by Harmon, AJ
And she certainly wasn’t a ‘nobody’. His dad was right; she was marvelous. Did she think otherwise? Did she really believe he had taken pity on her? She really was fragile. His mom was right. He had left her in her room because he didn’t want to just fuck her and leave her. He didn’t want to mess her up, screw with her trip, give her anything to regret later. He had tried to do the honorable thing.
He ran his hand through his hair and leaned back in his chair. Women were complicated and he wondered what he should do, but he was interrupted by Angela’s voice through the phone.
“Excuse me, Mr. Latham? What should I order for lunch?”
Matt had asked her repeatedly to call him Matt, but she refused. She had told him that he was the owner of the company and her boss and he deserved the respect of her addressing him properly. She had been his secretary for over ten years and she’s the one that deserved the respect. She kept his life in order, a feat he would never have been able to accomplish himself. He trusted her with all of his business affairs and had never been made to regret that trust.
“Angela, can you come in for a moment please?”
“Certainly, Sir.”
The door opened and Angela stuck her head in. “What can I do for you?”
“Come in. Sit down.” Matt pointed to the leather chair in front of his desk.
Angela hesitated for a moment and then took her seat, a slightly puzzled expression on her face.
“I need to ask you a question and it is going to cross the lines of professional to personal. Would that be okay?”
“Well, yes, of course. What is it?” Angela’s face showed extreme surprise.
Matt didn’t quite know how to ask her, so he just laid it all out there. “I met a woman on the plane last week, the one I needed the number for?”
Angela nodded so he kept talking. “Well I took her to dinner a couple of times but then I discovered that her husband had died and…”
“When?” Angela blurted out.
“On Sunday evening.”
“He died on Sunday?”
“No! God, no!” Matt clarified. “I found out on Sunday that he had died.”
“So when did he die?” Angela was confused.
“Over a year ago?” He recalled Janie’s words to his mother.
“Ok, so, what’s the question?”
“Well,” Matt began. I don’t know if I should see her. She seems…a little…fragile.”
“But you’ve asked her to dinner a couple of times and she has said yes and gone?” Angela was still confused.
“Yes.”
“So what’s the problem?”
Matt rubbed his forehead and frowned.
“Is there really a problem here Matt, or are you just trying to make one?”
Matt straightened and stared at Angela. “You just called me Matt.” He grinned.
Angela immediately looked uncomfortable and apologized. “Yes, well, I wasn’t talking to you as my boss, but rather as a clueless man who obviously wants something and is too scared to reach out and grab it.” And with that she stood and walked to the door. “I’ll order you tuna salad on whole wheat,” she added as the door swung closed.
Angela’s words hung in the air, ‘too scared to reach out and grab it’. He wasn’t scared; apprehensive maybe, but not scared. Could he just grab it?
Janie’s life in Oregon had nothing to do with him. Why couldn’t he take her to dinner, show her ‘his New York’, or anything else? He wasn’t looking for any kind of relationship, nothing long-term or serious, but he enjoyed spending time with her and he thought that she felt the same. So couldn’t he spend a few days with her and then say goodbye when she went home?
*****
The Guggenheim was everything Janie had hoped for and then some. Cézanne, Monet, Picasso, van Gogh! How thrilling it was to see the masterpieces in person. Janie wandered up and down and up again, through the exhibits, each piece just as breathtaking as the last. She was very pleased with herself that she had ventured out in to the gloomy weather. After she had left Matt’s office, the rain had stopped and the clouds lifted and if she were religious at all, she would have thought it was some kind of divine message. Yes, it had been a divine afternoon. She had walked the streets of New York, been sprayed with water by a cab, just like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex & the City, and had seen the magnificent Guggenheim Museum. She had also said goodbye to Matt. It was good that she had been able to do that. He had helped her create some wonderful memories but that’s it all it was, all it ever would be. Just memories. He had probably already forgotten her and she would do her best to put him out of her mind and focus on enjoying the rest of her trip. She had a list a mile long to keep her busy and she was going to focus on that.
When Janie arrived back at the hotel, it was dark and getting cooler. She went up to her room and didn’t even bother turning on the lights, but went straight to the bathroom and drew a bath. She’d had a late lunch and a hot bath and an early night after her eventful day was just what she needed.
*****
Janie had dreamed of lying in a flower garden, a bright sun shining down on her, brilliant colors all around her. She woke rested and relaxed and stretched as she opened her eyes. Janie froze, eyes focused on the small table in front of the sofa. She sat up slowly and reminded herself to breathe; in and out, in an out. Throwing back the blanket, she stood up and moved cautiously towards the table, stopping and kneeling in front of it. There sat an enormous, spectacular, beautiful bouquet of flowers; roses, and lilies, and carnations, and asters, and germinis, and so many more, in an exquisite square crystal vase. Stunning!
Janie inhaled the scent and realized that these were the flowers in her dream. They must have been delivered yesterday. She leaned in close and took another deep breath, and saw the card, just poking out from behind a lovely pink lily. Her heart was beating a touch too quickly and her fingers seemed to have difficulty ripping open the envelope. Who would send me these? She wondered. She unfolded a plain white piece of paper and read the three hand-written words.
Forgive me? Matt
Forgive him? For what? Janie was very confused not sure what to make of the message. It was too early to call him at the office so she would have to wait. Scratching her head, she took another deep breath, filling her senses with the amazing floral array. She headed to the bathroom to take a shower because the hot water always helped her to think.
7.
Matt was at the office early. The Chicago deal needed to be signed and put to bed before any more surprises popped up. His attorney had spent all day Tuesday making the needed changes to the contract and Matt was reviewing it before it was expressed to Ben for signatures from the sellers.
Closing the portfolio, he was satisfied with the contract and opened up his laptop to check emails. Perusing through the list, he found one from his mom. The subject line said ‘the lovely couple’ and his interest was piqued. Double clicking, the email opened and a photo appeared on his screen, a beautiful image lay in front of him; soft light brown curls, big innocent blue eyes, a faint smile on soft pink lips. Her head was tilted slightly downward, giving her a look of insecurity, maybe? She was dressed in dark blue silk that hugged her breasts and allowed a glimpse of the soft mounds underneath. Sitting just above them was a single diamond pendant; simple yet elegant. Standing next to her he saw himself, an arm possessively around her waist, resting on her hip, and his eyes transfixed on her, a goofy grin on his face. Yes, Janie Anderson was one of the most breathtakingly beautiful women he had ever seen.
The caption underneath the photo said simply, Your father took this with his cell phone. Quite a clever man, isn’t he? Thought you’d like a copy. A genuinely marvelous girl, one worthy of my handsome boy. Love, Mom.
A quick knock and the door opened, Angela delivering a coffee. She placed the cup on his desk and paused.
“Morning Angela.”
“Good morning Mr. Lathem. Um, I was just curious how the flowers were rec
eived yesterday, if I might be permitted to ask?” Angela waited.
“Of course you may ask.” Matt smiled kindly but shook his head. “Haven’t heard from her.”
“Oh! Well, I’m sure …” Angela didn’t know what to say.
“It’s all good, Angela. Thank you for the coffee.”
She quickly retreated from Matt’s office and his eyes immediately returned to the innocent eyes looking back at him. Had the flowers been enough?
*****
It was finally 9am. Janie had been sitting on the sofa watching the clock on her cell phone for the last 13 minutes, willing time to go faster. She scrolled through the last few incoming calls; past Katy and Adam, Mom, and Tyler and stopped on New York, NY. She pushed the ‘place call’ button and waited. After she heard a click, the phone began ringing and anxiety washed over her. What would she say when he answered?
A familiar woman’s voice brought Janie back in the moment and she asked to speak to Mr. Lathem. The woman on the other end asked for her name and Janie responded quickly.
“Oh, Ms. Anderson, one moment please and Mr. Lathem will be right with you.”
There was recognition in the woman’s voice, and, maybe, relief? Janie was momentarily wary, but was immediately distracted with the deep, smooth voice speaking to her through the phone.
“Janie. What a pleasant surprise.”
“The flowers are lovely. Thank you. Forgive you for what?”
Matt chuckled, “Always refreshing, you are.”
“Matt, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’m sure it was me,” she whispered.
“What was you?” The smile had left his face and he wasn’t sure where she was headed.
“Whatever it was that you felt the need to apologize for with a million flowers.”
“Janie, you haven’t done anything wrong. You have been perfect. I’m the ass.”
“No!” Janie was horrified by his confession. “Absolutely not! You have been the perfect gentleman!”
Matt leaned back in his chair and rubbed his forehead. “No, it’s me. Janie, I’m the master of the game. The women I date are also masters. But you’re not.”
“Masters? Of what? What game?” Janie was totally lost.
Matt sighed. ”It’s like a dance, Janie. Two people come together, each knowing exactly what the other is after, each understanding the rules. They play, dance if you will, and when the song ends, they both walk away, each having gotten what they each wanted, no regrets, and just move on to the next partner.” Saying it out loud made him feel like a bigger ass.
Janie was still confused. “So, we danced and now the song is over?”
“NO! No Janie, I’m not talking about you! I’m talking about me, about how I, um, date. The women I date know exactly what they are getting up front, no pretexts, all out on the table. It’s just sex, Janie, it doesn’t mean anything, no commitment, no relationship. They know what they’re getting up front and still want to play.”
Janie cringed at his blunt words. “But we haven’t, didn’t…” She couldn’t finish the sentence.
“I know. It’s different with you and I didn’t realize that until I…” Matt stumbled, trying to find the right words. “Janie, I don’t want you to be just another, another notch on my bedpost, so to speak. I would prefer to have you as a friend rather than just one more conquest. I don’t have many friends. I need more friends.” He hoped that didn’t sound like begging.
“So you aren’t mad at me?” Janie squeaked.
“God no!”
“Oh,” she replied.
“Do you think you might allow me to take you to dinner this evening?”
“Well, yes. I would like that.” Janie blushed.
*****
It was as if a great weight had been lifted from Janie. She was relieved to hear that he wasn’t mad at her, or embarrassed by her. That had been her worst fear; that she had done something, said something that had him regretting his decision to take her to the fundraiser. It wasn’t her; he’d said it was him. And, he had asked her to dinner, tonight! She smiled at the thought of seeing him again.
Feeling much happier, Janie stepped into the elevator, ready for a new adventure in the great city of New York. She had arranged to spend the day on a sight-seeing bus tour of Manhattan, and had purchased her ticket online shortly after securing her plane tickets. Dressed in a pale yellow sun dress and a white cardigan and white sandals, she made her way out into the bright sunshine. According to the map on her phone, she had about 12 blocks to walk to the departure point of the tour bus so she followed the dot on her phone map guiding her in the right direction.
After several minutes, Janie had replayed the phone conversation of earlier in her mind over and over again. He wasn’t mad at her but rather admitted to being an ass, ‘a master of the game’. That phrase rolled around in Janie’s head as she tried to understand what he had been telling her.
Janie found the double decker bus, produced her reservation paper and took her ticket and map from the attendant. She climbed the steps to the top deck and found a seat in the open air, ready for a day full of sight-seeing. She and Robert had taken a tour bus just like this in Washington DC, when they had gone on a working vacation several years ago. She had enjoyed that trip immensely even though it was way too short. Janie sat looking through the map at all the stops on the tour; Chinatown, Rockefeller Center, Radio City Music Hall. Today she would get to see it all!
The bus filled with tourists and the tour guide proceeded with her scripted introduction as the bus pulled out into traffic. But Janie’s mind wasn’t listening. It was still dissecting Matt’s words. ‘Notch on my bedpost’, ‘just sex’, ‘no relationship’, ‘no commitment’, ‘move on to the next partner’. The concept was all very foreign to her. She had married her first love, her high school sweetheart, and they had lived happily ever after. Well, not really now, but it was happy until Robert had gotten sick, and then it was NOT.
‘It’s like a dance, Janie. Two people come together, each knowing exactly what the other is after, each understanding the rules. They play, dance if you will, and when the song ends, they both walk away, each having gotten what they each wanted, no regrets, and just move on to the next partner.’ His words confused her. Katy would understand; she would know what Matt meant. Since she had gotten divorced, Katy had dated a lot. She’d had several long-term relationships, but had refused to take it any further, deciding she wouldn’t get married again. In the beginning it was for the sake of her son. She didn’t want him hurt, or traumatized in any way by his mother’s actions. And then it was just because she enjoyed her freedom, enjoyed being able to play the field. Yes, Katy would understand, but she couldn’t call her. She couldn’t tell her about Matt.
I don’t understand this game, Janie thought. I don’t understand the rules. I don’t know how to play. I don’t know if I want to play. Matt admitted to being a master. He knew how to play the game. Hell, he probably made the rules! She hadn’t thought of him as a playboy, but he did fit the description. He was incredibly handsome, rich, smooth and sexy. He possessed all the traits and the women fell at his feet. Janie had experienced that first hand.
So, he’s a player. And he was honest about it. But what about the friend thing? Not wanting her to be a conquest, because he needed a friend. Janie had not come to New York to have sex with strangers, to fall in love, and definitely not to find a new husband. That couldn’t have been further from her mind! This was to be the landmark trip to begin again, to start over. She wasn’t looking for anything either, certainly not a relationship. But she had come to an awareness the past few days, one that Janie was finding difficult. She wasn’t just alone, she was lonely. She no longer had a husband, a best friend, a lover. She lived alone, she ate alone, she was alone. It was a sad realization.
The bus was passing by the Lincoln Center and Janie raised her phone and snapped some pictures. She really wasn’t paying much attention to the sights at all. Matt’s
words were still dancing around her head when a small light bulb went off in her brain. He wants to be friends. He doesn’t want to have sex with me! He doesn’t find me attractive! Oh God! Am I the ugly girl best friend that doesn’t make the wife or girlfriend jealous because the thought of their man sleeping with me is just laughable? Janie was horrified at the thought and tried to push it far from her mind.
*****
Janie was ready for dinner at 6:35pm. Matt had texted her in the early afternoon, telling her he would pick her up at 7. She was excited, nervous and still quite bewildered at his honest confessions on the phone. At least she had assumed he was being honest. And if he is still playing a game? thought Janie.
She checked her make-up once more and ran her fingers through her hair. She sprayed her favorite perfume, a sweet Givenchy scent, on her wrists and neck, and waited, trying not to think about games and dances and bedposts.
There was a knock on her door at precisely 7pm and little butterflies flitted through her belly. Standing on the other side of the door was a dashingly handsome man in charcoal grey pin-striped suit, a pale pink dress shirt and grey tie with pink fleur-de-lis. His hair was slightly damp and once again, Janie drank in his smell.
“Hello Matt,” Janie smiled.
“Good evening, Ms. Anderson. You are a looking particularly lovely this evening,” he said, looking all the way down to her shoes and then back up again, and smiled.
Janie had selected the other ‘little black dress’ she had purchased in Portland before her trip. It had small cap sleeves and a V-neck, showing just a little cleavage. It was clingy, but not tight and stopped just above her knees. She had opted for simple black peep-toe pumps that let her bright red toenails peek out, and the only jewelry she wore were silver hoop earrings. She grabbed her black clutch and turned off the light and Matt led her down to the waiting BMW.
Ray was leaning on the car as they stepped into the crisp night air. He stood and opened the door for Janie as she slid in and gave her a smile.
“Thank you, Ray.”
“Most welcome Ms. Anderson. I’m very happy to see you again.” Ray shut the door and walked around to the driver’s seat while Matt slid in the backseat beside her.
