by Dena Nicotra
Reluctantly, I trudged to Mic’s office and made the obligatory greetings. It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy to see Maude. I genuinely liked her. It was more that I felt uncomfortable with the concept of small talk, which held little weight in the face of our current situation. How was I supposed to act? Talking about life in the optimistic sense was clearly no longer an option as far as I was concerned, and yet I felt compelled to fake it for Alice’s sake.
Maude stood up as I entered the room and extended her arms. We hugged briefly before she pulled back to look at me. “You look exactly the same as you did the last time I saw you, Lee. So invigorated and alive! Everything about you just inspires me.” Maude pushed her glasses up before returning to sit in one of the high back leather chairs. She crossed her legs, and then took on a more serious tone. “Now, tell me, how have you been?”
“I’ve been very well. Life in Redburg keeps me busy.” She considered this carefully as she picked at imaginary lint from her pale blue sweater. Alice was positioned on the couch, nursing Bady, a small smile playing across her lips as she gazed down at her. I found myself hating the silence that ensued. I cleared my throat and took a seat on the edge of Mic’s desk.
“So how have you been, Maude?”
“Good. Very, very good. You know me. I don’t require much. I’ve kept myself busy with my painting and whatnot. I guess you could say life’s been relatively calm.” She dabbed at her eyes with a wadded up tissue she had in her hand. It was the first time I realized her veneer was cracking.
It hadn’t occurred to me how hard this revelation must be for her. Let alone, for Alice. I struggled for words that were appropriate, but all I could think about was my desperate need to flee these two extremes. One woman was at the sunset of her life, and the other was just beginning. In a perfect world, both would find harmony. They would have individuals who would support them as they transitioned into their places. I, on the other hand, could support neither. Bady snuggled against her mother and fell into a peaceful sleep. I envied that child for her ability to check out while I was left with the duty of polite conversation. What did I know of either position? I took a sip of my coffee and smiled. What else could I do?
“Lee, promise me that you will be there for Micah when he needs you,” said Maude. There was something meaningful in the way that she said this. Yet, for some reason, I agreed without questioning her. Maude loved her nephew, and to her, the sun shined out his…well, you know. Instead of challenging her, I nodded. It was enough to appease her. Alice stroked Bady’s sleepy head, and seemed a million miles away from our conversation. Looking at these two women, I felt an odd sense of connection and a mutual sense of detachment and at the same time. More importantly, I felt a horrific sense of dread. My fight or flight mechanism was calling my name.
“Lee, why don’t you see if there’s anything to eat around here. I get so jittery if I don’t eat in the morning, and I’m sure Alice is hungry too,” Maude said. I met her eyes and knew that she was giving me an excuse to leave the room. Nevertheless, I didn’t hesitate to oblige her.
“You got it. That’s a great idea! I’m actually starving myself,” I added as I made my way to the door. “I’ll see what I can find us.” Maude smiled and nodded her head, in silent understanding. I passed by Mic and Giz without saying a word. Neither of them even noticed me leaving the room because they were so engrossed in what they were doing. When I made it to the hallway, I took a deep breath and let it out heavily. I had no idea where I was going to find food, but I planned to take my sweet time searching. I hit the button for the elevator and talked to myself as I waited. Why didn’t I just stay in Redburg?
For no particular reason, I hit the button for the tenth floor. It was dark in the corridor and as the elevator doors closed behind me, I hesitated. I had no idea what the layout of this building was, and although Mic felt confident that the building was secure, I wasn’t taking any chances.
There was a prickling at the nape of my neck as I opened the first door I came to. The room was a labyrinth of dark cubicles. Unwilling to venture further, I closed the door and continued on. The next door offered the same scenario. Nothing but dusty cubicles, abandoned computer stations, scattered papers on the floor and dried bloodstains. I stood for a moment, imagining the horrors that must have occurred here. So many of the employees at I.D.E were simps. The humans that worked among them must have been stunned when they turned on them.
My eye caught a child’s drawing on the wall of one of the cubes. A yellow sun with stick rays, two stick figures holding hands, hovering above scribbles of green grass. Printed in blue, just above the smiling stick people, were the words, me and my Daddy…beneath the speckles of dried blood.
A fresh wave of anger washed over me. This building was the hub of everything I hated. It represented evil, greed, and the death of everything I’d ever loved. I closed the door and turned on my heel to the bank of elevators. I needed to get out of this building. I needed air, and I needed to get a grip on myself.
I got to the roof just in time to see a black hovcar landing in the distance. I crouched behind a low wall and drew my gun from the small of my back. As the engine died, I caught the familiar voice of my cyber double.
“Lee, I know you are behind that wall. I saw you,” said Two. I slid out from my hiding spot and crossed the parking lot to them. As I approached, Deraline raised her hand to stop me.
“Don’t, Lee. Mic said we were not to come in contact with humans if we could help it. He gave us instructions to go straight to Lab B on the eighteenth floor.”
“I’m not afraid of you, Deraline.”
“I believe that,” she said, taking a step backwards. If I didn’t know better, I would swear she was afraid of me.
“She’s right, Lee. Mic has provided strict instructions to us, and we’re carrying them out. It’s better that you stay clear of us until we are deemed safe for human interaction.” Two’s voice was flat, void of emotion, and as I looked her over I realized that her right eye was missing. The socket revealed a silvery substance, and some of it was dried on her cheek. Her t-shirt was smeared with a dark substance that I recognized as the fluids within simps. Darker than human blood, it resembled old oil when it dried.
“What happened?” I asked, taking a step closer.
“Did you hear what I just said, Lee? Step aside and let us complete our mission.”
“Mission, is it?” I asked. Neither responded. Instead, they walked around me and continued to the elevators. I stood there, not sure how to process this as the doors closed, leaving me alone on the rooftop. The wind was picking up, and I crossed my arms as I made my way to my hovcar. Inside, I took a cigarette from my spare pack (courtesy of Dallas), and lit it with shaking hands. “Get a grip, Lee,” I said to no one. I was doing my best to hold it together, but seeing a mirror image of myself with a missing eyeball didn’t help things. I put my feet on the console and leaned back in my seat, blowing smoke at the ceiling. My thoughts went back and forth between staying and leaving. I couldn’t imagine how I was going to survive this mess, and I didn’t want to think about who wouldn’t. Bady’s little face came to mind and I realized, in that moment, that I couldn’t go. I had to stay, and face whatever came next, even if it was the last thing I wanted to do. This was no place to raise a child, but if I walked away and something happened to her or the baby, I’d never forgive myself.
I slid out of the hovcar and made my way to the elevator. When the doors opened, Mic was standing there.
“The girls told me you were up here. I didn’t expect to find you. I was sure you’d left.
“I thought about it,” I said, as I entered the elevator.
“I’m glad you changed your mind.” The doors slid closed and both of us stood there. Mic didn’t hit the button, and neither did I.
“You know, I could make you food in the lab.”
“I know,” I whispered. He touched my face, and then tilted my chin to look up at him. “What do you wa
nt to do, Lee?” I slid my hands around his waist and pushed him back against the wall. Suddenly, I had a hunger of a different kind. Mic met my kisses with the same eagerness. The heat of his tongue sent volts of electricity through my body until I couldn’t stand it any longer. In a frenzy, I tugged at his pants, demanding what I needed to feel safe. To feel alive. Mic kicked off his shoes and stripped out of his pants as I did the same. There was an urgency to our actions, as if our lives depended on connecting intimately to one another. Having sex in the elevator wasn’t what I’d set out to do, but it was exactly what I needed.
When we finished, we pulled our clothes back on and checked each other to make sure we looked “normal” before rejoining our group.
“Feel better?” Mic asked. The look on his face made me smile.
“Much,” I said.
“You’re not going to leave me again?”
“No.”
“Hungry?” He hit the button and the elevator shot upward.
“Starved.”
“Let’s get you something to eat.” His hand found the small of my back as he led me back to the lab. I felt calmer, but something told me I wouldn’t for long.
We joined the others over scrambled eggs, fruit and toast in an adjacent break room. If nothing else, I was thankful for fabricated food. I scarfed down the eggs and reached for my second orange before I realized that Giz and Alice were both staring at me. Glancing over, I noticed that Maude was doing the same.
“What?” I asked. Giz busted out in a fit of laughter, followed by Alice, and finally Maude. I searched each of their faces for an explanation.
What’s so funny?” I asked again. I looked to Mic, who seemed equally confused.
“All right, is anyone going to tell me what the hell you guys are all laughing at?”
Giz tried to speak, but laughter overtook him again. Maude’s cheeks were bright red and she was fanning her face. Suddenly, Mic’s eyes widened, and then he too was chuckling.
“Okay, what the fuck?” I said. At the same time, I couldn’t help but start to laugh myself, even though I was somehow the joke.
“It’s your sweatshirt, babe.” Looking down, I realized that it was inside out. Thankfully, I wasn’t the kind of person that was easily embarrassed.
“Fuck you guys!” I said, throwing an orange peel at Giz.
The rest of the afternoon was relatively uneventful. Maude went to take a nap, Alice went to put the baby down and get some rest herself, and Giz and Mic went back to their work. I hung around in the lab for a while, but eventually I grew restless and bored. Half of what they said made no sense to me, and the other half scared the shit out of me. I gave Mic a hug and told him that I was going to go lie down for a while, but that wasn’t my intention. I knew Giz had taken Two and Deraline to the same place Mic had taken Eli, and I wanted to check in on them.
It bothered me that Two and Deraline were “on a mission” that I wasn’t fully briefed on. If I were being honest, I felt more comfortable with them than I did Alice and Maude. Maybe that was just a reflection of my true self. I wasn’t good around people. My “sisters” made me feel more normal.
The Cryo Bay was just down the hall from the lab. Using the keycard that I’d swiped from Mic’s lab coat, I entered the room. Inside, I found rows and rows of standing tubes. Most of them were empty, with the exception of the ones against the far wall. That’s where I found all three of them, suspended in liquid incubators. Completely nude, they looked like pickled people. A steady thrum came from equipment in the room, creating an almost hypnotic effect. Large, mechanical arms, which dropped from the ceiling, moved incessantly over a series of flashing monitors stationed in front of each of their tubes.
I stood for a long time in front of Two’s tube. My eyes fixed on the number two, which I’d carved into her right forearm with a scalpel. A part of me felt remorseful for that. I absently rubbed my own arm. When I looked back up, Two’s eyes were open. She was looking right at me with her one good eye, and then her mouth opened in a silent scream. This was so unexpected, that it completely caught me off-guard. I jumped backward, crashing into a medical cart and knocking over the tools, sending them clanking to the floor. I got to my feet quickly and looked around to make sure I hadn’t been heard. Fortunately, the noise in the room covered the sound. I moved closer and realized she was mouthing something.
My heart was slamming in my chest as I moved closer…and then I figured out what she was saying.
“Run!”
I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Crashing into equipment, I barreled toward the door. I felt like I was running in a dream as I waited for the keycard to work and let me out. Glancing over my shoulder, I noticed that all three of their bodies were convulsing uncontrollably. I felt like I was in one of my nightmares and nothing was happening fast enough. Finally, the door slid open and I ran back to the lab as fast as my legs would carry me, screaming for Mic the whole way. Both Mic and Giz met me in the hallway and I tried to blurt out what I had seen as fast as I could.
“Why would she tell me to run, Mic?” I implored.
Mic put his arm around me and turned me back toward the lab. I protested, as he and Giz both explained that I had experienced nothing more than a trace program response.
“What the fuck is that? Speak English, Giz!” I shouted.
“She’s programmed to protect you! Her system is reacting exactly as it should!”
“Giz, you didn’t see the look on her face!” I insisted. Mic was making hush sounds and soothing my back with his hand.
“Stop it, Mic! That’s not helping!” I spat.
“I’m sorry sweetheart, but Giz is right. What you just experienced is nothing more than a sequence of programmed instructions. I batted his hand away.
“Don’t you dare patronize me, Mic.”
“I would never patronize you, Lee. Please, calm down. If it’ll make you feel better, we can go and check on them right now,“ he offered.
“How did you even get in there, Lee?” Giz asked.
“She took the card from my pocket,” Mic answered.
“Oh that’s rich, Lee. You have no business in there! You could have screwed something up royally!” said Giz. I looked away.
“Do you want to go back in there with us?” Mic asked. I shook my head. I didn’t ever want to go back in that room if I could help it. They agreed to check on them with the condition that I would go back to Mic’s suite and get some rest. I refused until Mic suggested that I could raid his personal bar. A drink or two would calm me down and then I could take a little nap. His suggestion was suddenly appealing. It was only two in the afternoon, but I was feeling rattled, and in desperate need of a space with less people. I left the geek squad and went in search of booze.
Mic’s bar was well stocked and I helped myself to a full bottle of choice whiskey. I had one plan at that moment. Get as drunk as I could, as fast as I could, and then sleep as long as I could. If I couldn’t leave one way, I’d leave another. I took a long pull from the bottle and enjoyed the familiar burn as it traveled down my throat. I’d made an ass of myself back there. I wouldn’t have cared, but in doing so, I had also revealed something to myself. I genuinely cared for Two and Deraline. In fact, if I was being honest, I was more comfortable with them than I was around my human friends. What did that say about me? I took another gulp. What was it Giz had called me? Miss Unsociable. I took another gulp, and then rummaged through my pack for a cigarette.
The whiskey was doing a fine job of numbing my thoughts. I sat on the floor (after several long pulls from the bottle) with my back to the bed. Starring out at the cityscape, I contemplated the future of humankind. How many human lives were out there? How long until the simps came in full force to annihilate what was left of us? What was happening in Redburg while I sat here contemplating?
A soft knock at the door distracted me from my thoughts. “Lee, can I come in?” Maude’s voice was the last thing I wanted to hear. She was doing her moth
erly duty, I supposed. I exhaled a heavy sigh and struggled to get to my feet. On the way to the door, I doused my cigarette in the sink. She knocked again, this time a little louder. “Yeah, I’m coming, just a sec.” I bumped into the dresser as I attempted to stabilize myself. Finally, I made it to the door and opened it. Standing back, I made a sweeping gesture with my hand to invite her in.
“Well, I guess we all have our ways of coping,” she said, closing the door behind her. I took another swig from the bottle and made my way to edge of the bed.
“I heard that you were upset, so I wanted to come and see if I could talk to you.” I waved my hand for her to continue. “Talk away,” I said.
“I don’t profess to be a therapist, but I have been known to be a comfort,” she said with a smile.
“I’ve got some comfort, right here,” I said, patting the bottle.
“I can see that, but what happens when the liquor runs out?”
“I’ll find more,” I said, with a laugh.
“That’s not very funny, Lee.”
“I thought it was.”
“You’re going to have to come to terms with what is going on at some point.”
“That’s the thing, Maude. I don’t like the terms.” I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. I didn’t want to have this conversation. I didn’t want her in here looking at me, and sizing up my emotional state.
“You know what I think?” she asked, tucking a strand of silvery hair behind her ear. I didn’t answer, because I didn’t want to know what she thought. Hell, I didn’t even want to know what I thought. That was the whole purpose of downing the damn whiskey in the first place!
“I think you’re scared.”
I shook my head. “No. I am not scared.”
“Are you sure about that, Lee? Are you being honest with yourself?”
“I’m not scared…I’m terrified.” I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. Hot tears were now coursing down my cheeks. I swallowed a knot that had formed in the back of my throat. I hadn’t wanted those words to come out of my mouth. I didn’t want to show this part of myself to her, or anyone for that matter. What the hell good did it do?
