by Lane Hart
Most Saturdays my dad doesn’t go into work, so I head over to the house hoping I can find a way to talk to him without my mom overhearing. Neither of them are inside, but I hear the lawnmower running, telling me where I can find my dad.
“Hey,” I say after I walk out the back door and dad turns off the engine of his riding mower.
“Hey,” he replies. “What happened to your face?” he asks, telling me the yellow bruising is more noticeable than I thought.
“Alex and I went a round with the gloves off,” I lie to avoid that whole unappealing topic.
“Oh. Well, if you’re looking for your mom, she’s gone shopping.”
“It seems like she’s getting out more lately,” I remark.
“Yeah, she is. Lennox has been good for her,” he replies. “You come to pick up more of your things?” he asks.
“No, I came to talk to you.”
“Oh?” he asks. Climbing off the mower, he walks over to the deck, swiping the back of his hand over his forehead to wipe away the sweat dripping down.
“You may have been right. I don’t know shit about being a father,” I admit.
“It takes time,” he says with a shrug. “No one can figure it out overnight.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not saying I forgive you for what you did, but I’m working on it,” I tell him. “I just wish you could’ve given me a little more credit.”
“You are my Son, whom I love; with you, I am well pleased,” my dad says, quoting Luke 3:2.
“I guess as soon as you found out his name was Lennox you knew he was mine, huh?” I ask my dad.
“It was a pretty good assumption even if it was surprising,” he says with a small smile.
“And you still don’t think mom knows?” I ask.
“She hasn’t said so if she does. Maybe I was wrong, and all she needed was a grandson, yours or Eli’s.”
“If Meg had told us sooner, maybe she wouldn’t have been so bad off,” I grumble.
“We’ll never be able to understand Megan’s thinking because we’ll never be in her shoes,” Dad says. “But if you care about her, you have to forgive her. I guarantee that however angry you are at her, she’s even harder on herself. And when you love someone, it can make you do stupid things.”
“So you think Meg did what she did because she loved me?” I ask with disbelief since I’ve been assuming the opposite.
“I do,” he answers with a nod. “And I think she didn’t just come back here for a job. She came back for you.”
“I’m not sure if I buy that,” I tell him.
“She took on the entire burden of raising your son alone, to keep it off of you. As your father, I can see that she had good intentions at the time. You were young and had enough to deal with. All these years you’ve held yourself back for us, so I can’t imagine what would be left of you if you'd had the stress of being a father on you too. But right or wrong, her decision is in the past. Now, you have to decide whether or not you want a future with her.”
“I just don’t know if I can forgive her,” I tell him with a shake of my head.
“Her father apparently couldn’t either,” Dad says. “Ironic since every Sunday he’s telling us to forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
“Yeah, he’s a hypocritical prick,” I mutter, and then am horrified to realize that I’m no different. Fuck, if that’s not a wake-up call. “What’s with your Bible regurgitation today?” I tease my father since I don’t want to dwell too much on that thought right now.
“Your mom’s back on a religious kick,” he answers with a chuckle. “For a while, after losing Eli, I think she lost her belief. Maybe we all did. But Lennox has breathed new life into her and definitely restored her hope in a higher being. Regardless of what you believe in, creating life is a miracle, and I don’t think it ever happens without a greater purpose.”
I’m starting to agree with that sentiment. Without Lennox, Megan may have never come back to Cary. She could’ve happily lived out her life in Arizona, met a man and started a family with someone else. Instead, she did the best she could, and now she’s here, possibly even hoping for a family with me.
If I believe that everything happens for a reason, then maybe this was the only way the three of us could happily live the rest of our lives together. As teenagers, with a newborn, it would have been crazy and stressful, and over time Meg and I could have grown apart under those circumstances.
Maybe it’s time that I start trying to find forgiveness so that we can have a real shot at being together. And if religion is good for anything other than hypocrisy, it’s that.
“Mind if I borrow your Bible?” I ask my dad, whose eyes widen in surprise at my request.
“Sure. But where’s yours?”
“Packed up somewhere,” I say since I honestly don’t remember the last time I saw the black, leather bound book. Dad’s right, after Eli died, it was hard for me to come to grips with a God who would take him away from us when he was so young.
“Your brother’s is on his dresser,” he offers. “Might be good for you to take something of his with you to your new apartment.”
“Yeah,” I agree since lately, it does feel like Eli is slipping further and further away from me. All of our childhood memories are becoming hazy, along with the details of his personality and his face. “Maybe some pictures too,” I tell my dad.
“Whatever you want,” he says.
“Thanks, and I’ll see you later,” I tell him as I slip back into the house and make my way up the stairs to the bedroom across from mine. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I even looked inside. It was just too hard without him here.
Now, I flip the light switch on, illuminating the room as Eli left it four years ago. The bed’s still unmade, and some of his jeans and tees are scattered around on the floor. My mom was such a neat freak before he died that I’m surprised she hasn’t cleaned it up. Guess she just wants it this way since it’s how it was the last time he was in it.
Moving over to the dresser I find his Bible on the edge, one that has the same black leather, just a little bigger than mine. Eli was always more into church than I was, which is probably why he couldn’t face coming out about his sexuality to any of us.
I pick up the Bible and then glance at the photos stuck around the glass of his dresser mirror. The one that stands out the most is of Eli and Nate, their arms around each other’s shoulders, smiling at the camera. I was jealous of Nate because I thought he and my brother were best friends, closer than the two of us. They were obviously in love with each other, which is why they were so inseparable.
Below their photo is one of Eli and a much younger Meg at junior prom. She’s gorgeous in her long, strapless lavender dress; and instead of looking at the camera, she’s looking up at Eli with complete admiration while his eyes are straight ahead, totally unaware of the love in her eyes.
Finally, there’s a picture of me and Eli, him wearing his orange Clemson hat that I took over after he died, hanging out at the lake the summer before he passed away.
I take all three photos and stick them underneath the cover of the Bible to bring back to the apartment, intending to give Nate the one of him and Eli.
Alex is gone when I get back to our place, so I sit on the sofa in the silent living room and remove the photos to start reading through some of the pages Eli earmarked. There are several proverbs highlighted, but I skim over them and go to the New Testament. Of course, the Gospel of Luke was one of my favorite sections growing up since I knew the story of how my mother named me from it.
Eli had earmarked and highlighted Luke 6:31, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” And then Luke 11:9, “And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.”
When I turn the next page, though, there’s a noticeable lump underneath the middle section. I keep flipping until I get to the source, a square cut into the center of the remaining pages, big enough to hold a b
lack velvet box.
Holy shit.
Not only am I shocked that Eli would deface his Bible in such a way, but I’m surprised at what he hid inside it.
With shaking hands, I dump the box out and only feel a little guilty for snooping on something my brother was obviously trying to hide. As soon as I pry it open, I see the diamond solitaire and realize exactly what this was --- an engagement ring Eli must have bought for Meg. It’s beautiful and looks so perfect for her, but most likely because of his feelings for Nate, Eli never got down on one knee and gave it to her.
Wait a second…maybe this is a sign.
At the cemetery, I asked Eli what I should do, not really expecting an answer, and yet, he’s given me one. It’s what Meg suggested weeks ago when I laughed at her, and Alex and I talked about more recently…
This ring could be our fresh start, a way to forget the past and start moving forward, not just for Lennox but for ourselves. I think I could make Meg happy if given another chance, but to do that I’ve got to man up and actually forgive her. It can’t be half-assed either.
At this point, I think I would just love to have a real chance at a relationship with her. She’s made mistakes but so have I, like the night four years ago that I slept with her without protection, and then all the recent nights I took my anger out on her because of that one decision we both made.
We won’t know if things could work between us unless we try, and I know without a doubt that’s what I want to do.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Megan
If I had been asleep, or even in bed, I never would have heard the soft knock on the door around ten o’clock at night.
My heart soars as I jump to my feet to answer it, hoping it’s Luke.
When I pull the door open, I’m relieved it’s him and shocked to find him down on one knee, holding an open ring box that reveals a diamond solitaire.
“What are you doing?” I ask, my words barely louder than a whisper, even though it’s pretty obvious.
“While I may spend most of my time confused about how exactly I feel about you, there’s one thing I know for certain,” Luke starts. “I need you more than I’ve ever needed anything in my life. Without you, I’m empty inside. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so angry with you since you came back, because you were gone for so long. And while you had a piece of me the whole time you were away, I had nothing.”
“Oh my God, Luke,” I mutter as moisture fills my vision of this incredible man down on one knee for me.
“So, I’m not asking you to agree to marry me tomorrow or even next year. What I am asking is if you will wear this ring on your finger while you consider being my wife someday in the future. When I’ve proven beyond any doubt you may have that I love you and have forgiven you, will you marry me?” he asks.
“Yes,” I answer without a single hesitation before Luke wises up and changes his mind.
“Thank you,” he replies on a heavy exhale. Then, he pulls the ring from the box, and when I hold out my left hand, he pushes it onto my finger.
“It’s so beautiful,” I tell him, amazed at how gorgeous the diamond is shimmering in the dim night.
“Eli picked it out,” Luke says as he gets to his feet and takes my left hand again, kissing my knuckles.
“What do you mean?” I ask in confusion.
“Before he died, Eli bought this ring for you. Today I found where he had hidden it inside his Bible.”
“Oh, wow,” I mutter as the tears overflow from my eyes and fall down my cheeks.
“Come here,” Luke says, wrapping me in his arms and pulling me to his chest. “I’m sorry. And while I may not be able to let everything go yet, if you’ll give me a chance, I promise I’ll keep working on it. From now on we’re only going forward, never backward again.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, lifting my head until our lips brush. “Stay with me tonight?” I ask while threading my fingers through the sides of his hair.
“God, yes,” Luke replies between kisses. “In your bed. Inside you. All night if you’ll let me.”
“You want me?” I ask, intentionally pressing my stomach against the erection currently hardening through his pants.
“So much,” he groans.
“Show me,” I say, and then barely suppress my squeal when Luke’s palms grab the backs of my thighs, lifting my feet off the ground. I wrap my legs around his waist as he shuts and locks the door and then carries me to the bedroom.
“Tonight you’re gonna get the full treatment,” Luke says as he lays me on the bed underneath him. “Foreplay and orgasms before I make love to you. Then, tomorrow we’re gonna get back to work on that list of yours.”
Tingles race through my body in anticipation when our tongues meet and start to dance erotically together. It feels so good that I practically melt into the comforter. The only thing that would make it better would be if we weren’t wearing any clothes.
Luke must agree, because he reaches down and starts tugging my pajama bottoms and panties down my legs. When I grab the hem of his shirt and raise it over his head, Luke reciprocates, pulling my top off just as quickly. All that remains are the clothes on his lower body. He has to stand up to lose his pants, shoes, and socks, and I watch intently as he removes each stitch of fabric from his smooth, muscular body.
“I’ve waited so damn long for this,” Luke says before he climbs back on the bed and kisses me deeply, assuring me of everything I needed to know. Luke meant what he said tonight. He wants to give us a real try. And no, our issues won’t disappear overnight. I never expected them to. All I wanted from him was a second chance, and now I have it.
I love that he’s finally here with me, kissing me, pressing his body against mine while his strawberry scent surrounds me…
Strawberries.
“The last few weeks I thought you were just using my shampoo, but tonight, and the first night you came over here, you smelled like berries,” I say to Luke when the realization hits me.
Nodding he says between kisses, “I started using a strawberry flavored shampoo after you left because it reminded me of you. Other than a few pictures, it was all I had to remember you by,” he admits, which may be the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. “Once I even tasted it, but it didn’t come close to how delicious I now know from experience you really are. Need to taste all of you. Every inch.” Luke’s lips move down to my neck, devouring my skin in the most amazing way before he goes lower. He spends a great deal of time nuzzling my breasts and alternating taking each nipple into his mouth. Pleasure surges straight to the spot heating up between my legs.
Sensing what I need and where, Luke makes his way down my body and uses his tongue to tease my overheated flesh. I have to slap my palm over my mouth when urgent, needy moans begin pouring out. Seeing his head buried between my legs combined with the euphoric feeling of him pleasuring me is too much. My legs tense and my back arches with my orgasm sending me into another universe. One so perfect that, for a few wonderful moments, everything else ceases to exist.
“Hey, you still with me?” Luke asks, and when I blink my eyes open, he’s right above me.
“I’ve always been with you,” I assure him, reaching up to stroke his unshaven jaw. “I may not have loved you that first night, but I started loving you right after I found out I was pregnant,” I admit. “Even though I was scared to death, I knew you had given me something so amazing when I was at my lowest. Lennox was the best thing that ever happened to me. When I needed someone to love, to hold on to, and believe in after everyone else had let me down, he was always there, reminding me of you being there for me that night when I was falling apart. I’m sorry I was so scared and selfish that it took me this long to share him with you.”
“I love you regardless,” Luke says with a soft kiss. “But I’m begging you not to shatter my heart again after I just started gluing the pieces back together.”
“Promise,” I tell him.
“Thanks,” he replies, flashi
ng me a grin before he lowers his body down on mine. “Now, with all the years of build up, I can’t guarantee that this is going to last much longer than the first time.”
“Good thing we’ve got all night,” I remind him.
“Yes, yes it is,” Luke says as he grinds his erection into my wetness. “Ready?” he asks.
“So ready,” I agree with a smile, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“Then here goes,” he says before he reaches down between us and lines himself up. With one slow thrust, he’s filling me completely. “God that’s good,” he groans before he pulls back and plunges inside me again, causing me to moan my agreement.
When his lips crash down on mine, frantic and desperate, I start to lose myself in the incredible bliss…and then I begin to giggle.
“What?” Luke asks, coming to a stop above me.
“Aren’t we forgetting something? Again?” I remind him.
Blowing out his breath, Luke chuckles and says, “Well, I guess it’s a good thing you’re a sex-ed teacher.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Luke
“Uncle Luke!”
I wake up with my son jumping on top of me, and I’m thankful that Meg and I got redressed before we finally passed out last night. Or early this morning. Whenever it was just before the sun came up. We had a lot of time to make up for.
“Hey, champ. How have you been?” I ask, fighting sleep so I can wrap my arms around Lennox in a hug and finally open my eyes to see him. “I missed you while I was…sick,” I tell him.
“I missed you too,” he says, giving me a kiss on my cheek. “I tried to call you.”
“You did?” I ask in surprise.
“You did?” Meg sits up in bed beside me to ask our son.
“Uh-huh,” Lennox replies with a nod. “None of the numbers worked.”
“Sweetie, did you use my cell phone?” Meg asks.
Lennox nods again with his eyes lowered like he thinks he’s about to be in trouble.
“Do you know where my phone is now?” she questions him, and I look over at her with an eyebrow raised in question. “It went missing days ago. I’ve looked everywhere for it!” Meg explains to me.
