by Lori Whitwam
Abby’s hand trembled as she rested her fingers on the back of his head. He breathed in, and his forehead came to rest on her thighs. She put her hands on his shoulders, still clutching the guitar pick, then bent forward and let her lips brush his hair. They were still, until he brought his hands to her sides and raised his head. His face was wet, and she realized hers was too.
Still on his knees, he said, “I didn’t know.”
She blinked, confused. “What didn’t you know?”
“I didn’t know what I was doing, what it would do to you. I thought it was the right thing, but I blew it.”
“You were leaving me.”
He swallowed. “I was. I wanted to keep you safe, but I didn’t think it through. I only knew if I wasn’t here, he wouldn’t come after you. But I shouldn’t have made the decision on my own. It wasn’t fair, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am. You deserve more from me.”
The ghost of her banished rage flickered around the edges of her consciousness. Hell, yes, he was wrong. How dare he make life-changing decisions for her and tell her it was for her own good? How could he hurt her so badly she tried to retreat into that numb, empty place again? She wanted to say these things, and maybe at some point she would. But for now she soothed the anger back to its resting place. After all, he’d done the one thing nobody else had ever done, and the only thing she needed.
He came back.
“We were supposed to face this together,” she said.
“I know.” He almost choked on the words. “I thought I’d go crazy trying to figure out what to do. All I wanted was to do the right thing. I would have come back.”
“Maybe. But I can’t live with ‘maybe,’ Seth. I trusted you, and you left anyway.”
“I was wrong. Is it too late?” The grief in his eyes felt like a dagger through her heart.
His question required a yes or no answer, but she couldn’t give him one. The answer was there, but some vestige of battered pride kept her from telling him what it was. The best she could say was, “You’re here now.” An acknowledgment he had returned, he was here with her, and she wasn’t ordering him to leave.
Seth rose to his feet and took her hands to bring her to stand in front of him. He hesitated when he found her left hand clutched into a fist, until he gently uncurled her fingers and saw what she was holding. His breath caught and he closed his eyes, a flash of pain shooting across his face. He took the pick from her hand, placed it on the table, and enfolded her in his arms.
She sagged against him and felt the warmth where their bodies met. His heart pounded against her chest, and she lifted her face to his. Lips she’d thought she might never feel again met hers, and the pieces of her world moved back into alignment.
His arms tightened around her, and his kisses deepened. She tasted whiskey blended with his own smoky-sweet flavor. She wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers twisting through his hair, and kissed him back.
She thought she must be dreaming, asleep on the couch, until he drew back from her and looked into her eyes. “Abby, please tell me I can stay. Tell me I didn’t ruin everything.”
“If you stay, nothing’s ruined.” She had to believe it. She did believe it.
“I’ll make it up to you. I swear.”
“You already have.”
His next kiss was soft and full of promise. “What happens now?”
Abby felt a ghost of a smile rise through the receding fog of numbness. “I think first we take care of Dilbert and get your things out of the hall.”
“Then?”
“If I have to tell you, you haven’t been paying attention.”
He drew an unsteady breath and brushed her hair away from her face. With his lips against her forehead, he murmured, “I love you, Abby-Kat.”
“I know. I love you too.” Dilbert bumped against her leg, and she looked down. “I’m going to give him a little food then take him out for a minute. Go put your stuff away, okay?”
Seth moved off to take his things from the hallway and back where they belonged. Abby scooped a small amount of leftover rice and cottage cheese into Dilbert’s bowl and watched him eat it. When he licked the last speck from his whiskers, she surprised him by attaching a leash to his collar. He could protest if he wanted, but she was keeping both her boys very close to her tonight.
After a quick trip around the yard, she returned to find Seth standing on the deck watching her. She’d felt perfectly safe with Dilbert by her side. He would know if anyone lurked nearby. But it was nice to know Seth was watching out for them too. That was how it was supposed to be. Looking after each other.
Back inside, Dilbert settled on the couch, and Seth took Abby’s hand and led her to their room. She saw all his clothes neatly folded and placed exactly where they’d been earlier in the day. His guitar leaned against the dresser where her mother had put it on Saturday. She could almost imagine the last few hours hadn’t happened. Almost. But she would work on it.
He undressed her quickly, with no ritual or finesse. When he joined her in their bed, his urgency stole the breath from her lungs. She responded with equal fervor, desperate to wash away the earlier anguish with pure, raw passion. As his hands and mouth swept over her body, she watched his every move. She told herself it wasn’t so if one day he were gone again she’d always have these memories, and it was mostly true.
She touched and tasted every inch of him in turn, thinking how terrible it would have been to have never loved him like this again. She pushed the thought away, because she believed him. He would stay. And so would she.
He entered her with a crushing need that didn’t lend itself to subtlety. She welcomed it, because she needed to be claimed as much as she needed to claim him. He drove into her over and over, the headboard protesting, but the sound was soon overwhelmed by the hoarse cry coming from her own throat. Her hands clawed at his back. She knew she must be marking him, but she didn’t stop. Her body shuddered with each thrust as he took her closer and closer to completion. At last, the storm broke, surging through her and setting every nerve aflame. She felt him come with her, wildly, with a shout, almost a sob. She clung to him, wanting this moment to last, and wanting to share every last instant of it with him as fully as it was possible to share.
Finally still, they sprawled in a tangle of relaxed limbs and sweat-dampened hair. He whispered to her countless times he loved her, and he was sorry. She returned each declaration with a kiss, and told him it was okay, they were okay.
Sometime later, she smiled. “Caldwell, if it’s going to be like this every time, I’m going to need a hip replacement.”
He laughed, and just like that, the ease was back between them, and she knew she hadn’t been lying when she said they were okay.
He took her at her word, and the next time was gentler. There was lots of teasing and playing and laughing and absolutely no doubt this was where they were both meant to be. Eventually they did sleep, but they woke each other often throughout the night for a kiss or touch meant to reassure themselves and each other.
After one such interlude, Abby lay with her head on his chest. She prepared to tell him what had become crystal clear to her the second he’d crossed the living room and knelt at her feet. “Seth, I know what to do now.”
He looked at her, and apprehension drifted across his expression. “About what?”
“Wait,” she said. “First I need to tell you what I figured out. You need to know the reasoning behind it, or I don’t think you’ll understand.” She sat up, leaning into the pillows against the headboard, and Seth did the same. He looked like he expected the world to end at any moment, and she gave him a slight smile to ease his worry. “When you walked in the door tonight, I saw something that should have been obvious before. When you left, I thought you were making decisions for me, maybe even being controlling, or at the very least not respecting what I wanted. What I needed.” He opened his mouth to correct her, but she put a hand on his chest to tell him to be patient. “But
that wasn’t it at all. You were terrified. Probably even more than I was. That’s why you left.”
He nodded and put his hand over hers. “I was never more scared in my life.”
Abby lifted his hand and kissed it, then returned their clasped hands to his chest. “But you thought it through and worked past the fear. No matter how frightening it was to come back here, because I know you believe it puts me at risk, you got past it and did the right thing.”
“Maybe I’m being selfish, but I realized I couldn’t stay away. Not if you’d let me come back.”
“It’s not selfish to let me decide if you’re worth the risk. It’s not selfish to trust me.” He still looked worried, but she felt strangely calm. “I figured if you could work around that huge, terrifying roadblock, I could too. I wasn’t even sure exactly what I was afraid of. Being hurt, losing myself, not knowing every day was going to be just like the one before. It was easier not to do anything, but it couldn’t go on if I really love you. And I do.” He smiled. “So, I’m not going to let a bunch of unidentifiable, irrational fears keep me from doing what I want more than anything.”
She felt the hitch of his breath under their hands. “And what’s that?”
“Do you even listen to me when I speak?” she teased. “I’m going with you, of course.”
His eyes shone, and he squeezed her hand. “People will tell you it’s not a good idea.”
“Probably. But if you aren’t allowed to make my decisions, I’m very sure nobody else is, either.” She put her head on his shoulder, her lips not far from his ear. “Nothing in this world is for sure. The only thing I am sure of is I want to be with you, wherever it is. And I won’t be so afraid I don’t try.”
Seth reached up to stroke her hair. “I’ll spend every day making sure you don’t regret it.”
“No regrets, Seth. Not ever. The only regret is letting fear take away a chance at happiness.”
He kissed her, and before long he was making sure she was very, very happy in more ways than she could count.
As he held her, sweat still cooling on their skin, he said, “Knowing you’ll come with me is the best news I’ve ever had, but right now I don’t want to leave this exact spot.”
“We’ll have to, eventually.” She snuggled closer to his side, reveling in the feel of him. “The contractor is coming to start work on the other room tomorrow.” She glanced at the clock. “I mean today. It’s almost morning already.”
“Damn. I don’t suppose we could just keep the door shut?”
“Only if we can also convince him to wear earplugs. Besides, I think we should go see Joey and let him know we worked things out. I want to thank him for talking some sense into you before things went too far.”
“How do you know that’s what happened?”
“When you make up your mind, it’s made up, but you’re always willing to listen to Joey. And I think he’s smart enough to know what would happen if he tried to pull something similar with Caroline.”
Seth nodded. “I can’t say you’re wrong. So, yeah, we’ll go see him in the morning. Marsh too, if he’s back from Molly’s.”
“He went to Molly’s? I wondered if he would.”
“Yeah, but don’t worry. I’ll talk to him, make sure he’s not playing games.”
“I’m not worried. Not really. But after we check in with them, I have an idea where we can go while the house is put back together.”
“Where would that be?”
“Somewhere quiet and beautiful. But I’m not saying any more. I want you to be surprised.”
“I’m not sure I can stand any more surprises,” he said, his hand gliding over her hip.
“You’ll like this one. Trust me.”
“I do.” His arms tightened around her. The heavy emotion in his voice told her he meant he trusted her with far more than the next day’s destination. As she drifted back to sleep, her heart felt so full she couldn’t imagine tomorrow could hold anything other than more of this utter contentment.
Chapter Twenty
Seth
Abby sat on the couch with the laptop balanced on her knees while Seth leaned against her, his chin on her shoulder. She’d brought the computer downstairs to check her e-mail, but he convinced her to help him look at real estate listings in Austin. Speechless at first, she understood when he pointed out his apartment was more like a dorm room. Seth wanted her to have someplace that felt like home when they were in Texas. Her brief hesitation before she started typing key words into the search engine had almost stopped his heart. Again. He might never stop kicking himself for jeopardizing their future. He’d dodged a bullet, and he knew it.
“A lot of these houses have pools,” Abby said. “Do we want a pool?”
“Mmmm. Probably not. As much as we’ll be away, we’d have to hire somebody to take care of it.” Though the thought of late night swimsuit-free rendezvous with her did have a very strong appeal.
“You mean we’d need a pool boy? I could live with that. Twenty-four, tanned, no shirt…”
He poked her in the ribs. “I was having second thoughts because I just remembered pool sex, but now you can forget it. No pool.”
“Rats. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.” She was still smiling as she continued scrolling through properties.
With his chin on her shoulder, he couldn’t resist nuzzling her neck. Her hair brushed his cheek and he breathed in its fresh scent. He remembered how much he’d enjoyed rinsing the shampoo from her hair earlier, watching the suds sluice over her wet skin. This prompted him to suggest another important feature to consider in their house hunting. “Find one with a really big master bath.”
“I already entered it in the search criteria.”
How lucky was he?
They bookmarked several possibilities, and Abby e-mailed the agents to make appointments to view the properties next week. “I liked the one with the big, arched window in the upstairs bedroom. That’d be a nice office.”
Seth heard the rumble and clatter of a large vehicle approaching the house. “Either it’s your contractor or we’re being invaded.”
“Sounds like Clancy.” She put the computer on the coffee table and went out to meet him.
Seth continued to look at houses and marked a few he wanted to show Abby. They were close to where Joey and Caroline lived, and he thought she’d enjoy being near the other couple.
Abby returned, accompanied by a middle-aged man wearing jeans, a heavily laden tool belt, and a Grateful Dead t-shirt. His shaggy, graying hair was caught back in a ponytail, and his beard was long and unruly. Was Jerry Garcia really dead, or had he simply run away to northern Minnesota to be a contractor?
“Seth, this is Clancy Soderstrom. He built this place, so if anybody can put it back together, he’s the man.”
Clancy offered his hand to Seth. “I hear you’re tryin’ to take our girl here away from us.”
Shaking the man’s hand, Seth replied, “Nobody takes Abby anywhere she doesn’t want to go. We might be on the road a lot, though.”
“Don’t worry about me, Clancy,” Abby said, nudging the burly man in the shoulder. “I’m a big girl.”
“I know it, Abby. Don’t get your panties in a twist. I’m just playin’ with you.” He headed toward the spare room. Abby and Seth followed. The contractor spent several minutes taking a look around and describing the repairs he would make.
“Thanks, Clancy. Is Butch coming to help you?”
“Yeah, he should be here shortly. He did a nice job with the temporary repair.” He pulled back the edge of the pleated sheet to better inspect Butch’s handiwork.
“Not a drop came through when it rained,” Abby said. “If you have things under control, we’re going to head to town. We thought we’d find something to do to keep us out of your hair while you’re working.”
“You go ahead. If I run into any trouble, I’ll call you or Marilyn.”
Seth accompanied Abby to the kitchen, doing nothing ot
her than watch her. He liked the way her snug red shirt set off her dark hair, and how she leaned against the sink with one foot propped on her knee. She packed some things, including two of the chocolate croissants left over from their breakfast, into a small cooler.
“Somebody going on a picnic?” It was definitely a nice day for it. This time of the year could still be chilly in Minnesota, but other than the rain on Saturday night, the weather had been beautiful.
She closed the lid and set the cooler on the floor. “I’m not confirming or denying.” She pulled a small fabric shopping bag from the cabinet over the stove. “I also need to pack some things for Dilbert. I wasn’t going to bring him, but I’m not ready to leave him yet.”
“I don’t want to leave him, either. What does he need?”
“There’s a canteen in the hall closet, and a folding nylon bowl. If you find those and fill the canteen, I’ll put some of his treats in a bag.” She was already crouched, rummaging in a cabinet for Dilbert’s goodies.
Seth found the canteen, and they were soon in the Jeep and headed toward town. She even let him drive, saying she wanted to keep an eye on Dilbert. He hadn’t ridden in a car often, and she wanted to be sure he didn’t try to drive.
They were on Buchanan Street approaching the center of town when Abby asked him to pull up along the curb near the park. “We can walk Dilbert a little before we go to the motel.”
“Probably a good idea. I should call and make sure Marsh’s up and decent. No telling when he rolled in.” He turned on his phone and waited for it to pick up service.
“I was going to call Molly, but figured if she hadn’t called me she was either at work or…busy.”
Seth imagined he’d get the full report soon, whether he wanted it or not. Marshall never had a problem with kissing and telling. He hoped if things heated up last night, Marsh’d have the discretion not to shoot his mouth off in front of Abby.
