“Completely intimidated,” he confessed. He always looked away when he was feeling shy and Rory thought it was the most adorable thing ever. He was doing it again and she nearly melted right there on the spot. “You’re so out of my league.”
Rory couldn’t help it: she laughed aloud. “That’s exactly how I felt about you. I thought there was no way you’d ever want to be with me, the non-cheerleading slacker who’s on the verge of flunking out – but based on the look you’re giving me I’m guessing you disagree.”
He nodded vigorously. “You’ve got that right!”
“How about we agree right here and now that we’re worthy of one another?”
“Sounds good to me,” Carson grinned and took a step closer. “Want to seal that with a kiss?”
“I think we’d better,” Rory agreed before he cut her off by pressing his lips to hers. His hands slid into her hair as his tongue leisurely explored her mouth. She wrapped her arm around his waist and held on tight.
She wasn’t about to let him go again.
CHAPTER 20
“I can’t believe you’re moving away to college already,” Rory pouted as she grumpily loaded a box into Carson’s sports car. With a little wiggling and clever maneuvering, she was finally able to make it fit.
She stood back and surveyed the scene. It was reminiscent of Justin going off to school each fall, clothes and bedding and miscellaneous items of every type crammed into the car ceiling-high. She felt that same familiar twinge of sadness, too, like she was about to suffer an irreplaceable loss.
“It isn’t even the end of the summer yet,” Rory pointed out. She directed a winning smile at Carson and with a bat of her long eyelashes asked, “Are you sure you don’t want to stay here with me a little longer?”
He set down the box in his arms and wiped his brow. He looked hot in his t-shirt and jeans – in more ways than one. It was the end of July and summer was in full swing. The temperatures were soaring. It was ideal weather for sunbathing out at Cricket Lake but it wasn’t exactly the best weather for moving.
“I’d love to stay longer,” Carson assured Rory, reaching out to pull her close as he spoke. He nuzzled his chin against the top of her head and her arms encircled his waist like they’d done a million times since she and Carson had gotten together. “I’d love to stay here with you forever.”
“But?” she pouted, giving him puppy dog eyes even though she knew they wouldn’t help.
“But I’m so ready to be out from under my parents’ roof and I found the perfect apartment,” he explained patiently. “I’m going to spend the next few weeks getting settled into the new place, getting a head start on my readings and figuring out my way around campus. It just makes sense to leave now.”
“You’re right,” she relented begrudgingly, burying her face in his t-shirt and greedily breathing in his familiar, enticing scent. “I don’t want you to go,” she whined, her voice muffled by his muscular chest.
He kissed the top of her head. “I know,” he murmured. “I don’t want to leave you. But in a year we can be together again. You’ll graduate and then you can move in with me, enroll in college and we won’t have to be apart.”
“That sounds nice,” she perked up, all ears. They’d been over this scenario at least thirty times already but she never got tired of hearing Carson talk about the bright future they’d have together. “Tell me more.”
The arms around Rory tightened and she let out a delighted screech when he lifted her up off her feet and gently set her onto the hood of his car. Thankfully it was shaded by the big oak tree out in front of his parents’ place, so the metal wasn’t too hot to the touch.
Carson leaned against the car and toyed with a lock of Rory’s long blonde hair. She’d curled it, wanting to look nice for him on the day she saw him off to the city. She was pleased that the loose ringlets had actually stayed in place for once. He tugged on a curl gently, watching it spring back into place before repeating the process.
“I’ll come back here every weekend until classes start,” he vowed. “And when we’re not together, we’ll call and text every day. We can keep our phones on every night and fall asleep talking. If you turn the lights out and just focus on the sound of my voice, it will almost be like I’m there with you.”
“And then?”
“Then, once classes start, I’ll come back to see you every third weekend…more often if my classes aren’t too homework-intense. And by that time you’ll have your driver’s license and will try to come up to visit me once a month, right?”
“At least once a month,” Rory promised.
Though visiting Carson wasn’t her primary motivation for finally buckling down to retake her driving exam, it certainly didn’t hurt. The thought of hanging out with her slightly older boyfriend – who would be in college, no less – at his apartment was thrilling. It sounded so grown up.
Rory could hardly believe she was about to enter her final year of high school. It was going to be a different year; she could feel it. Her priorities had changed. Her outlook had changed. Her social group had changed. Gone were the days of sitting at the cheerleaders’ lunch table…Rory had a feeling she’d burned that bridge.
For someone obsessed with popularity, it didn’t bother Rory all that much.
If there was one thing she’d learned over the past little while, it was that life was too short to be dragged down by high school politics.
“Well, looks like that’s the last box,” Carson said with some regret in his voice. “I need to get into the city by three o’clock for my apartment walkthrough with the landlord. I wish I could take you with me!”
“Yeah good luck with that,” Rory retorted, eyeing the loaded up car. It was a wonder there was any room for Carson to get in there – a passenger was out of the question!
“I didn’t even know I had this much stuff,” he chuckled. “Where did it all come from? I’m pretty sure it’s multiplying, which is kind of creepy but also sort of awesome.”
Rory’s smile faded. She looked up at him, seeking reassurance. “We are going to make this work, aren’t we? I mean, what happens when we’re both bogged down with classes and living in different cities and…”
Carson put a finger to Rory’s lips, effectively silencing her. “If we’re both onboard with this…if we’re both willing to do whatever it takes to make this work, then there’s no reason it won’t. I’m all in. Are you?”
“Absolutely,” Rory responded automatically, her heart pounding. It always pounded when he was close to her. In fact, her pulse still raced any time he walked into the same room as her. But it wasn’t an unrequited infatuation anymore. No, now it was slowly but steadily evolving into something much more significant…
“I should get on the road.”
“Mmhmm,” Rory agreed.
Carson raised an eyebrow. “You’re supposed to protest and sulk and maybe grab onto my leg to keep me from going, you know.”
“Part of me wants to.”
“But…?”
“But if you leave it will give me time to miss you. At first I thought it would be horrible but I think there’s a silver lining. I think,” she theorized, “that missing you will only make me that much more excited to be with you.”
“Oh?”
“It’s actually a very good theory,” Rory said defensively. “It’s been well-tested.”
A look of amusement came over Carson’s face. He leaned against his car again and crossed his arms, cocking his head to the side in interest. “Okay,” he said. “Let’s hear it.”
“I love pizza,” Rory informed him. “I love it so much I could eat it every day, for breakfast, lunch and supper. On the odd occasion,” she confessed somewhat sheepishly, “I may have done exactly that.”
He stifled a snicker. “Go on,” he encouraged, eager to find out where her analogy was headed.
“The cheerleaders do this carrot diet,” Rory stage whispered, a though she was divulging a deep, dark sec
ret and they didn’t go out of their way to make sure everyone in the school knew about it. “They eat nothing but carrots, celery and diet soda. But mostly they just eat carrots.”
When Carson made a face, she nodded. “It’s as disgusting as it sounds, believe me. But the thing is…the first slice of pizza I’d eat after being on the carrot diet was always the most delicious slice. Deprivation can be good.”
“So what you’re saying is you’re an advocate of the carrot diet?” Carson teased.
“No! What I’m saying,” she clarified with a wink, “Is that I’m going to love having somebody to miss. And also, you should take me out for pizza the next time we’re together. Now go so I can look forward to seeing you again!”
Carson was staring at her with an awed expression on his handsome face. He pulled her in for a goodbye kiss. “Your mind works in the most bizarre ways, you know,” he informed her with amusement. “You’re so unpredictable…I never quite know what you’re going to do or say next. But that’s one of the many things I love about you.”
Rory’s heart fluttered. He’d said The ‘L’ Word.
She was going to miss him but her sadness was fading. In its place was a deep seated sense of security and hopefulness. For the first time in ages, Rory was excited about her future and where it could take her. It wasn’t about Carson. It had nothing to do with popularity or social status or any of those superficial goalposts that had once meant so much to her. Instead, it had everything to do with possibility.
Rory didn’t know where her life was headed. If there was one thing she’d learned, it was that life is precious, fragile and unpredictable. She knew that even the best laid plans could go awry at any moment, but it didn’t matter. As she watched Carson drive away, Rory knew life wasn’t about the destination – it was about the journey.
EPILOGUE
August was hotter than July, but Rory didn’t mind. She’d landed a summer job at a handmade jewelry kiosk in the mall and got to spend all day in the air conditioning anyway. It was an easy position that gave her plenty of time to people watch and text Carson in between customers.
Carson had settled into his new life in the city well. True to his word, he’d returned faithfully each weekend to visit Rory. As she’d suspected, her excitement at seeing him increased tenfold after spending some time away from him. Despite – or maybe because of – the distance, their relationship felt stronger than ever.
Being apart meant they had to talk. They couldn’t just sit in silence at the movies or make out in his car. They had to actually communicate. And talking, Rory had long ago concluded, was a good thing.
She got to know Carson on an even deeper level. They talked about their pasts, their hopes and their dreams. They talked about goals, plans, fears and memories. They didn’t have everything in common but that was alright. They complemented each other. Carson’s ambition and Rory’s adventurous nature made for a good match.
With Rory’s new job came a regular paycheck. It wasn’t much, but it was enough. Rory’s second written exam went better than her first had and, while she hadn’t aced it, she was now the proud owner of a driver’s license. She was particularly pleased to get it before Rebecca got hers. The sisters were on much better terms but sibling rivalry, Rory figured, is something a person never quite outgrows.
After some fast talking and a whole lot of bargaining, Rory had finally managed to convince Rebecca that they should pool their money together to buy a car. Her sister hadn’t been sold on the idea to begin with, but Rory could turn on the charm and be persuasive when she needed to be. Eventually, Rebecca had agreed that maybe buying a car wouldn’t be the worst thing ever. So yesterday they’d done exactly that.
The tiny little silver foreign automobile wasn’t fancy and didn’t come with a ton of features, but it served its purpose well. It was decent on gas and reliable on the highway, which was exactly what Rory needed.
When work was done, Rory raced to the parking lot. She needed to get home before dusk. Every evening when the sun went down and it finally cooled off outside, Sheck came over. They were working on putting together a band and to Rory’s surprise it was actually a pretty fun project. It felt good to be a part of something bigger than her.
The spirited street hockey tournaments were a thing of the past now that Justin was gone. In the beginning Rory had felt sad about that, but the band helped some. It was something new to focus her energy on. Old traditions would always hold a special place in her heart, but new traditions were making just as much of an impression on her.
All day long Rory had been humming a melody that had just popped into her head. She was eager to share it with Sheck and hopefully, turn it into something more than just a string of notes that lived inside her head.
But she wasn’t headed home – not yet. She had a stop to make first.
The drive took Rory to the outskirts of town. She pulled off the highway and onto a winding gravel road. At some point she shut the music in the car off. She was always one to play music in the car, the louder the better. But out here, it felt disrespectful.
Rows upon rows of white crosses encased within a wrought iron fence greeted her. Many of the graves were adorned with bouquets. Colorful bursts of pink, mauve and orange flowers brightened the landscape. It would almost be beautiful if each and every bouquet didn’t symbolize a loss someone, somewhere, had experienced.
Grace’s grave was easy to find. It was the one with three elaborate and expensive looking bouquets, two teddy bears and a beautiful crystal angel ornament nestled into the soil beside her tombstone.
Rory wasn’t sure who had put all that there. Maybe it had been Grace’s parents or other relatives. Maybe it had been friends from her old school, if she’d had any. Or maybe it had been Hilary or Monica or any other one of the many Belleview High students who’d been so vocal about their so-called grief in the wake of Grace’s passing.
It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Grace was missed. People thought about her. Her life had meant something.
The grass hadn’t filled in yet. The soil around Grace’s grave was rich and dark, a reminder of how recently she’d been buried. It was a bit of a shock to Rory. In some ways it felt like Grace had just died yesterday but in other ways, it seemed like it had happened ions ago. Rory could hardly even remember the person she’d been Before.
The cemetery was mostly deserted aside from an elderly couple walking arm-in-arm at the far end. Rory knelt on the soft, supple earth at the edge of Grace’s grave. She ran her hand lightly over the dirt, smoothing its uneven surface.
“I should have brought you flowers,” she whispered apologetically. She wasn’t sure why she was whispering; it just seemed like the appropriate thing to do. “I’ll bring you flowers next time,” she vowed.
Rory sat in silence for a while, taking comfort in the way the gentle late afternoon breeze caressed her skin. It was almost like it was trying to soothe her, carrying her burdens away on its invisible wings.
She wasn’t sure why she’d put off visiting Grace’s grave for so long. In all honesty she’d been dreading it, but now that she was here it felt good. She was also glad she’d come alone. That had been the push she’d needed to retake her driving exam.
When Rory had realized she needed to visit the cemetery for closure, she’d known without a doubt that it was something she had to do on her own.
She appreciated the support she’d gotten from her loved ones, especially Rebecca, Sheck and Carson, each of whom had helped in their own way. But Rory didn’t need or want them at her side for this. It was something she had to do by herself and just as importantly, something she could do on her own.
“I had no idea how strong I was until, you know…After,” she confided in the tombstone, imagining that maybe somewhere Grace was listening. “You’ve given me confidence I didn’t know I had. You’ve changed the way I see the world… the way I treat other people… even the way I think of myself.”
A warm blu
sh and a slow smile spread across Rory’s face. “You even brought me and Carson together.” Rory lowered her head, tracing her finger over a small tuft of grass that was poking out from the soil. Soon, she knew, all the dirt would be filled in with grass. She swallowed a lump in her throat before continuing, a gentle smile still gracing her face.
“I got my driver’s licence you know…my first car, too. You’re going to miss out on so many firsts,” Rory murmured. “It isn’t fair.”
She leaned in closer.
“You know, they say these are the best days of our lives. I’m not so sure about that myself…it’s kind of a depressing thought that it might all be downhill from here, isn’t it? But the point is you should be here to decide for yourself whether it’s your teens, your twenties – hell, maybe even your sixties or seventies – that are the best times of your life. But sixteen years, Grace…sixteen years is all you’ll ever have. It isn’t right.”
Rory paused as a realization hit her, gathering her thoughts. Then, slowly, she spoke. “You know what? I resented the way the cheerleaders reacted to your death because it felt like they were romanticizing it. There’s nothing romantic or noble or poetic about this. It was a senseless, completely avoidable tragedy,” Rory insisted, her voice growing angry at the last part.
“I’m not angry at you,” she quickly assured the tombstone, not wanting to be misunderstood. “I’m just upset that you felt so alone that you…well. Anyway, I want you to know that you’re not forgotten. I won’t forget you.”
Rory chewed her bottom lip, hesitating briefly before continuing.
“For a while there, I thought the best way to honor your memory was to punish myself every single day. I didn’t think I deserved to be happy or fall in love when you’ll never get to experience anything life has to offer ever again.”
Rory studied the angel figurine intently as a single tear rolled down her cheek.
“But then I thought about it…I’m sorry I didn’t know you better, Grace. I wish I had. There’s a lot I don’t know about you and never will. But I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want your legacy to be one of misery.”
Catalyst (The Best Days #1) Page 20
