Rachel laughed and her shoulders relaxed. “Yeah, that’s kinda the point.” Her eyes had a hint of a smile for a change as she looked at me, and then she took a bite of her sandwich. Her eyelids closed as she chewed with a quiet moan. “Oh wow, what did you put in this? It’s amazing!”
I smirked. “Family secret.”
“Well, whatever it is, it’s awesome. Thank you.”
I nodded while I kept chomping on my own sandwich.
“So uh, were you expecting more people to join you? A girlfriend or something?” She stuffed her sandwich in her mouth and avoided my eyes again.
“Nope. Just me. I think Cole is touring in Europe or Asia or something, but he lets me use his cabin if he’s not here.”
“Cole?”
“Cole Jackson. The rock star? This is his cabin.”
Rachel made a gasping sound then started coughing.
“You okay, sweetheart?”
“Yeah,” she answered weakly. “It just went down the wrong pipe I think. Cole Jackson, huh? That’s…that’s nice.”
I wasn’t a douche who liked to name drop—I’d just assumed that she knew since she was hired to clean the cabin after all. But apparently not. And it didn’t bug me that she recognized him. Not even a little bit. “You a fan, I take it?”
Rachel’s eye bugged for a second as she chewed and swallowed. “No, I, uh, I like country music actually. I mean I know who he is—I could probably pick him out of a lineup, but I don’t think I could even name one of his songs. Sorry.”
“I’ll take the apology for liking country music.” I smirked as she narrowed her eyes at me. “But don’t worry about not being a fan. That’ll be our little secret.”
She rolled her eyes and continued to eat her sandwich, making happy little hums with every bite. It was cute and made me smile.
“I take it you’re not a country fan then?” Rachel asked as she chewed with one hand covering her mouth.
I snorted. “Not even a little bit.”
“Let me guess. Christian rock?”
It was my turn to choke. “What?” I wheezed as I tried to catch my breath.
“So not Christian rock? Hmm, I’m rarely wrong about this kinda thing. Are you sure?”
I coughed a few times as I struggled to breathe. “I’m sure.”
“Huh. You just kinda look like the type, you know? I can’t be the first person who’s told you that.”
I blinked at the straight tone she’d used—it sounded like she actually believed every word she said. Me, a Christian rock fan? Really? I swung around on my barstool and tilted my head at her.
It was then that I noticed that her shoulders were shaking with suppressed laughter.
“Hahahaha! You should see your face.”
I had to smile as I shook my head. She was too fucking cute. Too bad she had a ring on that finger. She might’ve made a perfect distraction from the shit filling up my head.
But she was off-limits.
Rachel stood, grabbed our empty plates, and made her way to the sink. “Really, let me guess. Rap?”
I crossed my arms on the counter top and shook my head.
“Reggae?”
I shook my head again and replied with a straight face, “Muzak.”
Rachel nodded solemnly. “I could see that. You like to get down with some Kenny G, huh? Makes sense.”
“Kenny G isn’t Muzak. He’s smooth jazz.”
“Well, you would know.” Rachel smirked as she loaded our plates in the empty dishwasher.
I grunted in reply as I watched her wipe the countertops—again—then sort our dishes into the dishwasher. Why the hell was she wearing clothes that were so baggy? Was it because of work, or was it something she did all the time? Because she wasn’t fooling me. I could see the curve of her breasts and how her shirt fell loosely under that—no doubt concealing a taut stomach. What was the point? Did clients hit on her or something? Dicks who couldn’t keep their shit in their pants? Pigs.
Rachel cleared her throat uncomfortably and made me realize that I was staring at her. At the parts she was trying to keep hidden. I looked away and rubbed the back of my head. “So, uh, the satellite tv is probably down with all the snow, but Cole has a huge collection of movies—probably even a few that aren’t available to the general public right now. What do you feel like watching?”
“That’s okay. You don’t have to entertain me. But, um, do you think there’s a charger here that’s compatible with my phone? My battery’s dead, and I really need it.”
My eyes narrowed at the reminder of her asshole man. The one who made her cry earlier. The one who’d put that ring on her finger. “Don’t you think it’ll do him some good to worry about you for a change?”
“What?” Rachel blinked. “Who are you talking about?”
“Your man? I assume that’s who you have to talk to.”
Rachel laughed. “I need my phone because there are numbers in there that I don’t have memorized. Like, most of them. I need to call my boss and tell her what’s going on. And it would be handy to keep an eye on the road conditions. Like I should’ve been doing all day long,” she finished under her breath.
I nodded, conceding her point. “Let’s see what Cole has in the media room. I think that’s where he keeps most of his chargers. Then we can pick out a movie.”
“You don’t have to—”
“I know that.” An edge of steel hardened my voice. I was getting sick of her apologizing every fucking minute. The similarities between her and my mom were pissing me off. This was the last thing I needed today of all days. “Look, I’m not normally a nice guy or whatever, and you’re making it really fucking difficult for me to pretend. I was gonna watch a movie, whether you were here or not. You can join me in the media room or find a bedroom upstairs to lock yourself in. To be honest, at this point I really don’t give a shit. Do whatever.”
I grabbed my beer off the counter and stomped off toward the media room, not bothering to check to see if she was following. She could do whatever the fuck she wanted.
I was done.
4
Rachel
I twisted my fingers as I watched Austin stomp off. I had a feeling that whatever just pissed him off had more to do with the reason he was holed up here all alone drinking his way to cirrhosis than anything I’d said or done. But I still felt guilty—I was lying to him. My thumb fiddled with the ring on my finger. I’d never felt bad about the pretense before—it’d been my shield for the past two years. My ring kept people from staring at me with judgmental eyes when I was out with my son. But most importantly it kept men from hitting on me. After I’d scraped off my ex, I didn’t have the time or interest in even talking to another guy.
So why was I tempted to explain all this to Austin?
Throughout our short time together he’d been both a sweetheart and an asshole. I didn’t know how to reconcile the two versions of him in my head. I couldn’t deny that I found him attractive. I’d lusted after him from afar with every local magazine article and tv special that’d featured him. And now he was here in front of me. A large part of me didn’t like the idea that he thought I was taken.
Not that I would do anything about it if he made a move on me. I had a toddler and a mountain of bills to take care of. I didn’t have time for bad boys with their hard bodies, sexy tattoos, and sultry looks.
I shouldn’t even be worried about him. Tonight was the first night that I wouldn’t be there for my son. Even when I worked late at my other job—tending bar—I still found the time to check in with him—most nights even tuck him in since he went to sleep early. But I wouldn’t be able to tonight. Depending on how this storm went, I might not even see him tomorrow. That was what had been on my mind throughout my meal with Austin—I couldn’t stop thinking about Wyatt and my mom. She’d sounded fine on the phone, but I knew it wasn’t easy for her to take care of him all on her own, especially for so long. As a working mom, I was constantly wracked with guilt, a
nd tonight didn’t lessen it any. I had to charge my phone. Prickly attitude be damned.
I walked hesitantly in the direction Austin had disappeared. I’d reached the threshold but froze at the sound of panting ending in a low rumbling growl.
“Blue, knock it off,” Austin muttered.
I hadn’t noticed any sign of a dog in all my hours in the house and from the sound of it, Blue was a big one. I’d been nervous to enter Austin’s domain given his Jekyll/Hyde routine, now I was giving serious thought to finding a bedroom to lock myself in like he’d said. Dogs and me didn’t exactly get along. Growing up in sketchy neighborhoods, I’d had my fair share of run-ins with menacing breeds before. And I had the scars to prove it.
I was more of a cat person. Goldfish really.
“Are you this indecisive with every fucking thing, or do I just bring it out in ya?” Austin grumbled from somewhere inside the room.
I cleared my throat. “Where, um, where is the dog?”
The room in front of me was a dark cave, and I had that prickling sensation that someone or something was watching me in a menacing way. I just knew it was Blue.
“He’s in here next to me. Relax. Contrary to his growl, he’s just a big baby. You got nothing to worry about.”
“Maybe you could grab one of those chargers for me and fling it in my general direction?” I would’ve turned tail and run already, but I needed to charge my phone. I had to talk to my kid soon, and I should’ve called my boss an hour ago.
“Blue is really docile. I swear. Come on over and pet him. You’ll see.”
My eyes had adjusted to the lack of lighting, and I could see Austin in the front row of recliners with a large dark shadow at his feet.
My heart pounded into my throat. “Yeah, no. I’m good here.”
“Blue, stay.” Austin commanded before he huffed as he got up then walked to the back of the room and fiddled with something. I didn’t really watch him—I was too busy keeping my eyes on the shadow in front of the recliners. A soft panting let me know that I was right. Blue was right there, probably watching me with his big, hungry eyes.
“Here.”
I flinched when Austin appeared at my side. My fight or flight instincts kicked in as I took a few steps back—away from him or the dog I didn’t know. I just wanted to fly away.
“Whoa. Hold up. It’s okay. No one here—man or dog—is gonna hurt you. If it’ll make you feel better, you can take your charger and hole up in a bedroom with the door locked or whatever. Here.” He held the cord out in his hand and the gentle, understanding look in his eyes melted me, and I started babbling.
“I don’t want to be antisocial, it’s just that dogs kinda scare me.” And you kinda scare me too.
“Ah, I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’ll put him in the garage so you don’t—”
“Oh no. You don’t have to do that. I don’t want you kicking him out. I can hang out upstairs or something.”
“It’s not exactly like I’m putting Blue out in the cold. Cole’s garage is nicer than most people’s houses. It’s nicer than the house I grew up in. Blue will be fine.”
I shook my head as I accepted the cord. “I’d still feel bad.”
Austin rocked back on his heels and stuffed his hands in his back pockets. “How deep is this fear of yours? Could you come over and meet Blue? I’ll turn on the lights and stand between you. Despite his size, he’s really a big marshmallow, I swear.”
I bit my lip in indecision. Austin was persuasive, but my fear of dogs went pretty deep. If Blue was a Pitbull, I was out of here. “What breed is he?”
“He’s a Great Dane. They’re the teddy bears of dogs, I promise.”
“I, uh, okay.”
Austin smiled at me as he grabbed my hand. My heart stuttered for a second before it pounded hard in my chest. I’d like to attribute my sudden arrhythmia to fear, but I knew better. I just didn’t want to think about it. Nothing was going to come of this anyway—Austin still thought I had a man back home.
He flicked on the light switch with his other hand, flooding the room with light. I blinked against the glare then focused on the large dog on the floor. My whole body tensed. The dog’s head tilted as he watched me. Unlike the monster that’d mauled me as a teenager, this dog was kinda…lazy looking. Blue let out a soft sigh then fell over onto his side with a human sounding groan. My lips curled slightly, and most of the tension drained from me. He looked sweet and not threatening at all.
“See? He’s a lazy lump. Most days I’m lucky if I can get him off the couch. He’s like a big, lazy teenager but with none of the attitude. And trust me, I’d know.”
I nodded slightly, not letting Blue out of my sight. I knew Austin was the oldest of four brothers. But I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to look like the crazy stalker I clearly was.
Austin’s rumbling voice tore me from my thoughts. “Are you okay with getting closer to him? Blue won’t mind.”
“I, uh, okay,” I mumbled. Blue looked sweet enough, but I was still too nervous to trust he was a teddy bear. He still looked very doglike to me.
“I got Blue two years ago. When he was a puppy, he was the size of most medium adult dogs. But he was as lazy as ever, even as a puppy.” Austin chattered away as we approached the dog in question. Blue blinked languidly at us but didn’t get up, or even lift his head. A low thumping sound pulsed in the silent room as Blue’s tail wagged, walloping away at the floor. “He’s lazy; he won’t get up even when he’s excited.”
My smile grew as I watched Austin kneel down next to the prone dog. He rubbed Blue on his ribs, but still the dog didn’t really move—aside from his tail, which continued to thump against the floor. “Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?”
The baby talk was ridiculously sweet and totally at odds with his professional persona. With the tattoos and muscles and overall badass aura, it made my ovaries flutter to watch Austin caress and sweettalk his dog. And it totally distracted me from my fear, right up to the point that Austin grabbed my hand again.
“You okay with giving him a little pat? I’ll keep myself between you two for your peace of mind, but you’ve got nothing to worry about. He let my brothers lay on top of him.”
My heartbeat thrummed in my ears from the combination of my fear and Austin’s touch. But that sweet, soft look in his eye had me grinning, and before I even realized it, words were coming out of my mouth. “I, uh, yeah sure. That’s okay.”
Austin guided my hand toward Blue’s blue-grey coat. The dog didn’t flinch as our entwined hands moved over him. His fur was soft and kinda bristly. And warm. After a minute Blue groaned again and rolled onto his back, leaving his soft fleshy belly exposed.
“He really loves belly rubs. Here.” Austin moved our hands over Blue’s belly which felt surprisingly like my own skin—soft, hairless, and with that give of a not really firm tummy.
I laughed as I petted him. Austin smiled and looked into my eyes as our hands continued to move over Blue.
“See? Nothing to worry about. Blue’s just a big ol’ baby. Not a scary bone in his body.” Austin’s fingers linked with mine for a second.
I looked down at our joined hands and felt a tingle between my legs. It’d been so, so long since I’d been near a guy I kinda liked, let alone touched one. But I knew no matter how I felt, nothing would ever come of it. I had a son at home, a mom to take care of, and besides, I doubted he had the same jolt that I’d felt just because our hands had touched. He still thought I was married.
You could fix that, a naughty little voice whispered in my head. But I couldn’t think of a way to bring it up that didn’t sound like a come-on. I didn’t want to look like a needy hussy, especially if he wasn’t into me. How embarrassing would that be, if I all but threw myself at him and he rejected me? Meanwhile, we had to spend however much time together. Alone.
No thank you.
Austin cleared his throat, and I jerked my gaze to him. I’d been staring at our joined hands in
awkward silence for way too long.
I sat back on my heels and tucked my palms between my knees like I needed to curb the impulse to touch him. “You’re right. Blue’s nothing like that Pitbull that attacked me.”
“You were attacked? Shit.” Austin rubbed a hand over his head while he looked at me with wide eyes. “Fuck, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t have pushed you to come near Blue—let alone touch him—if I knew you’d been attacked.”
I shrugged awkwardly. “It was over ten years ago. I’m over it. Mostly.”
“Fuck, sweetheart. That’s shitty. I’ll put Blue in the garage so you don’t have to—”
“No. Don’t. He’s fine. Really. I don’t mind.”
“Are you sure? I know this whole thing tonight isn’t ideal, and I don’t want to traumatize you or anything.”
God. Why’d he have to be sweet? “No, it’s okay. Blue is nothing like that dog.”
“’Kay. If you’re sure…”
“I am.” We sat there in awkward silence for a few moments. I wasn’t looking at him, but I was aware of every bit of him down to his smallest tattoo. After another long, awkward pause, I smiled down at my lap. “Well, I better charge my phone. I need to text my boss.”
“Yeah.” Austin pushed himself to his feet with a small grunt. “Take whatever bedroom you want. Mine’s the one at the end of the hall.”
I nodded like I knew what he was talking about. I hadn’t been to that end of the house. I’d only cleaned the kitchen and the baths, and I had no plans to claim the master as mine. The thought of taking that huge, endless room almost made my skin crawl. I was used to tiny shoebox rooms. I think I might have a panic attack if I woke up and couldn’t reach out and touch the wall.
“Or you could plug your phone in here and watch a movie with me. I’ll even let you pick.” Austin tilted his head as he smiled.
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