by D. Breeze
“Oh my god! Happy birthday babe!”
He chuckled. “Finally! Here I was thinking you were going to spoil me rotten and smother me all day and it turns out you didn’t even remember! I’m hurt!” He clutched a hand to his chest in feigned pain.
I smacked his shoulder. “I did not forget. You know it takes my brain a while to wake up in the morning,” I muttered, then pouted.
“I know baby, I’m just messing with you. Can I have my presents now?” He sounded like an excited child and I couldn’t help but laugh. No one would ever believe he was an adult. I wanted to make him sweat a bit, pretend I hadn’t gotten him anything, but I just didn’t have it in me to do that to him.
I slunk out of bed and dragged myself into the kitchen.
I’d wrapped all of his presents when Jamie was at football and hid them under the sink. If there was one place in the tiny apartment I knew he wouldn’t go – it was anywhere near the sink. He just didn’t know the meaning of cleaning! I didn’t mind though, I liked having something I could do to take care of him too.
Seeing his face light up when I walked back into the bedroom, I felt on top of the world. There was nothing like it. I sent a silent prayer to the skies, I wanted to see that gorgeous smile every single day for the rest of my life.
There were only five presents, but I was eighteen, not like I could afford to get him much and I was saving the few thousand I had in the bank, for the house. I just hoped he’d like what I had managed to find.
The first two presents were opened in the time it took me to blink, once. I’d bought him a new belt with a bottle opener buckle and a voucher for the tattoo studio me and Abbi had been in. I knew he wanted to get one, so I thought it was a good idea.
“Thanks babe, these are great!” No sign of sarcasm or disappointment. God, I loved him.
The third present was two tickets to see Utd v City in the semi-final of the cup. We didn’t exactly live close, so I guess you could call him a glory supporter, but he loved football, and he loved City more. But there was more to these tickets than just a game.
“Wow! How did you even get these? This games been sold out for weeks.” I just smiled. I wasn’t going to tell him that I’d sat searching online for hours to find them.
“I want you to take Harvey.”
He frowned. I knew he wasn’t expecting that.
“Pretty girl...” he started to speak, but I wanted him to know why first. It was the right thing to do.
“Hear me out ok?” He nodded. “You guys have hardly spoken a word to each other this week. It’s your birthday today, his too, it’s Christmas tomorrow and you need to sort this out. No matter what he did, he’s your flesh and blood and if you be honest with yourself, you wouldn’t enjoy that game half as much with anyone else. I know it sounds ridiculous, considering what we know, but I can’t help but feel for him. I really think if you talk to him, you’ll get to hear his side and, even though nothing could ever make what he did go away, maybe you can forgive him?”
I couldn’t explain it. The whole family had hardly spoken to each other all week, but I had the overwhelming urge to fix things. I had never been Harvey’s biggest fan, but I just had a feeling that he really was not as bad as he made himself out to be. The pain and regret written all over his face when he’d told everyone that his dad made him threaten Mikaela, told me everything I’d needed to know.
Jamie sighed. “You’re too nice for your own good sometimes babe, but if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll talk to him about it in a bit.”
I bit my lip to prevent the smile spreading across my face. No need to get cocky because I got my own way, again.
Maybe just a little.
“It doesn’t matter who I go with anyway, this is the best present I’ve ever had. I love you.”
I doubted it. He was spoilt, he’d probably had much better presents. But still... “You’re welcome. I love you too.”
He opened his last two presents, a pair of jeans that I’d noticed him looking at last time we went to town, and some aftershave. He really did love them all. I could see it in his eyes. I’d spent weeks worrying about what to get him, I shouldn’t have worried; he was easy to please – apparently!
We spent over an hour lazing around in bed, making out, cuddling, and talking about Christmas. It was the perfect morning.
~*~*~*~*~
“I don’t want to.” he moaned and I dragged him across the back garden.
I rolled my eyes, how many times had he said that? Five? Fifteen? I switched off after a while.
“Jamie, it’s your birthday. You’re going to see and talk to your family!”
“When did you get so demanding? Where did my sweet little shy girl go? She wouldn’t force me to do things I don’t want to do.”
I winced. He had no idea what his words could to me. As usual, he didn’t miss a beat.
“No! For crying out loud Ree, I was joking. I love the way you are now and you know it. When are you going to see what I see? Feel what I feel? You...are...my...everything. I do not know what else I can say or do to make you stop doubting us, to stop doubting yourself. This is not going to fall apart, we’re it, you and me. Without you...I don’t even want to think about it. I spent too long without you, I don’t even want to do it again. Now, repeat after me...”
What?
“Jamie loves me...”
I stayed silent, he raised an eyebrow. I would never win.
“Jamie loves me...” I repeated in a whisper.
“He’d do anything for me...”
I copied his words again, praying for them to sink in. I wanted to believe him, I sort of did, I guess.
“And I have to stop doubting myself.”
Well that was harder. I was conditioned to doubt myself and everything I did. Lifetime habits are hard to break no matter how much you try. For him, I’d do it. I could do it and I would. Again, I repeated his words, keeping my voice strong and steady.
“Thank you.” I gave a timid shrug, embarrassed that he’d become like my personal therapist.
“Those doubts of yours babe, they don’t scare me. Well, the thought of them beating you, making you run from me, that scares me. But you can’t be afraid to talk to me, because you know I’ll never lie to you. And, if I had to make you repeat my words over and over again until you’re dreaming about them in your sleep, then that’s what I’ll do.” He threw arm around my shoulder and I noticed that he wasn’t bothered about going to see his family anymore. Maybe I show have mini-meltdowns more often...then again, maybe not!
The back door was already partially open, which I found weird considering it was December, and freezing. I stopped, feeling...something.
Harvey walked out the door with a dustpan and brush in his hand. The dustpan was filled with what looked like broken plates and cups.
“What happened?” Jamie asked.
Harvey shook his head. He looked awful. He clearly hadn’t showered or got dressed since I’d last saw him. “They fought, bad. Then shit got worse when mum started screaming and throwing plates n stuff around the kitchen. She’s lost it brother, I’m not even sure what I can do to help – if anything.” He looked to the sky, then back at us. “She’s in her bedroom at the minute, good luck trying to get through to her.”
Mild mannered, timid, motherly Cheryl – screaming and throwing things around the kitchen. I did not expect that. We’d already stepped through the door when Harvey called over his shoulder.
“Oh, and happy birthday.”
Jamie closed his eyes slowly. “Yeah, happy birthday to you too, Harv.”
I left him to go to his mum, it was not my place to be around them then. I wasn’t family and I doubted she’d want me to see her in that state.
Walking around the downstairs, something struck me as odd. Where was Malcolm? I looked from room to room, finding nothing. Then it hit me, I knew where he’d be. Any time that man didn’t want to be seen or spoken to, he’d hide in his office.
&nb
sp; I honestly cannot say exactly what it was that made me go there, but I did. I didn’t knock either. It was like I had been possessed by a spirit of someone who actually followed their own mind. I didn’t do that, so it couldn’t have been me!
It was though.
I stormed into his office and low and behold, there he was. Slumped behind his desk looking dishevelled, unshaven and not at all look the cold-hearted man I’d come to know...slightly. His head sprung upwards and he tried to pull his indifferent mask on, he failed at that, it was clear as day that he was crumbling.
“W-what are you doing? You cannot just walk in his as if you own the place. Get out!”
Again, I ignored my brain screaming at me like ‘what the hell has gotten into you?! This is not how you behave! Get out...retreat! Retreat!’ I mentally shushed myself. Multiple personality disorder much?!
“No,” I responded. I actually did have something to say and seeing as I’d already done something I’d never dream of doing, I was going to say it.
“Honestly, truly, what is wrong with you?” It was a rhetorical question, I didn’t have all day for him to answer. “So you messed up. I’m not going to play it down, you messed up huge. But this is fixable, completely. Do I think Cheryl’s reaction is understandable? Partially, I suppose. Then when I think about it, this isn’t her just reacting to the news you gave her, this is about everything. She’s always so perfect, so put together, and let’s face it, she’s a much better wife than you deserve.”
“Now hold on a minute...”
“I’m not finished.” His eyes widened at my tone and his face reddened, but he let me continue.
Shocker.
“You can’t even admit it to yourself can you? Are you so emotionally stunted that you have no inclination of what you’ve done to your family over the years? I’ve known you all of, what? Like four months? And in that time, I’ve known you to prioritise a conference call over your injured son, I’ve seen you scowl and sneer at any sign of affection with your boys and I’ve felt how hostile you can be to the girl your son loves! What’s worse is that no one else even reacted to this stuff, they just accepted that it’s how you are. Is that what you want them to think of you? That you’re a career driven, hard, cold man? There is nothing about any of that, that is normal. Maybe I’ve never truly known normal, but that’s how I can tell when something isn’t right, because I’m used to that. That’s not even including the advice you gave Harvey, I’ll never understand that. Not ever. It’s blindingly obvious though, that you have one son who is exactly like his mother, loving, caring, sees the beauty in everything and will do whatever he can to help people. Always.” I hadn’t taken a breath in a while, so I sucked in air, and continued. “Then there’s Harvey. He wants to be you so badly, god knows why...” He flinched and I knew I was getting somewhere. There was a heart in there somewhere. “But he does. He treats girls like crap, he threatens them, he acts like he’s god’s gift and that’s just the tip of the iceberg with him. Beneath that though, there’s a boy, a man, who’s begging for his dad to say he’s proud of him. Sometimes, he shows this side of him, an emotional side that if he actually let loose, he’d be an amazing guy. Just like Jamie. You’d have two perfect children that you could always be proud of no matter what. They’ll be successful. You know that as well as I do, because that’s just how they are. But how many toes is Harvey going to step on, on his way up? Huh? Is that what you want? Brutal men who don’t give a damn who they have to trample to get to the top. Life does not have to be that way.”
Time to wrap it up. He looked like his head was going to explode.
“Now upstairs, you have a wife who feels like her life is falling apart. Only you can fix that. Instead of hiding in your office, your little man cave...actually talk to her. Don’t try and talk your way out of it. For once just admit your mistakes. Do what you have to do, if you have to grovel, do it. This is your family we’re talking about! The choice is up to you, are you going to be a coward and sit in here feeling sorry for yourself? Or are you going to man-up and go and fight for your family?”
I felt dizzy. Had I really done that? I tensed, would he go crazy at me? I had no right to say any of it, I just wanted to help and I knew the entire problem was him, even if everyone else seemed to be ignoring that fact.
His eyes sliced to window, he stared out of it for a few beats, then muttered, “Did I just get put in my place, by a teenage girl?”
I bit my lip. Yes, yes he did get put in his place by a teenage girl, but I’d been through enough in my life to know when something needs fixing, and how. Maybe this would be a good thing. Hope blossomed in my heart.
Chapter Twenty
Restart
I’d gone back out into the lounge to find both Harvey and Jamie sitting there, one foot resting on the opposite knee, leaning back staring at me.
The way they sat exactly the same, made me want to giggle. They both looked so cocky, yet laid-back, and it just reminded me how identical they really were. It was strange though, how even as kids, I was always drawn to Jamie and not Harvey. They had the same face for crying out loud!
No one had spoken in a few seconds and they were still looking at me. I wasn’t sure what they were waiting for...but then I was. Oh god, was I that loud in Malcolm’s office that they’d heard me? The light dawned and I actually felt the blood drain from my face.
Then they smiled. Identically. Their timing could not have been better if they’d planned it. I watched, fascinated, as their faces split into grins and then they both chuckled. I had no idea what was funny. I felt awful.
Then Harvey spoke.
“So, I’m begging for daddy to tell me he’s proud of me, I treat people like shit, and I’m going to trample anyone who gets in the way of my career? Did I get that about right?” Oh no!
He was still smiling, but that didn’t register. I panicked.
“I...um...I...well...” The words wouldn’t come, because there weren’t any.
“Not sure I agree with all of it...” Of course he wouldn’t. “But it’s about time someone stood up to the old man. Funny as fuck. Shy, timid little Rhianne Shepard telling Malcolm Travis to fix his family and stop being a coward! Hilarious! You surprise me at every turn girl.” He turned to Jamie, and said something that meant more to me than he’d ever know. “You were right, as always. She’s a diamond. You don’t ever wanna mess this up because you won’t find another one. Like a four leaf clover, you were damn lucky to find her and girls like her are seriously fucking rare. You did good.”
Jamie scoffed. “And you’re just now figuring this out? I’ve told you this for years. You should know by now not to doubt me. I will say though, you can stop looking at her like she’s a fucking angel. She is, but she’s my angel.”
Too much.
Wayyyy too much to handle.
Before I could run back to the safety of our little apartment and sob tears of happiness, I looked to Harvey and said, “Um, thank you, I guess.”
Jamie must have sensed my emotions building because he immediately changed the subject, sort of. They spent a few minutes bantering back and forth about things I’d said to their dad, ignoring the fact that my face was flaming with embarrassment. Once the adrenaline had subsided, reality set in and I couldn’t believe I’d done it!
Thinking over the whole scene in my head, I didn’t notice that once again, the room and fallen silent. I looked up, Malcolm stood in the doorway, looking at the three of us like he’d never really noticed us before. His eyes focused on me, he took a deep breath, nodded once and took off in the direction of the stairs.
Butterflies, fairies and half a god damn circus were doing cartwheels and back-flips in my stomach. I was giddy, but I tried to hide it by lowering my eyes and smiling at my lap.
If I knew anything, it was that things would be ok and I felt, just a little bit, even though it probably was a lot, that I’d really helped. Sometimes it’s good to speak your mind I guess.
~*~*~
*~*~
Their birthday past with nothing else exceptional happening, well, nothing too exceptional anyway. Cheryl had come down the stairs less than an hour later saying that her and Malcolm were going out for a while, but she looked good, not perfect, but better, so I smiled at her.
Hours later they returned with arms full of bags of gifts, so many in fact, that my eyes could have easily fell out of my head but Jamie and Harvey just dived over the back over the respective sofas they were lounging on and routed through them. I had to shift back so I didn’t end up with a kick in the face, being as Jamie had moved so quickly.
Boys.
They ended up with ridiculous amounts of stuff, they must have used to that treatment. New phones, tablets, whole new wardrobes worth of clothes, shoes, trainers – I lost track after a while and I wish I hadn’t have.
I thought back to my birthdays over the years, I couldn’t remember a single good one in years. I never had presents or a birthday cake. I didn’t like to think back, it put me in a bad place in my head, why couldn’t she love me?
I’d never have the answers I wanted because she wasn’t here. I still wasn’t upset, I barely thought of her and certainly never in a good way. Then the guilt would settle in. I could have helped her, why didn’t I get her help earlier? Am I partially to blame for the way my life had gone? Could I have changed it for the better if I’d gone to someone for help?
I’d never know. That haunted me.
But yes, the day past and every just seemed to relax. Nothing major, nothing huge. Just a nice, peaceful, family day. Perfect.
~*~*~*~*~
Laughter, wild, uncontrollable laughter. Smiles that shone brighter than the sun. Family, togetherness and happiness.
Visions were never like this, they were always warnings or alerts, not pictures of happy times. Why would I be warned about that?
Jamie reached across the table and broke a cracker with his mum, she smiled when he won. He put a gold Christmas hat on his head and grinned like a kid in a sweet shop. Wait...he was a kid, he must be about eight or nine. I’m watching an old Christmas, I think.
