope.’ Nance stirred the stew fiercely.
Maryann went to her. ‘You don’t think summat’s happened to him – an accident?’
Nan
ce shrugged. ‘If it ’as, no one’s been to tell me about it.’
Maryann sat to eat her tea and did feel a little less wretched after it. She and Nance sat drinking tea together and still there was no sign of Mick. The hands of the clock moved past ten o’clock and Maryann found she could no longer keep awake.
‘I’ll have to go up,’ she said. ‘I’ll doze off down ’ere else.’
‘I was just thinking,’ Nance said. ‘Them little girls – you could at least tell them where you live – you know, just in case like.’
Maryann got to her feet. ‘But this is your address.’
‘Well – if it’d make yer feel any better, I don’t mind them knowing that. For the time being.’
‘Awright, thanks, Nance.’ Maryann was grateful but felt suddenly hopeless again. How could she even get it to them?
‘You go on up,’ Nance said. ‘A good sleep’ll sort you out.’
But a good sleep was not what she was destined to have that night.
Forty-Three
Before Nance had come up to bed the front door opened with a bang that shook the house. Within moments the shouting and screaming had begun and Maryann was jerked out of a deep sleep. She soon realized that Mick and Nancy were fighting with a ferocity beyond anything that had gone before, and she climbed out of bed, disorientated from being woken so suddenly. She hated interfering between them, but it sounded as if someone would have to. As she put on her shoes and slipped a cardigan over her nightdress, she heard crashing and the splintering sound of china breaking and she ran downstairs.
Mick was so drunk he couldn’t stand without swaying perilously. He still had his work jacket on, covered in muck, his face was puffy and florid and he was standing by the humble little shelf they had in the living room to keep their few crocks on, picking them up one by one and hurling them across towards the far end of the room.
‘Stop it!’ Nance shouted, pushing at him. ‘You’ll break the whole lot, yer kalied bastard!’ He swung round and smacked her in the mouth and Nance groaned, reeling back away from him, too stunned to have a go at him. He reached round for another cup, lurched to one side and seized hold of the shelf to save himself. It came off the wall with a crunch and everything crashed down, plates, cups, saucers, Mick falling with it, ending up in a pile of broken china. He hit his head on the wall and there was a split second’s quiet.
