by Cathryn Fox
“Thank you for coming, Rachel,” he said, a warmth and welcoming tone in his voice that she’d never heard before. It touched her, deeply.
She twisted the napkin in her hand. “I’m happy to be here,” she said, barely able to get the words past the lump forming in her throat.
“That’s just what I wanted to hear.” He reached for the bowl of mashed potatoes. “Now let’s eat.”
Kyle grabbed the plate of turkey and held it while Ava used the fork to grab a slice. Then he helped her with the fixings. Rachel’s heart swelled as she watched them. He was a good man, a great man, and she couldn’t put off telling him any longer. Tonight, when dinner was over, and Ava was tucked in bed, they’d have to talk.
Ava chatted endlessly as they ate, talking about the tree house, her friend’s puppy and Cuddles, otherwise known as Marley. Of course her grandparents had probably heard all of this yesterday when Kyle had taken her to the cottage for the afternoon.
“Ava, it sounds like you and Kyle are having a lot of fun,” Irene said.
She nodded, her blonde curls bouncing around her shoulder. “Uncle Kyle cried yesterday,” Ava said matter-of-factly as she put a fork full of potatoes in her mouth. She chewed, swallowed, and added, “Grandpa says I need a daddy. If Uncle Kyle were my daddy I could get a dog.”
Rachel’s fork fell from her hand and clattered on her plate. Beside her Irene stiffened, her hands going flat on the table.
“Ava, honey…” Rachel shook her head and pushed back in her chair.
Irene turned and glared at Rachel, her eyes shooting daggers. “Don’t you see what you’re doing?” Irene said, the calmness in her voice belying the anger on her face.
“Mom,” Kyle began, holding his hand up as he came to Rachel’s defense. “Don’t start—”
“All this playing house you’re doing with my son is confusing Ava.” Rachel’s jaw dropped and Irene narrowed her eyes and continued. “It’s also confusing Kyle. He’s only home for a couple of weeks and look what you’ve done to him. He’s falling into your—”
“Don’t,” Rachel warned. Rage moved though Rachel as she climbed to her feet. Kyle stood, sending his chair backward as he crossed the table to put his arm around her.
“Rach,” he said, heat and strength radiating from him as he drew her close. “Let me handle this.”
She shook her head to stop him. As a peacekeeper, she might have put up with a lot from Irene over the years, but the one thing she wouldn’t put up with was her saying anything bad about Kyle—especially in front of Ava.
“We are not playing at anything. My feelings for Kyle are as real as they were for James. And I think James would be happy that both Ava and I have him in our life.”
Kyle held her close, offering her his support, and when she looked up at this powerful military man—a man who upped and join the army, taking them all by surprise—understanding hit like a lightning bolt. Oh. My. God. There was so much more to this man than she knew. Not only was he power and strength, he was kind and compassionate. Everything he did—everything he’d given up, including her—was for his brother. Her heart swelled with love.
She swallowed past the tightness in her throat. “He’s a good man, Irene. One of the best men I know. Just like James was.” Irene might have hated Rachel, but there wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do for her family. She’d wanted only what was best for her boys and Rachel couldn’t fault her for that. She too wanted what was best for Ava. “They became good men—kind, compassionate and putting the needs of others first—because of you. You did a good job raising them.”
Irene’s eyes went wide, and she sat there staring at Rachel, her mouth opening and closing like she had no idea what to say in retaliation. She climbed to her feet and stumbled slightly. She gripped the edge of the table to support herself. “I…I…”
“Enough,” Reg bellowed. “That’s enough, Irene.”
Ava started crying, and it snapped Rachel back. She sucked in a quick breath. “Ava, honey.” Oh, God! “It’s okay.”
“Mommy,” she cried, holding her arms out. Rachel rushed to her daughter and lifted her from the chair. She turned and Kyle was right there, arms wide, ready to comfort and defend.
“I want to go.” She ran her hands through Ava’s hair and held her against her shoulder.
He nodded, put his arms around the two and led them to the front door. Without looking back, they left the house. Her body was still shaking when Kyle put them in the car. She sat in the backseat with Ava and talked quietly to her, explaining how sometimes adults didn’t get along and none of it was her fault.
She kept stealing glances at Kyle, taking in the hard lines of his profile in the dashboard light. His hands gripped the wheel, and tension oozed off his body in waves. Twenty minutes later they pulled into her driveway and Ava started crying again.
She touched her daughter’s face. “Sweetheart, it’s okay.”
“No, Mommy. I forgot my dolly.”
Kyle put his arm on the seat and turned. His voice was soft when he said, “Why don’t you two head on in. I’ll go back and get it.”
“Kyle,” she began, shaking her head. The last thing he needed tonight was another confrontation with his parents.
“It’s okay. Ava needs her doll.”
Ava sniffed, and Kyle climbed from the car to open the back door. Rachel helped Ava from her seat and Kyle scooped her up and carried her up the stairs. Rachel opened the door and he stepped in behind her. He set Ava down and sank to one knee.
He brushed his thumb over her cheeks to dry her tears. “You go get washed up for bed, and I’ll be right back, okay?”
She squeezed his face, kissed his nose, then darted up the stairs. He stood, and when sad eyes met hers, Rachel nearly sobbed all over again.
“You okay?” He cupped the back of her neck and drew her close.
She nodded. “You?”
He dipped his head. “Yeah.” His lips met hers for a soft kiss full of emotion, tenderness. His hands went to her shoulders and he inched back. His eyes met hers and there was a note of desperation in his voice when he said “When I get back, we need to talk.”
He was right, they did need to talk, and what she had to say would either bring them closer together or tear them wide apart.
Chapter Thirteen
Kyle pulled into his parents’ driveway and killed the ignition. He took a couple of deep breaths to pull himself together then made his way to the front door.
“Kyle,” his father said, a new weariness in his eyes as he stood back and waved him in.
“I’m just here for Ava’s doll.”
“We need to talk.”
“Actually, we don’t.”
“Your mother and I had a long talk after you left. I explained a lot of things.”
“Did you explain that if she can’t treat Rachel with respect then she can’t expect to see me anymore?” He walked past his father and found Ava’s doll on the recliner he’d been sitting in earlier.
“Kyle, I’m sorry,” his mother’s soft voice said from behind.
He spun, dropping the doll back in the chair. “For what? Accusing Rachel of trying to trick me in to playing house, or insinuating that I’m too stupid to see it?”
“You’re far from stupid,” she whispered, clasping and unclasping her hands. Silence fell heavily for a moment. As tension filled the air, she took a tentative step toward him. “When she said I did a good job with you boys, I never…I never knew she felt that way.”
“That’s because you never gave her a chance. You saw what you wanted to see in her and never thought she was good enough.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Wasn’t the fact that James loved her enough for you to accept her, just the way she was?”
“You’re right. It wasn’t fair to James. It wasn’t fair to Rachel. I’ve made so many mistakes. With Rachel, with James…with you. I see that now.” Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t want to lose you too, Kyle.”
Kyl
e’s heart pinched. “I’m your son, you’re not going to lose me. But I love Rachel, Mom. I want to be with her, and I want to take care of Ava. You’re going to have to accept that.”
“I want you to be happy, Kyle. I’ve only ever wanted what was best for you and James.”
Being with Ava and wanting what was best for her helped him understand where his mother was coming from. He didn’t agree with her methods, but at least he could now understand how protective she was. A long, slow breath left his lungs as the fight went out of him.
“I know,” he said quietly.
His dad put his hand on his shoulder. “Then go to them. They both love you, Kyle, and you’ll be a great father to that little girl.”
At the mention of father, a prickly sensation ran down the back of his neck. He picked up Ava’s doll, his glance once again going to the picture of James. He straightened, his mind taking that moment to go back to when he’d found Ava’s medical papers. That’s when it hit him. James was a universal donor, yet Ava’s blood type was rare, like his.
She has your eyes.
Looks like you.
Bile punched into his throat, and his legs nearly gave out. He’d had sex with Rachel nine months before she’d given birth to Ava. Jesus Christ! Jesus fucking Christ! He’d been so wrapped up in guilt he never stopped to consider she could be his. Then again, he and James had looked so much alike, he just assumed…
Blood drained to his toes as he picked the doll up with a shaky hand and turned. He needed answers and he needed them now.
“Kyle, what is it?” his father asked.
Kyle shook his head and rushed past him. “I have to go.”
His parents were speaking, saying something, but he couldn’t comprehend. His brain was spinning, his stomach clenching so hard it was all he could do not to vomit.
He jumped into Rachel’s car and peeled out of the driveway. He rolled his window down, blasting himself with the cool evening air to get his head on straight. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Ava had Rachel’s blood type and he was simply reading more in to this than he should. Yeah, that had to be it. Surely to God if he was the child’s father, Rachel would have told him. Keeping something like that a secret was unforgiveable in his book.
He raced toward her place, and even though there was a logical explanation to all this, he still couldn’t dispel the unease pulling at him. He parked in her driveway, and with the front door key in hand, rushed up the steps.
The door clicked open and he found Rachel sitting at the foot of the stairs, like she’d been waiting for him. With tension in her body, her hands twisted the hem of her shirt, and a very bad feeling moved through him. A very bad feeling indeed.
“Rachel.” His gaze moved over her face. One look at her and he knew. “Oh, God, Rachel. Jesus Christ. She’s mine, isn’t she?”
Her hands wrapped around her stomach and she leaned forward, hugging herself. “I wanted to tell you.” Her voice was so low he had to strain to hear.
His knees nearly went out from underneath him. He leaned against the door for support, trying to process, to wrap his brain around this unexpected turn of events.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He shook his head, every emotion from fear, anger, love, and happiness hitting at the same time. “Why would you keep something like this from me?”
Her face paled. “I didn’t want you to hate me, or hate yourself any more than you already do.”
Holy Christ. His betrayal to his brother went way deeper than he even realized. “Fuck.” He grabbed a fistful of hair. This was bad, so fucking bad.
“I thought if you loved me before I told you, it might make it easier.”
“Love you?” A need he couldn’t suppress blew through him like a grenade. He loved her. He’d always loved her. So fucking much that he had to run halfway across the world after she’d married James. “You wanted me to love you? Rachel, I’ve always loved you. Always. From the minute I first met you I loved you. That’s why I had to leave. I couldn’t stay here and watch you with James, even though I knew it was the best thing for you.”
“You didn’t know it, you thought it.” Tears rolled down her cheek. “And I always loved you too, Kyle.”
“No, you loved James. You two belonged together.”
“I did love James, but I loved you too.” She blinked up at him, a mix of hope and fear dancing in her eyes. “And maybe you and I were the ones who belonged together. I know we would have made choices that were right for both of us.”
“Don’t say that,” he shot back. But on some level he couldn’t help but think she was right. She had loved James, but her years with him hadn’t been happy ones. He could see that now.
“I didn’t want to go back to him, Kyle. It really was over between us. But you made it clear you didn’t want me, that I belonged with James. I accepted that because I truly did love him too. He promised he’d stopped letting his mother run our lives and I gave him another chance, hoping he’d be true to his word and we would be happy.” She stood and took a step toward him. “I know you hate yourself for what we did that day. I agree, the timing wasn’t right. I’d just broken it off with James. But what we did, and the child we created, doesn’t feel wrong in my heart.”
“I leave in three days. Were you just going to let me go without telling me?”
“I wanted to tell you. I was scared. I…what if you didn’t want us…what if you left? And I didn’t want you to stay because of obligation. I wanted you to stay because you wanted to, because you wanted us.”
He pushed off the door. “I can’t believe this, Rachel. I deserved to know long before this.”
“I only found out when she was tested.”
“You should have told me then.” He gripped the door handle so hard, his knuckles turned white. Needing air to clear his head and help get it on straight, he yanked on it.
She moved toward him, and her hand landed on his arm. “Wait.”
He hissed in air as she touched him. Blood pounded through his veins, and it became harder and harder to breathe. He turned to her. “You should have told me.”
She backed up and her tears fell harder. “I’m so sorry, Kyle. I’m so sorry. But please don’t leave. Let’s talk.”
“I can’t.” He scrubbed his chin and clenched down on his jaw. “I’m not sure what I’ll even say to you.”
“I can’t take you leaving again. It broke my heart in two. If you go now, it will shatter me and I might not be able to let you back in.”
With her words ringing in his ears, he walked out the door and pulled it shut. As it closed behind him, a breeze washed over his face, stinging like a hard slap. Feeling numb inside, completely off kilter, he climbed into Jack’s truck.
Ava was his daughter.
He pounded on the steering wheel. He’d done his brother wrong, so fucking wrong. He drove aimlessly for hours, then made his way to James’s burial site. Day bled to night as he strolled through the cemetery, until he came to James’s resting place.
He ran his hand over the marble tombstone and sank to his knees.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, unable to hold the tears back. “I’m so goddamn sorry.” He stayed like that until the night air grew cool and other visitors left to go back to their surviving loved ones. All went quiet around him, save for the crickets and a few animals scurrying about. He lowered his head and stared at the ground, seconds turning to minutes. Minutes turning to hours.
“I thought I might find you here.” The comment came from behind.
At the sound of his father’s voice he swiped at his cheeks and worked to pull himself together. “I didn’t know you were looking for me,” he managed to get out.
“Something happened tonight at the house. You ran out of the place like you’d seen a ghost. I drove by Rachel’s and when I didn’t see the truck, I thought I’d check the next logical place.”
“And you found me.”
His father stepped closer. “Do you want to tell me what happene
d?”
He exhaled slowly. No sense in hiding the truth any more. He planned to stay and do the right thing and soon enough everyone would know.
“Ava’s mine. She’s my child. My daughter.” Tears fell once again, soaking the grass at his knees. “Years ago before the wedding, Rachel gave the ring back and came looking for me. I made a terrible mistake that day. Much worse than I ever knew.” His father went quiet for a long, long time, as Kyle stared at the headstone through blurry eyes. “How could she have kept this from me?”
“Probably because she was afraid you’d hate her, and yourself.”
“James didn’t deserve this from me. He was a good brother, a good husband.”
His father put his hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “Do you believe in fate, son?”
“I don’t know.”
“Sometimes things happen that we have no control over.”
“Maybe, but what I did was wrong.”
“You were loyal to your brother, maybe more loyal than he deserved, but Ava was made out of love, not betrayal. I know that. From the bottom of my heart, I know that, Kyle.”
“I’ve always loved Rachel,” he said in a quiet voice. How could he not, she was so easy to love, so easy to be with. She was everything to him.
“James knew it too.”
His heart missed a beat as he looked over his shoulder at his father. “What are you talking about?”
“He knew you loved her, and he wanted her for himself, which was why he jumped on her first. He didn’t put your needs first.”
“Don’t.” He gave a hard shake of his head. “Don’t you say anything bad about him.”
“I’m only speaking the truth. He was my son and I loved him. But what I’m trying to say is he’s not perfect and neither are you. We all make mistakes.”
“He was perfect, Dad. I made sure of it.”
“I know you did. But James’s death changed me, made me see the world differently. Made me realize just how unhappy Rachel had been. She loved him and would do anything for him—like ignore what she really wanted and move into a big mansion with him. But none of those things made her happy. She sacrificed a lot to be with James, and you sacrificed your entire life for him.”
