She crossed her arms, wondering what specifically he was talking about. “You’ve never asked to read my journal where I write everything down. Are you asking now?” Would he push it like he would have when they were first married? Back then, he’d have opened the book and started reading anyway, believing he didn’t have to ask permission, that it was his right. That had been Neil before their world had come crashing down, the obsessive Neil who had to know everything she was thinking, down to the point she lost everything about herself and who she was.
He had a shrewdness in his gaze at times, and he narrowed his eyes, the amber color deepening and reaching into her. The man had the ability to tip her emotions over, having her heart skipping a beat. “I’m not talking about your journal. That’s yours, your private thoughts. You know already how I feel about that. I told you I’d never push, and I won’t. You have to trust me. I won’t cross that boundary. That would be up to you to feel comfortable enough to want to show it to me. You know how much I love you. Everything you’re thinking, feeling, your hopes and dreams, everything that goes through your mind…I want to be the first and only person you want to share that with. I hope to get there, but you have to want that. You have to be ready.”
He was touching her face again, sliding his thumb over her chin, her lips, as she stared at his wild, disheveled look. Her neat and tidy husband was turning into someone she didn’t recognize, damn attractive and sexy, like a man who lived on the wild side of life.
“Then what are you talking about if not my journal?” What did he think she was keeping from him?
He pulled his hand away, lowering it to his side, and then glanced away as if thinking about what he should or shouldn’t say. Of course she swallowed, wondering where his head was, what he thought she knew and hadn’t shared.
“I’ve waited for you to say something to me for so long, and you never did. It’s the one thing I can’t understand you not sharing with me, considering it was about my parents.” He was in her face, baring his teeth, and in that moment, as she blinked, trying to absorb and understand his meaning, she realized he’d learned the ugly truth. For the first time in her life, Candy was feeling like the bad guy, having kept from him the one thing she knew he would never understand.
“You found out about your parents,” she said. “How?”
Chapter 4
Michael had woken up from his nap before Candy could say another word. Her cheeks had flushed, and for a moment she had appeared uneasy, embarrassed, and tongue tied, which made absolutely no sense, considering he was the one man she should never feel any of those things with. How long had she been holding on to this secret for? He didn’t know, and in some weird way, he couldn’t help feeling as if she’d betrayed him.
Candy was upstairs now, changing Michael, and he listened to his boy as he slid down the carpeted stairs wearing just a pull-up and a T-shirt, his dark wavy hair touching his shoulders. His boy was also beginning to resemble him and take on his shaggy appearance.
“Hey there, you.” He grabbed Michael and tossed him a bit as he laughed, breathing in that baby scent that still lingered.
“Neil, were you going to bathe Cat, or do you want me to?” Candy called out from upstairs. “And don’t forget Brad, Emily, and the kids are coming for dinner tonight. It’s our turn…” She was coming down the stairs, her hand on the railing, and she stopped and stared at him as if he weren’t even listening to her, though the fact was that he’d never stopped.
“Run the bath for Cat. We’ll toss this guy in, too. Then we need to talk,” he said, this time not willing to let Candy off about not letting him in on the little bomb his parents had shared with her.
Maybe she knew, as she seemed to hesitate before looking up the stairs and back to him. Instead of putting up a wall or pushing back as she did at times, her expression seemed to give in just a bit as she nodded. “Okay, but remember you said you were putting the barbecue together, and I’m pretty sure it’s still sitting in the box in pieces in the garage.”
Who cares? he thought. Seriously, he’d use the stove. “Is this where you lay into me again about everything I have yet to do?” He rubbed his head, thinking of everything: the lawn mower still boxed, the patio with its bricks still under a tarp, the pile of sand around the corner that still needed to be laid out and raked and flattened. Then there was the front deck he still needed to build to replace the rotted one he’d ripped off, leaving the cement steps as the only access to the front door. “I’ll get to it,” he snapped, thinking he’d just broil the steaks in the oven instead.
Candy raised an eyebrow, and of course he didn’t miss the note of disapproval in her expression. He wondered whether she was about to say something else or remind him again that he needed to finish what he’d started. The problem was that Neil was an idea man. He excelled at planning, organizing, and having others implement and build.
Candy lifted her hands, maybe in surrender, and started back up the steps and into the bathroom. Neil followed, carrying his son. The large bathroom had a nice round tub and a separate glassed-in shower. There were also a washer and dryer and double sinks. It was a bright room done in pale green and gold. Candy was running the water in the tub, and Cat was already pulling off her wet mud-soaked clothes, reaching behind her ear, taking off the cochlear implant fastened there and handing it to Neil before climbing into the bath. She looked up again to Neil as she sat and signed that the water was warm. Neil undressed Michael and lifted him in the bath with his sister, pulling out the bath toys from under the sink and piling them in as Candy turned off the water after the tub had filled. She was still sitting on the floor, her arm on the side, when she looked over her shoulder and up to him. Maybe she thought he would have left, or maybe she was trying to figure out what to say to him—he wasn’t sure which. Right now, he wanted her to say something, anything, that would help cut through the distance he still felt between them.
“We should probably talk about this later. The kids…” she started, but Neil was already shaking his head.
“Cat can’t hear anything, and Michael’s too young, that is, unless you’re planning on fighting, and I have no intention of doing that in front of them. I just want to know why. Why wouldn’t you tell me, Candy?”
This time, she didn’t look away. Maybe she’d had time to think about what to say or come to some conclusion about how to address this. “It wasn’t my secret to share, Neil.” She held up her hand as if she knew he was about to challenge her and deny and argue, which he was. It was just who he was, all those alpha tendencies that made him want to control everything, but he stopped and stared at her hand instead of pushing, as he once would have. That was, he reminded himself again, what had almost ended his marriage. He shuffled his stance and looked down as if he needed to ground himself again.
“How can you say that, really? Candy, this is you and me, our marriage, us together, and that secret was the kind of thing you shouldn’t have kept from me. It was the kind of thing we need to share.” He was trying to reason with her, to get her to understand, because the last thing he wanted was them harboring this kind of thing, which was a pretty big something, from each other.
“I understand that, Neil, and I agree with you for the most part, but the circumstances weren’t so black and white. You must understand why your dad did it, why he told me?”
He was crossing his arms now, digging in, wondering how she could justify any of it. If she said one more time that it was complicated, he realized he’d have to step out of the bathroom, because his children would start to pick up that Mom and Dad were fighting, and that was the one thing he didn’t ever want his children to experience.
“Neil, I can see how much this bothers you, and for the most part I understand why you’d be upset. I tried to tell your parents, I explained and reasoned with your mom, too, that you’d understand…” She stopped talking, maybe because he was shaking his head, feeling his stubbornness really dig in. “Oh, I see,” she said, and her
expression took on a sympathy that made him feel like crap—and furious. “You don’t understand. Wow, Neil, I guess your mom was right.”
Chapter 5
Candy was dressed in a sleeveless white tank with a turtleneck collar. She pulled on gold hoops and brushed her long dark hair until it shone. She added just a hint of blush and mascara only. She didn’t need much in the way of makeup, and this was just family coming for dinner. She’d pulled on a pair of black capris and slipped her feet into gold sandals. She knew she was pushing it with the weather, dressing more for a warmer climate than the cool and chilly springtime in the Pacific Northwest, but the fact was that she found herself missing the heat, the warmth, the sun, and the white sandy beach. It was something that had been in her blood, a place she’d never considered moving from until Cat had come along, and then Michael.
Now here she was, living close to Emily and Brad, which really tipped the scale in her decision. Emily was her best friend, and Brad would always be her confidant, her friend, the big brother she’d never had. He had been there for her when Maria, the surrogate, had tried to turn her life upside down, when her husband had lied to her, and that had been the first time she’d understood what it meant to be part of a family. No matter what happened to her and Neil, Brad and Emily would always be there for her, no questions asked. That meant more than anything, and it removed her one aching fear: the fear of being alone. Brad and Emily would never allow her to be alone.
She clambered down the stairs, her sandals clipping softly on the carpet as she listened to Michael babbling and Cat talking in her flat voice to Neil, who was in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on dinner. Yes, Neil, her husband, who was still trying to find his footing after putting his resort up for sale and walking away from his million-dollar deals for a quiet, simple life in this small corner of the world, was in fact a damn good cook. As with everything Neil did, there was nothing plain, simple, or ordinary about the meals he made. There were vegetables—carrots, beets, broccoli, and squash on a roasting pan tossed with oil, seasonings, and some fresh herbs. She could smell the savory aroma before she walked into the kitchen. There were also stuffed potatoes, what looked like the fixings for a gourmet salad, and the food processor out for a homemade dressing in the making. She loved his salad dressings.
The oven dinged, and Neil opened the gas range, lifting out a white cake. When had he had time to whip that up? She took a whiff, and of course her mouth watered as she took in the smells from this gourmet feast.
“You made a cake?” She looked at her husband, who had showered and changed into another T-shirt. This one was a Seahawks shirt, which was unusual, since Neil had never been one for sports T-shirts—another change to his persona. She half expected him to have on a dress shirt and khakis, but no. He also had on another pair of jeans and was barefoot with a bib apron over his shirt. It too was a look that was freaking sexy. Did the man have no idea what he was doing to her?
“Of course,” he said, setting it on a cooling rack and then pulling open the fridge to lift out a bowl of strawberries and a carton of whipped cream. “Just a simple butter cake, but the kids will love it. What’s a dinner without a fantastic dessert to go along with it?”
“Oh, my waistline,” she said, taking in the food. Her children seemed to love being in the kitchen with Daddy. Michael had the pots cupboard open and was pulling out everything so he could climb in. Neil didn’t seem to mind in the least. Cat was at the table, coloring.
Neil leaned down and kissed Candy on her cheek. “Your waistline looks just fine to me. Can you grab the napkins and plates and set the dining room table? I have a bottle of white in the fridge chilling. Thought you might like a glass. It’s the sauvignon blanc from the local winery I know you love.”
That was another one of the things she truly loved about Neil, that he always knew what she loved, and everything he did was for her. He may have been controlling, arrogant, and pushy at times, but there was one thing Neil could never be faulted for: He was considerate and always remembered what she liked. He went out of his way to make sure she and the children always came first. She loved him for that.
Candy didn’t move as she glanced over at their oversized steel fridge, watching Neil as he lifted his own glass of red and took a swallow before smiling down at Michael over the mess he was making, then over to Cat, their beautiful girl who was so happy.
“What?” he said. She didn’t realize he’d also been watching her, her amazing man who could handle everything and make it look so easy.
“Neil, I hope you don’t think badly of your parents or your mom. I have to say this.” She glanced over to Cat and then lowered her voice. Her husband could change in an instant from being outgoing to closed off and annoyed. He was shaking his head, and she could tell he was struggling with what to say to her. “I’m not sure what I can say, Neil. What’s going through that head of yours? Maybe you need to tell me what you know, because all I can think of is that maybe you don’t know everything. If you did, I think you’d be a little understanding.” She said it softly, hoping she was getting through to him, but Neil, being Neil, could be far from giving, understanding, and considerate at times, especially when he seemed to have his mind made up about something—which appeared to be the case now.
“What can I say, Candy? My mom cheated with, of all people, God forbid, my uncle, that dog, a man who’s the worst of the worst in leading women astray. How could she have picked him?” His voice was anything but friendly as he set his glass down and opened the oven again, this time to put in the vegetables.
He put his hand on Candy’s arm and led her from the kitchen, still keeping the kids in view. She didn’t step away but rested her hand on Neil’s chest, looking up at the hurt that lingered.
“How did you find out?” she asked, and this time he couldn’t hide whatever it was in his expression that haunted him.
“My uncle, of all people. It was after the funeral. Brad, me, Jed, and Andy were there. Dad, too. It was a bad scene. Uncle Todd was angry, lashing out, and it was Dad he was trying to hurt. He let enough slip that we knew something had happened with Mom. It was enough that Dad had no choice but to tell us that night, the whole story of what happened. I still can’t believe it, and you know it was hard to listen. Everything I believed about my parents and their rock solidness crumbled in my mind. Everything I grew up believing was a lie. I didn’t know what to say, but it hurt more than anything that Dad said he’d shared it with you.” Neil was looking right at her with something that seemed so accusing—so hurt.
She firmed her lips, trying to decide what to say, how to handle something so delicate and help her husband get over his disillusionment. “You should know something, Neil. What your parents shared, all that pain and hurt and ugliness…your dad opening his heart to me, that was the turning point for us.”
He seemed curious about that, as his expression told her he was really studying her.
“It was your mom and dad, their story, Neil, that happened so long ago, listening to them and hitting rock bottom…it made me give you another chance. Your dad knew I was leaving even though I hadn’t decided myself, but you’d lied to me, hurt me, and your parents understood better than anyone that hurt, the betrayal, the lies, the deception.” She poked his chest. “So don’t you dare be too hard on your mom or your dad, because to me they’re heroes. They didn’t make an excuse for what happened. They shared something so deeply personal to them with me because they knew our story was heading down that slippery slope and could so easily have become theirs.”
She could hear a truck pull in and didn’t need to turn to the window or race to the door to know that Brad, Emily, and the kids were there. She patted Neil’s chest and stepped in closer, reaching up as she pressed a kiss to Neil’s full, soft lips and took in the shock, passion, and fire that made Neil who he was, the difficult man he could be.
“Now let’s have a nice visit, and if you still need to hash this out, then we’ll talk la
ter,” she said, then rubbed his chest and stepped back.
He gave her an odd look as if she’d just turned the tables on him. Then he let out a harsh laugh before reaching for her and pulling her back in his arms and leaning in. His warm breath fluttered over her lips as he kissed her again, this time letting her know exactly what she meant to him.
Chapter 6
It was the laughter he loved, sitting around the table after downing a bottle of wine, with food, conversation, family, and good times. Neil went to fill Brad’s glass, but he shook his head and covered it. “No more for this boy. I’m driving. Great meal, though. Impressed you threw all this together, brother dear. Maybe you should look at opening a restaurant.”
He couldn’t believe Brad had suggested that. Even though Neil was beginning to notice the number of times Brad had hinted at what he should do with the rest of his life, he hadn’t come right out and said anything so blunt and to the point yet. Neil was starting to notice the way Brad’s gaze had landed on all the projects he’d started in the house, which he still hadn’t finished. He knew his brother well and knew the hinting would soon give way to questioning, asking, telling, and ultimatums.
Neil, though, wasn’t ready to answer Brad and hoped he’d drop it, but he’d been doing that for months.
“So what are you going to do, Neil?” Brad tapped the table with his fingers. “Have you figured out yet what it is that’s really important, what it is you’re going to do with the rest of your life?”
Okay, so Brad was way past the dropping-hints stage; he was jumping right to putting Neil on the spot. He was also giving him a glare that said he wouldn’t back down, a look he gave his kids whenever they mouthed off to Emily and he was forced to lay down the law. Of course, leave it to Brad, Neil thought as he gazed at his brother across the table, to bring up the elephant in the room. Neil had always been able to think on his feet and come up with something, anything, but for the first time in his life he couldn’t come up with one reasonable thing to say, so he leaned back in his chair, taking in Candy beside him with her hands flat on the table beside her plate, which held a piece of steak pushed to the side that she hadn’t finished. She wore his rock on her finger, a square pink diamond surrounded by more diamonds. It could keep them in comfort for a while. Why were his thoughts continuing to go down that road?
The Business Plan Page 2
