by Lucy Gordon
Which meant that she would fight him all the harder. If she made the foolish mistake of falling in love with Lang, the misery would be far greater than before.
It was useful that he’d shown his true colours in time to prevent a disaster. She repeated that to herself several times.
But no way would she stay here, pining. If she didn’t return to England, she’d go somewhere else. She got a brochure advertising cruises along the great Yangtze River and booked herself a cabin. She would board the boat at Chongqing, leave it at Yichang and travel on to Shanghai. After that, who could tell where she would travel? And what did it matter? What did anything matter as long as she had no time to think?
CHAPTER FOUR
ON THE last day of term Olivia counted the minutes until it was time to go. Just a little longer and she need never think of Lang again. Concentrate on the Yangtze. Think of Shanghai.
The last pupil had gone home. She was gathering up her things when a buzz made her look at her mobile phone, where there was a text: I’m outside.
For a brief moment her heart leapt, then indignation took over. Cheek! Like he only had to announce his presence and she must jump.
She texted back: I’m busy.
The reply came at once: I’ll wait.
Mrs Wu looked in to say goodbye and they left the building together.
‘Have a good holiday,’ she said. ‘And please dispose of that young man hanging around the gate. Loiterers are bad for the school’s reputation.’
‘He’s nothing to do with me.’
‘Of course he isn’t. That’s why his eyes are fixed on you. Goodbye for now.’
Lang was leaning against the wall as though there was all the time in the world, which did nothing to improve her mood. She advanced on him in a confrontational mood, and thrust out her arm, from which she’d removed the dressing.
‘Just a few scratches and healing nicely, thank you,’ she said in a formal voice.
‘You don’t know how glad I am to hear that.’
‘And the headmistress says I’m to get rid of you. You’re giving the place a bad name.’
‘In that case, let’s go.’
‘I don’t think-’
‘Let’s not waste any more time.’ He already had hold of her arm and was ushering her into his car, which he started up quickly, as though afraid to give her time to think.
Had he known it, she was beyond coherent thought, beyond anything but wild emotion. He hadn’t abandoned her, hadn’t turned away, leaving her desolate. He had come for her because he could no more escape the bonds tightening around them than she could.
She knew she should try to control the heady, idiotic feeling that pervaded her. It was too much like joy: terrifying, threatening, destructive, glorious joy.
At last she managed to speak and ask where they were going. At least, that was what she thought she’d asked. She was too confused to be sure.
‘I’m taking you somewhere that will help you get over being grumpy,’ he replied.
‘I’m not grumpy.’
‘Yes you are. When you saw me outside the school, you glared hard enough to terrify the devil.’
‘Well, it was very inconsiderate of you to arrive in the last five minutes.’
‘You couldn’t possibly have been hoping to see me earlier?’
‘Certainly not. You just disrupted my schedule. I like things done in the proper order.’
‘Just as I said, grumpy. Meihui used to have a way of dealing with my bad moods-several ways, actually-but this was our favourite one.’
More than that he would not say, but he drove for half an hour in silence, glad of the chance to say nothing and collect his thoughts. Unusually for him, they were chaotic.
After their last meeting he’d resolved not to approach Olivia again, at least, not soon. He was an ambitious man, and his career was beginning to look promising. He needed no distractions, and the sensible course would be to let the summer vacation pass before they met again. The passage of a little time would put him in control of himself again.
It had all been very simple. Until today.
The summer break from his job had already started, which was unlucky, because if he’d been at work he couldn’t have yielded to temptation. As it was, the realisation that she would be leaving any minute had galvanised him. Suddenly his resolutions were rubbish, his strength of will non-existent. He’d barely made it to the school in time.
Now he was calling himself names, of which ‘weakling’ was the kindest. But the abusive voice was bawling only from the back of his head; the front was full of relief that he’d made it in time.
There was another voice too, not yelling, but muttering. This was his conscience, warning him that there was something he must confess to her without delay. He wasn’t sure what her reaction would be. That troubled him more than anything.
‘Here we are,’ he said, drawing up outside a huge gate.
‘You’ve brought me to a zoo?’ she said, astounded.
‘Meihui said nobody could stay cross in a zoo. So let’s go in.’
He was right, after only a few minutes of wandering around the animals, her spirits lightened. Who cared about anything else when there were lions to be viewed, bears to watch, exotic birds?
Lang was like no other man. When was the last time anyone had taken her to a place like this? she wondered as they gazed at the giant pandas.
‘I’ve never seen anything so beautiful,’ she murmured.
‘They’re magnificent, aren’t they?’ he agreed warmly.
‘But how do you tell one from the other? Pandas all look exactly alike.’
‘The one over there on her own in the tree is the female. Earlier this year she was in heat for a couple of days, and had all the males swooning after her. Now she’s safely pregnant, and they can go and jump in the lake for all she cares.’
‘I wonder which male she favoured.’
‘The highest ranking one. He proved his status by knocking seven bells out of the competition.’
‘Very sensible,’ Olivia said. ‘None of that sentimental nonsense. If ever I’m reborn, I shall come back as a panda.’
He laughed but said, ‘Why do you have to be so severe?’
‘I’m not severe.’
‘You are from where I’m standing.’
‘Oh, I see, a male version of severe-meaning a woman who doesn’t collapse in a sentimental heap at the mention of lurve.’ She gave the word a satirical inflection that made him wince. ‘That kind of severe.’
‘You put it very crudely,’ he complained.
‘The truth is usually crude, and definitely unromantic. Like life. We just have to face up to it.’
She was saying the first thing that came into her head and enjoying the sight of his face. For once the confident Dr Mitchell was struggling for words, and that was fun.
‘Why are you so determined not to believe in love?’ he asked. ‘I know you had a bad experience, but so have most people, and they don’t abandon hope. I didn’t give up when Becky Renton told me it was all over.’
‘Oh, yes? And I’ll bet the two of you were about twelve when that happened.’
He grinned. ‘A little older than that, but you’ve got the right idea.’
She wondered if this handsome, assured man had ever been dumped in his life. Not by anyone he really cared about, she would have bet on it.
‘Joking apart,’ he resumed, ‘people really do do things for love. I know you don’t believe it, but it’s true.’
‘If you’re talking about your romantic ancestors, allow me to point out that there’s no reason to believe that Jaio was ever in love. They were going to lock her in the tomb and Renshu offered escape. She might simply have thought that going with him was better than dying.’
‘But what about him? He must have loved her a lot because he sacrificed everything to be with her.’ Lang added provocatively, ‘Perhaps it really means that a man can love more deeply than a woman. It c
ould even be doubted that women know how to love at all. They believe in logic rather than sentiment-like pandas.’
Olivia eyed him askance. ‘Did you say that just to be annoying?’
‘No, I think it’s an interesting theory.’ Catching her expression, he couldn’t resist adding, ‘But I must admit I also enjoy annoying you.’
‘You’ll go too far.’
‘I hope so. Better too far than not far enough.’
His grin was her undoing, leaving her no choice but to smile back.
‘Let’s find the snack bar,’ he said, slipping an arm around her shoulders.
As they sat down over coffee, Lang suddenly said, ‘I hope you can forgive my clumsiness.’
‘About what?’
‘That remark about choosing a mate through logic rather than sentiment. It’s exactly what your louse boyfriend did, isn’t it? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.’
‘You didn’t,’ she said, realising that it was true. She hadn’t even thought about Andy. Nor, now she thought of it, had she ever enjoyed such a day as this, strolling calmly through pleasant gardens, teasing and testing each other.
There had been no jokes with Andy, only passion and violent emotion, which at the time she’d thought was enough. But with Lang she was discovering how emotion could be tempered with humour. He was a patient man who knew when to back off. It made him a restful companion, as well as an exciting one, and that too was a new pleasure.
‘I’ve dismissed Andy from my mind,’ she told him, adding with a flourish, ‘It was the common sense thing to do.’
‘That easy, huh?’
‘Of course. Logic over sentiment any day. I reckon the female panda knows exactly what she’s doing.’
‘Then I’m glad I’m not a panda,’ he said, matching her flourish with one of his own.
Before they left the zoo he took her to the gift shop and bought her a small soft toy in the shape of a panda.
‘She’s a female,’ he declared.
‘How can you tell?’
‘Because that’s what I want her to be,’ he said, as though explaining the obvious. ‘Her name is Ming Zhi. It means wise.’ His eyes gleamed with mischief. ‘It was the nearest I could get to logic and common sense.’
‘Then she and I will get on very well,’ Olivia declared, taking the delightful creature and rubbing her face against its soft black-and-white fur. ‘If I forget what’s important, she’s bound to remind me.’
‘To the victory of logic,’ he proclaimed.
‘Every time.’
‘Let’s go and have some supper.’
They found a small, old-fashioned restaurant.
‘Why were you in such a bad mood when we met earlier?’ he asked when they were settled. ‘Is it me you’re annoyed with?’
‘No, my parents. According to Norah, they’ve rediscovered each other, acting like love’s young dream.’
‘Which could be charming.’
‘If it was anyone else, it could, but this pair of raging play-actors are heading for disaster.’
‘Don’t be so sure,’ Lang said. ‘Maybe they just married too young and were always meant to find each other again.’
She gave him a look.
‘Maybe not,’ he said hastily.
‘In the end it’ll collapse in lies, as it did the first time.’ Olivia sighed. ‘And there’s nothing so fatal as deception.’
‘Sometimes a deception can be fairly innocent,’ Lang observed casually.
‘But it’s always destructive,’ she insisted. ‘Once you know he hasn’t been straight with you, it’s over, because-I don’t know. I’m going to eat.’
Concentrating on her chopsticks, she didn’t see the uncomfortable look that came over Lang’s face.
‘This food is nice,’ she said after a while. ‘But not as nice as at the Dancing Dragon.’
To her surprise he didn’t respond to the compliment. He seemed sunk in thought, and strangely uneasy.
‘Is everything all right?’ she asked.
‘No,’ he said with an effort. ‘There’s something I have to tell you.’
There was a heaviness in his voice that filled Olivia with foreboding.
‘I must admit that I’ve been putting this moment off,’ Lang continued awkwardly. ‘I was afraid it would make you think badly of me. I know I’ve done wrong, but I didn’t want to risk not seeing you again.’
Now she knew what he was trying to say: he had a wife.
Impossible. In that case he would never have taken her to the Dancing Dragon where they would be seen by his family. But perhaps the family’s attitude had simply been curiosity that their foreign relative was playing around. She tried to recall exactly what they had said, and couldn’t.
‘Will you promise to let me finish explaining before you condemn me?’ he asked.
By ill luck, Andy had said much the same thing: ‘If only you’d let me explain properly, it really wasn’t my fault…’
A chill settled over her heart.
‘Go on then,’ she said. ‘Tell me the worst.’
Lang took a deep breath and seemed to struggle for words.
‘The fact is-’ he began, stopped then started again. ‘When we met-’ He was floundering.
‘Look,’ she said edgily, ‘why don’t we just skip it and go home?’
‘Don’t you want to know what I have to say?’
‘I probably already know what you’re going to say,’ she observed with a faint, mirthless laugh.
‘You guessed? I don’t see how you could have done.’
‘Let’s say I have a nose for some things. Call it my cynical nature.’
‘I don’t think you’re as cynical as you try to pretend.’
Her temper flared. ‘And I don’t think you know anything about me.’
He stared. ‘All right, don’t jump on me. I’m harmless, I swear it. I’ll believe that you’re anything you say-hard, cynical, unfeeling…’
‘Ruthless, unforgiving, cold-hearted,’ she supplied. ‘I’m glad you understand.’
‘I wish you hadn’t said unforgiving,’ he observed gloomily.
‘Well, I did say it. I never give second chances. Now, if we’ve got that settled, what were you going to confess? Something unforgivable, obviously.’
‘Well, you might think so.’
Her dismay increased. ‘All right. I’m listening.’
‘It’s like this. When we met in that clinic-I wouldn’t normally be there. I work in another part of the hospital, and I’d just started a vacation. But a friend who does work in the clinic got a stomach upset and had to take time off. They were short staffed, so I filled in.’
‘But what’s so terrible about that?’ she asked, trying to think straight through the confusion of reactions storming through her.
‘The thing is, he was back next morning. I did try to persuade him that he needed another day off, but he got an attack of heroics and insisted on returning.’ Lang sighed and added distractedly, ‘A man can’t trust his friends for anything, not even to be ill when he needs them to be.’
‘What on earth are you-?’
‘So when I came to see you next day I wasn’t working in the clinic any more, and strictly speaking you were no longer my patient.’
Olivia stared at him in mounting disbelief. ‘Are you saying…?’
‘That I lied to you,’ he said mournfully. ‘I approached you under false pretences, claiming that you were my patient when you no longer were. I deceived you.’
Olivia met his eyes and drew a quick breath at what she saw there, a look of suspiciously bland innocence that masked something far from innocent. This man wasn’t worried about being in trouble. He was inviting her into a conspiracy.
‘You’re overdoing it,’ she said wryly.
‘No, honestly! On the pretext of medical privilege, I gained access to your body.’
‘To my-? Oh, yes, you saw my bare arm, didn’t you?’ she said sardonically. ‘How could
I have forgotten that? Shocking!’
‘It was a little more than your arm,’ he reminded her. ‘If you want to report me to the medical authorities, well, I’ll just have to accept it, won’t I?’
‘And if I kicked your shins you’d just have to accept that, wouldn’t you?’ she said sweetly.
‘It would be my just deserts.’
‘Don’t get me started on your just deserts or we’ll be here all night.’
‘Would we? Tell me more.’
‘Let’s just say that you’re a devious, treacherous-I can’t think of anything bad enough.’
‘I’ll wait while you think of something. After all, it was shocking behaviour on my part.’
‘I didn’t mean that. I meant just now, making me think-’
‘What?’
She pulled herself together. ‘Making me think it was something really serious, instead of just fooling.’
She could barely speak for the confusion of relief and fear that warred in her: relief that he was a free man, fear that it mattered so much. She tried to bring herself under control lest he guess the truth.
Or did he already know? He was watching her intently but cautiously, as though trying to discover something that was important to him.
‘I wanted to see you again,’ he said simply. ‘And that was the best excuse I could find.’
The storm died down. The relief was still there, but now tinged with laughter. The world was bright.
‘Well, I guess I’m glad you thought of something,’ she admitted.
He took her hand. ‘So am I.’
‘I’m still annoyed with you, but I forgive you-on a purely temporary basis.’
‘That’s all I ask.’
‘So what is your job in the hospital?’
Lang shrugged. ‘I fill in a lot, do the stuff nobody else wants.’ He squeezed her hand gently. ‘Sometimes I get a good day.’
He didn’t pursue the subject and she was glad. The attraction between them was growing slowly, delicately, and she liked it that way. Any sudden movements might be fatal.
He was looking down at her hand, rubbing his fingers against it softly, and she had the feeling that he was uneasy again.
‘What is it?’ she asked. ‘What terrible crime do you have to admit now?’
