by Naomi West
Or it’s all in my head. But when I glanced at Pearl, she was smiling. She nodded at me. Although she still looked tired and grim, there was a little bit of a lightness to her limp as she came for her share of the soup.
“You ain’t too bad at this, girly,” Bax winked at me as he shuffled through the line. “Best be careful; if you cook too well, they’ll end up recruiting you for it later.”
I smiled, handing the ladle over to one of the other women so I could tighten my bandages. “I’ll be careful.”
“Oh, those look bad. Once you’re done, come see me, and I’ll put them on proper. I have a first aid kit over by my bike.”
I nodded, thankful for some friendly conversation and a smile. “Thank you, Bax. I am awkward tying with my left hand, so I could use the help.”
I finished up my duties as quickly as I could, Josh still glued to my side, as the hour chimed nearly 11PM. I was dragging, my feet heavy on the concrete floors. But I kept my head up; it wouldn’t do to show any weakness at all. They already had a low opinion of me. It would be best not to make it worse.
As I made my way over to Bax, the giant, muscle-bound man pulled out a first aid kit, as promised. I could feel a lot of eyes on us as if they wondered if I was being too friendly with Bax. Sighing, I tried to turn my attention away from them, to keep my eyes on what was important, but it felt like I could feel their eyes on my skin.
“Don’t worry about them, Ivy,” Bax said. His huge hands were surprisingly gentle as he cleaned my cuts with something that stung my fingers and my eyes. It smelled so strong that I was pretty sure there wasn’t a germ in the world that wanted any part of it. As soon as the sting started to fade a little, however, my cuts went numb.
I sighed in relief. “What was that?”
“It’s like homemade Neosporin. Pearl makes it. Smells like the ass end of something, doesn’t it?” Bax chuckled. “But damned if it doesn’t work.”
I flexed my fingers, unable to keep the relief from my voice and my face. “Thanks, Bax.” I’d put up with the pain all day and still managed to work with everyone else, but that didn’t mean finally getting some relief from it all didn’t make me feel a million times better. Josh sat down next to me, and the three of us chatted about zombie movies and inane subjects. The less we talked about the Edge, Creed, or anything else about this place, the brighter Josh’s face became.
But then Christine walked in the front door, wrapped like a serpent around Kelly’s arm, and a shadow passed over all of us. It was hard not to feel a little bit smaller with the two of them in the room. The temperature seemed to drop as I saw the look of rage on Christine’s and the amusement on Kelly’s.
They glanced around the club, Kelly not even noting all of the hard work his people had put into the clubhouse all damned day. Instead, his eyes searched the crowd for someone to mess with.
Unfortunately, their eyes landed right on Creed.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Creed
“I see your taste in women hasn’t improved since Josh’s mother,” Kelly said, his face filled with wicked humor. I was too tired to put up with Kelly’s shit today, and he seemed to know it somehow. It was like he could feel everything Creed was feeling. I knew that manic look in his eyes better than anything.
He was looking for a disobedient underling to punish.
I refused to be that underling.
Taking a deep breath, I nodded. “She’s hot, though,” I answered noncommittally. I refused to let him get under my skin.
“I bet. I wouldn’t mind taking her for a ride. I bet she’s a slut behind closed doors, isn’t she?” Kelly licked his lip exaggeratedly, his eyes locked on the back of Ivy’s neck.
I raised my eyebrows, a small smile playing across my lips, but I didn’t say anything. Inside I was seething. “Speaking of sluts, where did Christine wander off to?” I asked, my eyes roaming the room. She had entered the Edge on Kelly’s arm like she owned the place; it was odd she hadn’t clung to him like the tumor she was.
Kelly chuckled darkly, completely ignoring my question. “Does that Ivy let you tie her up? I think she’d look nice doubled over, ropes around her wrists and ankles.”
“I’m sure she would if I wanted that.” I did my best not to look as disgusted as I felt; I’d seen some of the victims of Kelly’s little fetish after he was done with them. I would give almost anything to save Ivy from a similar fate. Fucking sadist.
His eyes gleaming with madness, Kelly grinned at me like an idiot. “I see; you like it when she has her hands free. I bet she knows exactly what to do with those hands.” He turned back again to look at Ivy, his eyes running too freely over her body. “I like sluts that let you choke them. I bet she would look beautiful as I strangled her.”
I swallowed my gut reaction to his twisted fantasies as he kept spelling them out. I wanted to punch him, to kick in that smirk. It took everything I had just to keep my face neutral. Just as Kelly’s sick, twisted little mind got too much for my control, Christine made an entrance, interrupting his train of thought. I could have kissed her as she walked over toward Kelly, moving his mind from Ivy to cartel business.
Unfortunately, Christine also had a few things to say about Ivy, none of them I wanted to hear.
Slithering forward on her impractical heels, Christine’s eyes darkened as they fell on me. She watched me through her thick, black lashes, her eyes nearly black with some kind of emotion. “Well, well, gentlemen. It’s good to see the clubhouse being put back together.” Her manicured fingers wrapped around Kelly’s left arm, even as she tried to stare me down. But I wasn’t in the mood. I kept my eyes locked on hers until she gave up and turned away.
“Where is your tag-a-long, Creed? Or did she give up and go back to Mommy and Daddy?” Christine asked, her mouth turned up in something that looked more like a threat than a smile. She was still wearing that blood-red lipstick, her green eyes surrounded by glittering eye shadow. Her blonde hair fell around her shoulders loose in long, golden waves.
“Ivy spent the whole day helping us clean up the clubhouse,” I answered calmly, doing my best to keep my face bored. “She did more than some of the others,” I finished, pointedly, wanting to piss off Christine enough that she would leave. Instead, she seemed to see my reply as some kind of challenge.
“Amazing that someone so weak and brittle could manage to do anything constructive,” she snapped, her emerald-green eyes narrowing at me.
I could feel my shoulders tighten at the pathetic jealousy in her tone, but I forced myself to breathe. “Yes, she injured both hands, but still managed to help with the construction. I think I misjudged her.”
Remember, if they kill you, both Ivy and Josh will no longer be protected under the Edge’s rules. They’ll either kill them both or worse. If I repeated it to myself enough, perhaps I would be able to remain calm through the rest of this horrible conversation.
Christine bristled at my words, fire in her eyes. “That bitch still has no spine, and you know it.”
Kelly was amused, watching me closely for the telltale signs of me losing my temper. But the thoughts of Ivy and Josh’s faces cooled my temper as fast as ice water.
“I’d like to help her find her spine,” Kelly whispered, his eyes too wide, his smile too big. He looked like some kind of crazed cartoon villain. I shivered a little, but managed to keep a lid over my disgust.
“Come now,” Christine answered, batting her lashes up at Kelly. “You could do much better than that little piece of trash. She can’t even stand up for herself!”
I made the mistake of glancing over at Ivy; her shoulders were tense and her head hung down. She’s heard Christine’s words, and I could feel my rage at that choking me as it filled my throat.
“It’s true,” I whispered quietly, my eyes locked on Christine. “I could never really want some girl who doesn’t know how to get what she wants. Someone who is afraid to grab life and just take it.”
A shiver went through Ch
ristine’s body as I eyed her. Thankfully, it subdued her jealously long enough to get her to shut up. Her mouth seemed locked closed around her words, like she was too surprised to say anything properly. Wide-eyed, she just stared at me, then glanced at Ivy, then back.
Before either she or Kelly could come up with something else to say, I nodded to them both. “Bax has a bottle of beer with my name on it.”
Kelly dismissed me with a wave of his head, his mad amusement still stretching his features. I shivered, unable to suppress it. I made my way over to when Bax was sitting with Josh. My eyes automatically looked for Ivy, but she was no longer there.
“Hi, Dad,” Josh whispered as I walked over. His eyes looked glazed over, like he was exhausted and doing his best to hide it. The poor kid’s eyes seemed to stick closed every time he blinked.
Bax chuckled at Josh, looking him over with eyes full of affection. It was odd to think that Josh had more than just me to defend him. Maybe, even if something happened to me, Josh would make it out okay. I really hope so; that last conversation with Kelly and Christine had made up my mind.
I was going to meet with Carlos.
It was insane, and I was almost guaranteed to be caught and killed. But I was running out of good options. I wanted Christine away from Ivy, away from my son, and away from the Devil’s Edge forever. And if that meant coming together with Carlos to make a plan to take out Kelly, then so be it. I would make a deal with any devil to keep my people safe.
They are my people. As little as I want to run this place, I’ve been thinking like a leader a lot more often these last few months. Perhaps it was because Kelly had spent so little time acting like one. Or maybe it was something else.
If only Kelly had left me another choice. But there was more crazy in his eyes every single day. And now, looking down at my son, I could see the worry in his tiny face. I saw it echoed in most of the eyes of every in the Edge; they would fall or rise by Kelly’s actions.
And his actions weren’t ever going to any one of us any good.
I could feel the weight of my decision heavy on my shoulders, dragging me down along a river of self-doubt. I questioned myself again and again, and yet always came to the same conclusion.
“Come on, Josh; time to get some rest, kiddo,” I told him. He nodded sleepily, his head lolling a little on his neck. “Before you pass out.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Ivy
It was hard not to overhear the conversation between Kelly, Christine, and Creed. I know that Christine was talking just loud enough for me to hear her every word on purpose, bringing her private conversation with him to everyone in the whole building’s ears, whether they wanted to hear it or not.
As much as I didn’t want her opinions of me to sting, they did. But everything she said didn’t hurt as much as Creed’s reply to it all.
“I could never really want some girl who doesn’t know how to get what she wants. Someone who is afraid to grab life and just take it.”
Those words echoed inside of my brain as I walked away from the Edge, embarrassed and hurt. I could feel the thunder of my blood in my veins. It felt like every single person inside of the building was watching me leave, could see the shame written in every line of my body. To them, I was a failure. But even worse, I was a failure to myself.
And I was a failure to the man I loved.
It’s stupid to love Creed; there is no way he will ever return it. I will be one of those horror stories that ends in tragedy. The air outside was colder, colder than it should have been. I felt like I had just walked into dead winter without a coat.
Shivering, I started walking. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I was very sure I couldn’t stay at the Edge. Sleeping in the same room as Creed, knowing what he thought of me, sounded like slow torture.
The parking lot of the warehouses around the Edge were empty, no one around. The whole world seemed abandoned. I kept walking, my mind reeling. No matter what you do, it will never be enough for Creed. He’ll find fault in everything you do for the Edge, everything you bring to his table. Unless you do something stupid and big. Something he’ll have no choice but to recognize.
That idea I’d been forming my head earlier poked back into the front of my brain. But that idea was crazy; too crazy. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t.
But then I could hear Christine’s insults. I could hear Pearl’s words echoing around in my skull too. And worst of all, I could hear Creed again.
“I could never really want some girl who doesn’t know how to get what she wants. Someone who is afraid to grab life and just take it.”
Feeling stupid and not at all brave, I walked to the bus station. Even this late at night, the buses would be running. The city never slept and neither didn’t the transportation systems. I got on, handing several coins to the sleepy-looking bus operator before taking a seat. There was no one on this bus but me and a very young couple. I ignored them as they made out in the back seat, their technicolored hair mingling together into a rainbow as they sucked each other’s faces.
The city streamed by, all of its brilliant colors muted by the weird copper color of the streetlights. Like this, the city looked cleaner, emptier. It was like nothing could touch the bronzed statue that was the streets. Not until the sun came up and washed it away.
I ignored everything until we pulled up to the intersection I wanted. I pressed the button indicating I wanted to get off, and the bus screeched to halt at the corner. The streets were alive with noise as I stepped off of the bus. But I still had a long way to walk.
I was exhausted, but I forced myself to take the long way around. I needed to remember every little thing that had been ripped from me. Perhaps it would cement this crazy idea in my head if I could see it.
So I walked down the long, brick-paved street in the center of the city, where my new apartment would have been if it wasn’t for Janice. I glanced around the beautiful, quiet, walk-only street, staring up at the swirling, wrought iron balcony railings, trying to remember which one was going to be mine. Which of those amazing views would have been mine? But I could no longer remember; was it the second to the left or second to the right? I kept walking, trying not to hover too long in one place. Someone might mistake me for a homeless person and call the police on me.
Ironic, at the moment, I am homeless. I could feel a weight in my stomach as that thought really hit home. I couldn’t go back to the motel. I’d been forced to give it up when I could no longer pay the bills. Creed hadn’t been giving me a paycheck.
I had seventeen dollars left to my name. Outside of that, I really truly had nothing. In all honesty, I didn’t even own a change of clothing; I had been wearing the outfit for the past few days, only switching it out for one of Pearl’s castoffs when I had to wash it.
The worst has truly happened then. I could not be further away from the life my father had wanted for me. I couldn’t be further from the life I’d wanted for me.
I’m not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the walk from the paved stones over to the paved streets, the sadness and depression that had been a part of my life for the last few months melted away. In its wake came a smoldering rage that started in my belly and started to slowly spread outward like a forest fire.
My broken, leaky boots made a soft quacking sound on the slightly damp pavement as I walked up Cardinal and 7th. There it was. Tiny and insignificant in this little town, but it had been mine. My tiny little studio apartment I’d had before I’d lost everything. It was the first time in my life I’d lived alone. The first time I had space to myself that I could do whatever I wanted with.
My eyes teared up as the smolder in my stomach burst into flames. But my tour wasn’t done. I needed to see the rest. I needed to remember.
So I kept going, feeling the rage grow with every single step. I could feel it burning along my veins and seething across my bones. Every step that brought me closer to that little shop. I knew it would be closed. I knew Janice
would go back to her apartment, sleeping soundly off of the comfort of my dollar.
By the time I reached the shop, it felt like my whole body was aflame. I was ready for war, and I knew just what to do about it.
Although there was a still a part of me that wanted to argue, that wanted to stop and think it over before I committed, there was also a big part of me that just was dying to be reckless. I never knew it existed until now, seething just under the surface, waiting for its opportunity to make me do something insane.
The storefront was closed down, but a light was on somewhere in the store. Perhaps it was Janice, keeping up the books, studying the trends of my money as it flowed into her pocket. The streets were hushed like they waited to see what I would do next. Hands in my pockets against the chilly evening, I watched the light inside. The rage inside still burned so brightly, more brightly than anything I remember feeling for the last few months. The fog of my indecision lifted, like dawn over the clouds.
