by Ann Hunter
“We probably won’t get there til halftime,” she grumbled.
She was right. Alex and Carol found a vacant spot on the bleachers. Spectators were milling around, buying concessions as part of school fundraising. Alex flipped the cowl of her hoodie over her head, hiding behind the shadows it produced, and leaned forward against her knees. So long as she didn’t have to look at sweaty Brad Hopkins leaving the court with his team, still the captain after all the rotten things he did everyday.
Alex’s foot got to thumping, the way it had on the plane ride to New York. Carol bumped into her shoulder, offering a smile. Alex got to her feet. “I’m going to get a drink.”
She hopped down the benches and out the gym door, filing down the darkened hallway. It felt about a hundred degrees cooler here, compared to the gym. She took a drink from a water fountain, jumping when the door to the hallway where her locker rattled.
Alex rounded with a gasp, but all she saw was the door slowly closing, as though someone had just gone through it. While she wanted nothing more than to just hang out here in the quiet, avoiding the lights and heat of the gym, she thought it better to get back to Carol.
“Feel better?” Carol smiled, barely audible over the din.
Alex shoved her hands into her back pockets, her eyes trained on Brad as he re-entered the gym a moment or two after his team did. She squinted at him. Shouldn’t he have lead them?
She sank onto the bench, folding her arms across her chest. This was going to be the most boring hour of her life. She hoped there was at least a cheeseburger at the end of this grayscale rainbow.
***
The following morning before school, Alex wiped the shower steam from the bathroom mirror. She couldn’t help stare at her murky reflection. One more week, and she’d be tested for her apprentice jockey license. Was she ready?
Her collarbone braced back strong shoulders, and she probably had better guns than most boys her age. Another summer of mucking stalls, hauling on half-ton beasts, and being outdoors all summer had once again shaped her into something… more. Even her chest had deepened, more noticeably than last year. Though they weren’t as full as Carol’s.
Alex winced. Where Alex was all edges, she had noted Carol was soft. It wasn’t fair she felt this way about her, and now she was drawn to her physically too. Her stomach tumbled the same way it did when Dejado smiled at her. It wasn’t fair being torn between two people you wanted to fade into either.
And the fact that more boys’ heads were turning when Carol walked past only made Alex grip the sink harder. She’d felt a twinge of this before, but never understood….
That when John smiled at Carol the first time they met before Promenade was nearly sold, or the way Carol blushed when Dejado flirted passively, jealousy was an ugly green dragon inside Alex. And it raised its head now like a yearling threatening to spook.
A crowd gathered around Alex’s row of lockers. She pushed through them to get to hers, only to face red paint sprayed across the row.
ALEX LOVES CAROL
The scene was all too familiar.
“How’s it goin’ Dyke?” one boy jeered.
Another heckled, “Where’s your girlfriend?”
Alex grabbed the first kid by the collar and slammed him against her locker with a thud. She felt ugly inside, and so very angry. “Get out,” she snarled softly. She tossed him aside, wheeling on the others. “All of you. Get out of here!”
The crowd scattered, like the parting of the Red Sea. The principal stood at the end of the wave, her gaze stern on Alex.
“My office. Now.”
Alex banged her fist into her locker, then took a deep breath and followed the principal.
Brad was already seated in the principal’s office when Alex entered. The second she saw him, their eyes met. He smiled as though nothing else could be more perfect in the world.
Alex gripped the edge of the door to keep herself from strangling him.
“Have a seat, Miss Anderson,” the principal said.
Alex stiffly reached for the chair beside Brad, and pulled it toward her, as far away as she could get from him while remaining at the principal’s desk.
The principal turned her computer monitor toward them, so they could review a video she was about to play.
“As you can see, this occurred during the basketball game last night.”
Alex squinted at the screen. Someone in a hoodie, their face well concealed, whipped out a can of spray paint and scrawled on the lockers. The camera was tilted down, so it was difficult to tell the height of the person.
“That could be anyone,” Brad said.
“We have reason to believe it was one of you.”
“Why me?” Alex’s brow knit. “I had no reason to write that.”
“Because of your past record.”
That murder was going to haunt her all her freaking life, wasn’t it? No matter that she was acquitted. No matter it was self defense. Just because she’d been in jail, the school was still afraid of her. Not to mention the cheating Brad had pinned on her.
“You want to talk about records?” Alex jumped to her feet, and pointed at Brad. “Start with him.”
“Why would I do something like that?” he asked innocently.
“Oh, come on, Hopkins!” Alex whacked him in the arm. “We both know you outed Katie last year.”
“Excuse me?” said the principal.
“He’s the one who wrote Katie loves Alex all over the lockers, just to get at me. But he hurt her a lot more instead. In fact, I think you’re the reason she’s not here today.”
“That is a grave accusation, Miss Anderson.”
Alex rose from her seat. “So was him pinning cheating on me, so was every girl he hit on. He thinks he’s cool, but he’s just an asshole. And you guys just keep turning your head, turning your head, pretending he’s your golden boy. When the only full ride he should be getting is the bus to jail!”
Brad gripped his seat, sinking down into it as though her words rang through him with a new level of fear. She stabbed her finger at him.
“And don’t think I don’t know what I’m saying. I’ve been to prison. And it’s loaded with jackoffs just. Like. You.”
The principal jumped to her feet. “Alexandra!”
She rounded on her, bracing against her desk. “You’re barking up the wrong tree, sister. You want to find the one who did it?” Alex glared over her shoulder at Brad. “Start with the dog.”
Alex slammed the door, then marched out of the office. She leaned against the wall outside, staring at the ceiling. There had to be a way to stop this goon once and for all. For whatever reason, she made her way to the girls’ locker room utility closet, and locked the door.
She remembered the time she’d hid with Katie in here after she’d been outed. How could people be so cruel? Alex sank to the spot Katie had sat, drawing her knees to her chest. She tipped her head back, wondering if she’d feel any closer to her lost friend here.
And then her eyes settled on a slip of paper, teetering on the edge of the workbench by her. She got to her knees to reach for it, but it was too dark to read. The top part of it was tattered, as though the rest of the message had been torn away. Alex stood and turned on the light. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. It was the exact same handwriting from both times the lockers were graffitied.
No one wants a fucking she-fag. Kill yourself. Please.
Alex’s hands shook. What if this had been the last thing Katie had ever read? Alex didn’t even have to wonder who could do such a thing. Her instinct was to crumple the paper and throw it away, but this could be the biggest piece of evidence the police needed.
One handwriting test, and it was all over.
Alex went class to class the rest of the day gripping the note in her pocket. There was both an anger and reassurance in her. Carol had been right. This wasn’t about Katie anymore. It was for every girl in school Brad had ever bullied.
And whil
e she had this weapon in her fist, she felt certain there were steps she needed to take in order to protect those she cared about most. She stared at the garish paint across the row of lockers, resolute. Alex loves Carol.
Damn straight.
Which is why she had to cut her off. If this was Brad going after Carol, it had to stop here. He’d gotten to Katie, and Alex would be damned if he got to Carol. She had to protect Carol’s reputation. She had to protect Carol.
Hillary was waiting for Alex at the kitchen table when she got home from school. “The school called today.”
Alex chucked her backpack onto the bottom of the stairs. “Yeah, I bet they did.”
“Said there’s been a graffiti problem going on.”
Alex took off her shoes and pulled out a chair across from Hillary. There was no need to hide from this. She wanted to be frank. In fact, she was pretty sure she needed Hills.
“I think Brad’s been doing it. It was the same red paint, same handwriting both times. Pretty much the same message, too. He’s been trying to get back at me from day one.”
Hillary lifted a mug of coffee to her mouth, listening attentively. “Go on.”
“They think I’m a lesbian or something,” Alex said. “I’m not. And I’m not going to put up with this bullying anymore.”
“Remember when you got suspended from your first day of school for putting a certain bully in his place? That’s the Alex I’ve always loved.” Hillary reached for her hand. “You’re brave, and loyal, and a good friend. You’re a lioness among hyenas.”
“So what should I do?”
“Well… I believe God gives us all second chances, so that we learn mercy towards others. But I also think that boy needs to be reminded he’s not above the law.”
Alex reached for the scrap of paper in her pocket and slid it across the table. “He doesn’t deserve mercy.”
Hillary paled as she read the words. She swallowed and slid it back to Alex. “That’s for the police to decide after they’ve finished their investigation. What I’m suggesting is when it comes time, will you be able to show mercy?”
Alex held the paper in her hands, reading the line over and over. Forgiveness when friends were wronged wasn’t one of her strong points. She still struggled with completely forgiving DeGelder for murdering Ashley. How was Brad any different?
When Alex caught Brad pinning another unwilling girl against her locker, she walked calmly up to him and lifted his arm enough for the girl to escape. Alex gave him an even stare.
“Bullying is never okay.”
“You think I’m the bully?” Brad asked in awe. “The one who did all this? Let’s look back, shall we? On the day you jumped me and humiliated me in front of the entire school; bullying. Every time you got in my face and called me names; bullying. You carrying on with Chunk, and Chapstick, when I was just trying to pick them up; bullying. You’re guilty on more counts than I am, half-pint. You’ve committed them all. Social, emotional, physical. Don’t think you’re innocent in Katie’s death, because you’re not.”
Alex grit her teeth, almost biting her tongue hard enough to bleed. She reeled back her arm, tightening her fist to send it sailing into him, but his hand caught hers. He squeezed her knuckles hard, twisting her arm with a sick smile.
“Thing is, shorty, I’m too important to this school for them to shut me down. I’ve carried our basketball team to championships so many times, they’d cut their hands off to keep me.”
Alex got right up against him with the nastiest look she could muster.
“I know what you did, Brad Hopkins.” She turned her back to walk away. “I have evidence, and I’m taking it to the police.”
Hopkins didn’t let go of her fist. “Wait.”
Alex stood still, tensing at his voice. She tried to wrench her arm away, but he held tight.
“Maybe we could talk this out. Cut a deal or something.”
She didn’t answer him. All these years she’d fought him every inch of the way, and now was it too much to ask to hear any bit of remorse in his voice?
“Please.” He let her go gently. “Just hear what I have to say. Everyone has their own side of the story.”
Everything in her screamed to just turn him in. Her gut was to run and not look back, then Alex thought of all the second chances she’d been granted in the last few years. How good could come from bad; the virus turning Promenade into superhorse, his foals due next spring, even Alex’s life at North Oak after a life on the run. If whatever powers that be saw fit to grant her second chances, shouldn’t she be a big enough person to give Brad one?
“Meet me at Boyd’s Branch on Saturday.”
THIS KISS
Alex poured herself into training with Joe. With her birthday days away, she had to nail this jockey thing. But secretly, it was really just a way to cut herself off from Carol and Dejado. She was still so mixed up inside, on top of the Katie thing, and having to deal with Brad this coming weekend.
She spent time with Venus Nights too, but even that wasn’t enough to keep her distracted. Avoiding Dejado was hard enough, without having Carol call her daily. Alex even took the bus to avoid driving with them.
In her mind, it was the only way to protect them from what was going on. If she distanced herself from Carol, then Carol’s reputation was protected. And Dejado? That was hard too, because she did want to spend time with him. And he was like a damn Visa credit card; everywhere she wanted to be. She feared he’d get the idea soon that she had to break things off with him, just for now. Just until Brad was done away with.
It never occurred that Katie had tried to do the same for her.
Alex spent time at school trying to track down the girls Brad had chased after the last year or two. If she could get them to agree to meeting with the police beside her, she’d have a fantastic case. No matter what Brad said to her this weekend, she’d use it as evidence. Let him say his piece.
The only thing that kept distracting Alex was Carol coming to North Oak daily. Not to see Alex, of course, but to leave her baffled why Carol was going to North’s manor house. Alex pushed it aside as long as she could. Until after school one day when she opened the Showmans’ front door.
Carol gave Alex a dead serious look.
“We need to talk.”
Alex huffed, storming back inside. It was a good thing there was a door stopper, because she hit it pretty hard. She chucked her backpack on her bed and rounded on Carol.
“What?”
Carol put her hands on her hips and tilted her head. It drove Alex mad. “You’ve been acting weird.”
“I’ve been acting weird?” Alex shouted incredulously. “You’ve been acting weird!”
Carol tipped her head back, groaning. “And here we go with our annual fight.”
Alex dug her fingers into her own scalp, yelling in frustration. She dove face-first onto her bed, burying into her covers. Would this day never end?
“You’ve been avoiding everybody. Ever since boys started noticing you…. Is it boys?”
Alex shrugged. It was everything. But sure, let’s go with boys. Maybe that would get her off her back.
“You know you’re not bad looking.” Carol sat beside her, laying a hand on Alex’s back. “You’re kind of handsome, actually. You’ve sort of done the swan thing.”
Alex tensed, dying inside a little. It was the first time Carol’s touch scalded her, and yet she didn’t want it to go away. Alex stood up and crossed to her window, folding her arms defiantly.
“Do you… like boys?” Carol asked hesitantly.
Alex rolled her eyes. “Carol.”
“It’s okay if you don’t,” she said quickly. “I’ll love you no matter what.”
“Then you’ll understand what I’m trying to do.”
***
As if staying away from Carol wasn’t hard enough, Alex heard something tap her window later that night. It was the slightest tink, but it happened every few seconds.
She p
eered out her window right as it got pelted by a pebble.
Dejado stood below, hoisting an old school stereo over his head. She could hear Frankie Valli’s Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You flowing through her glass.
It was Breakfast Club meets… well whatever Dejado’s style was.
Alex jogged downstairs, not even bothering to put her shoes on. “What are you doing?” she asked when she got outside.
Dejado opened his mouth and belted, “I need you, baby!” He set the stereo down beside him. “And if it’s quite alright…”
Alex crossed her arms at this ridiculous display, but a goofy smile taunted her from the inside. She glanced over her shoulder and blushed when she noticed Hillary peeking through the kitchen window at them.
Alex shook her head as Dejado continued.
“Don’t bring me down, I pray. Oh, pretty baby. Now that I’ve found you, stay.” The music softened, and he stepped toward her, untangling her hands from her sides. “Let me love you.”
He pulled her close, leaning his forehead against hers, staring into her eyes. He mouthed the lyrics, getting her to sway with him. “You’re just too good to be true…”
Dejado tilted her chin toward his, holding her in a trance until their lips nearly touched.
She broke away, shivering. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”
Dejado’s expression looked like she’d shattered his world.
“At least not now,” she added quickly. “Not until I figure myself out.”
“I hope you know, I’ll always be there to catch you. So if this is goodbye for now…”
Alex sealed her mouth to his… for now.
Hillary leaned against the counter drying dishes, as if she hadn’t been watching them the entire time. “You know you’re not supposed to date ‘til you’re sixteen.”
Alex shut the door, a little brokenhearted herself. “We’re not.”
