by J. S. Scott
Nobody was ever going to care as much about Lauren as I did, and there was no way in hell I was going to let her go because I didn’t try. I wasn’t a quitter, and I refused to let myself be defined by my mental illness.
There would always be fears associated with my bipolar disorder. My future of having kids someday was uncertain since the illness was hereditary, and yeah, I could end up in a hospital bed babbling about things that made no sense if I slipped out of my stable state, but wasn’t it better to just live my life if or until that happened, knowing I’d have somebody around who genuinely cared about me to help me get through the experience?
Hell, I’d be there for Lauren no matter what happened to her. She could have delusions about being the Queen of England and start dancing around on tables naked, but I’d know who was really inside her mind and her body. It wouldn’t change the way I felt about her. However, I would have to cover her body and drag her off the table. Nobody was going to see her naked except me.
So if I felt that way about her, was it such a long shot that she could have those same emotions?
I couldn’t really remember a time in my life where Lauren wasn’t part of my history and my future. Okay. Yeah. Our relationship was changing. My dick adored her now that she was an adult, and I wanted carnal knowledge of every inch of her curvy body. The possessive, caveman stuff had surprised me, but maybe it shouldn’t have. I’d always seen myself as Lauren’s protector, but she didn’t need that anymore. She was brilliant, and she could handle herself against any reasonable adversary. So those feelings had turned into a need to claim her as mine.
A fucking unrelenting instinct that was killing me.
Maybe it was a relationship that made no sense on the surface. The jock and the genius?
Problem was, I saw so much more when I looked at Lauren than her intelligence. I always had. I saw her. The whole person.
The little girl who had always felt different, but had an endless compassion for other people around her.
The teenager who had made me laugh because she had a sense of the ridiculous, and could make jokes about it.
And now, the adult beautiful woman who I craved like an addictive drug.
Oh hell, I’m fucked.
I should have known I was screwed from the moment Lauren’s foot had brushed over my erection at the cabin in Aspen. I wish I had stopped to think about what was happening then, but I hadn’t. First, I’d let my dick brain take control. Then, I’d freaked, afraid that I’d do something to hurt Lauren, so I’d run away like a coward to protect her from me. I hadn’t consciously recognized that I was doing something that would completely erode a trust we’d built for well over a decade of friendship.
I’d already beaten myself up a million times for losing her trust.
I was ready to prove to her that I could be there for her when she needed me.
Showing her how I felt was so damn necessary that I was nervous. I could dwell on what would happen if I couldn’t. Or not.
I’d decided not to accept defeat because that was pretty much my nature, and I needed Lauren too badly to take anything less than her surrender.
I wanted us all wrapped up in each other, entwined, preferably naked, until we didn’t know where one of us started and the other began.
I groaned in the dark interior of my vehicle as I turned off the freeway, cursing myself as I imagined getting Lauren naked.
“Don’t go there right now,” I rumbled aloud.
Yeah, I planned on getting her in bed before the night was over, but I wanted her to know I was going to be there when she woke up in the morning.
I killed the engine as I pulled into Lauren’s driveway.
Before I could think too much, I snatched the gifts on the seat beside me and hopped out of my vehicle.
I could make Lauren trust me again.
I could spoil her like she deserved to be spoiled.
I rang the doorbell, and Lauren’s dad opened the door seconds later, as though he’d been waiting for me to get there.
He stepped aside and let me in with a wary expression on his face. I wasn’t used to that.
I’d always liked Lauren and Jack’s father, Ben. He’d treated me like a second son when I was younger, something I’d never experienced in my many foster homes. I realized now that I’d pushed him away somewhat, just like I’d kept everybody else at a distance when I was a kid. But I didn’t need that protective defense anymore.
I shook his hand and he slapped me on the back. I hadn’t seen him in a while, and I recognized the fact that I’d missed him.
“Good to see you again, sir,” I said as I let go of his hand.
“Lauren is upstairs,” Ben said. “But she’ll be down shortly. Call me Ben. I feel old when you call me ‘sir.’”
I stood in a kitchen that hadn’t changed much over the years as I agreed readily, “Ben.”
“You clean up good,” he told me. “Where are you two off to?”
I hated the edginess I was feeling when Ben looked at me. But then, he seemed to be looking at me as a prospective boyfriend instead of a friend of Jack’s.
I told him where we were going for dinner.
He whistled. “Nice place. I wanted to take Lauren there for her birthday, but it was a little too rich for my blood.”
I shrugged. “I can afford it, and Lauren deserves the best I can give her.”
I made a mental note to take Ben and Lauren out to some places that had been previously out of reach. What was the point of having money if I couldn’t use a little of it to have fun with the people I cared about?
“You’ve done good, kid,” Ben said. “You got condoms?”
I squirmed, feeling just a little bit guilty that I saw Ben’s girl as the woman who haunted every sexual fantasy I had. “I think we’re good,” I said quickly.
I’d kind of forgotten how direct Lauren’s dad could be. But we hadn’t exactly talked about sex when I was younger.
He motioned to the kitchen table and I sat down in a chair.
As he took a seat across from me, he said, “Don’t mess with her head, Graham. She’s too good for that.”
I started feeling like we were speaking the same language now. “I know,” I confessed. “All I want to do is make her happy.”
“You love her?” Ben asked directly.
I nodded my head immediately. “I do. But I messed up once.”
His solemn face lit up in a smile. “If your heart is in the right place, everything will work out. You and Lauren always seemed to fit.”
“Don’t you think that’s strange?” I asked curiously. “We’re so different in so many ways.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he denied. “The important thing is that you always saw her.”
“I’ll take care of her the way she deserves,” I vowed.
“Dad? Are you grilling Graham?” Lauren’s voice spoke from the entrance to the kitchen.
Ben and I both stood up like we were being caught in the act of doing something wrong.
“Just catching up,” Ben denied as he winked at me.
Lauren rolled her eyes in exasperation, but she looked fondly at her only parent as she said, “It’s just dinner. And it’s Graham.”
My heart started to accelerate like I was doing a training run as I looked at her.
Jesus! She was gorgeous.
She made me grateful that I’d made the effort to clean up. But my attempts were put to shame by her black cocktail dress. It was deceptively simple, but the silky material seemed to hug her every curve. I was mesmerized by the view from the back as she went to drop a brief kiss on her father’s cheek.
“I won’t be out late,” she informed him.
“You will,” I contradicted. “Don’t plan on seeing her until tomorrow,” I informed her father.
Ben lo
oked at me with a resigned expression.
Lauren glanced at me with surprise, but she didn’t speak.
“You’ll need a jacket,” I told her. “It’s not cold, but it’s not exactly warm, either.”
She picked up a light coat that was on the back of the chair in the kitchen.
I took it from her and held it out for her as she slipped her arms into it.
“What’s this?” she asked as she picked up the gifts I’d left on the table.
The blueberry muffins were self-explanatory. It was her favorite, and I’d gotten them fresh-baked at a shop in the mall.
But I did smile as I saw her looking at them like they were golden.
She finally set the muffins down and picked up the other package.
“It’s no big deal. Something you can open later.”
I knew that wrapping paper wasn’t going to last more than thirty seconds. Lauren wasn’t a woman who could ignore something mysterious, even if it wasn’t all that exciting.
She tore off the paper, and then flipped open the box.
The sweatshirt was Wildcats blue, and I watched her face as she saw what was written on the front.
The Quarterback is Mine.
I shrugged as I mumbled, “Just something you can wear to the games. I’ll get you an official jersey when they come out.” Of course, she’d be sporting my name and number on that beautiful body of hers.
She hugged it to her for a moment as she said, “I love it.”
“That thing is bound to keep other women away,” Ben warned.
“That’s the idea,” I told him honestly. “I don’t want any other woman.”
I wasn’t about to hide the fact that I was determined to make Lauren mine, not even to her dad.
He nodded like he approved as he said, “You two kids have fun. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Dad,” Lauren said in an admonishing voice.
I nodded back, knowing Ben and I had reached an understanding. If I took care of his little girl, I had his approval.
If not, he was going to take me on, no matter how much younger and stronger I might be. I respected that.
I planned to cherish Lauren forever, so I had no problem with the agreement.
Lauren took my hand and tugged me toward the door. “See you later, Dad.”
“The convenience store right down the street sells condoms,” he mentioned.
I grinned as Lauren’s face flushed with embarrassment. I couldn’t help it.
We got as far as the Range Rover before we both lost it and started to laugh.
CHAPTER 35
Graham
The restaurant had been everything I’d hoped it would be, and I’d thoroughly enjoyed watching the looks of ecstasy on Lauren’s face throughout each course.
However, my patience was starting to wear pretty thin.
I had a love/hate relationship with the way Lauren enjoyed her food.
I loved seeing her happy.
But I hated watching the aroused look on her face when she tasted everything on the table.
It made for a painfully hard meal, even though the food and service had been outstanding.
“I’m done,” Lauren said sadly as she placed her linen napkin on her plate carefully. “This is the most decadent thing I’ve ever done.”
I watched her as she reached for her wineglass, silently swearing to myself that Lauren and I would share every wicked thing we could find in the future. “It was good,” I answered.
Her brows drew together in the Lauren way I fucking adored. “Good?” she questioned. “Graham, it was extraordinary. The food, the wine, the table linens, the service. This whole restaurant is fantastic. And I doubt I would have experienced it if not for you. Thank you.”
We both loved good food, so I grinned at her. “There are a lot more places I want to go.”
She looked around the elegant interior of the restaurant. “I’ll run out of dresses. It’s not like I own a whole closet full of nice outfits.”
“Does it matter?” I asked. “Denver has a lot of great places that are casual, or I could give you my credit card to buy more dresses and clothes.” Fuck! That sounded like a good idea. I liked the idea of taking care of her, and now I had the money to buy her anything her heart desired without it even making a dent in my new net worth.
Most good eateries had always been out of my reach when we were younger.
“It doesn’t really matter where we go as long as I’m with you,” she answered in a sincere tone.
It didn’t escape me that she totally ignored my offer of new clothes. Peanut was stubborn, but I wouldn’t have her be any other way. I had a lot of faith in my persuasive abilities, and I’d learned how to get around her stubbornness most of the time.
“But good food doesn’t hurt,” I teased.
Lauren sighed. “You aren’t going to be good for my diet.”
“I’ll be available to help you work off the calories,” I offered huskily.
Her beautiful eyes locked with mine, and I saw the same damn longing I knew I was showing to her when I looked at her. The gnawing sensation in my gut grew agonizing the longer she stared at me.
“Did you mean it?” she asked in a breathless tone. “What’s on the shirt you gave me, and what you said to Dad?”
I reached across the table and grasped her hand. “I did. I do. Maybe you won’t believe me quite yet, but I’m not going anywhere, Lauren.”
Her slightly haunted expression gutted me. But I’d given her enough mixed signals in the past to justify it. I wasn’t going to lie to her ever again.
“I want you to be mine,” she said hesitantly.
“I am yours,” I said immediately, trying to tear down the last of the wall I’d built up between us with my stupidity.
We’d made fun conversation over dinner, just enjoying each other’s company. But I was more than happy to spill my guts to her. I was ready.
My engorged cock twitched, and I admitted that my dick was more than eager to talk to her, too.
She scrunched her nose adorably as her thumb toyed with the top of my hand. “Is it weird that we feel this way after being friends for so long?”
“My dick realized that it wasn’t strange long before my brain did,” I confessed. “But this is right, Peanut. I think we both know that.”
“I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for you to notice me, but then you got together with Hope…”
I could hear the anguish in her tone, and it nearly killed me that I’d been so damn stupid.
I stroked a thumb over her wrist. “I’m a work in progress, Peanut,” I admitted. “It’s not easy to be with somebody who is bipolar. There’s always that fear of the disorder taking control. Hope didn’t want kids, and neither one of us expected much from each other. But I did expect her not to screw other guys. I guess I thought Hope and I were perfect for each other because we were both ambivalent.”
“You deserve so much more than that, Graham,” she replied softly.
I raised an eyebrow. “So what do I do now that I know the only one who can give me what I want is you?”
“Sex?” she questioned.
I shook my head slowly. “If that’s what you think, then I’m not doing a very good job of expressing myself. I want everything, Peanut. I admit, I’d like nothing more than to tease you until you’re half-crazy with desire, and then bury myself inside you until we’re both satisfied. But that’s not going to be enough for me. I need us. Maybe it’s too soon to want that, but I can’t watch you be with anybody else but me.”
“It killed me to see you with Hope,” she answered. “I never admitted that to myself consciously because I knew it would hurt too much.”
Our waiter left the bill on the table quietly, and I let go of Lauren’s hand to take care of i
t.
“I would have felt the same way if you were with somebody else,” I confessed. “But you and me…I just couldn’t conceive it because I didn’t want anybody I cared about having to live with my disorder. It’s not for the faint of heart,” I joked.
“But bipolar doesn’t define who you are as a person. That’s completely unique.”
I grinned at her as I fished for my wallet. “I think I just had that conversation with myself.”
“Do you believe it?”
“Yeah. I think maybe I finally do. I just need a woman who can accept the risk.” There was only one woman I needed to take me on, and I was looking at her.
“I can,” she said firmly. “I know you.”
The tension I hadn’t realized existed released from my body. “You’re probably the only person who really does,” I replied hoarsely, fumbling in my wallet until I found my credit card and tossed it on the check.
I lost a few other items in the process.
“What’s this?” Lauren asked as she helped me pick up the items that had fallen from my wallet.
“That’s priceless,” I said, snatching the object from her hand.
“It’s a four-leafed clover,” she observed. “It looks like it’s preserved in resin.”
“It’s your four-leafed clover,” I explained. “The same one you gave me before I left for college. I haven’t been separated from it since you found it for me.”
I smoothed a hand over the plastic cover, trying to make sure it was intact. I’d gotten it preserved right after Lauren had given it to me. It was preserved and mounted on a heavy piece of white cardboard, and covered in a sturdy plastic. I’d been thinking about a more permanent place to put it because it was starting to look a little tattered.
Lauren took it back into her hand and ran a finger down the clear cover. “You saved it?”
“You sound surprised,” I answered. “What’s the probability of finding one of those?”
“One in ten thousand,” she recited immediately.
“I knew you hunted hard for that. It meant a lot to me. I kind of clung to it while I was in the hospital in college. That four-leafed clover and you helped me hang on to my sanity. Every time I wanted to give up, all I had to think about was your tenacity when you were looking for one special clover among thousands of them. It made me stronger.”
