“Right,” Chantal said without conviction.
Ronnie shook a corn chip at Blaze. “We’ve shunned chocolate, burgers, just about every kind of bread, pizza, so many good things. No fucking more! When I can’t fit into my ridiculously small clothes, I’m gonna fashion my outfits out of beach towels.”
“You might wanna be careful with that,” Blaze said with a slight smile. “I think it’s a fashion faux pas to wear a dolphin or crab after Labor Day.” She noticed Chantal’s eyes widen and the tiny shake of her head too late.
“Do you think this is funny?” Ronnie bellowed. “Sure you do. You’ve always eaten anything you wanted and never gained a pound. Do you even own a scale? Blaze, you don’t have a clue what the struggle is like! Don’t you dare stand there and judge me with your hyper metabolism!”
Blaze didn’t bother to say that she spent a lot of time in a hot warehouse and that she’d just mown two yards. Instead, she hung her head. “I apologize for my ignorance and metabolism.”
Ronnie glared at Blaze and bumped Chantal with her elbow. “Try the white cheese dip, it’s an orgasm in a jar.”
“Oh, yes.” Chantal took a chip, stuck a small corner of it into the dip, and held it, looking as though she hoped Ronnie wouldn’t notice she didn’t eat it.
“Clint took the boys fishing, and Rosie is staying with a friend tonight, so we women, free of image bondage, are gonna have a slumber party. What do you want for dinner—Mexican, Italian, both? It’s all on me.” Ronnie dipped another chip into the salsa. “I’m feeling like a pitcher of margaritas myself.”
“I’m sorry. I have dinner plans with Caleigh,” Blaze said and thought she heard Chantal whimper.
Ronnie scowled and waved a hand dismissively. “Go bathe, you stink.”
*******
Caleigh didn’t normally answer calls from numbers she didn’t recognize, but she worried it might’ve been someone affiliated with the shipyard since it was a local area code. “Hello?”
“Caleigh, listen, I don’t have much time before Blaze comes back in here,” Ronnie said quickly. “I know y’all have a date tonight, but I’m about to offer you something more fun than a boring ol’ dinner. Imagine this, you’re in comfortable bum clothes sampling food from every restaurant in town, and you’re singing stupid songs and laughing your ass off. You can have as many margaritas as you want because it’s a slumber party. Doesn’t that sound like a good time?”
“Yeah, it does,” Caleigh said with a laugh.
“Tell Blaze you want to stay at her house and party with me and Chantal instead of going out tonight.”
Caleigh realized she was being put on the spot. “Oh, so she doesn’t know about this party, or has she already turned it down?”
“Here’s the thing. I’m going through menopause, and I think under ordinary circumstances I could deal with the emotional highs and lows and the hot flashes, but my husband is a dick. My children are too cool to hang around with me. That’s cool.” Ronnie’s voice became strained. “I was a kid, and I remember what that’s like, but right now, I feel unwanted, useless, and like I’m just in the way of everyone. I’ve never felt like this before. I can’t cope. I need my sister, I need you—I’m sorry, we just met, and that’s a lot of pressure. I need margaritas, food, and people around who’ll make me laugh and make me forget my whole world is coming apart. I know I’m being selfish, and I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking when I called. Just—”
“No, don’t apologize,” Caleigh said soothingly and thought she heard a toilet flush. “I love comfortable clothes and singing stupid songs. I’ll talk to Blaze.”
“She’s probably gonna be really mad that I called you.”
“I already know she’s very understanding. Don’t worry, everything will be okay,” Caleigh assured.
“You know what, I like you a lot already. I hope you and Blaze get really close because she deserves to have someone good in her life. Please don’t tell her I said this. She’s a strong woman, and she needs a strong partner. Though you’re very small, you strike me as someone who’s strong too. I hope that’s true because she’s gonna go off when you tell her I called you. I’ve never been afraid of her, but right now, I feel like I have to pee again.”
Caleigh fought the urge to laugh. “Okay, you do that, and I’ll call Blaze.”
“Thank you, Caleigh.”
“You’re welcome. See you soon.” Caleigh ended the call and pressed Blaze’s number in her contact list.
“Hey,” Blaze said happily.
Caleigh smiled. “Hey, you. Just hear me out for a minute, okay?”
“All right,” Blaze said with obvious concern in her tone.
“Your sister needs our support. She’s in a rough period of her life, and I’m sure Chantal being there also has her emotionally compromised. She called and invited us to eat and be silly with her tonight, and I think we should do that.” Caleigh listened to silence for a moment. “Please don’t be mad at her.”
“I’m shocked. I can’t believe she called you. That’s so out of character for Ronnie. She must be falling apart because her pride would never allow her to do that otherwise.” Blaze sighed. “I’m so sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. I don’t care where we have dinner as long as I’m with you.”
“Where did you come from? How can you be so awesome?” Blaze inhaled sharply and whispered, “Are you a terminator too?”
“No, and don’t try to melt me down to see if I’m lying. Wait until you see me kaboom, and I might go way down on your scale of awesomeness.”
“I’ll probably like you even more,” Blaze said with a laugh. “Seriously, thank you so much for being incredibly amazing about tonight.”
“I’m looking forward to it. I’ll be at your house at seven wearing my favorite bum clothes and ready to sing and eat.”
*******
Blaze knocked on the bathroom door downstairs. When Ronnie opened it, she asked, “How did you get Caleigh’s number?”
“I sneaked it off your phone while you were in the shower.” Ronnie hung her head. “I feel so stupid. I think I was on a salsa high, and it made me temporarily insane. I’m okay now, so you and Caleigh go on and do whatever y’all were gonna do.”
“Oh, no, you’ve rearranged everything, and we’re looking forward to a party. Chantal’s always dressed too prim and proper. Let’s make her wear sweatpants and a flannel shirt.”
Ronnie met Blaze’s gaze and smiled. “With a ball cap.”
“Yeah,” Blaze agreed with a growl as she pulled Ronnie into her arms and hugged her tightly. “I’m getting better at hugging. You didn’t have to ask me to do it this time.”
“I wasn’t going to. I ate too much salsa, and it gave me the shits, so you should stop squeezing me.”
Chapter 12
“We’ve got Chinese, Lebanese, and Mexican food,” Ronnie said when she opened the door to Caleigh that evening. I know it sounds crazy, but margaritas go really well with fried rice.”
Caleigh gawked at the amount of takeout containers on the kitchen table. “Wow. Who is eating all this?”
“We are, or mostly me.” Ronnie patted her stomach. “I emptied my tank after a salsa overdose, so I feel like I can probably do some serious damage to what we’ve got here. Blaze is helping Chantal get dressed. I can’t wait for you to see that.”
“How do I look?” Caleigh asked as she tugged at the leg of her gray plaid lounge pants.
“Perfect. I really like the ancient Saints jersey. I borrowed clothes from Blaze.” Ronnie waved a hand over the yellow long-sleeved T-shirt with a surf shop logo on it and the red shorts she was wearing. “She wore these gym shorts in high school, so that should tell you she doesn’t get rid of old clothes. How about a margarita?”
“I should probably eat first. I’m on an empty tank too, and the alcohol will go straight to my head. I’m not a giddy drunk, I’m a sleepy drunk.” Caleigh grinned when Chantal rolled into the
room sporting a ball cap on her head backward, a flannel shirt, and sweatpants cut off just below her knees. The knot on her head had gone down, but the bruising was already settling around her eye. “Look at you.”
“I’m not sure I agree with Blaze’s description of my style,” Chantal said. “She says it’s butch, but I would describe it as a comfortable fashion calamity.”
Blaze strode into the kitchen with a smile. “I said bum butch, at least from the waist up. The legs of the pants were too long, and I had to cut them, and that changed the whole look I was going for.” She walked over to Caleigh, gave her a peck on the lips, and took the bag hanging over her shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here. You look adorable.”
“You do too. Usually, no one can make green shorts and a red shirt look good except for elves,” Caleigh quipped with a laugh.
Ronnie took the bag from Blaze. “I’ve got this. Y’all get some food before I come back and eat everything on the table, including the containers. Chantal, I expect to see you with a margarita,” she said as she left the room.
“I don’t want to disappoint her, but I can’t drink and scoot,” Chantal whispered. “I would love to have one otherwise.”
“You can have one when you’re on the couch and we’re playing Name That Tune.” Blaze handed Caleigh a plate. “I’ll carry you to your room if you get hammered. I think we’re expected to eat in the living room, so I’ll fix your plate and bring it to you. What do you want?”
“She wants everything,” Ronnie said as she returned to the kitchen.
“Tiny portions, please.” Chantal frowned. “I’ve begun developing tumors on my hips.”
Blaze looked up from the plate she was making. “What?”
“Abnormal growths caused by complacency and an unrestricted diet,” Chantal explained.
“They’re love handles. I know they don’t have those in Hollywood, but they’re common in Louisiana, the land of biscuits and gravy,” Blaze said with a laugh.
*******
While they were eating, Chantal opened a fortune cookie and said, “Balance and truth will assure your success in all things. You can’t handle the truth in my cookie!”
“Did your fortune really say that?” Ronnie asked.
Chantal chuckled. “No. Movie lines stick in my head, and I find it amusing to combine them with things I read. It’s silly, I know. A few fellow actors and I used entertain ourselves between takes by acting out famous movie scenes, but we used things like the ingredients to products for the actual lines. We’d laugh hysterically at how ridiculous we sounded.”
“I need an example of this,” Blaze said as she hopped up and ran into the kitchen. She returned with an armload of things she’d taken from her pantry and handed Chantal a box of ginger snap cookies. “Scarlett O’Hara style,” she said with a laugh as she set boxes and cans on the coffee table. She joined Caleigh and Ronnie where they sat on the living room floor as Chantal got into character.
“Enriched flour, sugar,” Chantal cried with a heavy Southern accent. “You should’ve made your presence known. How dare you! Riboflavin and folic acid can’t help me now. Nevertheless, I will eat these snaps. If I have to lie, diet, cheat, or endure seaweed wraps, God as my witness, I’ll never go low fat again.”
“You were so passionate and dramatic, how do you keep from cracking up?” Ronnie asked while Blaze and Caleigh laughed hysterically.
“Years of training,” Chantal replied with a smile.
Blaze scooted a can of chicken noodle soup toward Chantal. “Okay, somebody name another famous movie.”
“Casablanca,” Ronnie said excitedly. “The ‘here’s looking at you, kid,’ scene.”
“Oh, yes.” Chantal scrubbed her hands together. “That’s one of my favorites.” She picked up the can and read the ingredients. “I’ll be picking up mid-scene.” She cleared her throat. “I’m not being chicken broth, but it doesn’t take much enriched noodles to see that the meat of three little chickens doesn’t amount to ten-point-five ounces in this crazy world. Here’s looking at you, monosodium glutamate.”
Ronnie, Blaze, and Caleigh laughed as they clapped. “You nailed chicken noodle, Bogart!” Caleigh said with a big grin.
“We should all do an improv scene together. That’ll be so much fun,” Chantal suggested. “Each of you take a can or a box from the table. I’ll say a line, then point at one of you, and you’ll have to respond with a line using at least one of the ingredients of the product you picked.”
“I’m down for this challenge.” Caleigh grabbed a package of croutons. Ronnie picked a can of green chiles, and Blaze selected pasta sauce.
“The setting is a dinner party in a gothic mansion in the fifties. Use your own names to avoid confusion. We are all seated at the table, and,” Chantal glanced at the can of chicken noodle soup she was holding, “Mr. Cornstarch has just died. To get into the proper mindset, think of an Agatha Christie novel or one of the movies based on her books. I’ll say a line and point to one of you to respond, then I’ll point to the next person, and so on.”
“This is gonna be so much fun,” Ronnie said excitedly. “Can we use accents?”
“You may present your character however you please. Remember, you have to use a word from the ingredients on your products during your part.” Chantal became very serious and said, “He has no pulse. Mr. Cornstarch is dead, and I suspect he’s been poisoned.” She pointed at Caleigh.
“Dead! But we all ate the same wheat,” Caleigh responded with a French accent.
Chantal pointed at Blaze, who used a husky voice for her character. “Perhaps not.” She looked around with suspicion in her gaze. “One of you tomatoes could’ve put the poison in only his wheat.”
“You were sitting next to him, Blaze,” Ronnie said with an English accent when Chantal pointed to her. “How dare you accuse us, you…you…citric acid!”
“We have another carrot. We’re locked in this room,” Chantal said and pointed to Blaze.
Blaze slapped the coffee table. “Then our host sodium is to blame! She made me bloat just looking at her.”
“I suspect she is merely an accomplice,” Chantal added. “Someone in this broth is the real killer.” She pointed at Ronnie.
“Well, it’s not me.” Ronnie stood and backed away from Blaze and Caleigh. “I didn’t even know Cornstarch. That narrows the list of chiles by one.”
Caleigh jumped to her feet when Chantal pointed at her. “You lying sack of soy! I saw you kissing him in the hallway before dinner.”
Chantal pointed at Ronnie. “That doesn’t prove I knew him.” Ronnie glanced at her can of chiles. “I have calcium chloride disease, it makes me kiss compulsively!”
Caleigh and Ronnie stayed in character, but Blaze broke and snorted. Chantal gave her a stern look. “Caleigh, did you know Mr. Cornstarch before this evening’s garlic powder?”
“Somewhat.” Caleigh glanced at her bag of croutons and held her head high. “My yeast extract broke down on the way here, and he gave me a ride.”
“Well, the corn syrup thickens,” Blaze said snidely when Chantal pointed at her.
“Fructose you and your attitude,” Caleigh retorted when she got the signal from Chantal and looked as though she was about to laugh.
“I heard you having a heated argument with him outside about salt,” Ronnie interjected when it was her turn. “You two have a history, Blaze.”
Blaze rolled her eyes dramatically when Chantal pointed at her. “We had a brief tomato puree a long time ago, so what? It was less than the daily allowance of vitamin C. Your kissing disease excuse is dietary fiber, Ronnie. I know for a fact you and Cornstarch have been getting it on for years! What the hell are you doing?” she said when Ronnie ripped off her shirt. “Is your character a stripper?”
“Hot flash,” Ronnie said and inhaled sharply.
“You’re not wearing a bra, and this ain’t Bourbon Street.” Blaze waved a hand at Ronnie’s breasts. “Cover those at least.”
“Her flashes cause bursts of anger,” Chantal explained to Caleigh, who looked horrified.
“No! I’m going crazy,” Ronnie insisted. “I’m afraid to be around my family. I cried when Leif told me he got an A on a biology test. He always makes good grades! Clint asked me to pass him the ketchup the other night, and that made me furious. I actually contemplated bludgeoning him with it. I can’t think! I can’t concentrate! I can’t sleep!” She dropped her can of chiles and covered her face with her hands as she sobbed.
“Ronnie, I’m so sorry,” Blaze said miserably as Ronnie ran out of the room. She turned to Chantal, who was trying to get her injured leg onto the scooter. “Was it like that for you?”
“She told me earlier that she and Clint had a fight this morning,” Chantal said softly. “She’s dealing with a lot more than menopause symptoms, but they exacerbate her issues. I don’t think she’s getting very much sleep because of the night sweats, and exhaustion robs us all of our coping skills.”
“There’s gotta be something we can do. She’s really suffering,” Caleigh said. “Her skin turned dark red, she looked like a boiled lobster.”
Chantal nodded. “She made an appointment with her doctor, but it’s not until next week. I did some research, and there are some over-the-counter medications that may help her. I’ve mentioned them to her before, but she said she read online they don’t work. I still think she should try them. I saw one when I was doing my research, and I don’t remember the name, but it was in a purple box. It’s supposed to help with mood and—”
“I’m going to the store right now,” Blaze said.
*******
“At MVP, they kept that kind of thing near the vitamins.” Caleigh walked along the aisle slowly, looking up and down the shelves. “I’m impressed at how they keep everything arranged so neatly here and—” She stopped and knelt in front of one section that looked as though a pack of wild dogs had wrecked it. “I think I found the menopause relief stuff or what’s left of it.”
Blissfully Blindsided Page 12
