“You haven’t minded spending time with her before. What’s changed?”
“Nothing.”
“Tyler?” Caleb questioned, raising a quizzical eyebrow, not really buying Tyler’s denial.
“Nothing at all. I guess I’m just over being used like a pawn,” Tyler said, his focus on the inside of his bag as he pretended to look for something.
Reaching out, Caleb dropped his hand onto Tyler’s arm, causing him to drop the bag and meet his stare. “Okay, Tyler. Enough bullshit. Seriously, why don’t you want to go?” Caleb pried, digging for more info.
“I just don’t want anyone thinking that there is something going on between me and Dannica, that’s all,” Tyler announced, barely believing the lie himself as it rolled off his tongue.
With a sly smirk, Caleb couldn’t help himself. “Anyone or someone in particular?”
“Fuck you, Caleb!” Tyler spat angrily as the words filtered through. Tyler grabbed roughly at his bag, hoisted it over his shoulder, and headed for the exit. As he walked away, Tyler could hear Caleb’s booming laugh fill the air and it made Tyler clench his fists with frustration. The last thing he wanted was for someone, anyone to think that he had girl trouble.
Dropping into the front seat of his car, the towel still wrapped around his waist, Tyler growled as he shoved the key into the ignition and fired it up. “Fuck me!” he swore to himself, glancing over at the empty seat beside him. The seat that only a handful of hours ago, Ava, with all her curves and faults, had sat in distracting him. With the memory of the empty trip home last night still fresh in his mind, Tyler tried to count the number of times he’d glanced across, hoping to see her crooked smile or fidgeting fingers, and was strangely overcome with disappointment when she wasn’t there.
“Seriously, Tyler! Get your shit together,” Tyler reminded himself. “She was just a skirt.”
Pushing his foot down on the accelerator, Tyler left a cloud of dust as he spun out of the gravel car park and joined the traffic. Turning the radio up, Tyler began singing along with some stupid top forty song that he didn’t really know the words to, but still that wasn’t enough to capture his attention. Fifteen minutes later Tyler pulled into his driveway and stalked around the car. Grabbing his bag from the front seat, he spotted his hoodie from yesterday neatly folded on the front floor. Without hesitation or a thought in his head, Tyler seized the jumper and brought it to his nose, inhaling it deeply. But she wasn’t just a skirt, was she? Tyler’s mind reminded him. Ava got under your skin.
Chapter 16
Ava
Six weeks later and Ava had become the world’s biggest bitch. She’d withdrawn from everything and everyone. She had resigned her position on various committees, some of which she had worked long and hard to gain a position. All of a sudden they just seemed too draining. Too taxing. And too much like work she wasn’t interested in. She’d abandoned everything that was optional. Ava didn’t attend company dinners and declined invitations to co-workers birthday parties and other social gatherings. She had always been a hermit, but now it was worse than ever before. Now she was a recluse.
Her day consisted of falling out of bed at the absolute latest possible second, forcing herself to shower and dress, and arriving in the office with only moments to spare. All the tasks that she’d worked for years to earn had been taken on by others, leaving her only the miserable things that she despised, which didn’t help at all. Ava already thought she was a failure, and watching as others took everything she loved didn’t make things any better. Most days she hated herself mildly, but others she felt like she was toxic.
“Morning, Ava.” Amanda beamed brightly as Ava shuffled through the doors and down the corridor.
Ava muttered something indistinguishable as she bumbled her way along. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. Her dream job right now would be to get in and get out without any human contact. Reaching her desk, Ava slumped into the chair and waited for her computer to turn on. Another day at the salt mine had begun.
A couple of hours later, with her eyes blurry and her head muddled, Ava stretched her arms up behind her head and sighed audibly.
“I was wondering when you were going to come up for air.” John taunted.
“Sorry, I didn’t know anyone was waiting on me. I was trying to get this finished.” Ava shrugged, not really sorry.
“Have you got a minute?” John enquired, pointing to his office.
Gulping, Ava’s mind screamed at her, You’re screwed now, but instead of mumbling her real thoughts, she managed to answer, “Sure.”
Rising out of her chair, Ava dug the blue pen she’d been using into the back of her bun, grabbed her notebook, and followed John into his office, noticing all the heads turning and following her every move as she walked past.
With her shoulders slumped, her face unreadable, and her neck aching, Ava dropped into the plush leather visitors’ chair opposite John. She’d been in here a million times before, being handed yet another assignment with a ridiculous deadline, but she’d always not only met the deadline but exceeded it, surprising John and herself. Sometimes she was amazed at the things she could pull off even if no one else noticed what it actually cost her to do so.
“So, what can I do for you, John?” Ava asked directly, wanting to get this over and done with as quickly as possible. Confrontation scared the shit out of her, and right now she didn’t have the energy or the strength to fight.
“Ava, you know you do a great job. You take on more than your share and you do it without fuss or complaint. But I have to ask, are you okay?” John asked simply, his eyes never wavering from Ava’s face.
Feeling uncomfortable that someone had noticed made Ava’s pulse race and stomach clench. “I’m fine,” she lied easily. Practice had prepared her for this.
“Ava?”
“I promise I’m fine,” Ava stated a little too quickly.
“I’ve noticed that you don’t seem to be yourself lately. And I’ve been made aware that you withdrew from certain things…”
“So that’s what this is about?” Ava snapped a little too sharply.
“Not at all. But I am worried about you.” John admitted, wringing his hands.
Ava knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to force her to open up and spill her secrets. Secrets that she was sure he didn’t actually want to know the answers to. John just wanted to hear the lies to satisfy his own responsibility. “I’m fine. Just tired.”
John’s mouth gaped open and then shut just as quickly. Ava knew he wanted to say something. They’d known each other long enough to know when the other was okay and when they weren’t. “How can I help?” he offered softly.
“You can’t,” Ava stated matter-of-factly.
“I have to, Ava. I can’t keep watching you do this to yourself. Please. Let me help you. Just tell me what to do,” John almost begged.
Ava could see the tears forming in his eyes and immediately felt bad. She’d never intended to drag anyone into her hell but somehow that’s exactly what she’d done. She’d deliberately not spoken to anyone about how bad she was feeling or how hard things were so they didn’t get swallowed by her pity party. The truth was Ava hated how pathetic she was and she didn’t want anyone to know how deeply that ran. And seeing the sad hopelessness in John’s eyes, Ava knew yet again she’d failed. He knew. Without telling him or saying a word, he knew how hard she was fighting each day.
“There’s nothing anyone can do. I’m okay. I just have to take it one day at a time,” Ava admitted, trying to placate John. She didn’t want to see him cry. She’d seen it before and it made her uncomfortable and miserable, especially knowing she was the cause. In fact, Ava was pretty sure it was doing the exact opposite.
Ava watched as he swatted an escapee tear away as if it were never there. “I have to,” he admitted so softly that Ava almost didn’t catch his words.
Ava choked back her own sob. This wasn’t how she’d thought today would go at all.
And she hated crying more than anyone knew. She longed for a hug but would never dare ask for one. She couldn’t stand to be touched. She wasn’t claustrophobic by any means, but when someone invaded her personal space she instantly went rigid. At least this was something the years working with John had taught her. Ava knew no matter how much she fell apart he would never put her in that position, and in that moment that was something she was eternally grateful for.
After taking a moment to pull himself together and take a long pull from the Coke can that sat in the middle of his desk, John sucked in a deep breath and once again looked at Ava’s pained face. “Ava, tell me. How can I help?”
Ava didn’t know how he could help her. She wasn’t being deliberately evasive, the truth was she had no idea how anyone could help. If anyone could. The truth was she was a mess. She knew it and she could admit it to herself, but admitting it to others was another story. Ava didn’t want the world to know how bad things were. If she could fake it, it’d have to get better, but once people knew, they would never look at her the same way again. They would treat her differently, like she couldn’t cope. Like there was something wrong with her. Like she was weak. It was hard enough being a woman in a man’s world without them thinking she couldn’t hack it. And that was the thing that scared her the most. If she told John what he wanted to know, everything she had worked so hard for, for so many years, it would all be lost. Almost immediately. And that was definitely not going to help.
Swallowing the lump forming in her throat, Ava forced herself to sit up straight and look John straight in the eye, “Maybe I just need a break. It’s been over two years since I had a decent break,” Ava offered with the best smile she could summon.
“That I can do.” John exhaled, overwhelmed with relief that there was something he could do. “Any idea when you want to go?”
“Honestly, I haven’t given it any thought at all,” Ava admitted truthfully. The idea had only just sprung to her mind as she glanced around the glass cage.
“Well, why don’t you think about it, see where you want to go and what you want to do, and book it,” John offered enthusiastically.
“I’ll have a look around and come back to you with possible dates,” Ava agreed, relieved that the tears in his eyes had subsided and had now been replaced with a new energetic spark.
“Don’t worry about when it is. Find something you want to do, book it, and I’ll approve it. No need to worry about dates.”
“You sure?” Ava murmured, suddenly nervous.
“Absolutely. You’ve earned a break, Ava. It doesn’t matter when it is, go have some fun!” John encouraged.
“Th-Thanks,” Ava stuttered as she stood shakily to her feet and wobbled out the door and back to her desk, still not really sure what just happened.
Completely baffled, Ava made her way back to her desk and flopped into her chair. Ten minutes later and she still couldn’t concentrate on anything except for John’s words. What kept replaying through her mind was the fact he didn’t care when she went away as long as she went. Is he trying to tell me something? Ava wondered sadly, grabbing a handful of papers and trying to force herself to focus. If he wanted to fire her, he was going to have to find something more than she’d withdrawn her support from a few voluntary committees to get her out the door.
Five o’clock came around quicker than Ava expected and she was pleasantly surprised at the amount she’d gotten through. Finishing something these days seemed to be a luxury that Ava didn’t often get to indulge, but since her conversation with John earlier on this morning, she’d finished numerous tasks and made good headway on others. Maybe things were starting to go her way. Finally.
With a satisfied sigh, Ava shut down her computer, shrugged on her coat, and headed for the door. “Don’t forget to book a holiday,” John reminded her as he covered the mouthpiece to the phone and waved good night.
“Thanks.” Ava said before heading out the door.
Settled in her car, the radio switched off, Ava allowed herself to dream as she sat in traffic trying to make her way home. “Where would I like to go?” she asked herself with a shake of her head. Ava knew better. Life didn’t work that way. You didn’t get to dream up a holiday and then it would simply come true. She’d indulged in enough dreaming through the years to know that life didn’t work like that. At least hers didn’t.
Mentally running her budget through her mind, Ava determined how much she could afford to spend on an impromptu getaway. Surprising herself with how much she could afford, Ava dreamed up varying types of holidays in different locations around the world. Did she want to relax on a secluded beach and drink cocktails while gorgeous, tanned waiters catered to her every need in the Maldives? Did she want to spend time enjoying the sunsets and the silence that the African wildlife enjoyed as she joined a safari party through the Savannah? Or would she prefer the anonymity and the hustle and bustle that the busiest cities in the world like London or Paris afforded her?
By the time Ava parked in her car park, all the anxiety of a vacation had evaporated and now she was dying to log on to her computer and see where she could get the best deal. She’d resolved with herself that whichever city provided the best value for her money would be where she would end up. She wasn’t fussy. As long as it was away somewhere. The further away the better. Besides, no matter where she went, surely it would give her enough inspiration to fill her next book.
Three hours, two cups of tea, and a packet of chocolate biscuits later and Ava had booked and paid for her holiday. Who needs to visit a travel agent these days when everything can be done online? Ava smirked satisfactorily to herself.
Happy with her night’s efforts, Ava had a quick shower and slipped into bed with a book. As much as she didn’t want to admit that maybe John was right, she couldn’t stomach the thought that maybe he was. As soon as she’d received the confirmation email, Ava felt instantly lighter. Happier. Brighter. Maybe it was just having something to look forward to instead of the drudgery that her life had become lately. An hour later Ava slipped into a deep sleep, her dreams filled with romantic adventures and new experiences.
“Morning, Ava.” John waved as she floated through the door the next morning. Although he hadn’t spoken to her since yesterday, John instantly noticed the difference. She seemed like she was a million miles away and wherever she was, she was happy there. He was reluctant to pepper her with any more questions in case he was the one responsible for bringing her crashing back down to earth and dousing the sparkle in her eyes.
“Morning,” Ava replied, flashing a real, genuine smile, and she suddenly remembered what it felt like not to have to fake something. It was infinitely easier. Ava couldn’t help but like the feeling. Quickly she dumped her bag, logged into the computer, and printed out her leave form. Now she’d booked her flights, she wanted John’s signature on the form as soon as possible so she could sit back and relax and enjoy her impending trip.
“Can I annoy you for a moment?” Ava asked, knocking lightly on John’s office door.
“I’m sure you can,” John assured her, putting down his pen and pushing aside the pile of paperwork he’d already been buried in. “Take a seat.”
Ava slipped into the chair and nervously picked at her fingers. Her stomach was in knots, hoping that John had meant what he said yesterday and he would approve her leave no matter when. After all, she was due to fly out in less than a week.
“How can I help, Ava?” John asked cheerily.
“I was w-wondering if you could sign m-my leave request,” Ava stuttered, tripping over her own words. Ava slid the paper towards John silently and watched as his eyes scoured the paper wordlessly. After a moment, he reached out, picked up his pen, and signed his name. Ava let go of the breath she didn’t know she was holding and immediately relaxed.
As John handed back the paper, Ava accepted it with trembling hands, still in shock how easy this had been. “So where did you decide to go?” he asked, seemingly genuine
ly interested.
Finally having something to talk about other than the bland colour of her walls or her work, Ava basked in the feeling, and before she knew it, she was blabbering all about it. “I fly to Los Angeles on the sixteenth and then directly on to New York City. I’m there for ten days.”
“Sounds perfect,” John agreed happily, watching as Ava came alive. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do while you’re there?”
“Everything. Anything. I haven’t planned or booked anything in each place but I have a wish list for each, so I’m just going to try and tick everything off. Depending on what I feel like doing each day is what I’ll do. The weather is supposed to be nice there this time of year so I’m sure it will be amazing,” Ava gushed as her mind flittered back to the pictures she’d Googled last night of Central Park all dressed up in its array of autumn colours.
“I’m sure you’ll love it,” John agreed, unable to conceal his relief in the change in Ava literally overnight.
“I hope so,” Ava agreed with a wide unadulterated smile that for the first time in weeks reached her eyes.
Chapter 17
Tyler
“Fuck, I hate travelling,” Tyler grumbled as he tossed t-shirts and underwear into his duffel bag on the bed.
He had to get to the airport early the next morning and it had disrupted everything. For the past two weeks he’d placed numerous calls to Jonathan, trying to convince him to get him out of this, but in the end Jonathan had just ended up diverting his calls to voicemail. Now Tyler was standing in his bedroom, glancing around at the bombsite that had become his overly busy life, searching for his passport. He knew it was here somewhere but that wasn’t helping right now. After his last trip to Barcelona he vaguely recalled putting it in a safe place, but right now he had no idea where that safe place was.
Nobody's Obligation (Swimming Upstream #2) Page 8
