by Marie James
He remains silent with nothing but a grin on his face.
“Why are you here, Kegan?” This is the third time I’ve asked the question. The first two times have gone unanswered. I know the answer; I’m not an idiot, but I need him to verbalize his intention.
I stiffen when he leans in, placing his elbows on his knees. The action causes the sleeves of his t-shirt to strain around his thick biceps.
“You know why I’m here, Lexi.”
Still not really an answer.
“You want to get laid.” I swallow roughly and place my focus on one of the loose strings hanging on to a tear in the knee of my jeans.
“I want to fuck you,” he clarifies. “Look at me, Lexi,” he demands.
My eyes shoot up to his.
“Don’t deny yourself, beautiful.”
“A quick fuck is what you’re looking for?”
He chuckles softly. “Quick? No babe, I got all night.”
The sensual promise makes me want to clench my thighs together, but the stupid pet name infuriate me.
I stand suddenly from the couch, my decision instantly made.
“You want to fuck?” I ask grabbing the hem of my t-shirt. “Let’s fuck.”
His smile falters as I pull my shirt over my head and toss it on the table in front of me. I can sense his uneasiness at my angry aggression, but it doesn’t stop him from staring at my breasts encased in a lacy bra that covers absolutely nothing.
I use the toe of one shoe to begin kicking off the other. Once they’re cast to the side, I begin to unbutton my pants.
“No expectations right?”
“None,” he confirms watching my hand work my zipper down.
“Let’s do it then. I’ve lost everything else. Why not throw my damn dignity into the pile so it can burn right along with the rest.”
Tears of anger and grief flood my eyes and fall down my face.
“Lexi,” Kegan says trying to get my attention. I don’t look up at him. If I meet his gaze, I’ll lose my determination.
I continue to undress, shoving my jeans down past my knees and kicking them off.
I sense movement from across the room and look up, even though it’s the last thing I should do.
Kegan darts up from his chair and makes his way toward me.
“Lexi!” he shouts when I unsnap my bra and add it to the pile of discarded clothing. “Stop.”
I don’t listen to him. I hook my fingers into the lace of my panties at each hip and start to shove them down as well.
He grabs my hands roughly to keep me from getting entirely naked. I close my eyes as violent sobs threaten to make their way up the back of my throat.
“Not like this,” he says with more kindness than I ever would’ve thought he is capable of.
He shifts his weight, and the soft fabric of the throw blanket from the back of my couch is wrapped around my shoulders.
“Not like this,” he says again as he pulls me against his chest. “When I finally get inside of you, the only tears you’ll be crying will be tears of pleasure.”
He moves us, leaning back to sit on the couch gently urging me to follow him. What would all of his conquests think if they saw him now? I can’t imagine anything more out of character than Kegan Cole comforting a crying woman.
He holds me to his side and whispers soothing comforts in my ear. My head is lowered and tucked against his shirt. Even in my despair, I can appreciate just how good he smells. Pure masculinity, sweat, and the slightest hint of cologne or body wash infiltrate my senses. He’s been working outside on a job site all day, and he smells amazing.
I inhale deeper and hope it’s convincing enough to pass as only trying to calm my sobs.
“Did you just sniff me?” Geez, this man has no filter.
“No,” I say pulling my head off of his chest. I wipe at my eyes removing tears from my cheeks. They continue to fall even with my effort and determination to halt them.
“Hey,” he says quietly. “No more crying.”
I’m pretty sure I’m making him uncomfortable. It’s been a very long time since I’ve had an outburst like this. I could blame it on stress, but I know it’s the anniversary and Jillian’s ridiculous behavior. Combine that with him being here with his cocksure attitude, and all of it is just too much all at the same time.
“You should go,” I say trying to get some distance from him.
“You sure?” He says pulling me against him.
I give him a weak smile and nod.
“I don’t mind staying.” He doesn’t release his hold on me. “Now that I’m sitting here with you, knowing you’re practically naked under this blanket, I’m reconsidering turning down your offer.”
I pull away from him and stand from the couch, making sure the blanket remains wrapped tightly around my body.
“Last chance,” he says that cocky grin returning to his mouth. “I can make you come on my mouth in a minute flat.”
I tilt my head to the side at his words.
“Maybe some other time,” I offer before thinking. There goes that damn finishing school training again.
He licks his lips as he stands from the couch, taking my words to heart. The next time he comes over and I refuse him, he’s going to label me as a tease. At this point, I don’t even care, so long as he leaves before I give into him.
He closes the few feet of distance between us and wraps his arms around me again. His lips find mine with a searing kiss. His tongue strokes along mine, and I allow it. Before long my body is responding to his, my tongue countering his movements.
Just as I’m about to drop the blanket from my shoulders, he breaks the kiss, leaning in one last time to kiss my forehead.
Before pulling away he leans his mouth near my ear and whispers, “You have an amazing fucking body, Lexi. I can’t wait to taste every inch of it. I’m looking forward to the day I’m buried so deep inside of you that you see stars.”
I’m a split second away from begging him for it now, but he releases his hold on me, runs his hand down my cheek, and takes two steps back.
“Get some sleep, Lexi. I’ll see myself out,” he says before quickly disappearing toward the front door.
I jump slightly when my heavy front door opens and shuts a few seconds later.
I should go to bed and put an end to this horrible day, start fresh tomorrow, but I can’t find the energy to do that just yet.
Instead, I walk over to the small bookcase in the corner and pull a well-worn photo album from the top shelf. Carrying it back over to the couch, I settle in for the final loop in my rollercoaster of a day.
My fingers gently stroke over the black and white pictures my grandmother was so proud of. As I flip through the pages, my grandparents’ entire lives play out. First, their marriage, where my grandmother is standing in her simple wedding dress beside my grandfather in his best Sunday suit.
I flip faster, almost without looking, as the next couple of pages show up in the sequence. My grandmother spent most of her time on these pages, the ones with my mother in them, but they’re the ones I won’t let myself dwell on. The final page is where I nearly break down again.
My finger traces the black and white paper-printed picture, circling around the image of the little girl I’d placed so many hopes and dreams in not so long ago. The tears begin to fall again, only this time I do nothing to stop them. She deserves every one; just as I deserve the guilt I’ve felt every day when I realized I was the only survivor of that car accident.
Chapter 15
Kegan
“Hey,” I whisper into the dark hospital room.
Kadin shifts his weight on the horribly uncomfortable looking recliner, sitting it up. It’s super early in the morning, but he sent me a text yesterday and wanted me to stop by before work.
In the dim light of the room, I can make out London’s form. She’s sleeping in a similar recliner next to the one Kadin is standing from. Her arm is outstretched, and her hand is between
the slats of the small medical grade crib that Easton is sleeping in. She’s not quite holding his hand, but the tips of her fingers are at his side.
Kadin catches me watching them, and the look on my face must convey my worry.
“She won’t leave his side,” he says with a loving look on his face.
I just nod and wait for him to wash his face in the small sink on the far wall. We walk out together and catch the elevator to the cafeteria.
“Are you really going to wear that thing in here?” He points to the hard hat on my head I didn’t even realize I had put on. Old habits and all that.
I pull it off my head and run my fingers through my hair.
“You really should wear one without all of those stickers.” I look down at the yellow hard hat and chuckle. “Seriously though. You’re a Cole. You should probably be more professional.”
“Really? This is your old hard hat, Kadin.”
I hold it for him to see. It’s littered with inappropriate things that are very common around a construction site. (Vagitarian,) (I’m not a gynecologist, but I’ll take a look,) and my personal favorite and the way I live my life, (Please don’t ask to borrow my tools, and I won’t ask to borrow your girlfriend.)
After buying a couple of cups of coffee, we find an unoccupied table in the corner. I sit my “inappropriate hard hat” in the chair beside me. Honestly, I forgot I even put it on this morning. I’d never wear a hat that says ‘I Love Sushi’ with a picture of a guy going downtown in a children’s hospital.
“How’s he doing?” Easton has been in the hospital for quite a while, and the longer he stays here, the more concerned I am for him.
“Much better,” Kadin says scrubbing his face.
He’s exhausted; his eyes are sunken, and his beard hasn’t had a trim in a while. My brother, who has been so put together since meeting London, now looks like he did the year and a half he was alone after Savannah died. Only this time, it’s the stress of a sick child and lack of sleep rather than bottle after bottle of whiskey.
“I can’t stop thinking about what would’ve happened if London wouldn’t have stood so firm about something being wrong,” he mutters with a distant look in his eyes.
“You can’t think like that, Kadin.”
“I failed him. I’m his father. I’m the man of the house, and I let him down.” He hangs his head, resting it on hands that are propped up by his elbows on the table.
“You didn’t fail him. Being a parent is about sharing and two people shouldering the load. It was London’s turn is all.”
I have no idea where this little nugget of support is coming from, but it breaks my heart to see my older brother like this. My heart clenches for his pain even though I have no idea what he’s going through on a personal level.
“Any idea when he’ll get to go home?”
He shakes his head. “The doctors don’t want us to get false hope. They are telling us he should make a full recovery, though, so that’s a positive. We just have to wait it out and see how his body responds to this last dose of antibiotics.” He takes a long sip of coffee and looks past my shoulder. He’s too much in his own head to focus on much of anything right now.
“That’s great news,” I tell him before raising my own cup of coffee to my lips.
Kadin turns his gaze to mine as if remembering something suddenly.
“Tell me about this woman you brought home to meet Mom and Dad.” His stupid grin tells me he knows exactly who she is.
“She helped me with the girls that Sunday. She was in the truck with me. I didn’t bring her to meet them. She just happened to be there as well. I’m not such a dick that I would’ve left her sitting in the truck.”
“Yes, you are,” he says with a light chuckle.
It’s true. I’ve pulled up with a chick in the car more than once when I had to run into my parents’ house for something.
“Tony tells me you pulled him off the Westover project just so you can work every day next door to her house.” He raises an eyebrow at me, daring me to lie to him when he has the inside scoop.
“Tony gossips like a fucking woman,” I say attempting to divert his attention.
“Fucking the girls’ teacher and not wanting to talk about it? That’s a first for you.” He pauses, waiting for me to answer. He’s baiting me, and I won’t fall for it.
He’s a genius because after several long moments under his scrutiny I cave. He’s always been like this, knowing exactly which buttons to push and what to say to get me to spill my guts.
“I haven’t fucked her,” I admit. The declaration makes my mind wander back to her stripping down in her den last week. I shift uncomfortably in my chair at the image in my head of her lean, perfect body.
“You like her,” he says on a mild gasp.
“I want to fuck her,” I correct.
“But you haven’t?”
“Nope.”
“Why not?” He’s asking an honest question. Even Kadin knows that most women can’t resist me, and if by chance I find one who’s not interested, I divert my attention somewhere else, immediately.
I stare at him as if he’s an idiot. “I’m not a sexual predator, Kadin.”
His laugh is loud and emanates from his gut. It’s also out of place in a hospital cafeteria at six in the morning. All eyes in the sparsely populated room shoot in our direction.
As if by osmosis, Kadin’s laugh makes other people smile and chuckle in response, even though they have no idea what he’s laughing about. I narrow my eyes at him. It’s great that he’s laughing rather than looking as beat down as he did a few minutes ago, but now I feel like the entire room is laughing at me.
“Seriously?” I ask quietly trying to get him to calm down.
He swipes at tears that have begun to form in the corners of his eyes. Without saying a word, he pulls his cell phone from his pocket and snaps a quick picture of me.
I frown when he turns it around so I can see the unimpressed look on my face.
“What are you doing?” I ask with annoyance in my voice.
“I’m going to call it the Kegan got shot down, and he’s bitter about it picture. It’s going in the photo album. Hand to God, this is epic.” Eventually, his chuckles calm, and we can carry on a conversation that I’m beginning to wish wasn’t even happening.
“She didn’t really turn me down,” I say with exasperation.
With any other woman I encountered, I wouldn’t have an issue with laying out the details about how she stripped down naked and begged me to fuck her. I mean, I might avoid the part about comforting her, if only to keep myself from looking like a pussy. I know that’s not the reason I remain quiet about that part. I’m not disclosing that type of information to Kadin, the man who knows every dark and dirty sexual act I’ve ever accomplished because I value Lexi on some level. As much as I’d like to deny it, she’s different from the other women.
“The timing just wasn’t right,” I say in explanation giving him nothing more.
“Like I said, Kegan. You like her. There’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t know her very well, but she seems like a great woman. You could do worse at picking the first woman to fall in love with than Lexi Carter.”
“What the fuck?” I hiss at him. “Love? I’m not falling in love with her. I want to fuck her, and for some reason, she’s worth the actual chase she’s forcing me into, but this isn’t nor will it ever be love. I don’t do love. Ever. Plain and simple.”
He rolls his lips between his teeth before responding. “You sure are arguing really hard against it,” he says. “My experience is, the harder you fight it, the harder you fall.”
I know what you’re thinking. You think I’m falling for her, and I just don’t realize it myself, but let me tell you, you’re wrong. So way off base that you’re standing alone in the desert. This is in no way love or even infatuation. I want to fuck Lexi Carter.
Is she smoking hot? Yes. Do I fantasize about sinking balls deep into
her? Fuck, yeah I do. Would I even consider her anything more than an acquaintance who I fucked once? Not in a million years.
I’m going to respond to Kadin’s entirely misguided observation of what’s going on between Lexi and me, but my phone rings in my pocket.
I answer the phone as I watch him sit back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest and a smug, satisfied look on his face.
“Hello,” I bark into the phone, unable to mask my annoyance.
“We’ve got a problem boss.” This could mean absolutely anything, but I pray it’s nothing major. My day has already turned to shit thanks to my meddling brother.
“How big of a problem, Julian?” The call is coming from the job site I should already be on my way to.
“Broken window,” he says.
“The house isn’t even up, Julian. Are you at the Westover site? How is a window broken?”
“Yes, sir. A rock broke one of the window’s next door.” Lexi’s house.
“Is Ms. Carter home?”
“No. I went over and knocked even though her car isn’t in the driveway. No one answered the door.”
“Alright, thanks for calling. I’ll take care of it.”
I hang up the phone and look over at Kadin.
“Work crew already causing problems this morning?”
I grin from ear to ear. “This isn’t trouble, brother. This is an opportunity.”
I grab my hard hat, leave Kadin sitting in the cafeteria, and head out to the job site. He was in a much better mood than when I first pulled him out of Easton’s hospital room this morning.
Repairing a broken window isn’t what I had on my agenda today, but I’ll never turn down an opportunity to run into Lexi. The day is starting to look up for me.
Chapter 16
Lexi
My weekend was spent being depressed with loads of tissues and even more wine, but as the week has progressed my mood has gotten much better. It’s hard to stay upset and antisocial when you’re surrounded by a classroom full of jovial, excited children.
It’s Thursday and, as great as my week has been, I’ve got my eyes set on the weekend. Jillian came over Tuesday night, and after hours of groveling and begging for forgiveness with the way she acted Friday night, I forgave her. She knew I would because I always do. We spent the night curled up on the couch watching chick flicks and eating more chocolate than should be legal. We also made plans to go out Saturday night, which I normally don’t do, but I’m extremely excited about it for some reason.
