by May, Nicola
‘I hate this mid-Christmas lull time. It’s so quiet at home without Darren too. But weirdly, I don’t miss him, just the company, I suppose. I was usually in the bedroom whilst he watched sport in the lounge anyway.’
‘I know you said definitely no before, but maybe it is a good idea to get somebody to share with you. You need to get someone to split the rent or you’ll have to get out anyway.’
‘Yes, I know – but I don’t even want to think about it now. I’m all right up until the end of January, then I’ll be homeless too.’
‘Well, that’s all right, you can snuggle down underneath the arches with your new mate. Where does he sleep anyway?’
‘We haven’t talked about it.’
‘Really? I’d be interested to know. God, I bet his cock smells rank.’
‘Bea! Being friends with you is like being friends with a man, you are so bloody coarse. And anyway, he doesn’t seem to smell that bad actually. I think he must be staying at a hostel where he can wash and store the stuff he has got. I will ask him just for you later.’
‘Later? You’re seeing him again!’
‘Um, yeah.’
‘You haven’t really told me much about last night either, just you went to St Paul’s Cathedral, saw a choir, lit a candle and he disappeared again.’
It had been such a special experience that Evie felt she wanted to keep it to herself. Bea belittling it would take some of the magic away. And it had been really special. In fact, she was really looking forward to seeing Yves later. She felt drawn to him in a way she couldn’t explain.
‘I’m starving but I’m going to wait to eat until I get home, I can’t spunk any more of the rent money on food, can I?’
‘I’ll treat you, Evie – it’s fine, darling. You know my City bonuses are disgustingly massive.’
‘Well, as long as you’re sure. And you know as soon as I get a job I’ll repay the favour.’
‘Evie, you are one of the most generous friends I have. Please just let me treat you without even thinking like that. It’s a Christmas present, OK?’
‘OK, but I can’t drink much. I’m meeting Yves at the bottom of The Shard – and if we are going up there, I shouldn’t really get drunk.’
‘With your fear of heights, honey, I think you should have a drink. And anyway, I think it costs a fair bit to go up there, so I doubt if that’s what you’ll be doing.’ Bea chuckled. ‘I’ve been waiting on an invite to go up there. Mind you, it will be a brave man who asks if I want to be taken up The Shard, without repercussions.’
Evie’s face remained deadpan. ‘Bea, you will never go to heaven.’
‘As if I’d bloody want to. I mean, nobody who’s any fun will be there for me to play with.’
Chapter Six
Freedom
Evie snapped her laptop shut. She had no idea what time it would get dark tonight and thought she had better check. She didn’t want to be hanging around at the bottom of The Shard waiting in the cold. She was glad she had decided on just the one glass of wine with Bea as she had no wish to travel across London feeling tipsy. With an hour to kill, she walked to the kitchen to flick on the kettle. As she did so, her mobile rang.
‘Evie, hiya – it’s Greg.’
She felt her heart lift a little.
‘I don’t know what happened yesterday,’ he went on. ‘I got tied up with Shell and then I couldn’t find you. I just wanted to say thanks SO much for all your help. You did a great job and loads of people sang your praises, including some of the homeless boys – and that doesn’t happen often, you know.’
‘Aw, that’s nice. Thanks for letting me know. Yeah, sorry, I… being honest, Greg, I got a bit upset and felt I had to go home.’
‘Oh no. You should have come to me. We all need a hug sometimes and evidently I’m rather good at them.’
Evie went silent. The thought of being embraced by the big, handsome, kind Greg needed a moment of contemplation.
‘Anyway, I was wondering if you might be free another day this week as the Centre is open throughout the Christmas period and I always need some extra hands?’
‘Yes, yes of course. I can come tomorrow if you like and let’s go from there.’
‘Perfect. Don’t rush in – turn up, say, eleven at the same Bethnal Green site.’
‘No problem. See you then – and thanks, Greg.’
‘It’s you that’s helping me. See you tomorrow.’
He hung up and Evie looked at her handset to check if the call had closed properly. Staring back at her was the screensaver of her and Darren. They had got a passer-by to take it on a long weekend to Amsterdam when they had first met. Love’s young dream, so many plans, hopes and dreams. She started to cry. Yes, he had been a bastard, but two years was a long time to spend with anyone and they had had their good times. He hadn’t even sent a Happy Christmas message – but then why would he? He was now ensconced in the cheating arms of Anna McShea, ten years his junior and a bitch! Evie knew she should really delete his number, but letting go had never been a speciality of hers.
Puffing her cheeks out, she exhaled noisily. ‘Onwards and upwards’ was what her dear mum always used to say, and that was exactly what she would do. She would just have to get on and make the best of it.
***
Yves waved and smiled as Evie reached the bottom of The Shard. (This is an iconic, landmark building on the London skyline, designed by master architect Renzo Piano. At a height of 310m one of the tallest buildings in Western Europe, The Shard redefines London’s skyline and will be a dynamic symbol of the capital, recognisable throughout the world.)
When she reached him, he emptied his pipe and tucked it in the pocket of the heavy overcoat he had been wearing on Christmas Day.
She looked up at the magnificent building and felt slightly sick at the thought of even going halfway up it. She hoped that Bea was right and that it would be too expensive for a homeless man and unemployed woman to undertake.
‘Hello.’ She greeted him with a wide smile. ‘These are for you.’ She handed him a small box of fine truffles. ‘These were a gift. I’ve eaten one but thought you might like the rest?’
‘That’s kind. Thanks, Evie. How you doing?’
‘I’m fine, Yves. I had such an amazing time at St Paul’s. What a beautiful and peaceful place.’
‘Good. I hope that today will be just as memorable. Now follow me, quickly please.’ Yves pulled her into a doorway, where they were faced with another homeless man who had set up camp there. ‘Ralph,’ he asked, ‘did you sort it?’
‘Yeah, man. Down there.’ He pointed to a large carrier bag at his feet.
Evie could smell his rancid breath and turned her head away.
‘Here, thanks mate.’ Yves handed him the chocolates and his old boots that had now been replaced by Darren’s shiny trainers. He grabbed the carrier bag and Evie followed him to yet another doorway, where he tipped the contents of the bag on the floor.
‘Perfect. Put these on, Evie, we are going on a little ride.’
***
‘I can’t do this, Yves, I just can’t.’ Evie had never felt so sick.
‘Never say or think of negatives, Evie. Positivity breeds positivity.’
‘That’s what Greg says.’
‘And Greg is right. Now embrace this experience, it’s going to be amazing.’
‘What if we get arrested?’
‘We won’t, I promise you. Ralph is going to deter security, and also thanks to him we have hard hats and safety harnesses for extra safety – and of course to stop immediate suspicion.’
Evie shook her head in disbelief, not believing just how much trust she was putting in this nigh-on stranger.
‘If we fall one thousand feet, a hard hat will of course save our lives,’ Evie said flippantly. ‘Oh Lord, are you sure you know how to work this thing?’
‘Evie, stop it!’
Her eyes were closed tightly. ‘Tell me when it’s all over.’
; ‘Onwards and upwards!’ Yves shrieked as he pressed a button and the window-cleaning cage started to lurch upwards.
It seemed like an eternity before the cage came to a stop. Evie’s eyes were still closed tight and Yves had to smile at her pretty face and the wafts of curls that were coming out of her hard hat.
‘Right, sit down slowly: you will feel safer then.’
He faced her, wrapped his legs around her and held both her hands tightly. The cage was made of glass. The cold wind whipped around their heads but the structure was steady, so the cage remained static.
‘Now open your eyes.’
‘Fuck! Fuckety fuck fuck fuck. I want to die.’
‘Take a huge deep breath from your tummy, Evie, remove the fear from your mind and look around you.’
Evie breathed deeply, sending plumes of icy smoke into the air. She was too scared to move a single inch.
‘Don’t look down, just across. You are very safe. You are just frightened of fear itself.’
Evie did as she was told and then opened her mouth in pure amazement. The sky was on fire with the most beautiful sunset she had ever seen. Every single landmark she had visited or seen in the media was in front of her eyes. She could see the Thames winding its watery journey to the sea. It was the most magnificent view she had ever seen.
‘I should have brought my camera,’ she breathed. ‘To capture this, would be heavenly. I know what birds must feel like now.’
‘You don’t need photos, like you don’t need money to enjoy the most wonderful experiences. Just live in this present moment, Evie. Etch this view in your mind, and whenever you are feeling sad and low, bring it to the fore and remember its magnificence.’
Evie, without warning, started to cry.
‘What’s wrong?’ Yves squeezed her hands tightly.
‘I was with Darren for two years, and in two days I have shared moments with you like I have never shared with anyone before.’
‘Let him go, Evie, let him go with love. We should all let go of the negative people in our lives as they do not help us move forward. If someone has hurt you in the past, you don’t have to forgive them to their face, but in your heart. Thank them for the experience they gave you and let it go. Remind yourself that you had to go through it for your own spiritual growth.’
‘I think you are right. So many people do drain my energy and I guess there are some people you can only help so much before they can help themselves.’
‘Exactly. And letting go of anger and resentment from unwanted past experiences will allow loving and healthy new experiences to come into your life. As I said before, be grateful for what you have in the present moment.’
‘You’re really quite special, aren’t you, Yves.’ She paused. ‘And I don’t even know your surname?’
‘Look at Tower Bridge opening up,’ was all he replied.
‘Wow! All the years I’ve lived in London and I have never seen that happen before.’ Evie was so thrilled.
‘Do you think you can stand up now?’
‘Yes, hold me though. This is SO scary.’
‘You need to see just one more thing.’
Evie held Yves’s arm tightly as he helped her up. She checked that her harness was locked on, and grasped the side of the cage with her other hand.
‘Oh, my! Oh, Yves.’
Darkness had fallen and slowly but surely lights began to come on and twinkle across the beautiful capital city of London. Headlights, street lights, Christmas lights, house lights. It really was the most spectacular sight she had ever seen.
‘This is an unbelievable experience. Thank you so much.’ She moved her hand from the side of the cage and stroked his cheek.
‘Right, Evie with an E, you have one thing left to do up here. It will involve you letting go of me and the cage but literally for seconds.’
‘OK.’ Evie couldn’t even imagine what it could possibly be, but she was so ‘in the moment’ she didn’t care what it was.
‘An old Reiki teacher of mine taught me this and it definitely works in freeing your emotions.’
‘Go on.’
‘I’m allowing you – just briefly, mind – to think of situations and people who have caused negativity in your life. All you have to do is pretend you are holding an imaginary axe, then bring it down really hard as if you are chopping a massive piece of wood and shout NO at the top of your voice as you do so.’
Evie screwed up her face. ‘That’s a bit weird. I’m not sure.’ She was beginning to really feel the cold now too. ‘I want to go down,’ she said in a babyish voice.
‘Do it, Evie – I know it will help you. And there is no better place to do it than here. Only me, the birds and the angels will hear you. Then we will go straight down and get warm. I promise.’
Suddenly, without hesitation, Evie lifted the imaginary axe and chopped the wood as hard as her little arms would allow her.
‘NO! NO! NO!’
‘There’s a girl, Evie. Now come on, let’s get you down now.’
***
‘I insist I treat you to a hot drink after that, at least.’ Evie was immensely relieved to reach terra firma.
Yves shook his head. ‘If you were to use one word to me to describe how tonight’s experiences have made you feel, what would it be?’
‘Free. Yes, free.’ Yves just nodded wisely as Evie continued. ‘That was a truly astonishing experience. I wonder what old Henry van Dyke would say about that?’
‘He’d probably say “less of the old”.’
Evie laughed. ‘Now, how about that drink?’
Yves placed a white postcard in her hand and before she had a chance to say anything else, he was gone.
She read one side and felt moved.
If All the Skies
If all the skies were sunshine,
Our faces would be fain
To feel once more upon them
The cooling splash of rain.
If all the world were music,
Our hearts would often long
For one sweet strain of silence,
To break the endless song.
If life were always merry,
Our souls would seek relief,
And rest from weary laughter
In the quiet arms of grief.
Henry van Dyke
She turned over to be greeted by a magnificent water-colour painting of an eagle and the words: Meet me outside Shakespeare’s Globe, Thursday at 2.
Chapter Seven
‘Well, I reckon it all sounds a bit weird. I mean, wouldn’t you rather be screaming YES! YES! YES!?’ Bea had insisted on a coffee and cake catch-up in her local cafe.
‘Weird it may be, but I am suddenly feeling a whole lot better about things. Lighter, almost. I can’t explain.’
‘I can’t believe that you, one – didn’t get one arrested, or two – pooh yourself doing what you both did. Complete madness in my eyes.’
‘Ew. I was just about to order a brownie but I think I’ll have a flapjack instead. You are so vile sometimes. Talking of which, did young Josh take you up “The Shard”?’
‘Who’s being vile now?’
‘No, he’s a bit inexperienced really. Feels like he’s digging for gold rather than my G spot. Undoubtedly, all these young guys’ bodies and the thrill of forbidden fruits gives me a buzz, but to be honest I really am ready for a real man.’
‘Blimey, have you got a temperature?’
‘No, honestly Evie – I need to sort myself out. Stop playing games, pretending I don’t want to commit. I want to settle down and have a family as much as you do really.’
‘Wow. Beatrice Stewart. Although, I have heard this before.’ They both laughed.
‘You never know though, maybe your newfound weirdo goodness is rubbing off on me, eh?’
‘It’s not really that weird, and anyway I need to get a move on as I’m due at the homeless shelter with Greg again at eleven.’
‘I’m really pleased you are doing stuff
and not moping around.’
‘This poem helped.’ Evie handed Bea the postcard with the van Dyke poem, and could see her eyes water.
‘Oh my God, that is just so beautiful and so true. Do we really always want sunshine, flowers and music 24/7? No! We wouldn’t appreciate them then. That Henry fella knew what he was talking about.’
Evie laughed. ‘Didn’t he just. Right, let me stuff this flapjack down and then I’d best go and put on something decent. Who knows, Gorgeous Greg might have realised that he doesn’t want an elfin nymphet and that a voluptuous blonde is his calling, after all.’
‘Before you go, what about New Year’s Eve? Alfie’s are having a ticket only black-tie event or the Heart and Flowers have got a live band, everyone welcome.’
‘Budget says Heart and Flowers, if you don’t mind?’
‘OK. Let’s do it, it will be packed and fun. We’ll talk later re. arrangements.’
***
Greg’s face lit up as he saw Evie through the glass door and ran to unlock it. The Centre appeared empty.
Despite being ten years her senior he really was attractive and she undeniably fancied him. Yves kept telling her off about harping on about age and it being just a number. Maybe his lessons were actually beginning to kick in.
‘Hello. Good to see you, Evie.’ He kissed her on the cheek and she felt a little electric shock in her legs. She had noticed that since she had opened up about her mum and let go of negativity, that she was getting these shock-type feelings a lot more. Earlier, when a song she liked came on the radio, she had experienced it. It felt odd, but rather lovely all at the same time.
‘No Shell today then?’
‘No, she’s gone back up North – she’s in her last year at med school. I hardly see her at the moment, which is a shame.’
‘Sorry to hear that.’ Was she? Was she really sorry? No, if she was honest with herself, of course she wasn’t. She would never try to come between a couple, but what if Greg decided to kiss her passionately and offered a ‘lewd interlude’ in the store cupboard? Could she resist? Hmm, maybe not. She noticed how good his bum looked in his jeans today and recalled that she hadn’t had sex for at least two months.
‘Evie, Evie!’ Greg shouted across the hall.
