All of my attention hones in on that scrap of paper. Instinct tells me everything that has just derailed in my life is summarized on there, and for three whole seconds I can’t make myself move. I pinch my eyes shut, brace myself, and round my desk. It’s in her handwriting. My hand shakes as I lift it to the light and read.
I can’t honor my promise. I hope you’ll forgive me.
Goddammit, no!
I crumple the paper in my fist and drag my hands through my hair. I feel like falling to my knees, but somehow I remain standing. Of all the things she could’ve done, this is the last I expected. Charlie means too much to her. My feelings are a mess of tangled, electric wires. I’m about to short-circuit, explode, and burn out. I want to find and hurt her, make her pay for her betrayal and for what she’s putting me through. I’ll take the skin off her backside and drag her right back. This time, I’ll chain her to my bed until she understands the meaning of property.
Rhett and Quincy chase through the door, saving me from my dark thoughts. They both still at the state of me.
“What’s up?” Quincy asks carefully.
I lower my hands to my hips. It’s hard for me to speak. For a moment, I consider thrusting the paper at them, but I don’t want them to witness Valentina’s intimate rejection. I swallow, breathe in, and say, “Valentina’s gone.”
Quincy pales. “What do you mean, gone?”
It takes every ounce of strength I have to push out the words, and when I finally do, my mouth is bitter. “She ran.”
Rhett’s eyes go wide. “Fuck, no.”
Quincy is the first to get to his senses. “Did she say something? Has someone seen her go?”
“She left a note.” Since Quincy seems more in control than Rhett, I say, “Go to the guardhouse. Ask them when she left and how. With what? Did she go with a suitcase? Pull the tape. I want to know every fucking detail. Not a word to Magda or her guards.” A dribble of cold sweat runs down my spine as I say it. This is the opportunity Magda has been waiting for.
Quincy is out of my office in a flash. I’m tripping over my thoughts in the orders I’m thinking up for Rhett. Track her phone. Pull her bank records for the last six hours. Put out word with our informants. Before I can voice anything, Rhett steps forward. Something in his demeanor makes me pause. His shoulders are hunched and his eyebrows drawn together.
“Gabriel…” he starts.
This is going to be bad.
He pauses and licks his lips. “There’s something you should know.”
Those words make me want to kill him. He knows something and withheld it from me. I stand quietly, waiting for him to continue.
“I think…” He lowers his head. “Maybe… I don’t know for sure, but…”
My patience snaps. “Spit it out or I’ll shoot a hole in your goddamn tongue.”
He takes a deep breath and faces me. “Valentina asked me to buy her a pregnancy test this morning.”
I reel in shock. “What?” I heard him fine, but I can’t process what he told me. “Valentina thinks she’s pregnant?” I say more to myself than him.
“If you think about it, she’s been acting kind of emotional, lately.”
I let the observation sink in. She’s been through a lot with her accident and giving up her studies. Naturally, I attributed her sadness to those events. Now that Rhett mentions it, Valentina has been more tearful than usual. When I touched her last night, her breasts were bigger and tender, but I blamed her pending period for the changes.
Fuck me.
There are too many feelings assaulting me to make sense of anything––pride, joy, fear, hot fucking raving mad anger. If Valentina is pregnant and she ran, it can only be for one reason. I know how negative and depressed the women in my life felt about their planned pregnancies. How much worse must she feel about an unexpected one? She doesn’t want the baby, and she’s going to get rid of it.
Even if I expected the reaction, I’m filled with rage and heart-ripping anxiety. The rage is not for her, but for me. I could’ve prevented this disaster. I should’ve locked her up. I should’ve noticed when her disposition changed. I could’ve prevented her from killing our child, the child who is supposed to save her.
Pain rips through my insides when I think about losing an unborn baby, but I have no one but myself to blame. This is all my doing. I swapped her birth control pills for placebos. I deceived her in the most despicable way, and I’ll take full responsibility for her actions. No matter if she’s no longer pregnant, she’s still mine, and I want her back.
“Gabriel?” Rhett has taken two steps back and is standing at a safe distance closer to the door.
“Search every trashcan on the property.” There’s a good chance Valentina took the pregnancy test with her, but I need to be sure. “Find that test and bring it to me.”
I’m clear enough in my fucked-up state to realize I may be jumping the gun. There’s a chance she’s not pregnant, but I have to consider all options.
When he’s gone, I call the guardhouse and bark out commands. I don’t want the news to leak to Magda prematurely. Eventually, she’ll find out. Until then, I need all the time I can get or Valentina is dead. I punch in the details to activate the tracker software installed on my phone. Her tracker is goddamn dead, which can only mean she destroyed the phone. To be sure, I dial her number, but it goes straight onto voicemail.
The day I kicked down Valentina’s door in Berea, I gave her my phone to call her friend, the vet she’s been working for. I saved the number on my phone when she was done. Scrolling to Kris’ name, I dial the number with a shaking hand.
Her voice comes tired over the phone. “Kris, here. How can I help?”
“Gabriel Louw.”
She goes quiet at the mention of my name.
“Is Valentina with you?”
“Why would she be?” Panic enters her tone. “What’s wrong?”
I believe her. Her reaction is too genuine to be acting. “Is Charlie there?”
“You know he is.”
“I think you better check.”
“Even if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t tell you.”
“Listen to me, and listen carefully. This is not the time for games. Valentina’s life may be at stake.”
“You useless son of a bitch. I’ll bust your balls.” She carries on with elaborate and colorful insults that are interrupted by a lot of barking. I assume she’s walking through the clinic to the house. “I’ll mince you up and eat you alive.”
“Kris?” I keep my voice calm. “We both care about Valentina, each in our own way. Help me to help her.”
She grows quiet at that, and for a moment, so do I. It’s the first time I’ve admitted to anyone but myself that I care about Valentina. The words shock me, but they also free me. It’s out in the open. No more hiding.
She inhales and exhales. The air that leaves her mouth is shaky. Her verdict is short and sweet. It has a sense of terrible finality. “He’s gone.”
Jesus.
I raise my face to the ceiling and search for calmness within myself.
“What the hell is going on?” she shouts.
“Is there a note?”
I can hear her footsteps clacking through the house. “No. Nothing.” She’s shuffling things around. Something hits the floor with a thud. “Fuck-all. All Charlie’s stuff is here.”
“Stay calm. I’ll find her. Do me a favor. Call me on this number if you hear anything from her.”
“Why will I give you shit?”
“Believe me, right now, I’m her only chance.”
“The sad thing is I do.”
I cut the call just as Rhett reenters my office, a zip lock bag in his hand. He holds it out to me. “We found it.”
His solemn eyes tell me the news even before I reach for the proof. Two blue lines.
The air leaves my lungs. My weak leg twitches, and I have to grab the edge of the desk to maintain my balance.
I was right. Valentina could
only have left for one reason––to get rid of a baby she doesn’t want. It may just kill her if Magda has her way. It’s the exact opposite of what I intended. My fucked-up, ingenious plan backfired.
Quincy comes rushing back. Words fall like verbal diarrhea from his lips. “She left on foot four hours ago. All she had with her was an overnight bag. I tried not to raise suspicion, but the guards know something’s going on. I’m afraid…” He trails off as his eyes land on the bag in my hand. “Fuck. Is that what I think it is?”
“What now, Gabriel?” Rhett asks, his expression concerned. “What do we do?”
I don’t hesitate in my answer. “We get her back.”
“You better hurry,” Quincy says. “The guards made noise. By now, Magda knows.”
The stick with the evidence of Valentina’s conception in hand, I march to Magda’s office.
She sits behind her desk, scribbling on a notepad. “Valentina ran.” Her expression is smug. “We’re going after her with everything we’ve got. A team is already on the way to her brother.”
“Stop them.”
She throws down her pen. “Excuse me?”
I drop the evidence of my child in front of her. It takes her one second to connect the dots. In her eyes, I see her understanding. We both know I did it on purpose, and we both know why.
She pinches her lips together and leans back in her chair. “So, this is how you get what you want.”
“Call off your men.”
“You made a big mistake.”
“That’s your opinion, and you know I don’t care about what you or anybody else thinks. Valentina is going to be the mother of my child. From now on, she’s family. That wipes away her debt and keeps her and anyone remotely connected to her safe.”
I don’t say what I suspect, that the baby may already be gone. It doesn’t matter whether I bring her back pregnant or not. Eventually, she will have my child, even if it takes years and thousands of rands of fertility treatments. I don’t care. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know it’s a lie. I do care. I do care if she wants to be a mother. More than that, I care if she wants my child. Unfortunately, when it comes to life and death, we don’t always have the luxury of choice or answers to our questions. Maybe it’s better that I don’t know the answers. I already know I’m a monster, and she hates me. What I’m doing to her is selfish, wrong, and immoral, but I’ve never claimed to be a good man. I wanted her from the moment I saw her. I still do. More than ever. Letting her go is the one thing I’m not capable of.
Magda is still regarding me with contempt. I’ll go as far as to say with hatred. Even as she speaks, she picks up her phone and dials a number. “You foolish boy. This goes to show men can never be trusted. It’s too easy to lead them around by their dicks.” A ringtone sounds on her phone, followed by a curt answer. “Scott, turn back. The hit on Charles is off.” She listens to a reply. “We still want the girl, but bring her in unharmed.” She cuts the call and glares at me. “You do realize you’ve given all your power away. Now, she holds the power over you. I hope this makes you happy.”
It’s been a long time since Valentina took power over me, and a man like me can never be happy. I’ll settle for being content, and I’ll be that when I get my precious property back.
My mother needs to understand one thing. “If a hair on her head is harmed, I’ll take it as a personal attack on me and my family. All gloves will come off.”
“This can never have a happy ending.”
I don’t want to hear my mother’s prophecy, because it hits the instinctive knowledge inside me with a bullseye. “Just make sure your men understand. She’s my responsibility. Anything they find, anything they hear, sniff, guess, or divine, I want to know.”
“You will. I owe you a fuck you for getting tangled up between that whore’s legs and screwing this up for the family.”
I inch closer to the desk, towering over Magda. “Careful. You’re talking about the mother of my child. This is your last warning. Insult her again and you won’t like the consequences.”
The smile that cracks her thick layer of foundation is artificial. “I’d love to see how you explain this one to Carly.”
It’s a low blow. Since considering the possibility that Valentina may be pregnant, it’s something I’ve contemplated. I’ll have to lie to my daughter, telling her some rosy shade of pink bullshit story about Valentina and I falling in love, when in reality nothing can be further from the truth. There’s no way to ensure Valentina will keep her mouth shut about the circumstances of how we ended up in bed. I seduced her, but I did it against her will. There’s little difference between my kind of seduction and force. For all I know, she’ll take revenge in telling Carly how I stole, blackmailed, and tortured her for nothing but my pleasure, only so I can feed my sick addiction to giving her pain and orgasms. Her tears and pleas make me hard, but her climaxes make me explode. The combination of the two––her pain and pleasure––is the biggest aphrodisiac. Beyond that physical part, something else has started to develop, these things she makes me feel, like the agony that’s slicing through my gut right now.
“I’ll deal with it,” I say bluntly. “No one says a word to Carly but me.”
“Oh,” she snickers, “I wasn’t going to volunteer. I’ll leave the unpleasant task to you.”
“Good. I’m glad we understand each other.” I walk to the door and turn. My smile is as cold as her eyes. “Congratulations. You’re going to be a grandmother again.”
I don’t wait for her reaction. I go back to my study to start my own search.
It becomes apparent I have nothing to go on. Valentina destroyed her phone in no place other than that godforsaken area where she used to live, and she hasn’t touched the money in her account. Even though she couldn’t afford a plane ticket, I set up a search for travelers by plane and bus. Trains going farther than Pretoria are non-existent, so that leaves me with private taxis, but none in the Johannesburg area has crossed the city borders during the last few hours. My hackers plant bugs in electronic banking and medical servers to raise a flag if her and Charlie’s names pop up anywhere on the system. I inform my network of colleagues and police informants to be on the lookout and offer a huge reward for any information on her whereabouts. Then I drive to Kris’ house, who’s shell shocked. She shows me Valentina’s text when I finally convince her I’m only trying to keep Valentina safe, and demands to know why Valentina ran. I don’t tell her about the baby. For now, it’s best that only Magda, my bodyguards, and I know.
I take Rhett and drive to Berea. We knock on the door of every bar and business in a five-mile radius of her old place, but no one knows anything. By the time night falls, I’m sick. My concern is so great I can’t even hate her for it. I only want her back. She’s got no money, and the world is a very unsafe place. Valentina may be cold, hungry, or scared. She may even be in danger. Without money, her only option is a backstreet abortion, and those don’t come without health risks. Feeling defeated, I get behind the wheel and drive to an unbearably empty home.
2
Valentina
The drive is strenuous. Because of the state of the car, it takes longer to cross the country at a slower speed than the legal limit. My back aches, and Charlie is getting restless, but after seven hours the lights of Durban finally come into view. Just as well. We’re almost out of fuel. I have no idea where I’m going. I’ve only been here twice on holiday with my parents as a child.
A sign indicates the beachfront. The main beach will be much too dangerous with the criminals hanging around. I opt for one in a suburb and follow the road to a dark and empty parking lot. We can’t stay here in full sight. It’s asking for trouble. After circling the parking once, I find a spot where I can drive off the tarmac under some overhanging trees. The hiding place isn’t perfect, but it will have to do. I can’t go another kilometer.
Charlie makes a lot of excited noise when he realizes we’ve reached our destination. I have to silence
him like I did at home when we hid from the mob. Knowing he needs to stretch his legs after the long sit, I unlock the doors and help him crawl out from under the dense vegetation into the night. The tropical climate is warm and humid.
Hand in hand, we walk down the steep path to the beach. I use my penlight to illuminate our way, keeping vigilant and watching out for danger. You never know who lurks in the dark.
“Shh,” I say. “We’re not supposed to be on the beach at night. This is our secret, okay?”
Charlie nods enthusiastically. “Se–secret.”
We stop at the bottom of the stone path to take in the scenery. The moon shines over the water, casting a light over the white foam of the waves. I take a second to register the salty air and the crush of the water as it curls and breaks.
“Do you remember the ocean, Charlie?”
“Swi–swim.”
“It’s night.”
His tone becomes insistent. “Swi–swim.”
“Tomorrow, okay? It’s too risky at night.”
“Swi–swim!”
I take his arm. “First you need to sleep to build up your strength.”
I utter a sigh of relief when he allows me to lead him back up the path. Near the top, we climb over the sand, already wet from dew, to relieve ourselves in the dunes. Certain that the parking lot is still empty, I take him back to the car. For a second, he freezes.
“N–no.”
“We’re not going to drive anymore. I promise.”
He shakes his curls. “No–no.”
“Hey,” I nudge him with an elbow, “this is our big adventure. We’re camping.”
“Ca–camping.”
“Yes.” I take his hand and guide him back to the car. “Isn’t this exciting?”
I put the seats down and settle him in as best as I can, rolling my fleece into a pillow for his head and covering him with my jacket. When his soft snores fill the car, I allow my façade to drop. Pretending is exhausting. I don’t know if we’ll get through the night unscathed or where tomorrow’s food will come from, but worrying ahead is useless, so I simply focus on getting through the night.
Consent (The Loan Shark Duet Book 2) Page 2
