“Sorry. I didn’t mean to get so uptight. The ambient light coming from inside the suite is fine.”
“I don’t think that was uptight.”
“Oh.” She released a breath. “Okay. Good.”
“More like panicked. What’s up?” He’d never once asked her that and should have kept his mouth shut by the look of consideration on her face.
But he found himself genuinely wanting to know what made her tick. After skydiving, he knew she had an adventurous streak that had only scratched the surface. He’d noticed she fussed with her hair on long car drives, like she needed something to do with her hands. And in the hot springs he’d discovered she was protective of him, even though he didn’t need protecting.
“Nothing’s up.”
“That was not nothing.” He put the matchbox down on the table, noting she tracked his movement. Only when he’d sat back with his hands on his thighs did her shoulders relax.
“What did you order for dinner?” she said.
“Nice try.”
“You ordered nice try?”
He understood not wanting to talk about things, but that only applied to him. His dad once told him if there was something he really wanted to know, a silent stare went a long way to conveying care and stubbornness at the same time, so that’s what he did now.
To his surprise, Sid stared right back, held his gaze like she had no plans to back down. It made him hot. His interest climbed. No woman had ever presented such a dichotomy between vulnerability and confidence before.
“It’s nothing,” she said again.
“Sometimes nothing is everything.”
“And you’re an expert on that?”
He shrugged. “I’ve done my share of hiding.” Still did. There were days it choked him.
She eyed him carefully. “Okay, how about we trade information then?”
Shit. He’d walked right into that. However, the fact that she made it sound about as impersonal as possible stung more than the bonehead maneuver. His own fault, given he termed what they were doing a business transaction.
“Okay. You start.”
She tightened the blanket around her lap. “I don’t like candles or anything with a small flame, but mostly I don’t like matches.”
Telling a firefighter she didn’t like matches immediately sent up red flags. “You’ve had a bad experience with them?” Indirectly, directly, both held weight.
“Yes,” she answered, jaw tight.
He let that hang between them for a minute. Rowan hadn’t mentioned any fire-related incidences, but maybe whatever this was, Sid hadn’t shared it with anyone. If he were smart, he’d drop the conversation right here.
“Recently?” he asked. Dumbass.
She chewed her bottom lip. “In college.”
Nick nodded as every muscle in his body clenched. A lot of bad happened in college. Rowan had called him countless times to complain about the guys at school who only wanted in her pants and pulled stupid pranks on each other to get a girl’s attention.
“So now that you know my deep, dark secret from college, tell me what keeps you up at night.”
He didn’t know shit about her secret, but decided to let her off the hook for as much his sake as hers.
“And don’t worry about holding back. Let it all out. I know you want to, and I promise I won’t tell anyone.” Her cheeky smile didn’t hide the warmth and genuine affection only two people who had known each other for a long time could feel. And the thing of it was, he did want her to know him. Maybe if he got a few things off his chest, he’d be able to let them go.
That had to be the reason he dropped his defenses and shared the God’s honest truth. “Sloane was pregnant.”
“What?”
“I’ve never told another soul that.” Mostly because nobody had ever asked about him the way Sid just had.
“Wait. Your high school girlfriend, Sloane?”
He rubbed his hands down his jeans. “Yeah.”
“Oh, my God.” She scrambled to sit taller. “I’m so sorry. I know how hard it was for you to lose her and that’s why you chose to join the navy and become a firefighter. How far along was she?”
“Twelve weeks.”
“Nobody else knew?” Sid’s soft voice drew his attention away from the tiled ground.
“No. We were going to tell our families that weekend. I was going to ask her to marry me. We had everything planned. Live together at college. Work my ass off playing football in hopes of making the pros.” Every dream he’d had died with Sloane the night old aluminum wiring started an electrical fire that engulfed her house in a matter of minutes.
Cassidy stood, the blanket fell to the ground and, looking like an angel sent only for him, she erased the short distance between them to lean down and kiss his cheek. “I’m sorry for your loss,” she whispered. “You would have been a great dad.”
He put his hands on her hips to stop her withdraw. That was exactly what he’d needed to hear after all this time. He’d needed someone to erase his doubts so he could live with what might have been and stow it away in a memory box.
She peered down at him, a mix of surprise and regard on her face. They stayed like that, stock still, until she sat next to him, took his hand in hers, and laid her head on his shoulder. The loveseat didn’t allow for any space between them so their clasped hands sat atop his thigh. Heat stroked between his legs.
“I’ve never lost someone I love, but I imagine it’s unbearable and not easy to talk about.” Her thumb rubbed over his knuckles. “Sloane was lucky, though. She got to experience love before she passed away. And I have a feeling she’s looking down on you and very proud of the man you’ve become.”
Nick turned his head to say thanks at the same time Sid lifted hers to look up at him. Their lips were mere inches from each other. Her gaze dropped to his mouth. A split second later, said mouth was on hers.
In thanks. In surrender. Hell, he didn’t know what he was doing.
She pulled back, caught her breath. Damn it. He’d screwed up.
Or not.
Because she placed her hands on his shoulders and straddled his lap. With her intense green eyes melting into his, she canted her head closer. Anticipation made him slide his palms up her back. His fingers ran through the long, loose strands of her hair. Take what you want, Sid, before we remember this isn’t a good idea.
She tilted her head to the right. He went left. And their lips collided again. With fire, passion, need. She was the first person to climb over the wall around his heart and he wanted to celebrate it exactly this way.
He moved his hands to her nape, swore he could feel her pulse on his skin, her heart beating as fast as his. She changed the tempo, kissed him softly, in the middle of his mouth, the corners, back to the middle. He went along for whatever ride she wanted to take him on because if he took charge she’d be naked in under a minute. And as good as that sounded, he still had enough willpower and common sense to know that would be a big mistake.
Damn, but he’d never been kissed with so much tenderness before. It kind of wrecked him. He didn’t want to be treated with sweet gloves. A hold like that did damage—to both parties. He’d rather she be indifferent.
Not going to happen with Sid, you idiot.
Adding insult to injury, she dropped fluttery kisses along his jaw and worked her way to his neck. Helpless against this feel-good assault, he lifted his chin as she parted her lips to fire openmouthed kisses just below his ear that were so damn hot an actual shiver raced down his spine.
What the hell was this girl doing to him?
A loud knock sounded on the hotel room door. She startled and broke contact. He let out a small groan at the interruption.
“Oh, my God,” she said, and scrambled to her feet. It took her a good long second to get her balance. Once steady, she ran the pads of her fingers across her bottom lip. “I’m sor—” She shook her head. “I’ll get the door.”
He watched her h
urry away, not sorry either, but it was for the best that they’d stopped. Besides their misaligned feelings for one another, she had a thriving career and plans to move to New York or LA. He was trying to figure his future out, and most likely off to Idaho at the beginning of next the month. Cassidy was the kind of girl who formed relationships and kept them, but they had no chance at a future together.
No good reason to pick up where they’d left off without her getting hurt.
Chapter Six
The wires were crossed in Cassidy’s brain. That was the only explanation she had for consoling Nick by straddling and kissing him last night. For telling him she hated matches. For liking on him harder because he’d actually opened up to her.
And then pretended as if none of it had happened.
He’d simply slid right past all those biggies when dinner arrived and treated her like a kid sister again, going so far as to tell her she was grumpy if she didn’t get enough sleep so they’d better turn in early since they had a date at dawn with a wildlife tour.
She planned to give him grumpy and then some this morning.
Not a hard task considering they were currently zipping along rugged terrain in an open-air four-wheel drive Jeep in search of elk, moose, bears, wolves, eagles and more, according to their too-happy-for-this-early-in-the-morning naturalist guide. And by zipping she meant she wished she’d brought a pillow to sit on. Her tailbone still liked to complain when put in touch with less than gentle circumstances. The Jeep hit a particularly rough patch. She tried not to wince.
Nick chuckled, the jerkwad. He seemed to be in an awfully good mood this morning. His shoulder brushed hers as he said, “Sorry about all the bumps.”
“I’m a little disappointed you didn’t put in for a smooth ride.”
“Sometimes difficult is better. More fun.”
She glared at him. “Do not go tossing the F word at me before I’ve had my coffee.”
He laughed again. The sound made her less grumpy, damn him.
Time to focus on their adventure. She stared out toward the unobstructed view of the national park. The mountain landscape with towering jagged snow-covered peaks looked ethereal. Hundreds of miles of trails surrounded them in beautiful earth tones.
She tightened the scarf around her neck and tugged her black knit cap more fully over her ears to stave off the cold wind hitting her cheeks. Her eyes watered, but she much preferred the open-air vehicle to something enclosed. With the sky growing a deeper blue as the sun rose higher, she’d always remember this early morning escapade.
With Nick.
The Jeep slowed to a stop. While their guide spoke on the geology and ecology of the park, Nick pulled a long, silver cylinder out from underneath the seat. Two paper cups materialized next. “Coffee?”
No matter how hard she pressed her lips together, she couldn’t stop her smile. “Yes, please.”
He poured them each a cup.
“Grizzly bear three o’clock,” their guide said.
Coffee sloshed out of Cassidy’s cup as she whipped around for a look. She’d traveled to dozens of special places and taken pictures of hundreds of people, but she’d never been this close to wild animals before. There he is. She put her drink down near her feet, picked up the provided binoculars.
“He’s beautiful,” she muttered.
“He’s huge,” Nick said over her shoulder.
“I wish I had my camera with me.” Why had she let Rowan talk her out of bringing it? Oh yeah, because Ro had threatened to put her on two dating websites if she didn’t enjoy her bachelor-buy without the safety net of her Nikon.
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Nick passing her something. She lowered the binoculars reluctantly, hating to miss a second with Mr. Grizzly. “What’s this?”
“It’s one of those disposable cameras. I know it won’t take near the pictures you normally capture, but at least you’ll have something on film to remember today by.”
She took the piece of rubbish thinking this is the best gift anyone’s ever given me. That Nick thought to snag the unnecessary device—they had their cell phones—meant he was thinking about her whether he wanted to or not.
She leaned over and kissed him. Nothing serious. Just a quick peck on the mouth. “That was really thoughtful. I love it.”
He might regret sharing secrets last night, but she knew he didn’t regret the kisses she’d given him. She’d heard the little hum in the back of his throat when she’d kissed his neck with her lips and tongue. So she didn’t see any harm in doing something he liked again in thanks.
Plus, she loved catching him off guard and by the stunned look on his face she’d succeeded. That’s right, Nick Palotay, this girl is all about living without apology.
“I’m glad,” he said.
“I’m glad you’re glad.”
“I think the bear is glad, too. He’s coming closer.”
She twisted around. “Holy Yogi Bear, he is.” She ran her thumb over the thingamajig that clicked the film to the right position before lifting it to her face. The bear needed to get really close if she wanted to capture any details, but even if he turned out to look like a black blob, she’d love the picture.
“Look up,” Nick said.
An eagle soared right above them. She snapped a photo, inwardly laughing because she maybe got the tip of its wing.
Their guide started up the engine again. He took the next several miles at a slower pace because it seemed a switch had been turned on their safari and all the animals came out to say hello. Cass used the binoculars, took more photos sure to be grainy but wonderful, slipped into easy conversation with Nick.
“I’m telling you it’s a donkey, not a dog,” he said.
“We are so googling animal crackers when we get back to the hotel.” She hadn’t eaten the snack in a long time, but she did not remember a donkey. “There is definitely a dog.”
“No dog.”
“I’ll bet you there’s a dog.”
“You’re on,” he said, all smug and annoying. “What do I get when I win?”
“Other way around, Palotay.” Cass gripped the roll bar to keep from jostling into Nick’s side every five seconds as they traveled over another rough patch of ground.
Nick smiled at her like he knew he had this in the bag then looked away. “Looks like you had a fire not too long ago,” he called to their driver and guide.
Cassidy noted the charred ground and burnt trees in the distance.
“Happened last year.”
“I hope no animals or people were injured,” Nick said.
“Thankfully, no.”
He smiled to himself at that, but Cass caught it. Her stupid heart did, too. How was she supposed to stay grumpy and immune to him when he said stuff like that and did nice things like bring her coffee and buy her disposable cameras?
But then she remembered tossing and turning in bed last night, hurt by his easy dismissal of their kiss. She hadn’t meant for it to happen, but some irresistible force, combined with his acquiescence, had shattered any uncertainty. Nick had a way of making her act on instinct, which was dangerous. He might have laid himself bare to her, but she’d be naïve to think it meant anything more than a passing connection.
And that was why she’d best get over her attraction to him before she engaged her heart any further. “Rowan mentioned you’re taking a job with the National Interagency Fire Center.”
“Haven’t told them yes yet.”
“Why not?”
He turned his head to look at her. “Want to be sure.”
“Have you made a list of pros and cons?” She’d started two lists—one for New York and one for LA. So far they were tied.
His sexy lips curved. “Lists really aren’t my thing, but I bet you keep meticulous track of things.”
How did he know that? Was she that obviously organized with her life? Because there were actually plenty of days when she felt out of her element. Hence why she kept a pad of paper a
nd sticky notes everywhere.
“Yeah, you keep lists,” he said, dipping his head to look her right in the eyes when she didn’t answer right away.
“You say that like there’s something wrong with them.”
“Not at all.” He lifted his hands up in innocent retreat.
“But?”
“No buts.” He grabbed the roll bar when the Jeep traveled over a bump in the dirt road.
She made an annoyed face at him.
“Okay, I’m doubtful that they really do any good. I mean just because you write something down doesn’t mean it will do any good.”
“You’ve never written yourself a reminder note?” If he said no she’d have to push him out of the jeep because, come on, he couldn’t be that perfect.
“That’s different. It’s a note.”
“What’s the last note you wrote?” A note and list was often pretty much the same thing.
He glanced over her shoulder. “Pick up Cassidy Friday at eight AM.”
The insinuation that he couldn’t remember to pick her up for their weekend hurt more than she cared to admit. She masked her disappointment with a blank expression and said, “I rest my case.”
“I don’t think—”
“Oh! Bison nine o’clock,” she interrupted. Nick kept his attention on her for a beat longer before he turned around to check out the small group of buffalo. He brushed his fingers through his hair to move the strands off his forehead.
For the rest of the tour they stayed quiet, letting their tour guide do all of the talking. At one point her lack of sleep caught up with her. She leaned against Nick’s side, closed her eyes for a few minutes.
When they arrived back at their departure point she thanked their guide. Then she wrapped her arms around Nick, put her mouth to his ear and said, “That was really fantastic. Thank you.”
“I aim to please on this weekend getaway.”
“You’re doing a great job.” She pulled back and watched as he thanked their driver and handed him a tip.
The minute they got in Nick’s car for the drive back to the hotel, he turned to her. “The note. To pick you up? There was more to it. I’d also written ‘don’t be late’ and that was the important part because I’m late everywhere I go and I didn’t want to be late picking you up. So it wasn’t a reminder. It was a kick in the ass to show up early for a change.”
Falling for Her Bachelor (Bachelor Auction Returns Book 2) Page 6
