I make a silent ah, looking to the floor. “I see.”
Axel turns away at the sound of Brigid’s voice in the hall. He ducks out the door for a second, and their voices drift in behind him.
“Buc said he’ll meet us down there. And I asked the werewolves to keep an eye on Kendry for you.”
“Thank you, Brigid.” He takes a step back into the room, his hand still on the doorknob. “Kendry, I just...”
“It’s fine, Axel. I get it.”
“Kendry—”
“Go.”
His dark eyes are closed to me again, unreadable as his face. He’s shut me out, now, when I need him the most. This isn’t my world, it’s his, and I have never felt more alone.
Whatever. I can deal.
Axel stares at me for a moment, jaw clenching. “Fine. But steer clear of Grittanis. He’s trouble.” And then he leaves.
I go back to my balcony and wait.
*
There’s only so much you can do by yourself in a room with nothing but a fireplace, a rug, and a bed. Even one with a balcony.
So after a few mind-numbingly boring hours, I decide I’m tired of following Axel’s advice. I’m sick of sitting or pacing, and napping, as tired as I am, is out of the question, thanks to my nerves. I need something to take my mind off Mom, and the inevitable question of Dad.
I can’t stop thinking about how she must feel even more alone than I do. If she’s even still alive, which is a possibility my worried and bored and over-stressed mind keeps leaning towards more and more the longer I sit here.
She has to be alive.
And Dad, well… I’m not sure I really believe Axel when he says he’s alive. Not sure that I’d prefer a live father who abandoned us to the dead one in my memory. That’s not comfortable headspace to be in.
So I have to get out, even if it’s only to walk around. Anything to distract me from my head.
Besides, Axel said not to wander too much. That implies wandering a little is okay. Right? I do try to find someone else, at least. Shelly is gone, probably off with Caleb. No sign of Thom either. Brigid and Buc are with Axel, presumably talking to the Conclave. Nobody’s around. So I wander.
A little.
And the castle is amazing. It’s everything a castle should be. Great stone archways, drafty corridors. It doesn’t take long for my little wandering to turn into a lot of wandering. Wing after wing of amazing tapestries, gorgeous stone scrollwork, stained glass windows, statuaries… Everything. Even suits of armor.
I’ve always wanted to roam around a castle. I can’t help it. Problem is, I’m so lost in meandering, that I don’t notice him.
“Kendry, isn’t it?”
Oh shit.
Grittanus steps out of the shadows, wings tucked tight, grey stone and black blending in so well. I have a moment of panic so severe all I can think is that I should’ve listened to Axel.
“I can see why he’s so…protective of you.”
He circles me, eyes traveling up and down my body, while I stand, frozen, and he appraises me like a painting, or a piece of meat. I’ve never felt so dirty as in the thirty seconds he takes to walk around me. He stops in front of me, far closer than I like.
“And do you speak?” His self-assured smile makes my skin crawl.
“Depends,” I say, still kicking myself inside, “on who’s asking.”
“Ah. And she even has a little fire. I’d expect no less.”
I toss my head a little. It’s a nervous thing, I used to do it all the time in drama, when I was worried about my lines. But he won’t know that, so I hope it comes across as self-assurance. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you are your father’s daughter.” His eyes travel up and down me again, and when they settle back on my face, I really don’t like the look in them. “Axelrod should have warned you not to wander.”
“He did. I don’t like being told what to do.”
Grittanus laughs, throwing his head back. “I do like your fire, girl.”
Lasciviousness. That’s what I see in his eyes. Question is, how do I get out of this mess I got myself into? I need a distraction.
“What’s with the two of you, anyway?”
He sneers. “Axelrod. He’s a disgrace and a fool. An insult to gargoyles. He embraces the new, the modern.”
“Nothing wrong with new or modern, is there?”
“You’ve lived too long among humans. Modern is cheap, shabby. It is disrespectful of all that is old and good. Modern doesn’t last. Look around you, Kendry.” His voice grows louder as he sweeps his arms wide. “This is old, built when things were meant to last forever. Built by peoples who live forever. Humans come and go, but we remain. Axelrod has never appreciated that heritage. He betrays us all by his love of the humans.”
“Why do you hate humans? I thought the Conclave’s position was that they wanted to live side-by-side with them?” More importantly, why is he talking to me like I’m not human?
Grittanus sneers, twisting his face into an ugly mask. “Humans. They are weak. Their lives are trivial and irrelevant. You would do well to cut off all association with them. They are not like us. They are not important. And soon, they will all be gone.”
I take an involuntary step back, and hit the wall.
“But I digress,” he continues, black eyes shining too brightly. “The Conclave will deal with Axelrod and his failures. You, on the other hand…” His eyes travel up and down me again, and he steps closer. I can’t help but flinch.
Whoa, boy.
“What about me?” When in doubt, go defensive. Right?
“I have plans for you, Kendry.”
Oh shit again.
“Kendry, there you are!”
Thank God.
“Werewolf.” Grittanus whirls around, snarling, clearly irritated at the interruption. Thom’s voice has never been so welcome.
Thom isn’t put off by Grittanus’ snarls. He smiles, and walks right up to me, taking my arm. “Been looking everywhere for you. Thought you might be hungry. And Shelly was wondering where you were.”
Grittanus glares, but steps back. “Of course, you should eat. We’ll speak more, later.”
Not if I can help it.
He gives me one last look, and turns away, stone wings sweeping wide through the passage.
“Damn, that guy gives me the creeps.”
I clutch Thom’s arm like a lifeline. “You have no idea. Thanks, Thom. Wasn’t sure how I was gonna get out of that.” Or if I was.
“Yeah, Shelly got really nervous when she couldn’t find you. Begged Caleb and me to look for you. Sniff you out,” he adds with a wink, tapping his nose. “Looks like it was a good thing she did.”
“No kidding.” I stare back the way Grittanus went. “I couldn’t find anyone, and wanted to look around the corridor we were in… Guess I got a little carried away.”
“Understandable. I mean the architecture alone is fascinating!” He says this with so much feigned feeling that I can’t keep from laughing.
“You’ve clearly been hanging out with Shelly and Caleb.”
Thom rolls his eyes, but it’s a good-natured gesture, and it comes with a laugh. “Those two. I would say it was painful, but I’d rather be stuck for hours with them making goo-goo eyes at each other and the castle, than spend five minutes with that smarmy asshole you found.”
“Right? I think I’d rather slit my wrists, and I’m not the suicidal type!”
“Schtick with me, kid,” he says in a decent Bogart impression, but ruins the effect by waggling his eyebrows. We both laugh, and then his face goes serious again. “Actually, you probably should. At least until Axel’s done with the Conclave.”
“I think you’re probably right,” I concede with a sigh. “I do prefer you to Grittanus, after all.”
“I should hope so! I’m way better looking,” he adds with a wink.
I shake my head at him. “Ah, now that’s the famous Thom Schrader
charm I remember from high school.”
“Mmm, yes. Too bad none of them knew I like to grow fur and run around in the woods for fun.”
“Yes, well. You never know. Some of them might have been into that. Their loss, I’d say.”
He smiles at me. “I’d ask if you were into that, but I think it’s pretty obvious where your interests lie.”
I blush and wince. “He’s just my guardian.”
“And I’m the pope.”
I stop walking and look at him, confused and slightly hopeful. “You and Shelly seem to be drinking the same Kool-Aid. Even if I wanted there to be something else, there isn’t. He doesn’t see me like that.”
Again, there’s that look of pity. Thom shakes his head, but his tawny eyes never leave mine. “If you say so.”
“There isn’t.” As much as I want there to be. But as distant as he’s been, I can’t let myself get my hopes up. I’ve lost too much. I can’t risk the disappointment.
He raises his hands defensively. “Okay, okay. But if you ever get the urge to run around and howl at the moon...”
I laugh. “You’ll be the first werewolf I come to.”
“Good.” The smile is back, like it never left. “Come on, before Shelly comes looking for us herself. Caleb’d kill me.”
*
Shelly didn’t come looking. She found Axel, instead.
“God above, Kendry! Didn’t I tell you not to go wandering off?”
“I wanted to look around a little! Nobody was here, and I’d been stuck—alone—in my room for freaking ever! I’m not a child, to be told what to do!”
I cringe, as Shelly backs out of the room with an apologetic look. I brush off her regret with a wave of my hand, but Axel’s shouting so loud I don’t even hear the door close.
“There are people and things here that aren’t so friendly to humans—especially not to you! You have no idea what parts of the castle are safe, what parts aren’t, or who to avoid. I’m trying to keep you safe, dammit!”
“Then talk to me! God, Axel! Is it really that hard? Does everything have to be such a damn big secret?”
Axel’s jaw clenches, and his eyes are hard. He looks like he wants to hit something. “They’re not my secrets to share,” he says through clenched teeth.
I throw my hands up. “Yeah, that’s what everyone keeps telling me. I’m getting sick of hearing it.”
“You don’t understand.”
“How can I? No one will explain it!”
“I can’t, alright?” he shouts, fists slamming into the wall on either side of me. The muscles of his neck are rope tight, and his eyes are blazing. For a fraction of a second, he loses the unreadable mask, and I see fear, frustration, and sadness flicker across his face. And something else, something I can’t put a finger on, because it’s gone too fast. “I can’t,” he whispers, begging me to understand. “It’s not my place. My job is to keep you safe.”
“I don’t understand,” I whisper back, begging him in turn.
“I know.” He turns away slowly, and I want so badly to reach out for him. “Promise me you won’t walk around by yourself.”
“I promise. Thom said he’d watch out for me, until you’re done with the Conclave.”
He nods, still turned away. “Good. I’ll be around in the evening, but I don’t know how many days this will take.”
Fun. “Besides, one encounter with Grittanus is enough.” I shudder. “He’s got some really weird ideas about me.”
Axel’s head whips around at the mention of Grittanus. “What do you mean?”
Bugger. “I, uh, ran into him. I didn’t mean to, he just appeared. He’s…creepy. Kept looking at me like… I don’t know. Something. It was disgusting. Kept acting like I wasn’t human, too.”
His eyes are burning now, and his jaw is clenching again. Without a word, he shoots out of my room, tearing down the corridor.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit.” I run after him, worried about what he’ll do. I can hear some of the others follow, but I’m focused on Axel, because he’s moving super fast again, and I can barely keep up.
He speeds through the corridors, as though he knows exactly where to go. And he must, because he finds what he’s looking for—Grittanus, waiting, and looking all smug.
“Axelrod.”
Axel tackles him. The force of it throws them out into an open courtyard, smashing into a fountain. The poor fountain never stood a chance. Axel flips him over, throwing him across the space, but Grittanus is fast. His wings fly open, catching him in midair. But Axel is there to meet him, fist smashing into the no-longer smug face.
A broad smile spreads across my face.
And then the real fight starts. Grittanus slams into him, bearing him to the ground. Axel’s fist crashes into him again, a killer blow to the head, but they’re gargoyles. Stone on stone, neither of them bleed or pass out or die. Axel continues to smash his fist into Grittanus’ head, again and again, until his grip loosens. And then his feet come up, tossing Grittanus off him.
They throw each other into pillars, into the air, pounding and smashing, each blow coming faster and faster, until they’re nothing but a blur of black and grey that rises and falls. I wince with every blow Axel takes, and cheer in silence with every hit he gives Grittanus. But it never ends, because they don’t get hurt.
Until the sun sets, and that burning ember look comes over them both.
Axel’s next blow lands hard, and Grittanus comes away bleeding.
Grittanus raises his hand to his face, looks at the blood on his fingers, and stares daggers at Axel. And Axel stands there, as if daring him to try. Instead, Grittanus spits.
“Stay away from her, Grittanus,” Axel growls, and walks away. He sweeps me up, not bothering to walk.
As we fly away back to my room, all I can see are the black eyes that follow us, full of Grittanus’ hate.
Axel doesn’t talk to me when we get back. He checks my door and parks himself on my balcony. I’m so confused it’s unreal. There’re a million questions burning holes in my brain, and I can’t seem to ask any of them. I doubt he’d answer, even if I could sort them out enough to ask. I can’t keep myself from going out to him, to where he’s sitting in the last of the dusky light.
“Thank you.”
He scoffs, eyes staring at the horizon. “You shouldn’t. Grittanus doesn’t forget anything, and he doesn’t forgive. He’ll probably try twice as hard to get to you now. I’m an idiot,” he adds, dropping his head.
I want so badly at this moment to touch him. I settle for stepping closer. “Still, thank you. I’ve never had anyone do something like that for me.”
He shakes his head. “I shouldn’t have. It will only cause problems.”
“If it does, it does. Thank you.” My hand settles lightly on his arm, and he finally looks at me, and then down at my hand. His larger one comes up, eclipsing mine. “Axel, I…”
“You should get some sleep,” he whispers.
Dismissal.
I stare at him a moment longer, before walking away. I can feel that pressure, the kind that comes right before the tears, and it’s everything I can do to hold them back.
I won’t cry. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t have feelings for me, and it doesn’t matter.
He’s just my guardian.
*
It’s dark when I wake up. Moonlight streams in from my balcony, casting vague shadows against the wall. The shadows shift, painting dark pictures that morph and slide in unrecognizable shapes. I watch them for a while, not sure what woke me, until a faint rustling by the window catches my attention.
It’s Axel, of course. The rustling I heard is his wings, fluttering open and closed. His body is a dark silhouette against a moon-bright sky. He’s beautiful, staring out into the night, and I can’t stop watching him. I know he doesn’t feel the same about me. But here in the silent dark, watching him, I can pretend I’m more to him than a job.
At least until he turns, and sees m
e looking.
“Kendry. What are you doing awake?”
I sit up and shrug. “Just woke up. Worried about Mom, I guess. What were you doing?”
“Keeping watch. Thinking.” His voice sounds kind of distant, distracted, and he turns back away from me.
I slide out of bed and tiptoe across the stone floor to the balcony. The moon is high, almost at its apex, and the way it lights up the forest around the castle is beautiful, casting everything in silver. “I still don’t really believe there’s a freaking castle in the middle of the Appalachians.”
Axel smirks. “Is it any harder to believe than the idea that gargoyles change in the moonlight, or that ghosts and minotaurs are real?”
That gets a smile from me. “Not really. It’s a different kind of…different.”
He gives me a quiet laugh, and we lapse back into silence.
“How long has it been?”
He turns back to me. “How long?”
“Since you were back here.”
He looks away as I lean forward on the balcony. “A long time.”
“Why did you leave?”
He doesn’t answer for a long time. The breeze blows through the trees, shaking the leaves that have begun to dry out. The only other sound is the chirping of crickets far below us. We stand there together, listening, until I’ve given up hope that he’ll tell me anything.
That’s when he answers.
“I made a mistake. And someone died because of it.”
“Oh. God, Axel…”
“It’s fine.” He waves me off. “It was over a hundred years ago.”
“Still.” I know I shouldn’t ask, but I can’t help it. “What, ah…what happened?”
He gives me a sad smile, and I wish I hadn’t asked. However long it’s been, it clearly still hurts him.
“I’d rather not go into the details. It was an accident, but I was her guardian, and she had been a good friend for a very long time. I wasn’t there when I needed to be. She fell, and I lost her. I blamed myself.”
“Axel…”
“I know. It was an accident. But if I’d been there, she would’ve been fine.”
He turns back to the night, letting the silence creep back in for a while.
ParaWars Uprising Page 9
