by Zoey Ellis
Thea swallowed. “Zak, he ripped my clothes off me today and dragged me to the bedroom when I didn’t respond to him kissing me. And he couldn’t tell if I wanted to have sex with him or not.”
Zak’s whole body tensed and he closed his eyes for a moment. “Did he—”
“No.”
He opened his eyes, relief filtering through his body. His voice was a whisper. “Shit, Thea…”
“But you see why I am asking about this… last resort.”
Zak nodded, though dismay distorted his features. “Thea, I… He wouldn’t… That kind of mating with you would be… unsatisfactory to him.”
“I know.
The silence returned, although this time it seemed mournful.
“I won’t do anything without talking to you first, Zak,” Thea said. “I don’t even know how to do it. I want to speak to him first, and if I can wait until after the assignment, I will.”
“What about the Thrones?”
Thea shrugged. “I have to do what’s best for him. And they haven’t even summoned him yet.”
“They wouldn’t summon him while he’s on an assignment. Not about a mating request.”
Thea took a breath and nodded. “Thank you, Zak. For all your help.”
She turned and left, her mind reeling with all the thoughts crowding her. A desperation clawed her insides—she had to do something, anything, to help Cam, but what? Could she really force a mating on him? Thea took a few deep breaths and steadied her mind before taking to the air and heading to the nearest portal.
There was only one person who could help her with all of the decisions that she faced, and it was a person she had basically abandoned. Amber. She needed to speak to her friend. She knew she shouldn’t leave the Angel Realm—she should really tell Zak—but with the development of her new ability to sense angels and demons, and all that was going on with Cam, she was desperate enough to risk it. The portal would take her close to the apartment and the apartment itself was protected so she should be relatively safe.
Firming her nerves, she went through the portal and flew to Amber’s place.
It was early evening, though she couldn’t tell what day it was. Although her flight didn’t feel any different from how she flew in the Angel Realm, everything around her felt real. The Angel Realm was too clean, too pretty to feel real. Here, lingering trash rolled on the streets, the air was harsh with a bitter coldness, and a whipping wind carried the coarse, potent odors of the city to her nose. A stirring of nostalgia twitched within her, and Thea found herself wishing she could come back just to walk the streets and soak up the city. She had spent so much time on these streets that she knew them with her eyes closed. Plus, on the streets she had been largely invisible; there was a freedom she had then, that she didn’t have now. She smiled grimly. She was practically an angel, living in the place closest to Heaven with the most stunning, although conflicted, warrior angel and she was missing her past life.
When she arrived at Amber’s, she went upstairs in the apartment building and knocked on the door, preparing herself for Amber’s reaction. Based on her calculations, it had been around two years in the human world since she’d last seen her, and although Amber was understanding, she would most likely be pissed that Thea hadn’t even called, especially when she’d been to see her father recently.
Amber answered the door. Her blond hair had grown longer and seemed a little darker and messier than normal, but she still looked like the Amber Thea knew, and a gladness filled her as soon as she saw her. Amber’s green eyes widened and she gasped, froze and then let out a happy squeal and threw herself at Thea. Thea caught her and hugged her tightly.
“Thea!” said Amber, pulling back and beaming at her. “I’m so mad at you!” She tried to be serious but couldn’t stop grinning.
“I know,” Thea said, grinning herself. “I was just standing here thinking how you might punish me.”
“I’ll think up some ways, don’t worry,” Amber said, wagging her finger. She hugged her again and sighed, tears filling her eyes. “I missed you so much. You missed our birthdays, damn you.”
Thea’s eyes began to sting. “Don’t start, Ambs, or you’ll make me go.”
Amber whistled, looking at her with a look of shock and confusion. “Wow, things have changed. You’re the woman with the steel heart, remember? You don’t do crying. Come in.”
Thea followed Amber into the apartment, noting all the different changes from when Thea lived there. It was warmer and cozier and definitely more colorful. It had personality and felt—homely. The smell of baking wafted through the apartment, making Thea’s mouth water. As she turned into the living room, she froze, shock hitting her hard. In the center of the room on a playmat, surrounded by toys, was a chubby toddler. She looked up at Thea with the most beautiful brown eyes, filled with wonder, lifted her barely-there eyebrows and then giggled heartily before holding out a toy.
“Oh sorry,” Thea said, turning to Amber. “I didn’t know you were babysi-” Then she noticed that toys were strewn around the room. A pushchair was folded next to the door and a baby-changing table had been set up in one corner. Also everything in the apartment had been baby-proofed.
“I’m not babysitting, Thee.” Amber picked up the child and walked back to Thea. ”This is Madeline.” She bounced Madeline on her hip. “Say hello to Thea, Maddy.”
A twist of something moved through Thea as she stared at the little girl. Madeline grinned and held out her toy, insisting for Thea to have it.
“Hello Madeline,” Thea said, almost whispering. “Aren’t you beautiful?” She took the toy and Madeline clapped with delight. Her hair had been bunched into two puffy pigtails, it was browner than Amber’s, and had a tinge of red. Thea looked up at Amber, who was completely sober now. And in that expression, she looked different—shrewder maybe, definitely more mature.
“You missed a lot, Thee.” Amber’s voice was a serious whisper.
Tears did form in Thea’s eyes then. She tried to speak but her throat wouldn’t let her.
“I understand you needed to get away,” Amber said, watching her closely. “I wasn’t going to be around anymore with my new job, you had no one to look out for and maybe you didn’t want to be alone in the same old life in our neighborhood, I get it.” Madeline gurgled, reaching back for the toy. Amber bounced her on her hip, but kept her eyes on Thea. “But you couldn’t call for a year and a half? Seriously?”
Thea’s vision became blurry and guilt tore into her. Madeline gurgled, then shrieked, demanding the toy.
“And then you go and visit Dad without so much as a text to say you’re back in the country? And then disappear again.”
Thea blinked in surprise, tears dropping from her eyes. “Dad?”
“He told me to call him that,” Amber said, her voice a touch softer as her eyes filled with tears. “So I guess I really am your sister now.”
Thea’s hand flew to her mouth as the tears broke through. Her dad, with his improved memory, had accepted Amber into their family, which was something Amber had always needed. None of her foster families had. She’d never had someone to call dad before, but she clearly cared enough about Thea’s dad to visit him solidly for over two years. Maybe they had developed the kind of relationship that Thea had always wished she had with him—the relationship she hoped she could still have now that his memory had improved—and that was too perfect for words. Her chest threatened to burst with joy as the sobs racked her. Amber burst into tears and pulled her into a hug. They cried into each other’s shoulders while Madeline patted Thea’s arm and babbled for her toy.
“Crybaby,” Amber muttered to Thea with a grin as she pulled away.
That made Thea laugh and cry harder. “I’m sorry, Amber,” she said, as soon as she could breathe. “I couldn’t call while I was away, and when I came to see Dad, it was… difficult. I hadn’t even spoken to him since I left, whereas I’d spoken to you more recently. Then I had to leave again straight aw
ay.”
Amber searched her eyes for a moment and nodded.
Thea took Amber’s hand, squeezing it hard. “But you know you’ve always been my sister—Dad’s just catching up.”
“Good,” Amber said. “Because you’ve been neglecting your duties as Aunt.” She pushed Madeline into Thea’s arms and walked into the living room, leaving Thea staring into those beautiful eyes with a mild panic building.
***
“Are you… living with someone or married or something?” Thea whispered.
They stared down into Madeline’s cot. She sprawled out, making little raspy grunts at the back of her throat as she slept.
Amber shook her head. “First, there’s no way I’d let you miss out on the stress of being maid of honor. I’d wait forever to see you go through that shit.”
Thea poked her and they both laughed as gently as they could.
“Second, no, it didn’t work out with Ethan, her dad,” Amber said. “I’m single now, but we’re still in touch. He’s picking up Maddy tomorrow morning; he has her on the weekends.”
“What day is it?”
Amber shot her a puzzled look. “Friday.”
Thea nodded. She needed to go back by Sunday in case Cam returned. Hopefully, she’d be able to talk to him.
“Oh no,” Amber said leaning up from the cot. “That look isn’t good.”
Thea frowned. “What look?”
Amber beckoned Thea out of the room. She ordered Thea over to the coach and then fussed over the bread she had taken out of the oven. She fixed a platter of cheese and crackers and poured them two glasses of red wine.
“Since when did you get so posh,” Thea said, staring at the platter in amazement.
Amber snorted. “I work in food now. This isn’t even close to posh.”
Thea picked up a slice of cheese and settled in, leaning against the back of the comfortable sofa and sipping her wine while she took in her oldest friend. Amber looked beautiful. Apart from her hair, she looked pretty much the same. Dark golden blond curls, glowing skin, green eyes, feminine demeanor. The last few months she had been with her abusive boyfriend Leo, who had also turned out to be an Asmos demon, had wrecked her somewhat. She had been miserable, subdued and tense all the time. But now she was like a new person—not quite the old Amber she had grown up with, but still settled within herself; she radiated with an inner happiness and her smile came easy. Motherhood definitely agreed with her and a gladness rested on Thea to see her friend so content.
“So what have you been up to?” Thea asked eagerly, wanting to know everything.
“Well,” said Amber, before sipping her wine. “Besides taking care of Madeline, I’m a caterer now.”
“Really?” asked Thea. Amber had always loved cooking and working with food. Catering sounded perfect for her. “That’s like sorting out food for parties and stuff, right?”
“Yep.”
“Cool, just making a mental note for when I’m maid of honor…”
Amber laughed.
“Do you like it?”
“I love it,” said Amber. “It’s busy but I work with some great people and I get to come home to Maddy.”
“That’s great, Amber,” said Thea, taking her friend’s hand and squeezing it. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks,” said Amber, her eyes sparkling at Thea. “I’m really glad I got that job after Leo left. It was the start of everything good that’s happened.” She smiled, almost to herself, and Thea’s heart squeezed at the sight. Her friend was happy—truly happy.
“Tell me everything about Maddy, pregnancy, labor, everything,” Thea said, tucking her feet underneath her.
Amber sighed, as if wondering where to start, but she began with Ethan and what a good guy he had been. Thea listened and asked questions until she got the full picture around Maddy’s birth and naming her and having a newborn. It felt strange for her friend, the family that she had grown up with, to have gone through all of that without her. Of course, that experience was bound to have changed her; a lot can happen to change a person in two years, even though it had only been about three months for Thea.
“And what about you?” Amber asked, after they’d finished giggling about Ethan changing a diaper for the first time. “Tell me about all those places you’ve seen and all the people you’ve met.”
Thea launched into detail about things she’d seen while searching for her mother’s charges, even mentioned some of the quirkier people she’d met. Amber laughed and gasped and asked all the right questions, poured them more wine and it was, to some extent, like Thea never left.
“You know,” Amber said, giving her a sneaky side-eye. “You keep saying ‘we.’ Who is ‘we’?”
Thea froze and then flushed. Shit, she’d talked, indirectly, about Cam.
“It’s a boyfriend, isn’t it?”
She nodded and Amber pressed her lips together in excitement. “Is he the reason why you’ve stayed away so long?”
Thea nodded again.
“Is he… the one?”
Thea smiled and then nodded slowly.
Amber squealed, tensing every muscle as she curled on the couch, and then hugged Thea kissing her on the cheek. “Congratulations, Thee, I’m happy for you. What’s his name?”
“Cam.” Thea returned her smile “He’s so… perfect, Amber. I can’t wait for you to meet him.”
Amber insisted Thea describe Cam to her in full, and while Thea was doing so, the worry that had disappeared the moment Amber answered the door returned.
“What is it?” Amber asked searching her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“He’s definitely the one,” Thea began, “but he has issues.”
Amber sobered. “What kind?”
“His… fiancé died a little while ago and he blames himself. He won’t let go of that pain and it’s become the only way he knows how to function.”
“Does he recognize that?”
Thea lifted her shoulders. “Kind of… he knows it’s there but he just says that it’s a part of him and he can deal with it.”
“Can he?”
“No,” Thea said. “And it’s getting in the way of our relationship.”
Amber opened another bottle of wine and filled their glasses. “Is it something you can help him through? Or will he see someone about it, like a professional?”
Thea sighed. “He won’t do anything about it and I’m trying to help him… I’m trying to decide if I should force him to accept help.” The forced mating idea seemed like an option, but it was also a horrible thing to do to someone. Would he hate her for it?
Amber took a sip of her wine, thinking for a moment. “If he’s truly the one, don’t force him into anything, Thea.”
“At the risk of our relationship breaking down? At the risk of…” Thea was about to say, at the risk of her safety, but that would sound too much like Cam was abusing her. He’d never do that. She blinked. Or maybe he would…
“Look,” Amber began, “I thought I could force change on Leo. I thought I could be the one that could nurture all the good things I saw in him and get him to change, but it was never gonna happen. It was just too ingrained in who he was. Now, with Cam, maybe he wasn’t always like this, but traumatic experiences change people, Thea. That event with his fiancé dying could have changed him permanently. It might be that the pain is always there, you just don’t know. The important thing is you’re able to deal with him as he is now. If you can’t, he has to be the one to choose to change for you.” Amber took her hand. “And if he can’t or won’t then, I’m sorry to say—he isn’t the one.”
Thea’s heart sank. Everything Amber said was true. If Cam wasn’t willing to connect to the Stream for her, for them, what was the point in trying to force mating on him? Furthermore, if both Cam and Zak claim he would be reasonable after the assignment was finished, why didn’t she want to wait until then before discussing all this with him properly? She thought back to all the changes in Cam’s
behavior and the truth came to her in a sudden rush. She was worried that if she waited, if he did anything else before the assignment ended, she would become scared of him. Once that happened, all the trust she had in him, all the confidence that he would look after her, would be gone. And their relationship would probably flounder and die. There’s no way that her Cam, the Cam she knew, would want that, but whether he would want a forced mating instead… she just didn’t know.
“Uh oh,” said Amber, shifting her body on the couch so that she was sitting cross-legged and facing Thea. “There’s that look again.”
Thea glanced at Amber, her eyes refocusing on her.
“What look?”
“The look that says you’re not looking forward to making a decision.”
Thea took a breath. “He’s done so much for me, Amber. I feel like I need to help him now he’s going through this.”
“That’s what I used to say about Leo, remember?”
Thea made a noise in her throat and turned away, taking a sip of her wine so Amber wouldn’t see her annoyance. Cam was an angel with rage issues, yes, but Leo had been a demon. They couldn’t be compared, though Amber wasn’t to know that.
“You’re leaving again soon, aren’t you?” Amber said, quietly.
Thea nodded. “My home is with him now.”
Amber gaped at her, then her mouth spread into the widest grin. “That’s the sweetest fucking thing I’ve ever heard you say! Who are you? Where’s my hard-as-nails Thea who would tease me for all those cheesy lines I quote and for making her put up with all the cheesy movies and ballads I love?”
Thea chuckled. “She’s in love.”
Amber sighed, her eyes filling with tears. “Awwww!”
“Not again, Ambs,” Thea muttered, rolling her eyes and laughing as Amber melted into the couch.
***
Thea stayed the night with Amber and, in the morning, helped her get Maddy ready for her weekend with her father. Ethan seemed like a nice enough guy and was pleased to meet Thea. After Maddy left, Thea and Amber spent the day tidying up, lounging around and chatting about everything, the tiniest things that they would have normally shared with each other throughout the two years. Amber had planned to spend the day trying new recipes and Thea encouraged her to still do that, since she didn’t want to leave the protection of the apartment. She tried to help, but baking wasn’t her strength. The banana bread and chocolate chip muffins she made were ridiculously sub-par to Amber’s Black Forest cake and Marble cake.
