by Ian Doescher
Ere he hath from the dais jump’d to me,
I’m on my feet, for battle well prepar’d.
OBI-WAN
Methinks I did unto this chasm profound
Near lose my life. More careful I must be!
Now Qui-Gon is alone to fight the beast,
And I must soon return to give him aid.
MAUL
Into a hall of rays I have been press’d,
Such rays as shall a person slice in twain.
The lightsabers with which we fight are naught
Compar’d to fiery blaze of these sharp lights.
[A beam appears between Qui-Gon Jinn and Darth Maul.
OBI-WAN
Behold—my master and the wretched Sith
Are separated by a deadly beam,
Whilst I am well behind, too far to strike.
The Sith doth pace about, much like a cat,
Whilst Qui-Gon kneels and with the Force communes.
QUI-GON
[kneeling:] Be still, my soul, the Force is on thy side.
Be silent, heart, and let thy raging cease.
Be quiet, mind, and to this time assent.
Be calm, my body, take the proffer’d rest.
I know not whether I may yet prevail,
Or if this shall become old Qui-Gon’s end.
If I defeat this foe, still doubts remain:
Who is behind this killer’s presence here?
And how did they arise again, the Sith?
’Twould be a better ending if I could
Subdue the foe and question him at length.
Yet murther is within his aspect. Yea,
He shall not let me live another hour
And shall not answer any query pos’d.
’Tis he or I shall live—or die—herein.
Ye Jedi ancestors, hear now my plea:
If I do slay him, help us find the source
Of this most strange and frightful newfound threat.
If ’tis my time to die, let it be swift
And painless, let my spirit fly with grace.
I think upon the things that I have done,
And those things yet undone that I would do,
Mayhap they shall not be, when I am gone.
A tragic and a weighty thought is this.
Mine only cares are for the wondrous boy,
And for my young apprentice, Obi-Wan,
And for the Jedi in whose name I serve.
If now the time for me is come, O ghosts
Of Jedi past and gone, I ask but this:
Protect my friends, for they are all my life.
OBI-WAN
I must prepare, the beam shall disappear.
MAUL
You fool, e’en now your ending draweth nigh.
[The beams disappear. Qui-Gon and Darth Maul begin to duel.
OBI-WAN
My master fights with purpose full renew’d!
How quickly he doth press toward the beast.
The beams have gone—be jubilant, my feet!
Make haste to run, aid Qui-Gon in the fight.
[The beam appears again, separating Obi-Wan from Qui-Gon and Darth Maul.
So near I was, yet not quite near enough.
I train mine eyes and hope upon the two:
With both I seek the outcome I desire.
MAUL
He had th’advantage, but the tide has turn’d.
His weakness do I sense as he doth tire.
I push him, stun him, strike the blow forsooth!
[Darth Maul runs Qui-Gon through with his lightsaber.
QUI-GON
Et tu, Sith? Then fall, Qui-Gon Jinn!
OBI-WAN
—Nay, nay!
You beastly villain, feel my anger’s wrath!
[The beams disappear. Obi-Wan and Darth Maul begin to duel.
I strike, and cold revenge doth warm my soul,
So like a flash of lightning I attack.
MAUL
With strength renew’d he fighteth for his friend,
Avenging this old man with sharpest strikes.
He hopes to claim the life that I have ta’en,
But little doth he know I shall take two.
OBI-WAN
Vile foe—I swipe, and this is the result:
Your double lightsaber is singl’d out.
’Tis now a fight more even, and shall be
E’en fairer when I take the life you owe,
The one that you from Master Qui-Gon stole.
MAUL
Not so, foul boy. You have the upper hand,
But yet have turn’d your back upon the chasm.
And now, whilst o’er my lightsaber you fret
I strike with th’Force and send you falling down.
[Darth Maul uses the Force to strike Obi-Wan and knock him into a chasm, where Obi-Wan grasps a nozzle.
OBI-WAN
Alas, I fall! My lightsaber is gone,
Yet still I cling and am not finish’d yet.
E’en as I hang here, grasping for my life,
I know how much doth hang upon this duel.
Be patient, Obi-Wan, be calm in mind.
Think carefully about thy movement next,
Lest it shall be the final one thou mak’st.
MAUL
He hangeth there, but just prolongs his death.
’Tis either down into the endless pit
Or up above, where, with no lightsaber
His death shall be as swift as I allow—
Or slow, perhaps, so he shall beg for it.
OBI-WAN
’Tis certain I cannot go down from here,
So must ascend with mighty upward leap.
This much he shall expect, yet shall he think
I am unarm’d—which, in the main, is true.
However, in my mind’s eye I behold
Another weapon I may master yet.
Now to it, Obi-Wan: earn thy revenge!
[Obi-Wan flips upward, using the Force to pull Qui-Gon’s lightsaber into his hands.
As he lands, he then cuts Darth Maul in two using the lightsaber.
Let vengeance howl! The Jedi so decides.
[Darth Maul falls into the pit.
QUI-GON
Good Obi-Wan?
OBI-WAN
—what ho! He liveth still.
QUI-GON
It is too late for me, dear Obi-Wan.
Yet one thing doth remain: I pray, attend:
But promise me thou shalt train Anakin.
OBI-WAN
Yea, Master, yea.
QUI-GON
—He is the chosen one.
Forsooth, he shall bring balance to the Force.
Train him! My spirit goes; I can no more.
[Qui-Gon Jinn dies.
OBI-WAN
O noble man, by treachery o’erthrown!
A mightier and better Jedi ne’er
Did roam the corners of our galaxy.
The light that hath so shone within my days
Hath here been snuff’d most rancorously out.
Yet let it not be said his death’s for naught,
Nor that he fac’d his end with anything
That’s less than perfect valor, bravery
Beyond the pale of what a man should show.
He went unto his death as unto life:
With energy, with passion, and with strength.
How fortunate I am to be his last
Apprentice, aye, to learn so much from such
A brilliant star as he put in the sky.
We did but pale when he shin’d forth—nay, not
When he did shine, but as he still doth shine,
And ever shall, until the universe
Itself is dark and all’s but memory.
Farewell, my valiant master Qui-Gon Jinn,
Deep peace be yours until we meet again.
[Exit.
SCENE 4.
On the planet Nab
oo.
Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI, QUEEN AMIDALA, CAPTAIN PANAKA, ANAKIN SKYWALKER, NUTE GUNRAY, RUNE HAAKO, and many NABOO SOLDIERS and CITIZENS.
AMIDALA
O, Viceroy, get you gone and ne’er return.
You must unto the Senate go and tell
How your abuse of power did occur,
How you attack’d a people innocent,
How you conspir’d with men of evil deeds,
How you did seek to conquer brave Naboo.
PANAKA
It seems your dream of harsh, unending pow’r
Hath interrupted been and shall ne’er be.
[Exeunt Nute Gunray and Rune Haako escorted by Captain Panaka and guards.
Enter YODA, MACE WINDU, KI-ADI-MUNDI, members of the Jedi Council, and CHANCELLOR PALPATINE.
PALPATINE
We are indebted to you heartily,
Courageous Obi-Wan Kenobi. Aye,
And thou, young Skywalker, with interest
We shall watch o’er the progress of thy days.
AMIDALA
Congratulations on your grand election,
Good Palpatine, now Chancellor Supreme.
PALPATINE
Your spirit bold hath sav’d our sweet Naboo,
’Tis you to whom congratulation’s due.
As one, we two together shall bring peace,
Prosperity and joy to the Republic.
[Exeunt all but Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi, who kneels.
YODA
Confer on thee, now,
The level of Jedi Knight
The Council doth. Rise!
Yet agree with this—
Taking as Padawan th’boy—
I do not, indeed.
OBI-WAN
Yet Qui-Gon had a strong belief in him.
YODA
Mayhap ’tis correct
That the boy’s the chosen one.
Belike it is true.
Nevertheless, O!
A danger grave foresee I
In his being train’d.
OBI-WAN
Wise Master Yoda, I did give my word
To Qui-Gon as he knock’d upon death’s door.
I will train Anakin, and can, and shall—
Without approval of the council, if
Indeed it doth come to that point and time.
YODA
Qui-Gon’s defiance
Is greatly renew’d in thee.
Need that thou dost not.
Agree with thy wish
The council doth, despite me.
The boy shall be train’d.
Thy new apprentice
Anakin Skywalker is.
The Force be with thee.
[Exit Yoda.
Enter QUEEN AMIDALA, ANAKIN SKYWALKER, JAR JAR BINKS, CHANCELLOR PALPATINE, R2-D2, BOSS NASS, NABOO CITIZENS, and GUNGANS in celebration.
ANAKIN
What is the path that I shall follow next?
OBI-WAN
The council hath permission granted that
I may take you as my new Padawan.
Thou wilt be train’d by me, if it shall suit.
Thou shalt a Jedi be, I promise thee.
ANAKIN
I stand prepar’d to follow and obey.
Enter YODA and MACE WINDU, above on balcony.
MACE
There is no doubt: the man mysterious,
The one who slew Qui-Gon, he was a Sith.
YODA
Always two there are.
’Tis no more and no fewer:
Master, apprentice.
MACE
Yet who was he destroyèd in the shaft?
The master or apprentice? None can say.
NASS
O, strike up, pipers! Sing us merry songs!
[The people of Naboo and the Gungans join together in song.
CITIZENS
[sing:] Fly happily upon your feet,
Sing ho and be ye merry!
The wretched foe hath seen defeat,
O, be ye merry! Very!
Our frightful battle all is done,
Sing ho and be ye merry!
Naboo and Gungans now are one,
O, be ye merry! Very!
The strife is o’er, the woe is pass’d,
Sing ho and be ye merry!
And now sweet peace hath come at last,
O, be ye merry! Very!
[Obi-Wan Kenobi, Queen Amidala, and Anakin Skywalker come forward as all freeze.
ANAKIN
The first adventure hath both come and gone,
And in its tranquil outcome we find rest.
Toward the future we now look with hope,
And seek to enter it with spirits brave.
AMIDALA
A boy took his first step on th’Jedi path,
A Jedi from a killer sav’d a queen,
A queen releas’d her people from a threat,
A people made sweet peace with neighbors kind.
OBI-WAN
New friends were made, another dear friend lost,
And all hath grown by this experience.
These star wars end in celebration here,
Despite the pain, betrayal, hurt, and fear.
Enter CHORUS as epilogue.
CHORUS
With beating drums a’pounding in the air
And standards wav’d in flight above each head,
With decorations streaming o’er the square
And marching Gungans, joy is here widespread.
Young Anakin, now dress’d as Padawan,
Doth give a knowing nod unto the queen.
His master Jedi Knight, e’en Obi-Wan,
Looks on as Jar Jar rides his kaadu keen.
The Jedi Council watches the parade,
And Palpatine’s odd visage none can probe.
Boss Nass walks forth in pomp, his help repaid
As Padmé offers him a glist’ning globe.
This globe of peace o’er all Naboo holds sway,
Whilst falls the curtain on our merry play.
[Exeunt omnes.
END.
AFTERWORD.
Let’s begin with the hot-button issue: any retelling of The Phantom Menace must address Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar is perhaps the most hotly debated character in cinematic history—some loathe him, whereas others love him (witness any child under age twelve). In William Shakespeare’s The Phantom of Menace, I did two things with Jar Jar. First, his speech from the movie is transcribed into iambic pentameter … almost. In fact, I reimagined Jar Jar’s dialogue from the movie in lines of nine syllables, meaning he is one syllable short of a pentameter (yes, like being one sandwich short of a picnic). The other Gungans all speak in full iambic pentameter while maintaining their accents. The second thing I did was to make Jar Jar keenly aware of what’s going on around him. In my version of the story, Jar Jar was exiled not because he nearly destroyed the Gungan city, but because of his radical ideas. Banished to the surface of Naboo, he learned human speech and syntax and sharpened his thoughts about how difference races interact. He recognizes, then, that although Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan may be very useful to him and his people—they are Jedi, after all—they also treat him as a savage. (This recognition is backed up in the movie, with Qui-Gon derisively calling Jar Jar “a local” while speaking to Obi-Wan—right in front of Jar Jar!) In this play, Jar Jar is a radical thinker who—using his simple speech pattern—conforms to the humans’ expectations of him in order to bring hope to the Gungans, a long-disrespected race.
Other characters get some fun moments, too. Watto is my Dogberry (from Much Ado about Nothing), trying to impress people and misusing words in the process. Podrace commentators Fode and Beed, being a two-headed creature, speak as “we” in the first person, not “I.” I even gave them a “wethinks” instead of “methinks,” for good measure. Chancellor Valorum speaks only with weak endings (an unstressed eleventh syllable at the end of the line), since his character is nothing but a weak puppet. A
nd each line of Mace Windu has a little something special thrown in for the Samuel L. Jackson fans.
Going back to the podrace: how do you capture ten exciting minutes of high-speed, on-screen action in a stage play? My strategy was to make this like a battle scene in Shakespeare’s works, with messengers—in this case Padmé and Jar Jar—running in and out describing what’s going on, with all-seeing Fode and Beed adding bits of good and bad news as well. Meanwhile, the racers enter and exit quickly as they complete their laps. I imagined the actors running from one side of the stage to the other as they jockey for first place. In a live stage production, these elements would bring at least some of the urgency and excitement created by the high-speed race in the film.
One of the fun things about writing the William Shakespeare’s Star Wars series is that I am learning more and more about Shakespeare’s language. In Shakespeare’s time, generally speaking (though with Shakespeare there are always exceptions), “thou” is used informally, as between friends, and “you” is used more formally. “Thou” is also used to express superiority over someone—if you are my subordinate, I will refer to you as “thou,” but you will refer to me as “you” as a sign of respect. In the original William Shakespeare’s Star Wars trilogy I was looser about “thou” versus “you”—beginning with William Shakespeare’s The Phantom of Menace the distinction is, hopefully, clearer.
Diving into the prequels has been more fun than I expected. Reimagining the characters introduced to us in The Phantom Menace as characters involved in an intricate Shakespearean plot gave me new insight into and interest in the film as a whole. I hope the same is true for you.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS.
This book is dedicated to my wonderful college friends Heidi Altman, Chris Martin, Naomi Walcott, and Ethan Youngerman. Thank you, all of you, for who you are and who you have been for me.
Thanks to my parents, Beth and Bob Doescher; my brother Erik; his family Em, Aracelli, and Addison; and my aunt Holly Havens.
