by T L Swan
“Yep.” I drain my glass.
“I reckon Brock is telling her how many ways he is going to fuck her tonight.”
My lip curls up in disgust. “I was thinking that, too.”
We both sit and watch Abbie and Brock deep in conversation as they sit on the next table. My best friend and my brother. God, it’s like a bad romance novel on crack.
I shake my head. “Don’t get me wrong, I love Abbie. But my brother? Seriously?”
Adrian sips his drink and shrugs. “Well, it’s not like either of them is going to get hurt. That’s got to be a plus.”
I frown. “I don’t want Brock getting attached.”
Adrian smiles brightly. “I hate to break it to you, but your brother is one of the most sexually dominant men I know. He’s not the one getting hurt.”
I screw up my face in disgust. “Do you think?”
He raises his eyebrows. “I know it. I’ve seen him in action.”
My face falls. “When?”
“A few times we have been out and here over the last week. Him and Cameron have been carving up.”
My eyes roam over to Cameron in the corner. He’s with two gorgeous Spanish girls. My guess is he wants both of them but will take one if its not offered. I’m surrounded by sex maniac players.
I drag my hand down my face in disgust. My eyes flick to Ben who is now openly furious at Bridget.
“What do you reckon is going to happen here?”
Adrian watches Didge dirty dancing on the dance floor. “She’s going to sleep with that guy.”
“No.” I frown. “Really?”
He shrugs. “She’s not wired like us two.Why the hell not?”
I nod. “Yeah, I suppose.”
Bridget comes stumbling through the club with her German on her arm. She’s tipsy and smiling like an idiot. My eyes assess her companion. He is ridiculously masculine.
“Hello.” He smiles.
I fake a smile in return and widen my eyes at Adrian.
Adrian mouths the words, “Oh my fucking god.” He licks his finger to signify smoking hot.
She bends over to retrieve her bag from the other side of the table and his hand slides down and cups her behind. He squeezes it, whispers something in her ear and she laughs.
His hands come around her from behind and drop to her hipbones and then lower.
“Get your fucking hands off her.” Ben growls.
Our eyes all snap to Ben. Shit. He stands next to us like the incredible hulk. Steam is practically shooting from his ears and his jaw is ticking in anger.
We look back to Bridget in horror. Oh no.
“Guard Natasha Ben and keep your eyes off me.” She sneers sarcastically.
She turns and leans up on her toes. “Lets go home, baby,” she says to her German.
My face drops in horror.
He smiles deviously and grabs her behind again.
Adrian’s and my horrified eyes meet, oh my fucking god. I look around in a panic and see Brock and Joshua both stand at the possible impending fight.
Ben walks right up to this guy’s face. “If you want to live… Get the fuck out of here now.”
“Make me.” The guy sneers.
Oh. My. God. Ben is not someone you mess with.
Ben grabs the German by his throat and holds him at least fifteen centimetres off the ground. Adrian stands in a rush and pulls me by the arm out of the way. Joshua grabs me from him and takes me to the wall and hands me to Max.
“Take Natasha outside.”
I shake my head in a panic as I see Ben go ballistic and punch this guy in the face. What the fuck is going on?
The table tips over and all the drinks smash on the floor.
“Ben!” I hear Bridget scream. Joshua grabs Bridget and she starts to wrestle with him.
The German punches Ben, but he responds, returning with three quick, hard punches.
Joshua wrestles with Bridget as Brock stands and watches, but doesn’t move to break it up.
Max grabs my arm. “Outside, Tash.”
“Break it up!” I yell.
Max looks at me with a this-guy-deserved-it look.
Max pushes me forward and I stumble out through the front doors. We wait around the side of the building as bouncers run in from everywhere.
“What the hell is going on?” I yell at Max.
Next thing I know, Bridget is being dragged out of the doors by Ben and pulled around to the side of the building.
They don’t see us.
“What the fuck do you think you are doing?” Bridget screams.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Ben yells in her face.
I shrivel. Shit, Ben is scary when he’s mad.
“I’m getting over you,” her voice cracks in pain.
Oh, pity fills me. My poor sister is hurt.
Bens face falls. “Bridget,” he says softly.
Her face screws up as tears fill her eyes. “Don’t!” she cries.
“I-I don’t want it to be like this between us,” he stammers.
She pushes him hard in the chest. “You did this. Not me.”
He runs both of his hands through his hair in frustration. “Bridget,” he repeats.
“Why, Ben? Why?”
His haunted eyes hold hers, their hurt evident.
“Answer me!” she screams.
“Come on, Natasha.” Max grabs my arm to stop me listening. They don’t even realise we are here. I snatch it away. “Shh.” I growl.
Ben shakes his head. “I can’t be…” He stops as if not knowing what to say.
“What?” she yells.
He doesn’t answer.
“You can’t be loved, is that it?” she cries.
“Bridget,” he says sadly.
“No. Don’t you dare Bridget me. You spent every night in my arms, and then when I needed you the most–”
He cuts her off. “It was my fault she went missing.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it. I’m going inside and I’m going home with that guy.”
“No!” he yells.
“Maybe I could depend on him. He wouldn’t leave me when I needed him.”
Ben drops his head and my heart breaks for him.
“I can’t be what you want me to be, Bridget,” he says softly.
“Yes, you can, Ben,” she cries.
“I’m not wired like you!” he yells angrily.
The tears run down her face. “Like what? To be loved. To be happy?”
He doesn’t answer.
“Is that the problem? I stupidly told you I loved you that night. Is that why you left me?”
Ben’s face falls as if remembering, and he drops his head. He stands still and doesn’t answer as he thinks.
I put my hand on my chest as my heart breaks for these two.
He looks up and, with renewed control, mutters the word, “Go.”
She screws up her face. “What?”
“Go home with him.”
Bridget’s shoulders slump in defeat. “Ben,” she sobs.
“Its not who I am Bridget. I can’t be that man.”
Bridget puts her head in her hands and starts to weep. Ben turns sadly and disappears inside. Max and I stand shocked as we watch him disappear into the darkness.
“Stupid prick,” Max whispers.
“Natasha,” Joshua calls me from behind and I turn and face my love. I’m so relieved that he and I don’t go through this shit anymore.
“Bridget,” Abbie calls as she comes round the corner in search for her friend.
“Take me and Didge home, boys.” I walk over and grab Didge into an embrace. She is openly heartbroken. I look up the lonely, dark road to home.
Oh, man, what a shitty way to end a great night.
Adrian
I watch him slowly slide his hand down her clavicle, his tongue skimming along her jaw. “I’m taking you home,” he breathes.
Abbie’s eyes flicker with arousal and I smirk at Nicho
las. Brock made his move as soon as his two sisters left. I had wondered how long it would take. This persona he has going on in front of the two of them is damn right humorous. They think butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth but, boy, have I got news for them. They turn their eyes to me as they walk over and I look away, pretending I haven’t been watching them make out for the last fifteen minutes against the wall.
“We are going to head off,” states Brock, his eyes glance around. “Where’s Cam?”
“He left with his friends.”
Brock smirks and raises a brow. “He’s in for a fun night.”
“I guess.” I smile.
Brock looks between Nicholas and I in question, then checks for the guards that are left. “You ok here, or shall I stay?”
“We’re fine. Peter and Greg are at the bar.”
“Ok.” He checks his watch.
“What?” I frown.
“I might just stay for a bit.”
I shake my head. “We are fine. You’re not here to guard us.”
His eyes flick to Abbie and she raises a a brow in question.
I smile. Abbie is good to go and somehow, I think Brock is in for a long night. The poor bastard’s going to need painkillers tomorrow when she is finished with him.
Christ, Natasha and Didge are going to flip.
“We will leave after we finish these drinks,” Nicholas replies to ease Brock’s nerves.
He looks around again and then focuses back on Abbie, his eyes dropping down her body. She’s as gorgeous as ever in a skin tight dress, and I can see him doing an internal risk assessment. Hmm, guard Adrian or go home and fuck a hot sex maniac? She wins. “Ok. Catch you both later,” he replies.
Abbie bends and kisses me on the cheek. “Holy shit,” she whispers in my ear.
I smile and Brock tugs her hard by the hand. “Hurry up, woman,” he snaps.
She looks at me and smiles like the cat who got the cream as he drags her out, caveman style.
“That leaves us.” Nicholas smiles.
My nerves start to thump. Time alone with Nicholas is dangerous. I just don’t know how much longer I can resist him for.
His knowing eyes hold mine. “I have something to tell you.”
I stare at him and sip my drink. “Ok.”
“As you know I am flying out tomorrow.”
I nod.
“What I haven’t told you is where I’m going to.”
I frown into my glass.
“I thought you would have asked me,” he says, as though he is hurt.
“Where are you going, Nick?” I smile.
He hesitates. “I’ve taken a position lecturing at a University for twelve months.”
My grin widens. “That’s good.”
“In London.”
My face falls. No.
He grabs my hand over the table, clearly sensing my hurt.
I drop my head. I don’t even know what to say to him. Go. Don’t go. Why?
“I understand why you have pushed me away,” he whispers.
My sad eyes meet his. That makes one of us then.
“I’m in love with you, Adrian.”
My heart does a somersault and we sit still, staring at each other sadly. I have no words – nothing that will make sense, anyway.
“Why are you going then?” I can’t stop myself from asking.
“Because… since I have been back and spent some time with you and your family…”
“They aren’t my family.”
“These people are your family, Adrian.” He squeezes my hand. “They love you.”
I smile sadly.
“I know what you need.”
I frown. “What do I need?”
“You need to be loved wholeheartedly.”
My heart sinks.
“And I can do that.”
What is he saying? I don’t understand.
“But I need more time.”
I feel the lump in my throat start to hurt. He needs more time. Not ‘I love you and I’m staying.’
I nod. “I know.”
We sit still as our silence speaks volumes.
“He was a lucky man,” I whisper. His eyes glaze over. “To have you love him so much.”
“I love you, too. Babe. Please don’t ever forget that.”
“But,” I whisper.
“But I’m not ready to give up his memory yet.”
I nod as the tears fill my eyes. Stop it, for fuck’s sake, stop it.
“I know you may not be here when I get back…” He hesitates as if the next sentence pains him. “You may meet someone else and fall madly in love.”
“And then what?” I dare him to go on, angry that I’m so in love with someone who is emotionally unavailable.
“Then I will mourn the loss of you.” His eyes hold mine. “It will be the biggest regret of my life.”
Fury starts to pump through my blood. He’s willing to take that risk. I sit still, unable to talk, unable to articulate what it is that I want to say. I don’t even know what to think. I knew he wasn’t ready and that’s why I pushed him away. And now he is being totally honest and all I want to do is beg him to come back to me. Hell, this is one fucked up situation.
His eyes hold mine. “Say something,” he begs.
I shake my head and stare at him through blurry eyes. “There’s nothing to say Nicholas,” I whisper through my hurt.
He grabs my hand again and lifts it up to kiss the back of it. “Can we stay in contact, please? I need to hear your voice.”
I frown and rip my hand from his grip. What he is telling me is that he doesn’t want me but wants to hold me on ice until he’s ready.
“No,” I reply coldly.
His face falls.
“Don’t call me, don’t visit me.”
“Adrian, no,” he whispers.
“Nick.” I pause. “I can’t be the reserve. I can’t be the backstop. If you come back to me, come back to me with a full heart, not half a heart.” My voice cracks as hurt pierces through my chest. “I deserve a full heart, Nicholas, because that’s what I give.”
His eyes tear up. “I know, babe.”
I stand in a rush. “I’m leaving.” I need to get out of here before I make a full-blown fool of myself and beg him to stay. I look around for Peter, where is he? I see him against the wall, signal that I’m leaving, and point to the door. He nods.
I leave the club in a rush and jump in a cab with Peter. I don’t look back and I don’t wait for Nicholas. My heart just couldn’t bear it.
It’s three am, I have been for a swim and am now in the shower. Nicholas’ door was shut when I came in from the pool, so he must have come home and gone straight to bed.
I’m crushed, but also relieved at the same time. I did the right thing. I had regretted my decision to push him away, but he just confirmed what I knew all along. I wish I could talk to the girls. I think I might go next door and crawl into bed with Bridget. We can nurse our broken hearts together. I need to be with my people and lick my wounds.
The bathroom door opens and I turn. Nicholas stands amongst the steam in a pair of boxer shorts.
My breath catches but I don’t cover up. I want him to see what he’s missing out on. This body was his once.
He closes the door behind him and walks over to the shower. It’s a walk in shower with no screen door and double showerheads.
His eyes drop, searching hungrily down my body, and I feel the pull of his arousal.
“Adrian,” he whispers as his haunted eyes look straight through my soul.
I stare at him. “I need to say goodbye to you properly. He whispers.”
I swallow the lump in my throat as my eyes drop to the obvious erection in his shorts.
He moves forward and his thumb brushes over my nipple and up to cup my face.
“Let me say goodbye, my love.” He leans in and takes my lips in his. We kiss, slowly, his tongue tentatively meeting mine. “I need to say goodbye.” He whis
pers again, and I feel the blood rush to my cock as my body goes into sensory overdrive. “I need you.”
My eyes close. Oh God, I need him, too.
“Adrian, please. I’m begging, let me say goodbye to you.”
That’s it, I can’t take it. I grab the back of his head, pull him into the shower and pin him up against the wall. We kiss almost violently, and I rip his shorts down his legs only to be rewarded with his huge, thumping penis stretching up against his stomach. His dark skin is rippled with muscles and my hand runs over his abs and down to his cock where I begin to stroke him hard. He hisses in approval as his hands drop to mine.
I need him, more than anything.
He wants to say goodbye to me then he’s damn well going to remember it for a very long time. Never have I been with a man who is so perfectly, sexually suited. For ten minutes we kiss as if our lives depend on it until I can’t take it. I need more and I need it now. I grab his head and push him down to his knees, his grateful dark eyes hold mine and a shudder runs through me just knowing the pleasure he is about to bestow on me. Nicholas Anastas is one hell of a lover.
With his big red lips, he takes me in his mouth and I grip the tiles to keep me on my feet. My head falls back in pleasure. God, he feels so fucking good, it’s been too long since I’ve been in his perfect mouth. His tongue sweeps over the end of me before he bares his teeth.
“Fuck, I need you.” He growls around me.
I rip his head back by the hair, bending down to kiss him violently. “Shut up and suck me.”
Chapter 5
Natasha
It’s slipping.
The relief at being found alive, the elation to marrying my love, the mask. I feel as if I am locked in a room and poisonous gas is being slowly pumped in through a tiny hole, each hour that passes making it harder and harder to breathe, to carry on as normal. I look to Joshua who is naked and fast asleep next to me. My oasis in this desert. I love him so desperately.
Last night I woke to find him sitting in the chair next to our bed in total darkness, watching me silently. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. I knew exactly how he felt and I’d held out my arms for him. He came to bed and we held each other tightly. It was as if the tighter we clung to each other, the further we could push the darkness away.
If only.
We are both playing the game, living the charade that all is well, neither one of us wanting to spoil our honeymoon for the other. We’re refusing to let the trauma win.
