by Natasha Boyd
I lifted a shaky hand to my mouth that was aching over a loss it didn’t even know.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Don’t apologize.”
“But I am,” I insisted. I took a deep breath and came clean. What the hell, right? I was already a goner, at least he didn’t have to feel like a heel about it just because I was an inexperienced prude. “I wanted you to kiss me.”
He looked back at me. “So why did you stop me? Apart from the obvious, that you were smart to do so.”
What?
“What do you mean?” I wasn’t going to try to play some sophisticated guessing game with him. I wanted the bare and ugly truth.
He bobbed his head at me. “You first. Why did you stop me?”
Because I might melt. Literally. And because I may never survive it? “A few reasons, you want the main one or the list?”
“A list again? Is one of them that I should have brushed my teeth before coming over?”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it, it was such an unexpected question, delivered so teasingly it relieved my nervous tension. I was grateful.
“No!” I shook my head with a smile.
“Good.” He raised his eyebrows, expectantly. “Go on.”
“Well, I haven’t ...” I twisted my fingers as I tried to decide how much to tell him. That I was inexperienced except for one awkward kiss, or that the feelings he made me feel were scaring the crap out of me, and I wasn’t ready for what that could do to me if we were to continue. Maybe I should just tell him I didn’t like him like that. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Anyway, I had just admitted I wanted him to kiss me, so that was a lame one.
“Please don’t tell me you have never been kissed,” he said with a laugh. I looked at him, surprised at his tone. Would he ridicule me if I hadn’t? I was aware I was taking a little too long to answer.
His light tone faded. “Oh my God, seriously?” His body pitched forward slightly off the wall.
“What? No! I mean yes, I have been kissed, once, I mean it wasn’t really ... ” I took an awkward breath. “I mean, it was ok, not a kiss kiss ... ” Why was I babbling and why couldn’t I stop? “I mean, it was, but ... ”
“What’s not a kiss kiss?”
“It was a kiss that shouldn’t have happened.”
“Like ours shouldn’t happen?” He eyed me speculatively, his hands interlacing behind his neck.
It shouldn’t?
“No, because we were two friends who shouldn’t have kissed, and I didn’t like him ... like that.” I swallowed. I sounded so young.
“But you like me like that? Or is it just because of who I am?”
“No! I don’t know,” I said, honestly. Oops. I looked down avoiding his eyes.
“Well.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw him drop back against the wall, and his hands came up and grabbed two tufts of his unruly hair. “At least you’re honest.” He sounded flat.
“Look, I don’t mean that. I just mean ... ” How did I explain this without making it seem like I had no self-esteem? He was so God dammed beautiful, and I was just me. I couldn’t, so why worry about it. I opened my mouth to say just that but he cut me off.
“Who was it?”
“Who was what?”
“Your first and only kiss?”
“Oh, um, Jasper McDaniel. He’s just—”
“The Pastor’s son.”
“How do you know that?” I looked at him, curiously.
“I overheard the Pastor and your friend at the grill the other night.” He scowled. “Was he the one who was here on Sunday?”
“Yes, and he’s just a friend. Which reminds me of the rest of my list. You aren’t available, so whether or not I want to kiss you is a moot point. We are just friends.”
Jack snorted.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing.” He shook his head. “So, stop me if I am being too personal but—”
“You’re being too personal.” I smirked. Oh yes, thank God. Feisty Keri Ann was back.
“So you had one kiss. I’m presuming you haven’t ever ... ” He caught my eyes and held them. My face flamed. “Made love?”
Oh, God. Why did he say it like that? Like he was thinking it, imagining it, right as he was saying it.
Liquid heat pooled low in my belly.
“Didn’t I say you were being too personal?” I croaked.
“Yeah, but you didn’t stop me. I said, ‘Stop me.’” He looked altogether too smug and something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
I had to gain the upper hand here, even though my heart was pounding in my throat. “So what did you mean when you said there was an obvious and smart reason to stop you?”
“How did I know you weren’t going to let that go?”
I shrugged.
“Well,” he went on, “why don’t you finish your list first.”
“You have a girlfriend—”
“Had.”
Okaaaay. Had. That was interesting. “Until you forgive her and get back together?”
He nodded.
I just stared at him.
“Did you just nod?” I asked, incredulously. The guy had almost kissed me and was now admitting he was planning on getting back together with his ex. My stomach rolled. Poor dumb southern hick girl falls for self-proclaimed asshole, willingly. It wasn’t like I didn’t already have an inkling he could be that shallow, I mean the guy was an actor. He pretended to feel things for a living. God, I was so out of my depth.
“Yeah, but that’s because it’s in my contract. We have to stay together. I don’t expect you to understand that.”
If it was possible, I felt sicker. “You’re right, I don’t. I mean I do understand the concept, I just don’t understand anyone agreeing to something like that.” This was good. He was an empty vessel—a shallow, self-absorbed actor who would prostitute his love life for the sake of being famous. I could definitely get over someone like this. Wow, his relationship with Audrey Lane was based on a contract? Millions of fans had been duped.
“You look pretty disgusted right now.”
“I am a bit.” Not enough. Ugh.
“You don’t pull any punches, huh?” His fingers slid into his pockets.
“Not really.”
He crossed his ankles, like he was settling in for a while. “Any more reasons?”
“Do we need them now? I mean it’s purely theoretical at this point. It’s never going to happen.”
He sighed, let his head fall back again, and closed his eyes.
“So ... what did you mean it was smart?” I asked, since we were being so honest and all.
“That was it. I’m in a contract. At least until after the movie finishes it’s run in theaters. Globally. Or Peak Entertainment stops caring so much about it. Us. Me.”
We both stood in silence a few minutes, each with our backs against opposite walls. I catalogued his face. His hair was a little shaggy like he was overdue for a cut, his long black eyelashes rested on his cheeks as he closed his eyes again. His beautiful mouth, the one I had missed my chance at tasting, pursed slightly as he worried his lips between his teeth.
“Did I mess this up?” he asked eventually, looking back at me.
“Which part?”
He nodded. “Good point. I meant the part where we happily coexist in a mutually beneficial grocery-buying for handy-man services relationship, as bizarre as that is.”
“It is bizarre, isn’t it?” I grinned. And for some reason I just started giggling and then couldn’t stop. I laughed so hard my eyes welled up and my sides hurt. Call it a release of tension or a complete free-fall into dorkdom. I probably snorted at some point. I’m sure it was a highlight. Either way, it ended up with Jack chuckling along at my laughter and shaking his head in bewilderment.
“Geez, Keri Ann. I don’t think I have ever met anyone with a range of emotions like yours. And I’m an actor, so that’s saying something.”
Feeling suddenly awkward,
my laugh trailed off. I knew what I looked like in the midst of a giggle-fest—there was a picture Nana had taken of Jazz and me, the summer right before my parents died. I don’t even remember what we were laughing at, but I remember my nostrils flared and my cheeks were splotchy. I always thought I looked like a horse in that picture. Wiping at my eyes self-consciously, I attempted to pull myself together.
“It’s amazing,” said Jack, shaking his head and looking at me.
“What’s amazing?”
“It’s amazing,” he repeated, “that you seem to have no idea how fucking beautiful you are.”
Instantly sober from my laughing episode, I stood dead still staring at Jack.
He just looked right back at me, arms folded, as if challenging me to contradict him.
I was speechless, otherwise I would have. Man, this guy was good.
“It’s late. I should get going,” he finally said.
I nodded dumbly.
“You working tomorrow?”
I shook my head.
He pushed forward off his side of the hallway and stepped toward me. If it was possible, he suddenly looked predatory.
Pressing my back further against the cool wall at his approach, I held my breath as he planted his palms flat against the wall behind me, his body hovering a scant inch from mine and his head ducking straight down to my neck.
“I’m glad we have our reasons laid out, Keri Ann,” he said quietly, breathing his words into my ear in a torrent of snapping electricity. “But that doesn’t mean it’s never going to happen.”
My stomach flipped over, and my breath whooshed out into a deep and embarrassing pant. Placing my hands against his hard chest, I pushed him away to arms length. “Wow, did anyone ever tell you how arrogant you are?”
“Not arrogant. Confident. There’s a difference.”
“Well, you can stop being confident about kissing me.” I hardened my eyes. I felt like some kind of plaything, a yo-yo he kept rolling out and back. Every time I thought I caught a glimpse of who the real Jack might be, he presented this side of himself to make me think I had imagined it.
“This isn’t a movie! You just told me you were getting back together with your girlfriend, and agreed that it was a smart idea not to kiss me, and now you’re acting like you’ve had a temporary set back.” I was mad and humiliated. “Forget it, Jack. I may be inexperienced, and I may think you are gorgeous, but I don’t think so little of myself I’d let you use me for a little distraction to get you through your boring three weeks in Butler Cove.”
If eyes could flash, his were doing it. Damn, but his angry eyes were even more attractive. He leaned forward again, too close. “That is not how I think of you.” His voice was a low growl.
I tilted my jaw up at him defiantly.
His eyes dropped to my mouth again, both of us breathing hard in our frustration. He acted like he was about to say something more, but stopped, and his face came even closer.
“Just ... just leave, Jack.” Part of me couldn’t believe I was turning him down. I mean, if I was honest with myself it was going to kill me when he left regardless of whether we kissed or not. I was inexplicably drawn to him, to something inside him I had glimpsed at fleeting moments. Something vulnerable. Something similar to me.
God, I wished I could ask Jazz for advice. But I knew she would say kiss him—I mean it wasn’t everyday you got to kiss a Hollywood superstar.
He looked at me a few more moments, an unreadable expression on his face, and then he pulled away, turned, and walked back to the kitchen.
I heard the screen door bang shut a few seconds after that. Sliding down the wall, I buried my face in my hands. Oh my God! What was I going to do? How did I get here? I was just minding my own business and someone lobbed a grenade into my life—in the form of Jack Eversea.
T W E L V E
I was up at the crack of dawn despite how late I had finally gone to sleep. I was tired, but wired. I grabbed my rubber-soled water shoes and dragged my beat-up kayak and life vest into the back of the truck and headed over to Broad Landing on the mainland side of the island.
The marsh grasses were getting a little browner as fall went on, and low tide saw the craggy brown and grey oyster beds poking out of the soupy water. To some, whose idea of seaside towns included the blue water of Caribbean or the clear emerald green of the Florida Panhandle, the colors of the Lowcountry could be a little dull. But to me, they were beautiful. Soothing. It was real. The murky water meant an abundance of marine life from crabs, shrimp, and oysters to bottlenose dolphins, stingrays, and visiting Atlantic whales.
Out on the water, I could breathe and think. There were huge rains forecasted for the next few days from the tropical storm, so this was the last time I could kayak for a while.
I plugged my ear buds into my phone and put Keane on shuffle. Those boys always knew how to speak to my mood. I paddled out toward the sound against the tide that had just started its six hour journey back in. It was hard on my arms and back. Panting with the exertion, I reveled in the fact my mind stayed clear and focused.
Music belted through me, spurring me on. There were a couple of shrimpers out, hauling their large nets into boats. They were surrounded by a flurry of swooping gulls, pelicans, and the churning waters of dolphins all trying to get a free breakfast. It was a sight I loved.
On a whim, I fished my phone out of my life vest and snapped a picture. My mouth made a grim line as I remembered the dream of Jack and I kayaking. Even more annoying, I wanted to send him the picture. It was so quintessentially Lowcountry. I knew he would enjoy it. Instead, I sent it to Joey with a caption: When are you coming home?
The music was instantly replaced with the shrill beep of an incoming call.
“That was fast.” I smiled.
“You’re up.” Joey’s voice was a welcome balm. “I was going to wait and call you in an hour or so, but then your text came in. Didn’t you work last night?”
It was good to hear his voice. “Yeah, I did, but I couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d take advantage of the time out here.”
“It’s always the best time on the water.” Joey was an avid paddler, like me, and coupled with being an early riser, I knew he missed it. “Why couldn’t you sleep? Is everything ok?”
“What? Oh, yeah, I just have a lot on my mind.” I wondered if I should tell Joey. I knew he was trustworthy, but I had no idea if he would freak out. I tucked the phone back into the top of my life-vest and clicked on the hands-free microphone. Sticking the paddle in the water, I steered back toward the creek.
“About the house? Are they giving you a hard time again? I swear to God, they have no fucking right.” Joey always got heated about the town’s meddling and the way they tried to ‘citation’ us into doing something. Actually, it wasn’t really the whole town, just some—in particular, Pastor McDaniel, who persuaded Sherriff Graves to do it. Against the sheriff’s better judgment, thank goodness. It was finally dropped, and no more citations had been issued.
“No, calm down, nothing like that. McDaniel’s still annoying, but he hasn’t done anything recently. Maybe because he knows Jasper and I are friends and he doesn’t want to cause problems.” I thought back to Sunday. “Actually, I think his latest angle is to push us together which is actually kind of funny.”
“You and Jasper? Hmmm. Is that what’s getting you all twisted up so you can’t sleep?”
“Jeez! I’m not twisted up. Ok, maybe I am, a little, but not about Jasper, and I’m dealing with it just fine.”
“But about another guy? Seriously? You never date. At least to my knowledge. Which I prefer by the way, since I ain’t there to keep their asses in line. Well, who is it then, and should I be worried?”
I found myself jamming the paddle harder and harder, so I pulled it out of the water to slow myself down.
“No, I’m fine. If I could talk to Jazz about it, I’d be fine. I think. God, I dunno.” I sighed. I had said too much, I knew it. I was going to h
ave to come up with something to appease my overbearing and over-protective brother. I’d texted Jazz last night to let her know there was an almost kiss and that I needed to talk to her today. She would find me or text me as soon as she woke up, I was sure. In the meantime ...
“What the hell is going on, Keri Ann?” His tone told me I was going to have to think fast. Or tell the truth.
“God, I don’t know, Joey. You know Jazz and I tell each other everything—”
“Yeah, y’all are a nightmare like that.”
I grinned as I remembered Joey being completely embarrassed and pissed off when he realized Jazz had shared all the details of their first kiss. Not that I had wanted all those details mind you, it being my brother and all. Ack.
The kayak rocked on an undulating wave and a breeze ruffled my hair. I made a decision. “Joey, this is big, way too big, and even though I made a promise not to talk about it, I have to tell you.”
I debated exactly what to say. Joey and I were pretty close, and one thing I did know was he was trustworthy. Jazz would be told. I needed her. But it would be good to tell Joey, too. He wasn’t here, so there wasn’t a chance Jack would find out.
“You’re freaking me out. Do I need to come back there? You’re ok, right?” he asked.
Was I ok? I didn’t know. I was going to break Jack’s secret twice today and hope for the best.
“Are you pregnant? I swear to God—”
“No! Jeez! How did you think I went from not dating to that?”
Joey blew a breath down the line. “Thank God. Wow, that scared the shit outta me.”
“Calm down, it’s not that.”
“Okay then, it can’t be that bad. Hit me.”
“I want to tell you, Joey, but you are going to have to swear to me, and I mean swear, like on Mom and Dad.” I paused letting that sink in. We had always said we would never use them like that unless it was something super serious.
“Shit, Keri Ann, I’m freaking again. Tell me. Now.”
Good. He got it.
“Okay, well, I haven’t told anyone about him because first of all, there’s nothing going on apart from us spending some time together.” If you didn’t count our almost kiss last night. “And second of all, he’s famous, and I swore to keep his identity a secret.”
