I was given no chance to respond as she pulled me forward by my shirt. Wiggling back onto the bed she drew me with her and I gladly lowered myself onto her precious body.
Chapter 31
Ella
Part of me was terrified that Jax would push me away. He had been so slow and gentle with me prior to the night of the tree lighting, when all I had wanted was his raw male heat and passion. I had been watching his eyes carefully since coming out of that bathroom and I had observed every look of longing and need. He wanted this as much as I did and as his mouth pushed hard against mine, as his tongue explored my mouth, I knew I was done for as far as Jax was concerned. I could never leave him and he would never allow it anyway. I was his and he was mine, it was that simple.
Jax nipped my lower lip and led a trail of kisses to my battered cheek, across my closed eye lids and to the other side of my face where my scar echoed the memories of my previous battles. His kisses continued down my jaw and to the sensitive line of my neck where fresh marks stained my skin. He kissed them tenderly before finding a path that led to my arm. I tensed when he reached the first of my scars there, the spot where hate had found its way into my soul, where I had weakened and attempted to cut the revolt from my body. He began kissing the marks on my skin, kissing the parts of me that weren't beautiful, that not only maimed my skin but branded my spirit and with every single touch it felt as though he was fixing me, replacing the ugly with something beautiful, making me whole again. Once he was finished on one arm, he crossed my body and began on the other. After what seemed an eternity, he pressed his lips to my chest. My fingers gripped at his long blonde hair as his hands crept up under my singlet, his scorching fingers slipping across my ribs and ever so slowly to where I needed them most, but he didn’t touch me there yet. Instead he pushed up my singlet and I raised my arms, letting him draw the thin fabric from my body. Then finally, blissfully, one of his hands cupped my breast as his lips found the other. Slow licks and demanding tugs on my nipples created an unrelenting hunger which began in my stomach and ended up at the throbbing center between my legs. The central loving station as Rebecca had fondly renamed it. I would have laughed at that thought had Jax not lowered his hand under my pajama bottoms right at that moment. He pushed with determination past the barrier of my panties and slipped his fingers straight into my sopping wet core. There was no preamble with his movements, he was like a man on a mission and fuck I loved it. It had been so long since I had been touched intimately, and even then it was wrong. There had been no passion, or fire, just disorderly and awkward touches with a quick and unsatisfying ending. With Jax’s mouth capturing my nipple and his fingers relentlessly exploring my core I knew this encounter would end with me being deeply and thoroughly satisfied. I grabbed his shirt trying to pull it from his body, I needed his skin on mine I wanted no barriers between us. Much to my horror he left my body to give in to my demands, pulling his shirt off, then proceeding to shuck his jeans over his hips. He stood before me, his smile seductive, his eyes hungry as they took me in. His shoulders were heavenly and wide, chest carved like a marble statue and a rippling stomach that ended with the magic V that led to every woman’s wildest dreams. I almost blanched at the sight of his impressive cock. It was huge, like the man himself. A small sensation similar to fear crept into my mind wondering if Jax inside me might actually hurt. It had been a long time for me and I even wondered if it were possible that I had somehow become a virgin again during the many years of my abstinence. I scoffed at that ridiculous idea and lifted my hips as Jax hooked his fingers into my pajama bottoms and began to slowly undress me. Any fear quickly disappeared under his adoring gaze. He took his time, kissing my hip bone, my thigh, my knee and eventually the inside of my ankle. He came back for my panties, his fingers tracing lazy circles over my skin that drove me utterly insane.
“If you don’t hurry I might nod off up here,” I quietly teased. Jax’s sinful grin and sparkling eyes told me he knew perfectly well there would be no nodding off while his hands were on my body. He did comply though, swiftly removing my panties. His rough hands slid up the outside of my legs until his face drew level with my hips, then without taking his eyes off me, he lowered his lips to mine, and not the ones on my face. No-one had ever touched me like this before and part of me was mortified, but the feeling of Jax’s tongue tenderly caressing my core consumed me with a lust that had no room for inhibitions. My hips now had a mind of their own as they thrust against his face. Jax devoured me like a man possessed and when he pulled away far too soon I actually moaned in outrage. Jax chuckled and snaked a path up my body, stopping briefly to kiss my breasts.
“I’m greedy angel, I want to be in you when you come for me the first time. Next time it will be around my tongue,” he growled wickedly in my ear. He reached for the bedside table and produced a condom, covering himself so quick I barely realized he had stopped touching me to do so. He positioned himself at my core and gently nudged my wet lips, pushing forward to find my entrance. He kissed me again and I could taste myself on his lips, I blushed remembering the wickedness in the way he had just devoured me. I grabbed his firm ass and encouraged him to move forward. With long demanding strokes he gradually entered me. He groaned in my ear and shook with the effort it took to control himself. Once finally seated deep inside he stilled giving my body time to adjust to the somewhat foreign intrusion. He rose above me on his forearms and took in every inch of my face.
“So beautiful,” he breathed, his words laced with awe. Jax placed a lingering chaste kiss on my forehead before he began to move.
My eyes rolled back and my lids floated closed as I hovered in what felt like another dimension, a place where nothing existed except me, Jax and this bed. I quickly grew bold and wrapped my legs around his hips urging him deeper and faster.
“Fuck angel, you’re going to undo me,” he groaned in my ear. His hand lifted my knee, opening me, exposing me and he lifted so he could sink deeper with a new angle that seemed to touch every nerve ending. I arched my back trying to find more, of what I didn’t really know, rational thought eluded me right now. Jax slammed a little harder into my body as if he knew exactly what I needed and with the relentless and demanding pace he had set, I began to climb, my body throbbing with need. Jax bent down to capture my nipple in his mouth, sucking and tugging hard at the small pink bud. I groaned loudly.
“Jax,” I pleaded as an unfamiliar feeling of rapture built from within my body. His mouth left my nipple only to find the other, sampling it with equal ferocity and passion. “Jax,” I moaned a little louder and he leant forward, covering my body with his, his pelvis rubbing with unyielding insistence over my clit and just like that my body climbed, hovered and fell over an invisible wall of pleasure. My back arched, my head bowed and I screamed his name, my breath coming in raged pants as I found the release my body had been aching for. I felt Jax’s body slam hard one last time as he groaned not my name, but ‘angel’, followed with short shallow thrusts as he emptied his seed. Finally he slowed and allowed his head to collapse, his forehead resting against mine. When I eventually opened my eyes he was staring at me like he had just discovered a new treasure.
“What do you see?” I whispered.
“The woman I love,” he whispered back without hesitation. He grinned and captured my lips in a passionate kiss. “I probably shouldn’t say that to a girl who’s spent far too many years running and has her packed bag beside my bed. I’ll scare you away.” Jax confessed. I ran a finger around the smooth skin of his eye and jaw, noting the slight discoloration from being hit by Phillip. Jax took my fingers away from the bruise and kissed them softly.
“You don’t scare me Jax Carter. I’ve been waiting a long time to find a man who could love me again. My heart is yours, so please be careful with it.” He sighed, his eyes closed as he absorbed my words, his fingers laced with mine beside our heads.
“I will cherish it like the treasure it is,” he murmured. Reluctantly he left my
body to get rid of the condom and tidy himself up. When he returned he climbed in under the sheets and draped his big strong and very naked body around me. We were completely entwined, our bodies wrapped up in each other, our hearts beating steady beside one another, our souls permanently merged. In that moment, no demons or nightmares could disrupt the peace we had found in each other.
Chapter 32
Jax
I owned her heart, I had once more gained her trust, I would never let her down I would never leave this angels side. If she tried to run, I would follow. As my eyes flickered open I realized Ella wasn’t by my side, and after a fleeting moment of terror I noted her backpack propped against the wall where I had left it last night. I knew she wouldn’t leave without that damn bag. Climbing out of bed I pulled on my jeans from the previous night and moved to the bathroom to wash my face. My eye was black but not swollen, my jaw a little tender but otherwise fine. Fucker, I thought, my mind racing over the details of my encounter with Phillip. I glanced to the shower stall and saw Ella’s body wash and shampoo sitting on the shelf and I smiled. The night may have started with terror, but it ended with sheer bliss. Loosing myself in Ella’s body was like stepping into paradise. Sex had never been so fucking perfect, most likely because what I had enjoyed with Ella had not been sex. It was pure unadulterated love. I had told her I loved her. I imagined the first time I whispered those words to a woman it would be a little different. Perhaps over a candle lit dinner or while watching the suns colors bleed into the night sky during a magnificent sunset. But when all is said and done, the magical thing about telling someone you love them is saying the words when the moment demands it, when you can no longer breathe without that person knowing, and last night was that moment for me. Ella’s reply that my heart was in her hands was as good as an ‘I love you’ back.
I climbed down the stairs and immediately found Ella staring at the picture she had drawn of Mercy. I’d had it framed and it currently hung by the fireplace in my living room. I leant against the wall at the bottom of the steps and Ella glanced over her shoulder in my direction. I watched her take me in, her eyes beginning at my bare feet, travelling over my legs, the unlatched button on my jeans, my stomach, chest and finally settling on my eyes. I liked the proprietary in her gaze and the desire in her eyes and I grinned like a man who had just won lottery. She was wearing my sweater and nothing else, she looked utterly adorable. Her face was bruised which sent a fire through my veins, her neck marked by Phillip’s hands. I knew these marks would fade, but it was more brutality on Ella’s soul and fuck knows she didn’t need that. As if sensing my eyes on her fresh bruises her fingers delicately rubbed her neck and she shrugged.
“It doesn’t really hurt,” she murmured, glancing away and stepping cautiously around the fireplace.
“I haven’t seen a piece quite like this. It’s interesting, kind of retro destructive?” She was mocking the smashed guitar shoved carelessly into the fireplace and I laughed.
“It’s a new piece called ‘Jax loses his shit’.” She moved on looking over the pictures of me with Mercy, another of Charlie and his mom and one of me dressed in my fatigues in Afghanistan.
“What did the guitar do to you?” She murmured.
“The guitar was innocent, simply caught in the crossfire when I realized what an asshole I am.” Ella shook her head.
“You’re not an asshole, but you might have moments of irrational and foolish thought but that’s part of every man’s DNA. You play?” She turned to observed me as she wandered aimlessly around the large room. I nodded.
“I used to. I haven’t for a while, and it’s unlikely I will for a while more considering the state it’s in now.”
“Bummer, I would like to have heard you play,” she confessed.
“Next trip to town I’ll buy a new one.” If she wanted to hear me play, I’d damn well play until my fingers bled.
“You have creaky steps and floorboards.” She commented and I found the observation a little unusual. “And the faucet in the kitchen rattles when you turn it on.” I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I guess a builder’s house will always be in need of repair. Other jobs generally take priority.” She shook her head and smiled.
“No, don’t fix it. It’s the way a home is supposed to sound. Houses are supposed to make noise, it’s like they talk to you, protect you.” I considered that for a moment.
“I take it Marcus’s house was quiet?” She nodded that painful solemn look that often settles over her eyes. As she drew even closer to me I restrained the need to reach out and take her into my arms.
“My real home, with my real dad, it was noisy. The doors creaked, the pipes rattled, there was always music and we laughed all the time. Marcus’s home was silent for the most part, other than the occasional raging outburst and the sound of his fist meeting my flesh.” My own fists clenched in rage and I couldn’t stand it any longer, she was close enough to touch and I reached out and pulled her to me. She came willingly, her arms snaked around my waist holding me close.
“I want to learn you,” she murmured. I brushed her hair aside and leant forward to kiss her neck.
“I thought we learnt each other last night,” I grinned while kissing the fresh bruises. I felt her shiver under my gentle touch and kisses.
“That was a learning of our body’s and I think you learnt more about mine than I did about yours.” She pulled back to look up at me, her cheeks flushed with either embarrassment or desire I wasn’t sure. The memory of her taste, her body beneath mine, my body inside hers sent blood immediately to the only organ in my body that was outside my minds control. “You like music?” She asked. I nodded and she pulled away moving to my large CD collection. “It’s a very orderly collection. Everything is in alphabetical order. Are you sure you don’t suffer from OCD? This house is very clean for a bachelor.” I grinned and moved behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist. She tensed under my touch and I expected her to. This position was a trigger for her memories.
“Tidy and orderly is a must for soldiers, I guess that it’s something I can’t quite let go of. If you would prefer it messy, be my guest. Mess it up.” She gradually relaxed as she concentrated on my words, my hands on her stomach holding her close. She slowly turned around and wrapped her arms around my neck and I lifted her feet from the ground so we could be face to face.
“If you feel more comfortable in a mess, make a mess,” I encouraged. She shook her head.
“If I were any more comfortable I would be comatose. Here, in your arms, it feels like nothing can touch me. This here feels like home.” I kissed her, how could I not. My lips worked hers until she opened for me and my tongue swept in ruthlessly. When I finally managed to pull myself away she looked thoroughly kissed and thoroughly speechless.
“You’re wearing my sweater,” I noted, rubbing the end of her nose with mine.
“Uh-huh,” was all she managed.
“I think we could fit three of you in there.” My lips found hers again and the faint sound of her tummy rumbling brought us apart. “I need to feed you,” I said lowering her to the ground. I led Ella to the kitchen where she promptly perched herself on the bench her feet swinging in lazy delight. I grabbed the skillet and some bacon and eggs from the fridge.
“You’re going to cook?” She gasped. I laughed as I grabbed the remote for my stereo system and powered it up. Nickleback’s ‘Savin’ Me’ filled the house, the speakers set out and positioned to fill every room with noise just as Ella had moments ago wished for.
“I promise it will be edible. Bacon and eggs is kind of my specialty. I hope you like your eggs sunny up or over easy, that’s as adventurous as I get.” Ella smiled.
“Either will do me, go ahead. Impress me with your breakfast prowess.”
We still had to have our talk; she needed to know that her mother had died. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how she would take the news and a small insecure part of me was scared shitless that she woul
d run again. Her mother had been a cruel bitch. She had knowingly left Ella in Marcus’s punishing hands, she had not offered the protection every child is owed. I hated her for that, but at the end of the day she was still Ella’s mother, her only mother and possibly the only family she had. Outside the sun was up, the fresh snow on the ground gave the outside world an air of fantasy. I followed Ella’s gaze to the work shed further out in the yard.
“That’s where I work. I can show you later if you like.”
“When do you have to go back to the shelter?” Her eyes didn’t stray from the shed.
“I’ve got the next two days off. I was supposed to go into Carter’s today but I can do what I need to do from my home office.” Ella nodded reflexively, her thoughts obviously a thousand miles away. I allowed her to keep them to herself. If she wanted to share she would, but something told me her mind was racing with memories that belonged to her and her only. From the whimsical look on her face, they were good memories, the kind I wanted her to have.
Chapter 33
Ella
I had a dream once, a long time ago when I was no more than nine, ten at most. I remember it distinctly because I woke up crying, my daddy crouched at my bedside brushing back my hair and whispering calming words.
“Tell me your bad dream baby girl. Let it out so that it can no longer hurt you.” Tears rolled down my cheeks as I gazed into his dark concerned eyes. I always told daddy my bad dreams. He said holding them in was bad for us, that we needed to let them go so our minds were free to be filled up with all the good stuff. But this dream wasn’t really a bad dream, not like the ones I usually had anyway.
“I was in a house, and it was warm like this house, but it looked different. I liked the house daddy, but you weren’t there, you were gone and I couldn’t find you.” I broke down into uncontrollable sobs and once I had control I continued. “I looked everywhere and then a big man told me you were gone, he said you had died and I needed to be brave, I needed to be strong.” I cried some more as my daddy shushed me and rubbed the palm of my hand in a soothing way. After I finally began to grow quiet, the tears no longer blinding me I looked to my daddy who sat so patient and calm by my side.
Saving Ella (Mercy's Angels) Page 22
