by Marie Force
He liked the stargazing back here. Out front, the security lights from the store and gardens made it tough to see much of anything. But the view from the back of the house was spectacular, especially in the clear September sky.
Hope and Ethan had fallen into the habit of joining them for dinner, which made for a fun gathering at the end of every day. It was so much better to have Alex, Jenny, Hope and Ethan around to help with Marion than it had been at first, when he’d been alone with their mother’s deteriorating condition.
Asking Alex to come home had been one of the most difficult phone calls Paul had ever made. But he’d needed his brother’s help and support with their mother and the business he was trying to keep afloat while also trying to care for Marion.
It was better now that he had all kinds of great help, but each day was still filled with the despair that came with watching a loved one become someone you don’t recognize—and who doesn’t recognize you.
Now he also had a bunch of questions about what Ethan had let slip earlier. He’d hoped to get a chance to talk to Alex about it, but he hadn’t had a moment alone with his brother. He’d talk to him tomorrow. Not that he thought they had anything to fear from Hope.
She was doing an amazing job with their mom, and for the first time since Marion’s condition had worsened, Paul felt like they had things under control—for the most part anyway. No, he had to play this carefully. If he pried into her life and pissed her off, she might leave them, and that would be the worst thing that could happen.
Paul lived in mortal fear of driving Hope away. The thought of losing her help with their mom was unthinkable. Besides, she and Ethan had begun to seem like part of the family, and he wanted them to feel at home here.
“Beautiful night,” Hope said from the porch of the cabin.
Paul hadn’t realized she was there. With the lights off in the cabin, he couldn’t see a thing in the darkness. “Sure is. Best time of year for stargazing.”
“I love it here. It’s so beautiful.”
“I’m glad you like it. I was just sitting here thinking that I can’t recall how we ever got by without you.”
“Dementia is such a bitch.”
“It certainly is. Every time she mistakes me for my dad…”
“My heart breaks for you, Paul. It’s got to be so hard.”
The empathy he heard in her voice wrapped around him like a warm blanket. “She and my dad were great together. Still holding hands after thirty years. Sometimes I think his death triggered her dementia. It’s like she needs to forget he’s gone or something.”
“Grief is a complicated emotion, especially when coupled with dementia.”
“Alex and I had to stop correcting her every time she asks for Dad. We can’t stand breaking the news to her over and over again. It’s like she loses him every time.”
“You guys have done such an admirable job of dealing with it for so long.”
“We’ve done the best we could, but we were just getting by until you came along.”
“I’m glad to be able to help. And I have to thank you, as well, for the time you spend with Ethan. He’s really blossomed here, and a lot of that is thanks to you.”
“It’s certainly no hardship to hang out with him. He reminds me a lot of me when I was his age.”
When Hope’s cell phone lit up next to her, he could see her sitting on the porch with half a glass of wine next to her. She picked up the phone to read the text. “Oh damn.”
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s from Katie Lawry. Lisa has taken a turn for the worse. They don’t expect her to make it through the night.”
“Oh God.” Lisa Chandler, a single mother, was in the final stages of lung cancer, and Hope had been helping Katie and Mallory Vaughn, both nurses, with Lisa’s hospice care. “That was fast.”
“I know,” she said with a deep sigh. “I hate to say it’s merciful.”
“Her poor kids.”
“Thank God for Seamus and Carolina. They’ve really stepped up for the boys. Dan Torrington was there the other day to set up a custody agreement for them to live with Seamus and Carolina afterward that Lisa signed.”
“Such a tragedy.” Paul took a drink from his beer as the silence stretched between them. “Do you want to go over there?”
“I can’t with Ethan asleep.”
“We could bring him over here. I’d be happy to have him if you want to go.”
After another long pause, Hope said, “Are you sure? I’d like to be there for Lisa, as well as Katie and Mallory.”
“Of course. It’s totally fine.”
“If you’re sure…”
Paul got up and crossed the yard to Hope’s front porch. “I’ll carry him for you.”
“Oh. Okay. Thanks.”
“No problem.” Paul followed her inside the cozy cabin.
Hope turned on a lamp in the living room and then led him to Ethan’s bedroom.
He resisted the temptation to try to see into her room across the hall. By the glow of a Spider-Man night-light, Paul lifted Ethan from his bed and headed for the door.
When they reached the living room in his house, Hope produced Ethan’s pillow, blanket and well-loved teddy bear. They worked together to make Ethan comfortable on the sofa.
“Are you sure about this, Paul?”
“Totally fine. Go be with your friends. I’ll be here with Ethan.”
“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
“I’m sorry about Lisa. She’s a good person.” Lisa had worked for them in the retail store for two summers years ago. He’d been profoundly saddened to hear about her illness.
“Yes, she is. You have my number if you need me.”
“We’ll be fine. Go do what you need to.”
She nodded. “Thank you again.”
“No problem.”
After she left, Paul went into his room to change into pajama pants and a T-shirt. He brushed his teeth and then went to the living room to stretch out on the other sofa. If Ethan woke up, he wanted to be there so he wouldn’t be afraid.
Paul turned off the light and tried to make himself comfortable on the sofa. He was on his way to sleep when Alex and Jenny came in giggling and whispering. She let out a squeak of laughter when Alex wrapped his arms around her and lifted her, carrying her the rest of the way to their room.
Long after the door closed behind them, Paul was awake, staring into the darkness, wondering how his life had been reduced to nothing more than work and endless responsibility.
The next thing he knew, he was awakened by a sound that had him sitting up and wiping the sleep from his eyes to see Hope in the pre-dawn darkness. “Hey.”
“Sorry to bother you,” she whispered. “I was going to try to take Ethan home.”
“Are you okay?”
“I… Lisa died at four a.m.”
Before he took a second to think about what he was doing, Paul stood to hold her while she cried. He guided her to the sofa where he’d been sleeping.
She cried silently, sobs shaking her shoulders.
Paul rubbed her back in small circles while trying not to notice how amazing she smelled or how perfectly she fit in his arms.
“I’m so sorry to lose it,” she whispered.
“Don’t be.”
“It’s just… What happened to her… It’s my worst nightmare as a single mom.” She shuddered as another sob echoed through her. “My heart breaks for those poor little boys. Their lives will never be the same.”
“It’s so sad. She was lucky to have had you and Katie and Mallory at the end.”
“We did what we could to make her comfortable.” She wiped the tears from her face. “I shouldn’t be crying all over you. You’re my boss.”
“Come on. I thought we were friends by now.”
To his dismay, she started crying again. “Hope…” He hugged her to him as she continued to sob.
“God, this is mortifying.”
“No ne
ed to be mortified.”
She raised her head from his chest and stared at him. In the pearly light, he watched her zero in on his lips.
His heart stopped while he waited to see what she would do. He had no idea whether he should pull her closer or push her away.
She solved the problem for him when she laid her lips on his.
For a second, Paul was too shocked to react, but then instinct kicked in and the long dry spell was forgotten. He cupped her face and tipped his head, wanting to delve deeper.
Hope moaned and then her hand was in his hair, pulling him closer.
A thousand reasons why this was a bad idea flashed through his mind with machine-gun speed, but that didn’t stop him from lying back on the sofa and taking her with him. Their bodies came together in the ideal position for much more than kissing. Her tongue rubbed against his, hungry and needy.
Then she was pushing him away, struggling to break free.
Paul released her immediately while his reawakened libido tried to catch up with the change in plans.
“That… That shouldn’t have happened.” Her hand trembled as she covered her mouth.
“Hope—”
“No, don’t say anything. Please, don’t say anything.” She got up and slid her arms under Ethan before Paul could offer to do it.
He got up to open the door for her.
She breezed past him without another word.
Paul stood in the door, watching until he saw lights go on in the cabin. Then he closed and locked the door, leaning against it, trying to find some composure. His lips were still tingling as he grabbed his pillow from the sofa and went into his room, where the sheets on his bed were cold and unwelcoming.
“What the hell just happened?” he whispered. Was she attracted to him, or had she been using him to ease the ache of her loss? Had that kiss been the start of something, or would it only lead to awkwardness between them? God, that would suck. He saw her every day. She worked for him, for Christ’s sake, and for that reason, his father would have been appalled by his behavior.
Paul couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this confused about a woman. It reminded him of high school, when everything having to do with girls had been a mystery to him. They’d all seemed to like him—and his brother—but he’d felt awkward around them until he’d grown into adulthood and finally figured out the secret to getting laid regularly.
Except for lately, that is. Lately, he’d been so overwhelmed by running his family’s business and taking care of his mother that he’d forgotten everything he once knew about how to handle himself around women.
Ugh, what if she quit over this? His worries kept him awake for the remaining time he had to sleep. At six, he dragged himself out of bed and into the shower, standing under the hot water to wash away the cobwebs. He took the time to shave and was standing in the kitchen drinking coffee when Hope came in with Ethan, who was scowling and dragging his backpack behind him.
“There it is.” Hope pointed to a book on the counter. She looked tired and frazzled and seemed to be going out of her way to avoid looking at Paul.
Ethan retrieved the book, stuffed it into his backpack and headed for the front door with his mother following behind him. She walked him out to the bus stop every morning, even though her son had told her she didn’t have to. He was almost eight after all.
Paul remembered having the same conversation with his parents around that age with the same results. One of their parents had put him and Alex on the bus until the middle school kids started making fun of them and they’d begged them to stay home. He hadn’t thought about that in years, and the memory made him smile.
Since Alex and Jenny would be getting up any minute, Paul decided to meet Hope on the way back from the bus stop. There was no way he was letting that middle-of-the-night kiss fester all day. He had to make sure they were okay, that she wasn’t planning to quit or anything else equally unimaginable.
This was exactly why his father had told them to keep their hands off the employees. Alex had once asked their dad what he would’ve done if he’d met their mother when she came to work at the store for a summer. George had famously said, “I would’ve waited until the day the summer ended and then chased after her until she agreed to be my girl.”
That’s what he should do, too. He hated to think of the day when Hope would no longer be in their employ, because that would mean his mother had passed away or required more care than they could provide at home. They weren’t just talking about a summer in this case. His mother could live for years yet, and Paul wanted that. So if he was interested in Hope, was he supposed to wait until his mother died or moved out and Hope no longer worked for them?
He couldn’t help but think that even his late father would find that a foolish waste of valuable time, especially when Paul wasn’t getting any younger and felt like his life was slipping away while he was held captive to his many responsibilities.
On her way down the long lane from the main road, Hope stopped when she saw him coming.
Paul held up his hands. “I come in peace.”
That drew a small smile from her. She folded her arms into that protective pose she preferred and dropped her gaze. “I’m so sorry, Paul. I don’t know what came over me.”
“You aren’t going to quit, are you?”
Gasping, she looked up at him. “Do you want me to?”
“Hell no, I don’t want you to quit. We’d be lost without you.”
“It was very unprofessional of me to kiss my boss like that.”
“Your boss kinda liked it.”
“Oh. Um…” She seemed to force herself to look at him. “You did?”
Paul nodded.
“Still, it was extremely unprofessional.”
“No, it wasn’t. You were upset, and it just happened. We’re in an intense situation here dealing with my mom’s illness and the isolation of the island and everything that goes with it. I’d like to think this isn’t your typical job.”
“It’s not. It’s the best job I’ve ever had, and I’d hate to do anything to mess it up.”
“Then let’s not allow it to mess things up for either of us.”
“Thank you for being so nice about it.”
He smiled, hoping to reassure her. “It was no hardship to kiss you, Hope.”
“It’s been a really long time since I’ve kissed anyone. I probably suck at it.”
“Ahhh, no, you definitely don’t suck at it.” Something compelled him to take a step closer to her, closing the small distance that remained. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you that kissing is just like riding a bike? You never forget the fundamentals, no matter how much time passes?”
“I, um… Your mom. I should get her up and ready for her appointment this morning.”
Startled to realize he’d been on the verge of kissing her again, Paul took a step back. “Leave at eight forty-five?”
Hope nodded.
“I’ll be ready.”
She started toward the house, and Paul fell into step with her. The early morning sunshine beat down upon them as another crystal-clear September day began.
“Is this going to make everything weird between us now?” he asked.
“No,” she said quickly—almost too quickly. “At least I hope not.”
“I won’t let it if you won’t.”
“Deal.”
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God… Those three little words had been on the tip of Hope’s tongue since the early morning hours when she’d lost her mind and kissed her boss! After crying all over him. Oh. My. God. The crying was understandable in light of Lisa’s sad death, but the kissing? In no way was that understandable or acceptable or justifiable or any other –able word that she could think of.
After everything she’d been through to start a new life for herself and Ethan. To risk it all so foolishly… It made her feel queasy as she went through the morning routine of getting Marion up and showered and dressed, all while answering
a million questions about why she was there and who did she think she was helping her into the shower.
Different day, same questions. Such was the sad routine of working with dementia patients. In her old life, she’d worked at a memory care facility that specialized in dementia in all its many forms. She was used to the questions, the outrage, the indignity and the despair of the relentless disease that stole people from themselves and their families.
In a few months of working with Marion, Hope had become fond of her and her sons, both of whom were endearingly devoted to their mother. As the mother of a son, she could only hope that Ethan would care as much about her if such a fate should befall her someday.
God forbid.
She helped Marion with her breakfast, served her coffee exactly the way she liked it and navigated the morning battle of getting her meds into her, while Marion accused Hope of trying to poison her. She was used to it, as they had the same conversation three times a day.
“Mom, be nice to Hope,” Paul said when he emerged from the shower wearing a button-down shirt and jeans and looking far too handsome for her own good. “She’s trying to help.”
“I don’t need help from a stranger, George. I’ve told you that.”
Every time Marion mistook one of her sons for her late husband, Hope watched the light in their eyes go dim. It chipped away at both of them.
Hope poured a cup of coffee for Paul and pushed it across the counter to him.
His grateful smile for the small gesture tugged at her. He had so much on his shoulders, so many people counting on him, and at times Hope wondered who he counted on. Who did he turn to when it all became too much?
Not that she was paid to psychoanalyze her boss or his family. It’s not your problem, Hope. You aren’t being paid to worry about him. He’s a grown man who can take care of himself. Except—
“Are you ladies ready to go?” Paul asked.
With her thoughts interrupted by reality, Hope glanced at Marion, who muttered to herself as she perused the Gansett Gazette, her cereal gone soggy from inattention.
