by Daniel Defoe
The other chest I found had some clothes in it, but of little value; but by the circumstances it must have belong’d to the gunner’s Mate; though there was no powder in it, but about two pound of fine glaz’d powder, in three small flasks, kept, I suppose, for charging their fowling-pieces on occasion: Upon the whole, I got very little by this voyage, that was of any use to me; for as to the money, I had no manner of occasion for it: ’twas to me as the dirt under my feet; and I would have given it all for three or four pair of English shoes and stockings, which were things I greatly wanted, but had not had on my feet now for many years: I had indeed gotten two pair of shoes now, which I took off of the feet of the two drown’d men, who I saw in the wreck; and I found two pair more in one of the chests, which were very welcome to me; but they were not like our English shoes, either for ease or service; being rather what we call pumps, than shoes: I found in this seaman’s chest, about fifty Pieces of Eight in Royals, but no gold; I suppose this belong’d to a poorer man than the other, which seem’d to belong to some officer.
Well, however, I lugg’d this money home to my cave, and laid it up, as I had done that before, which I brought from our own ship; but it was great pity, as I said, that the other part of this ship had not come to my share; for I am satisfy’d I might have loaded my canoe several times over with money, which if I had ever escap’d to England, would have lain here safe enough, till I might have come again and fetch’d it.
Having now brought all my things on shore, and secur’d them, I went back to my boat, and row’d, or paddled her along the shore, to her old harbour, where I laid her up, and made the best of my way to my old habitation, where I found every thing safe and quiet; so I began to repose my self, live after my old fashion, and take care of my family affairs; and for a while, I lived easy enough, only that I was more vigilant than I used to be, look’d out oftner, and did not go abroad so much; and if at any time I did stir with any freedom, it was always to the east part of the island, where I was pretty well satisfy’d the savages never came, and where I could go without so many precautions, and such a load of arms and ammunition, as I always carry’d with me, if I went the other way.
I liv’d in this condition near two years more; but my unlucky head, that was always to let me know it was born to make my body miserable, was all the two years fill’d with projects and designs, how, if it were possible, I might get away from this island; for sometimes I was for making another voyage to the wreck, though my reason told me that there was nothing left there worth the hazard of my voyage: Sometimes for a ramble one way, sometimes another; and I believe verily, if I had had the boat that I went from Sallee in, I should have ventur’d to sea, bound any where I knew not whither.
I have been, in all my circumstances, a memento to those who are touch’d with the general plague of mankind, whence, for ought I know, one half of their miseries flow; I mean, that of not being satisfy’d with the station wherein God and Nature hath plac’d them; for not to look back upon my primitive condition, and the excellent advice of my father, the opposition to which, was, as I may call it, my ORIGINAL SIN; my subsequent mistakes of the same kind had been the means of my coming into this miserable condition; for had that Providence, which so happily had seated me at the Brasils, as a planter, bless’d me with confin’d desires, and I could have been contented to have gone on gradually, I might have been by this time, I mean, in the time of my being in this island, one of the most considerable planters in the Brasils, nay, I am perswaded, that by the improvements I had made in that little time I liv’d there, and the encrease I should probably have made, if I had stay’d, I might have been worth an hundred thousand Moydors; and what business had I to leave a settled fortune, a well stock’d plantation, improving and encreasing, to turn supra-cargo to Guinea, to fetch Negroes; when patience and time would have so encreas’d our stock at home, that we could have bought them at our own door, from those whose business it was to fetch them; and tho’ it had cost us something more, yet the difference of that price was by no means worth saving, at so great a hazard.
But as this is ordinarily the fate of young heads, so reflection upon the folly of it, is as ordinarily the exercise of more years, or of the dear-bought experience of time; and so it was with me now; and yet so deep had the mistake taken root in my temper, that I could not satisfy myself in my station, but was continually poring upon the means, and possibility of my escape from this place; and that I may with the greater pleasure to the reader, bring on the remaining part of my story, it may not be improper, to give some account of my first conceptions on the subject of this foolish scheme for my escape; and how, and upon what foundation I acted.
I am now to be suppos’d retired into my castle, after my late voyage to the wreck, my frigate laid up, and secur’d under water, as usual, and my condition restor’d to what it was before: I had more wealth indeed than I had before, but was not at all the richer; for I had no more use for it, than the Indians of Peru had, before the Spaniards came there.
It was one of the nights in the rainy season in March, the four and twentieth year of my first setting foot in this island of solitariness; I was lying in my bed, or hammock, awake, very well in health, had no pain, no distemper, no uneasiness of body; no, nor any uneasiness of mind, more than ordinary; but could by no means close my eyes; that is, so as to sleep; no, not a wink all night long, otherwise than as follows:
It is as impossible, as needless, to set down the innumerable crowd of thoughts that whirl’d through that great thorow-fare of the brain, the memory, in this night’s time: I ran over the whole history of my life in miniature, or by abridgment, as I may call it, to my coming to this island; and also of the part of my life, since I came to this island. In my reflections upon the state of my case, since I came on shore on this island, I was comparing the happy posture of my affairs, in the first years of my habitation here, compar’d to the life of anxiety, fear, and care, which I had liv’d ever since I had seen the print of a foot in the sand; not that I did not believe the savages had frequented the island even all the while, and might have been several hundreds of them at times on shore there; but I had never known it, and was incapable of any apprehensions about it; my satisfaction was perfect, tho’ my danger was the same; and I was as happy in not knowing my danger, as if I had never really been expos’d to it. This furnish’d my thoughts with many very profitable reflections, and particularly this one, How infinitely good that Providence is, which has provided in its government of mankind, such narrow bounds to his sight and knowledge of things; and tho’ he walks in the midst of so many thousand dangers, the sight of which, if discover’d to him, would distract his mind, and sink his spirits; he is kept serene, and calm, by having the events of things hid from his eyes, and knowing nothing of the dangers which surround him.
After these thoughts had for some time entertain’d me, I came to reflect seriously upon the real danger I had been in, for so many years in this very island; and how I had walk’d about in the greatest security, and with all possible tranquillity; even when perhaps nothing but a brow of a hill, a great tree, or the casual approach of night, had been between me and the worst kind of destruction, viz. that of falling into the hands of cannibals, and savages, who would have seiz’d on me with the same view, as I did of a goat, or a turtle; and have thought it no more a crime to kill and devour me, than I did of a pidgeon, or a curlieu: I would unjustly slander my self, if I should say I was not sincerely thankful to my great preserver, to whose singular protection I acknowledg’d, with great humility, that all these unknown deliverances were due; and without which, I must inevitably have fallen into their merciless hands.
When these thoughts were over, my head was for some time taken up in considering the nature of these wretched creatures; I mean, the savages; and how it came to pass in the world, that the wise governour of all things should give up any of his creatures to such inhumanity; nay, to something so much below, even brutality it self, as to devour its own kind; but
as this ended in some (at that time fruitless) speculations, it occurr’d to me to enquire, what part of the world these wretches liv’d in; how far off the coast was from whence they came; what they ventur’d over so far from home for; what kind of boats they had; and why I might not order my self, and my business so, that I might be as able to go over thither, as they were to come to me.
I never so much as troubl’d my self, to consider what I should do with my self, when I came thither; what would become of me, if I fell into the hands of the savages; or how I should escape from them, if they attempted me; no, nor so much as how it was possible for me to reach the coast, and not be attempted by some or other of them, without any possibility of delivering my self; and if I should not fall into their hands, what I should do for provision, or whither I should bend my course; none of these thoughts, I say, so much as came in my way; but my mind was wholly bent upon the notion of my passing over in my boat, to the main land: I look’d back upon my present condition, as the most miserable that could possibly be, that I was not able to throw myself into any thing but death, that could be call’d worse; that if I reach’d the shore of the main, I might perhaps meet with relief, or I might coast along as I did on the shore of Africk, till I came to some inhabited country, and where I might find some relief; and after all, perhaps I might fall in with some Christian ship that might take me in; and if the worse came to the worst, I could but die, which would put an end to all these miseries at once. Pray note, all this was the fruit of a disturb’d mind, an impatient temper, made as it were desperate by the long continuance of my troubles, and the disappointments I had met in the wreck, I had been on board of; and where I had been so near the obtaining what I so earnestly long’d for, viz. some-body to speak to, and to learn some knowledge from of the place where I was, and of the probable means of my deliverance; I say, I was agitated wholly by these thoughts. All my calm of mind in my resignation to Providence, and waiting the issue of the dispositions of Heaven, seem’d to be suspended; and I had, as it were, no power to turn my thoughts to any thing, but to the project of a voyage to the main, which came upon me with such force, and such an impetuosity of desire, that it was not to be resisted.
When this had agitated my thoughts for two hours, or more, with such violence, that it set my very blood into a ferment, and my pulse beat as high as if I had been in a feaver, meerly with the extraordinary fervour of my mind about it; Nature, as if I had been fatigued and exhausted with the very thought of it, threw me into a sound sleep; one would have thought, I should have dream’d of it: But I did not, nor of any thing relating to it; but I dream’d, that as I was going out in the morning as usual from my castle, I saw upon the shore, two canoes, and eleven savages coming to land, and that they brought with them another savage, who they were going to kill, in order to eat him; when on a sudden, the savage that they were going to kill, jumpt away, and ran for his life; and I thought in my sleep, that he came running into my little thick grove, before my fortification, to hide himself; and that I seeing him alone, and not perceiving that the other sought him that way, show’d my self to him, and, smiling upon him, encourag’d him; that he kneel’d down to me, seeming to pray me to assist him; upon which I shew’d my ladder, made him go up, and carry’d him into my cave, and he became my servant; and that as soon as I had gotten this man, I said to my self, now I may certainly venture to the main land; for this fellow will serve me as a pilot, and will tell me what to do, and whither to go for provisions; and whither not to go for fear of being devoured, what places to venture into, and what to escape: I wak’d with this thought, and was under such inexpressible impressions of joy at the prospect of my escape in my dream, that the disappointments which I felt upon coming to my self, and finding it was no more than a dream, were equally extravagant the other way, and threw me into a very great dejection of spirit.
Upon this however, I made this conclusion, that my only way to go about an attempt for an escape, was, if possible, to get a savage into my possession; and, if possible, it should be one of their prisoners, who they had condemn’d to be eaten, and should bring thither to kill; but these thoughts still were attended with this difficulty, that it was impossible to effect this, without attacking a whole caravan of them, and killing them all; and this was not only a very desperate attempt, and might miscarry; but, on the other hand, I had greatly scrupled the lawfulness of it to me; and my heart trembled at the thoughts of shedding so much blood, tho’ it was for my deliverance. I need not repeat the arguments which occurr’d to me against this, they being the same mention’d before; but tho’ I had other reasons to offer now (viz.) that those men were enemies to my life, and would devour me, if they could; that it was self-preservation in the highest degree, to deliver my self from this death of a life, and was acting in my own defence, as much as if they were actually assaulting me, and the like. I say, tho’ these things argued for it, yet the thoughts of shedding human blood for my deliverance, were very terrible to me, and such as I could by no means reconcile my self to, a great while.
However at last, after many secret disputes with myself, and after great perplexities about it, for all these arguments one way and another struggled in my head a long time; the eager prevailing desire of deliverance at length master’d all the rest; and I resolv’d, if possible, to get one of those savages into my hands, cost what it would. My next thing then was to contrive how to do it, and this indeed was very difficult to resolve on: But as I could pitch upon no probable means for it, so I resolv’d to put myself upon the watch, to see them when they came on shore, and leave the rest to the event, taking such measures as the opportunity should present, let be what would be.
With these resolutions in my thoughts, I set myself upon the scout, as often as possible, and indeed so often till I was heartily tir’d of it, for it was above a year and half that I waited, and for great part of that time went out to the west end, and to the south west corner of the island, almost every day, to see for canoes, but none appear’d. This was very discouraging, and began to trouble me much, tho’ I cannot say that it did in this case, as it had done some time before that, (viz.) wear off the edge of my desire to the thing. But the longer it seem’d to be delay’d, the more eager I was for it; in a word, I was not at first so careful to shun the sight of these savages, and avoid being seen by them, as I was now eager to be upon them.
Besides, I fancied myself able to manage one, nay, two or three savages, if I had them so as to make them entirely slaves to me, to do whatever I should direct them, and to prevent their being able at any time to do me any hurt. It was a great while, that I pleas’d my self with this affair, but nothing still presented; all my fancies and schemes came to nothing, for no savages came near me for a great while.
About a year and half after I had entertain’d these notions, and by long musing, had as it were resolv’d them all into nothing, for want of an occasion to put them in execution, I was surpris’d one morning early, with seeing no less than five canoes all on shore together on my side the island; and the people who belong’d to them all landed, and out of my sight: The number of them broke all my measures, for seeing so many, and knowing that they always came four or six, or sometimes more in a boat, I could not tell what to think of it, or how to take my measures, to attack twenty or thirty men single handed; so I lay still in my castle, perplexed and discomforted: However I put my self into all the same postures for an attack, that I had formerly provided, and was just ready for action, if any thing had presented; having waited a good while, listening to hear if they made any noise; at length being very impatient, I set my guns at the foot of my ladder, and clamber’d up to the top of the hill, by my two stages as usual; standing so however that my head did not appear above the hill, so that they could not perceive me by any means; here I observ’d, by the help of my perspective glass, that they were no less than thirty in number, that they had a fire kindled, that they had had meat dress’d. How they had cook’d it, that I knew not, or what it was; but
they were all dancing in I know not how many barbarous gestures and figures, their own way, round the fire.
While I was thus looking on them, I perceiv’d by my perspective, two miserable wretches dragg’d from the boats, where it seems they were laid by, and were now brought out for the slaughter. I perceiv’d one of them immediately fell, being knock’d down, I suppose with a club or wooden sword, for that was their way, and two or three others were at work immediately cutting him open for their cookery, while the other victim was left standing by himself, till they should be ready for him. In that very moment this poor wretch seeing himself a little at liberty, Nature inspir’d him with hopes of life, and he started away from them, and ran with incredible swiftness along the sands directly towards me, I mean, towards that part of the coast where my habitation was.
I was dreadfully frighted, (that I must acknowledge) when I perceived him to run my way; and especially, when as I thought I saw him pursued by the whole body, and now I expected that part of my dream was coming to pass, and that he would certainly take shelter in my grove; but I could not depend by any means upon my dream for the rest of it, (viz.) that the other savages would not pursue him thither, and find him there. However I kept my station, and my spirits began to recover, when I found that there was not above three men that follow’d him; and still more was I encourag’d, when I found that he outstript them exceedingly in running, and gain’d ground of them, so that if he could but hold it for half an hour, I saw easily he would fairly get away from them all.
