“We went off to college together, stayed in the same dorm, worked at the same bookstore…I was always the shyer one, but she made friends easily. So, you can only imagine whose social life was more entertaining. And then, suddenly, we weren’t spending as much time together like we usually did. She had a new inner circle of friends that she hung out with. For awhile, neither of us knew how to handle the fact that there were things that we just wouldn’t do together.” Her words ended again as the familiar pain surfaced. “And I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to her.”
“What happened?” he inquired gently.
“It was New Years Eve and I wanted to surprise her. To celebrate the New Year, I purchased concert tickets and made plans for us to ring it in together. Unsurprisingly, she’d already made plans to party with her friends.” Her lips trembled as she took a deep breath. “Do you know what I hate, Xander? I didn’t have the guts to admit that I was threatened by them, or that I felt that they were somehow taking my place in her life. Maybe if I hadn’t been a coward and admitted it, she would be here today,” she lamented softly as fresh tears brimmed in her eyes. “That night, I forced her to make a choice. I made her feel guilty, accused her of choosing them before me. Selfishly, I put my needs and wants before her. You see, I knew my sister better than anyone. And I knew that if I just pressured her in the right way, said the right things…I’d get my way. I did.”
Her tears fell freely now. “Instead of partying with her friends, she chose to spend the holiday with me. I can remember being so selfishly happy. All I could remember thinking was: I have my sister back. Everything is just like it used to be.” She brushed the tears from her cheeks as she sniffled loudly. “It was dark and stormy, and I was behind the wheel. The rain just kept falling, harder and harder. At one point, she offered to drive since she knew that I was terrified of storms. But, I refused quickly even though my nerves were frazzled by the booming thunder and lightning. I kept driving. By that time, the roads were slick; puddles of water had filled the sides of the roadway. Still, I pressed on stubbornly. I can remember skidding at one point, but I was able to guide it back successfully. The rain was torrential by this point---”
“What happened?”
“All I can remember,’ she recounted painfully, “was staring into a pair of headlights. The oncoming driver had ventured to my side of the road. I was blinded by the bright glare. I was blinded by the light.” Now, her words were barely coherent. “I lost control of the car. And all I can remember is her deafening screams as we left the road. And then, I blacked out. One month later, I woke up from my coma. She was the first person that I asked for. But, she wasn’t there.”
A deafening silence filled the room.
“My mother and father practically broke down. And, they couldn’t even voice the cold ugly words. But, I saw the truth in their eyes, and I think that I died in that moment as I realized that she was gone. Finally, my mother managed to whisper that she was dead.” Surprisingly, no more tears would come as the hard truth resonated through her. Only hard guilt and dread filled her. “Xander, I killed her. I killed my sister.”
“No, it was a horrible accident,” he insisted quickly. “It’s not your fault.”
“No,” she shook her head in quick denial. “You don’t understand. I’m alive because of her. If I hadn’t forced her to go with me, I would’ve rightfully died. Kassie took my place with death. It shouldn’t have been her. It should’ve been me,” she said strongly. “And if I hold anyone responsible other than myself, it’s my parents. They let her die, Xander. They could have saved her. After she was declared brain dead, they did the unthinkable. They pulled her off life support the day before I awakened. How could they do that?” she whispered painfully. “How could they choose me over her when I’m the one at fault? I’ll never forgive them. I’ll never forgive myself.” A fractured breath escaped. “She’s gone, Xander. She’s gone. It’s my fault.”
“No, baby,” he rasped, and his own voice was thick with emotions. “It’s not anyone’s fault. Come here.”
She went into his arms willingly, and she absorbed his strength as his arms closed around her. “I miss her so much,” she cried, her tears soaking his shirt as she pressed her cheek against it. “How can I make it stop? How can I make the pain and hurt go away? Xander, sometimes, I feel like I’m drowning.”
“No, I won’t let that happen. I promise you,” he encouraged her softly, his husky tone even deeper. “Just let go, Nicole. I’ll be there to catch you.”
The deep heartwrenching sobs racked her body as he held her tightly. For the first time since her sister’s death, she grieved.
***
Hours later, a chill pervaded the room as they faced the dying flames.
“What time is it?” she mumbled sleepily against his chest while he adjusted the throw around them.
“A quarter past midnight. It’s time to get you to bed before you get chilled,” he insisted, and his breath teased her black tresses.
“No,” she said softly. “Not yet. Please.”
Selfishly, she snuggled closer to him as his arms tightened around her. He cradled her close, and she thought she’d die from the intense feelings stirring within her. And privately, she wondered how was it possible to experience bliss and despair simultaneously.
She inhaled sharply as a new awareness seized her.
Finally, she was free from the ghosts of her past. Within the spasmodic moment of her revelations, she’d realized that she’d been punishing herself by not relishing the joys of life. For the first time, she felt free to embrace it.
And I will, she vowed silently, lifting her head from his chest again.
He tensed.
Satisfaction spurned through her.
Though he’d never openly admit it, he was just as affected by their closeness as she was.
Tentatively, she reached out. Slowly, she traced the stubble along his taut jaw line with her fingertip. Her warm breath fanned against the strong column of his neck. And if she were daring enough, she’d brand it with a kiss. Instead, she lightly traced a path from his jaw line on down his throat.
“Nicole, what are you doing?” he rasped unsteadily, and her hand trembled as he grasped it. “You’re not thinking clearly---”
“Things have never been clearer or obvious to me. And I’ve never been more sure about anything than this,” she interrupted, pulling her hand free. After pushing the throw from her shoulders, she turned towards him expectantly, and her boldness stunned even her. Just where his shirt opened, she played with the button before easing her hand upward.
The fine, spiked hairs teased her fingertips as she sought the stubble again. She traced a path onto his firm lips, and she nearly came undone as they parted slightly. Gasping, she felt the warmth of his minty breath as it bathed her fingers.
“Nicole,” he murmured huskily, catching her hand again. “You’re too emotional to understand what you’re doing---”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Don’t you dare tell me what I want or how I feel.” She placed his hand over her thundering heart. “And I know what’s inside of me. You’re just afraid of it. For the longest time, I have been, too. But, I won’t run from it anymore. And I don’t want to.”
She inhaled sharply as he pulled her against his hard chest. And his breathing was as unlabored as hers.
“If this is your subtle way of stepping away from your sheltered existence, you’re using the wrong tactic. Attempting to seduce a hot-blooded male is the wrong approach, and I’ll tell you firsthand that I’m not the man for the job,” he said harshly, stiffening. “I want you to stop this, Nicole. You’re making a huge---”
“No. It’s not a mistake. We’re not a mistake,” she whispered softly, hushing him with her finger. “Somehow, I’ve had a moment of clarity. And I realize that you’ve been doing it all along. You’ve been pushing me away, like you’re doing now. But, it won’t work.” Tears pooled in her blue eyes again. “Do
you know how hard this is for me? I’ve never had the courage to leave myself wide open. With you, I’m bare, and I can’t hide any part of me. And no man has ever made me feel the way that you do. No one,” she said on a breathless whisper. “I’m afraid if I don’t take this chance, I’ll never know this feeling again. And in my heart, I know that I won’t.”
“Nicole, you don’t know what you’re saying,” he rasped again, his deep masculine tone filled with an indefinable emotion. “I’m not going to take advantage of y ou while you’re in this condition. You’re too vulnerable---”
“Condition? There is no condition, Xander. Don’t you understand? I’m ready---finally ready to take a risk. And this is my greatest one yet. And you’re right about one thing. I am vulnerable---vulnerable to something that’s always been there, vulnerable to the one thing that I’ve been fighting for too long. I have feelings for you, Xander,” she admitted. “Real feelings. And no matter how hard I’ve tried to deny them, they won’t go away. I want to explore them and see where it takes us. I know that I’m not whole---”
“Whole?” he asked angrily. “Don’t ever say that again! Do you understand me, Nicole? You are beautiful, intelligent, captivating…everything that a man could ever want or desire--”
“Then, why don’t you treat me that way?” she interrupted, caressing his face innocently with her free hand. And she could sense his deep gaze as it perused hers. “I hurt, feel, and breathe just like any other woman. I have feelings that I can’t control. That I don’t want to control. Not these. Not the ones that I have for you. I’m not some fragile, China doll that will suddenly break if you touch me. And you can deny everything if you want, Xander,” she insisted quickly. “But, I know there’s something there. It’s been there since the day we met.”
His words were husky. “There’s nothing between us.”
“Yes, it is,” she broke in. “If there’s nothing between us, then prove it.”
For a second, they both were rendered speechless at her challenge.
But, there was no turning back now.
“What do you mean, ‘prove it’?” he demanded hoarsely, his hold tightening. “I don’t have to prove anything to anyone.”
“What do you have to lose then?” she challenged again. “Kiss me.”
Gently, she outlined the ridges of his firm lip with her finger.
A shudder racked his hard body.
“One kiss is all that I ask for. But, deep down, we both know that it will never be enough for us. We’ll want more. Please, Xander,” she pleaded. “Don’t deny us any longer. Don’t deny us what we’ve both been longing for.”
For a breathless second, she thought he’d refuse her.
“Nicole.”
Life surged through her as he breathed her name.
And finally…she awakened.
Slowly, he rubbed his thumb across her bottom lip.
And in her entire existence, nothing had ever been more erotic.
She gasped softly as he grasped the back of her nape.
And in that intense breathless second, he’d moved closer.
She stopped breathing as his breath warmed her face.
Her heart skipped a beat.
Her mouth parted.
And her anticipation nearly stifled her.
Then, his lips touched hers.
Gently, their lips melded together.
He tasted her.
Explored her.
And she did the same.
Willingly, she hurled herself into the flames.
As his hard body clenched tightly, she knew he’d done the same.
And no longer was their gentle exploration enough.
His mouth parted before he captured her lips fully.
Tugging the pins from her hair, he threaded his fingers in the thick black mass as it spilled to her shoulders.
Their kiss deepened.
And she feared that she’d die from the intense pleasure that seared through her.
A deep haziness clouded her senses.
Her body was no longer hers, but now totally enslaved to the potency of his touch and taste. Eagerly, she seized the scorching sensations as they tore through her.
She moaned as his tongue surged into her mouth.
Like in a timeless duel, their tongues tangled, slaughtering her senses until nothing else mattered. Greedily, they sought the nectar as it spilled like heady juices from their mouths.
“No,” she sobbed softly as he tore his lips away.
“Nicole,” he breathed huskily. “What are we doing, baby? We have to stop this. We have to---”
“No,” she said, shaking her head again. “Don’t be afraid, Xander. I’m feeling the same things. Stunned, afraid…mesmerized. And that’s all the more reason for us to selfishly take hold of it.”
“Baby,” he said unevenly. “I don’t think---”
“Shhhh,” she shushed him gently with her finger. “Don’t think. Just feel. Xander, don’t turn away from this---us. Please.”
On a timeless whisper, her eyes closed as their lips met again.
And this time, they held nothing back.
Accepting the gift that they’d found with each other.
Their kiss was searing.
Urgent.
Ravenous.
And she prayed silently that it’d devour her whole.
“Nicole,” he mumbled hoarsely, breaking contact again. “We can’t do---”
Greedily, she captured his lips again, and she didn’t protest as he lowered her to the floor. The air exploded through her lungs in short ragged gasps. Blindingly, she embraced the scorching ecstasy he offered.
His hard body covered hers.
Nothing could’ve ever prepared her for the explosive feelings that rocked her now.
Hardness against softness.
Perfection.
Like leather and lace.
Diamonds and pearls.
Somehow, they’d discovered an infinite beauty with each other.
His lips fell away again.
“Baby,” he whispered hoarsely.
“Xander, don’t stop. Please,” she pleaded, her hands traveling up his back slowly. His hard muscles rippled under her soft explorative touch, and he released an appreciative groan as her hands eased downward, stopping just above his taut hips.
But, now only deep moans escaped through her parched lungs as his lips touched the delicate flesh of her nape. His touch was like a heady drug, and shamelessly, she begged for more. Slowly, he blazed a scorching trail upward from its base, finally moving to her left earlobe. She shuddered uncontrollably as he tugged on it gently with his teeth, and then sucked it into his mouth. Her head lolled backwards, granting him greater access as his lips ate away at her neck again. Another shudder racked her body as he grazed the tender flesh with his teeth. Mind-numbing pleasure finely tuned her senses, and his every touch awakened every feeling within her soft, pliant body.
Dazed, she gasped for breath.
Only passion seethed through her clouded brain as she turned bolder.
Boldly, her hands traveled lower.
He sucked in a hard breath as her fingers sank into his taut hips.
He suckled her neck harder, and she had no doubt that there’d be a passionate love mark left behind under his erotic assault. Gently, he grasped her wandering hands, and then he pinned them above her head. Then, she sank further into the plush carpeting as he pressed his body closer to hers.
“Oh,” she moaned passionately, finally discovering the sinful, burning pleasure of intimate closeness. Her softness cradled his hardness. And like before, every manly inch of him told her that he was aroused.
Knowingly, he wasn’t alone, especially since a damp warmness bathed her naughty, womanly crevices. And it seemed that the pressure was building, and her befuddled senses told her that once it was released, it’d be earth-shattering.
Slowly, erotically, he rocked against her.
Breathlessly, she gasped as
her mind scattered into a thousand pieces, and all rationality fled. On a breathless whisper, he brought her hands back to his hips before releasing them. She clenched his hard hips tighter, and the pleasure intensified in ways that she’d never imagined.
Still, it wasn’t enough.
Shifting slightly, she lifted her hips before raising her knees up alongside him. Now, he was carefully nestled between her thighs. And nothing in her entire life had been more intensely pleasurable.
Their breaths came fast.
Her breath escaped in a sputtered gasp as he rocked against her again. In her dazed state, she feverishly wondered if they’d perish from the pleasure.
Once more, her thoughts fled again as their lips met.
Greedily, they devoured each other.
He sucked her lower lip into his mouth.
Slowly, he wringed it between his lips, and the pleasure was so achingly acute that she thought she’d explode in that instance. Then, his touch gentled as he deepened their kiss, making wicked love to her with his mouth, leaving her totally oblivious to the outside world.
In a breathless rush, their lips fell apart as they sought air.
And suddenly, she sought release as she writhed under him, privately seeking something that only he could give. Now, the dull ache had peaked between her thighs, and her inner senses screamed that she was nearing its pinnacle. Somehow, she knew that he had would help her reach it. “Xander, please. I need you---”
Abruptly, he hauled himself up.
The cool air whispered against her.
“Xander,” she murmured confusedly, sitting up. “What’s wrong?”
“What do you mean, what’s wrong?” he asked incredulously. A cool breeze swept across her as he moved away from her. And in that desperate moment, she’d given anything to be able to see his expression. “This is what’s wrong! What we’re doing right now.”
“There’s nothing wrong about what’s happening between us! Nothing has ever been more right---”
Startled, she jumped as he kicked the wired basket alongside the hearth. And she could hear the logs as they tumbled onto the floor.
“Don’t you get it, Nicole? There is no ‘us’!” he raged angrily. “And the sooner, you accept it, the better off we’ll both be.”
Dragon Reign: A Paranormal Love Tale Page 31
