by Karina Bliss
She gave him an odd look, then her eyes filled with tears.
“Honey?”
“It’s nothing, ignore me.” She pulled into the lot and the kids yelled in excitement as they glimpsed a huge blow-up Santa, pulling gently on his tether above the red and white open marquee.
Shoving the magazine under the seat, Jared got out of the car feeling like shit. And it wasn’t his hangover. He tried again. “Kayla?”
“I’m fine. Honestly.”
They unloaded the kids. Maddie immediately ran toward the mini maze of Christmas trees that had been set up for small children. Rocco tottered through the parking lot after her, forcing Jared to follow.
Maddie went through the maze once holding Kayla’s hand, then by herself, and then insisted on taking Rocco alone.
Jared and Kayla stood by the entrance, waiting for them. He dug his hands in his jacket pockets, not because he was cold, but because he didn’t know what to do with them when he was nervous.
“What happened with Simone still hurts you, doesn’t it?”
She froze, then her gaze slid from his. “I overreacted.” When she moved toward the maze, he pulled one hand out of his pocket and caught her elbow. This was difficult for him, too.
“No,” he said. “You didn’t.”
They’d avoided this conversation too long and it had become a thorn in their marriage. Until it was drawn, the wound would never properly heal. “I did have a crush on her.”
Chapter Nine
Kayla could feel her whole body shrinking in on itself. She’d been embarrassed when Jared found the magazine—it was obvious she’d avoided giving it to him—and then incredibly touched by his inability to see how godawful she’d looked in that picture. Maybe Simone could be forgotten.
And now this.
He turned her to face him. “But it was a crush on her professional reputation. It wasn’t until after she’d tried to kiss me that I looked at her with any sexual curiosity. For a moment I imagined myself living a different life. But it was only a moment, Kayla.”
The kids re-appeared from the maze. She turned toward them, breaking his hold.
“Mommy, can we choose a tree now?”
“Sure.” She picked up her excited baby and pressed her cheek to his, needing the contact. “Lead the way.”
Maddie ran ahead and Rocco squirmed for freedom. “No, sweetie, we might lose you.”
“Here.” Taking their son, Jared swung him onto his shoulders. Rocco gripped his father’s dark hair with tiny fists and chortled in delight. It hurt Kayla to look at them.
“We have to touch every tree,” Maddie yelled over her shoulder. She was running down a row of eight-footers, Alice lost in Wonderland.
“Don’t get lost,” Jared called. His free hand caught Kayla’s and put it in his pocket, his own holding tight. “Please, don’t shut me down.”
“I could see the music geek in you was impressed.” With an effort, she kept her tone conversational. Inside, she was terrified she’d never look at a Christmas tree again without feeling sick. “Simone could talk so knowledgeably about music. And of course,” she added casually, as if it was the first time she’d thought about it, “she’s a striking woman.”
“Who thinks it’s okay to hit on a man waiting for his wife.” He stopped. “Never once did I encourage her to think I was interested, Kayla.”
“I believe you.” Rocco’s hat was coming down over his eyes. Releasing her hand from Jared’s grip, she straightened it and stepped away. “You, wondering what it would be like to sleep with her, that didn’t scare me. You, dismissing my earlier warning that she was interested in sleeping with you? That still scares me.”
It was easier to talk looking at the trees instead of each other, following Maddie’s excited cries, their boots releasing the scent of crushed pine needles. “Why did you refuse to see it? You used to trust my instincts.”
“I didn’t want to doubt her motives when she was telling me I could be the next John Entwhistle.” His jaw tightened. “I was a gullible idiot.”
“Simone wouldn’t undermine her professional credibility for an affair. You’ll be another Entwhistle.” Kayla managed a small smile. “Whoever the hell he is.”
Jared focused on her smile like a drowning man sighting a lifeboat. “Bassist with The Who.”
“This one!” Maddie stopped at a display of artificial trees flocked in a rainbow of colors. Kayla moved her away from the black one.
“You can’t be a Goth until you’re a teenager. And we’re getting real.”
They wandered through the lot inspecting the different species on offer. Jared showed Maddie how to roll the needles between her fingers to release the different scents, the citrus fragrance of the white fir, the pine scent of the Douglas fir. Her presence kept conversation general, but occasionally Kayla felt Jared’s gaze, the brush of anxious care. Are we okay?
How did she feel about his confession? Better, she decided after delicately prodding around the edges of the hurt. No longer paralyzed. This wasn’t a man awakening to the sexual possibilities of other women, the beginning of a pattern leading inexorably to infidelity. It was a one-off, a geek’s music crush.
If Simone hadn’t been so hell bent on screwing her husband, Kayla would never have been jealous of their friendship. The Frenchwoman was a homewrecker, willful and selfish. And her frequent hints that Kayla wasn’t woman enough to hold Jared had found fertile ground when Kayla was already feeling insecure—the starter wife—and ignored by her husband.
Some of that Jared could fix and taking responsibility helped. Rebuilding trust would take a little longer. She was wary now of being hurt, wary of giving as freely as she once had.
Some of it, Kayla had to fix. The inner monologue was hers. I’m not pretty enough, skinny enough, interesting enough. As long as Jared was in rock ‘n’ roll, there would always be brazen women wanting her husband. She had to find a way to deal with that. And find a way to regain her sexual mojo.
They chose a six-foot noble fir, silvery green with short, sturdy branches that would make it easy for small hands to hang ornaments. The tree guy, a chatty dude dressed in shorts, puffer jacket and a beanie gave the branches a trim and attached the stand. Leaving Jared to lift it onto the roof-racks, Kayla re-settled the kids in the car, and then lent her husband a hand tying it down.
As they were wiping tree resin off their fingers with tissues before touching the car doors, she said offhandedly, “Is it difficult? Turning down all the opportunities?”
“Is it hard for you?” he challenged.
“Yeah, men are really lining up.”
“The guy at the bar the other night was keen.”
She nearly dropped the tissue. “You noticed that?”
“Of course. The dude who sold us the tree is checking you out right now.” Glancing over her shoulder, she saw the young guy admiring her ass. Caught out, he blushed and waved sheepishly. She waved back.
“And no, it’s not difficult.” His tone was matter of fact. “I love you. We exchanged vows. Sleeping around isn’t on the table.” Holding out his hand for her discarded tissue, he balled it and tossed it into a nearby trash can.
“I have nothing against you appreciating sexy women,” she clarified. “I’m not a hypocrite.”
His dark eyes gleamed. “My bandmates always delayed putting their shirts on until you got to our dressing room, babe.”
“Oh God, was I that obvious?” She laughed and went with it. “Well, good, because I have no plans to give that up. So…yeah, you can keep looking at sexy women.”
“I’m looking at one now,” he said and opened her driver’s door.
Fluttery and flustered, she went to get in the car, but he stopped her, his gaze sobering. “I’m so sorry. For all of it. I promise I won’t let my ego get out of control again.”
Last night, drunk, he’d stood on the outside table and yelled, “King of the fucking world.” She pushed the image out of her mind. “Thank yo
u,” she said softly. “I needed that assurance.”
When they arrived home, Jared unloaded the tree under Maddie’s supervision, while Kayla took Rocco inside and settled him for a nap. Returning to the living room, she hesitated, then detoured to their bedroom and retrieved a white box from the top of the wardrobe.
Moving the fine tissue paper aside, she fingered the smooth satin of the corset she’d bought in Edinburgh for a kiss-and-make-up date. Tartan-patterned, though she doubted any Scotswoman would wear it for anything other than sexy fun times.
The last-minute purchase had made her late for her rendezvous with Jared, and she’d had to run, arriving twenty minutes late, breathless and excited…only to see Simone kissing him.
She lifted the garment, holding it against her.
Maybe it was time to reclaim the optimism she’d felt when buying it. Green and red, its colors worked perfectly for the festive season. Bob could have an early Christmas present. After checking Jared’s schedule with Dimity, she made a couple of calls and then sent a text.
Bob. Hot date alert. Be ready at six p.m. on Sunday night. It’s a sleepover, so pack a change of clothes.
Kayla hesitated, biting her lip. What the hell.
And no sex in the meantime. I want you hungry.
She sent it before she chickened out.
Feeling oddly shy, she re-entered the living room. Jared was positioning the tree in one corner.
“Do you like where we’re putting it, Mommy?” Maddie was taking her supervisory role very seriously.
“It looks great, honey.”
Jared looked up, and Kayla got a little breathless at the heat in his eyes. “Are you hungry?” she said, hearing the innuendo too late. “I mean, I can fix us a snack.”
His gaze traveled very slowly from her face to her feet and up again. “Ravenous,” he said. “But I can wait.”
Smiling, she continued to the kitchen.
Chapter Ten
The day of Kayla’s date with Bob started well.
The embargo on sex had paid off in ways she couldn’t have imagined. After seven years of marriage, enforced abstinence was an erotic novelty, adding a delicious tension to their daily interactions. She’d catch Jared watching her brush her hair and applying lipstick. There were endless opportunities to tease each other.
And remember how it used to be between them.
This morning, before he’d left for his final round of interviews as a Grammy nominee, he’d called for a towel from the shower.
Packing her overnight bag a couple of hours later, Kayla still got hot and bothered recalling how the water sluiced over his naked body and his biceps tightened as he innocently raised his arms to rinse shampoo from his hair—clean towels on the rail beside him. Devil.
On impulse, she snapped a photo of her open suitcase—the corset lying next to garters, a G-string and stockings—and texted it to him.
His response came as she was preparing the kids’ lunch.
You’re killing me.
Oh, yeah.
“Mommy, I need a hanky.”
Absently, Kayla passed her daughter a tissue. While Rocco emptied the pots from the kitchen cupboards, she helped Maddie finish her tree ornaments—her daughter wouldn’t let them hang any until hers were all made, so the tree had stood bare for the past three days.
At least the house smelled like Christmas. They’d decorate the tree as a family before the babysitter arrived at six. Then she and Jared would leave for the mystery destination Kayla had booked, a luxury cabin in a secluded canyon setting an hour’s drive away. Emphasis on secluded.
Leaving glitter-sprayed pasta bows to dry on the kitchen counter, they drove to the Christmas store for their last ornament. It was a tradition to buy a special one every year, and Maddie was choosing for the first time, a responsibility she took very seriously.
Kayla tried to keep Rocco entertained as Maddie wavered between a rock star dragon and a plastic cookie. “Honey, don’t wipe your nose on your sleeve. Use a tissue.”
By the time they left the store with the dragon, she’d passed Maddie another three tissues. Kayla eyed her daughter anxiously in the rear-view mirror on the way home. If Maddie was going to catch Rocco’s cold, surely it would have happened earlier?
The little girl only sneezed twice as they dug the other boxes of ornaments from storage, but when Kayla finished untangling the lights, Maddie was lying on the couch. “I’m hot, Mommy.”
Kayla took her temperature. High.
She thought of the luxury four-poster bed, the stone fireplace in the bedroom, and the spa under the stars. Then calmly canceled the booking, woke Rocco from his afternoon nap, and took Maddie to the doctor. In the waiting room, she texted Jared the news and got an Okay in return. The doctor recommended fluids and rest.
It was dusk when they pulled into the driveway.
Jared came out to meet them, opening Maddie’s door. “How’s my girl?”
“I’m sick, Daddy.” Full of sniffles now, Maddie started to cry. “I don’t wanna be sick.”
“Aww, baby girl, it’s okay.” Unbuckling her seat, he picked her up for a cuddle.
“A cold, not the flu, thank goodness,” Kayla reported. “Probably picked up from Rocco.”
Hearing his name, Rocco grinned, supremely indifferent to the plans he’d disrupted.
“I have a surprise inside,” Jared told Maddie. “This is to make you feel better, too, Mommy.”
He led them through the dark hall and toward the living room where green, gold and red lights flickered on the walls. Turning the corner, they saw the Christmas tree all lit up.
Maddie oohed. “It’s so pretty.”
Jared looped his arm through Kayla’s. “We’ll hang the ornaments together, but I figured putting on the lights would cheer you up.”
“It does.” Kayla kissed him. Not for a second did she begrudge staying home for their sick child, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t disappointed.
“Come into the kitchen. I picked up chicken soup and rolls. Made lemonade for the patient and bought wine.”
Her spirits lifted even higher. “Thank you,” she said softly, and he touched her cheek.
“Hey, it’s my job.”
They decorated the tree after dinner, while Maddie watched from the couch, huddled under a blanket, occasionally getting up to help. Jared lifted her to add the star on the top. Rocco crawled in and out of the empty boxes Kayla had wrapped in Christmas paper for him and fell asleep in one, curled up like an opossum. Jared carried him to bed, while Kayla settled Maddie, who’d decided she only wanted Mommy.
When she returned to the living room, he’d poured two glasses of wine and set up his laptop with a flickering fire screensaver.
“Is this where I tell you the deposit is non-refundable?”
He handed her a glass. “We can’t seem to get a break on our dates, can we?”
Kayla shook off her despondency and pulled Maddie’s blanket over her knees. “Hey, let’s look on the bright side. Our child’s cold is not serious, the tree is finally decorated, and the fire is cozy.” She pretended to warm her hands on it, but Jared’s smile was distracted.
“Fuck this,” he said suddenly. “We can still have a date.” He went to the doorway and knocked politely on the jamb. “Hey, Betty, I hear you couldn’t get out of babysitting tonight. How about inviting me in?”
Kayla smothered a laugh. He was trying to channel earnest geek but the grin was all big bad wolf. “Well, I’d like to, Bob, but the parents are very strict about boys dropping in.”
He took a couple of steps forward. “Not even if he’s here to help you study for your big school test tomorrow?”
“And what’s that, Bob? Biology?”
His eyes laughed at her. “English lit. ‘Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?’”
“Well, you can try, but considering I’m in leggings and a sweater…”
“You’re right, I can do better.” Bob took a seat beside her
, his leg touching hers. “‘See how she leans her cheek upon her hand. Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek.’”
“Wow, Bob, how do you know so much Shakespeare?” It was very, very hard not to laugh when he narrowed his eyes. This was an old grievance.
“Someone talked me into playing in the school orchestra for Romeo and Juliet our senior year.”
“Good to see you’re not bitter.”
“Betty, pay attention while I’m trying to impress you.” He picked up her hand. “‘My bounty is as boundless as the sea—’”
“I can feel your bounty pressed against me,” she teased. “Are you sure you’re here to study, Bob?”
“I’m here to study you.” He kissed each knuckle. “Are you going to let me?”
She opened the blanket in invitation. “And Betty thinks to herself, ‘Well, okay, it’s not like we can get too carried away. It’s not as if we’re in a car or anything.’”
She finished tucking the blanket around them and looked up. Her breath caught. A guy with a goofball grin was looking back at her.
I remember you.
“Sure, Betty,” he said. “A couple of kisses won’t hurt. At any time, the parents can arrive home, or the kids can wake up. That means Bob’s hands are tied.”
“They sure don’t feel tied, Bob. Did you just undo my bra through my shirt?”
“Did I? Let me check.”
His palms slid over the soft cotton to push the loosened bra up and over her breasts, thumbs teasing her nipples. “Hell, maybe I did.”
“No clothes off,” she said. “Maddie—”
“No more clothes off,” he promised, and burrowed under her sweater to tongue her breasts.
She arched to give him better access. “So you’re happy to get blue balls twice in a week, Bob?”
“Totally worth it.” He returned to his work.
“Bob,” she gasped. “Kisses, remember?”
“Whatever you want, Betty.” He pulled down her sweatshirt and they kissed.
Each kiss was unhurried and perfect, an end in itself. Sweet kisses that acted as a narcotic, dulling common sense, which drifted away, unmourned. Kisses that melted every bone in her body until she was sliding down the couch.
