by Liv Bennett
I can’t move, I can’t speak, and my eyes are already stinging with tears. She walks around and sits beside me, covering my hand with hers, while I pray a brief prayer for my mother. She didn’t have the chance to meet Taylor, but I’m sure she’d love her as much as she loved any of her daughters. After all, whoever Jack loved would unconditionally be welcomed into her heart, too.
“She died of lung problems,” I begin. “She’d had issues with her lungs since I was a kid. They operated on her a few days before my eighteenth birthday and she recovered. At least, that’s what we thought. Two years later, she came down with a massive flu. When we took her to the doctor he told us that she was in the end stage of lung hypertension and that she’d die in a few weeks if she didn’t get a lung transplant. My father was a match for the donation, but two donors are needed for lung transplantations, one for each lung. Adriana was pregnant at that time so she couldn’t donate. My other sisters were too young to be eligible to be living donors, and I… I wasn’t a match. She had five fucking kids, and we couldn’t do anything to ease her pain.”
I brush the grass as though it’s Mom’s soft hair that I so miss touching. “Then came Jack.”
“Jack?” Taylor’s voice comes out like a tweak.
“Yeah, Jack. He loved my mother a lot, so much that he wanted to donate a part of his lungs for her. And, surprise, surprise; he was a match. He left us speechless with his offer. I mean, he was my best friend and I loved him dearly, but donating a lung is not like picking apples. She wasn’t related to him by blood or anything, but he wanted to give her a part of his body, his health. Who, in his right fucking mind, does that? Just when you think everyone is all selfish bunches of craps, someone like Jack comes and turns everything you believe upside down.”
Taylor squeezed my hand. “I didn’t know anything about the donation. He never explained me the scar on his torso, even though I asked.”
“He was so god-damned modest about his acts, too.” I pause to let the memories of those painful yet happy days fill my mind. My best friend, my brother, giving life to my mother. “It’s true what they say, ‘Before God gives you a problem he gives you the solution.’ Jack was the solution to our biggest problem, and he was there with us all the time.”
“That’s my Jack,” Taylor whispers softly.
“The surgery turned out to be a success, and my mom lived for another five years. Five beautiful, long years that we adored, cherished, and valued each and every minute we were blessed with to spend with her. I hadn’t seen her that happy in her entire life. And we, my entire family, owe it to Jack. He was our special person. Our angel on earth.”
Then, I turn to her, without giving a shit about my red eyes or my cracking voice. “That’s why I hated myself for falling in love with you. You, among all the millions of women in the world. My best friend’s love. I’ve hurt Pat along the way, too, but it’s nothing like the feeling of stabbing my best friend in the back.”
“He knew about your feelings for me,” she says it as a statement, not as question.
“Yes, and that’s the worst. He didn’t hate me or beat me up until I couldn’t walk, like every other man would do. He just suffered along with me. He collected me from the bars in my deepest hours of intoxication and forced me to get back on the track. I tried to be away from you and worked hard to keep my relationship with Pat going but nothing would work. For some inexplicable reason, my heart stopped beating for anyone else but you from the minute you walked into that restaurant. Can you imagine my confusion? My suffering?” I ask, but I know the answer is no. No one can imagine the pain I went through all those months of seeing the love of my life loving the very man who gave me and my family those beautiful five years with our mother.
“I… I,” She inhales and exhales deeply, looking around as if the answer is written somewhere.
“It didn’t make sense… at first. But everything fell into place with Jack’s death.” I watch her expression going from pained to angry.
“What are you trying to say?” Her voice comes out edgy and defensive, and she jerks her hand away from mine.
“I’m saying that I had to fall in love with you. It was pre-destined. Jack’s death was pre-destined; his love for you was pre-destined. I believe from the bottom of my heart that he’s among God’s favorite people. And, God arranged it so that when he took Jack’s life, he made sure to have someone taking care of you after him, loving you as much as Jack would do, so he wouldn’t be worried about you. Who else would fit the bill better than me, his best friend?”
She’s pale with shock, staring at me with her mouth wide open. She must be thinking how truly crazy I must be for coming up with a shit like this. But, it’s the truth. If this is not the truth, then I don’t know what is. She opens her mouth, just to close it when the words don’t come out, then opens it again, and closes it back.
After some minutes of hesitation, she finally finds her tongue. “Your theory has a hole.”
Of course it’ll have a hole or two. But, it won’t change my strong belief in it. I frown, trying to read her expression and guess what goes through her mind.
“If your family adored Jack like you say and Jack loved me, why does Adriana hate me, then? She never warmed up to me even when Jack was alive,” she says with a slight grin on her face.
A smile creeps up my lips at the absurdity of her words. Here I’m on my knees, declaring the Godly reason of my love for her, crying my eyes out, and she’s cracking a silly joke? “She has her reasons,” I explain. “She was trying to hook Jack up with a colleague of hers. Then you came and ruined her plans for Jack and her friend, and then her plans for Pat and me.”
She snorts and stares at the stone of my mother’s grave, probably letting my words sink. But, I have a feeling that they’re too heavy to sink in anytime soon.
The moistness of the grass starts leaking through my jeans, and my legs are starting to get numb from sitting on them. Taylor is shifting her position on the ground and probably feeling cold, too. I don’t want her getting sick from sitting too long on the frigid soil.
“Want to go back?” I ask.
She nods and we both get up. I’m taken aback when she slides her arm into mine and keeps herself close to me as we walk toward my car. I thought from the point on from when I poured out my heart, she’d be compelled to keep me at arm’s length.
Once we get in the car and I start the engine, she turns to me with a crooked eyebrow. “There is another major problem with your theory.”
“What is it?” I twist the key in the ignition but let the engine run without pressing the gas pedal.
“You’re not considering an important variable in your equation.”
“What is the variable?” I ask.
“Me and my love. I loved Jack and I still do. But for your theory to work, I should be in love with you.”
“No, you don’t have to. I’ll keep on doing what I’m doing whether you love me or not. Aside from my love for you, that’s the least I can do for Jack.”
“See, I don’t want you ruining your life trying to pay it back to Jack. I’m more than glad to have you helping me out with the company. But, other than that, I don’t need you taking care of me, and certainly I don’t want to stand in your way to happiness. I’m full of sorrow, deep into my bones, and the last thing I want is to drag someone else in with me.”
“You’re not dragging me into anywhere. If anything, I’m having a blast every time I’m around you. Both figuratively and literally,” I add the last part to ease the impact of our conversation. She’s an escapist when confronted with big issues. More so since Jack’s death, as though she perceives every new responsibility as a potential danger to the wobbly balance she has. And, my words are hard to swallow, let alone digest in a matter of minutes.
She blushes as if I’ve said something embarrassing. Well, it was embarrassing, but it’s better to see color spreading across her face than making her pale with the deep thoughts about our r
elationship.
“Still, I’d rather you not take your theory too seriously,” she adds. “We’re grown-ups who are having fun together. I’d like to leave it at that, at least for some time, until I get used to the idea of having another man in my life. It doesn’t sit well with me yet, and I think you’ve already figured out the reason behind my puking each time after we have sex.”
“About that. I think you should really see a doctor to rule out pregnancy.”
She shakes her head. “I told you I’m fertility-challenged. I have hormonal issues and—” She doesn’t end her sentence, instead looks away through the window, perhaps considering the idea of being really pregnant. Would a baby make her happy again? I’m already a goner for those innocent blue eyes, and if a baby will make her happy again I’m more than eager to give it to her.
Pressing the gas pedal, I drive out of the parking spot and merge into the main street. Taylor remains silent, her head resting on the seat, watching the road. After half an hour into our drive, her phone buzzes and she sighs deeply and fishes it out of her bag.
“Who is it?” I ask, afraid of her reminding me to mind my own business and lose my jealous attitude.
She doesn’t reply, instead fixes her eyes on the phone screen. She must have started watching a video, because a mixture of muffled sounds starts to come out from her phone. I turn to her and repeat my question only to make her look at me with a terrified expression.
Then, I hear the most disgusting, stomach-churning words coming from the video she’s watching. “You, saucy little cunt, tell me how much you want me in you.”
“What are you watching?” I pull the car to the closest spot on the street and kill the engine. Speechless, she’s staring at me wide-eyed and her jaw dropped.
“I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll be unfuckable for days. And when you think you’re too sore to even walk I’ll fuck you again. Are you ready for it?” It’s me speaking. It’s my fucking voice. How did it get into her phone?
“Tell me what the fuck you’re watching.” I snap the phone from her hands to look at the most horrifying video there could exist; the video of me having sex with Taylor at the movie theater last night. “Where did you get this video?”
“Someone is blackmailing me,” she manages to blurt out.
I keep on watching, although the images are burned into my brain. It’s recorded on a webpage, which must mean it’s live for every fucking pervert to watch.
She snaps the phone back and shows me the text she’s received.
“If you don’t give me ten thousand dollars by midnight, I’ll make sure to spread the video around so everyone can enjoy it as much as I did.”
My stomach revolts with disgust and anger. Someone caught Taylor and me sharing an intimate moment and is now threatening to spread it for millions to watch and jerk off to. I won’t calm down until I disfigure that guy’s face with my bare fists and do to him things that’ll make him regret the day he came out of his mother’s womb.
“Who could have done it?” Taylor’s voice is cracking, hinting at the tears that’ll soon shower her beautiful face.
“It must be the blond boy who showed us the storage room.” How could I trust a total stranger? How could I risk it, even though Taylor had clearly warned me about the possibility of being caught by someone and ending up on Internet? I forced her into having sex with me in public, just like I forced her into everything else. What if that mother fucker managed to record Taylor touching herself in my car, too? I’ll destroy her life completely.
The phone slips down to her lap, and she covers her face with her hands. “This is gonna ruin the company!”
Probably the entire nation will know her by name. She won’t be able to leave her condo for a long time. And she’s thinking about the company?
I punch the steering wheel to shift at least a bit of the fury boiling in me, overwhelming me, suffocating me with every passing second. The only thing I can focus on now is the image of my hands around that little sucker’s neck, until his last breath leaves his lungs. He’s just made sure he’s lived his last day. He’ll pay, not just for his malicious intentions, but also for putting Taylor through such a horrible and embarrassing situation. The minute I find him he’ll pay for every second of the pain he’s caused us.
I run the engine and floor the gas pedal. The movie theater is just a fifteen-minute drive away, but every second feels like an hour and I fear the rage scorching me will cause me a cardiac arrest, preventing me from stopping that malicious parasite before he can spread the video around.
Thank God Taylor doesn’t ask me anything when I turn the engine off at the parking lot and only climbs out of the car and paces after me. At the entrance of the movie theater, I ask her to wait for me outside. I don’t want to expose her to more nastiness if the boy—or his accomplice, if he has one—is here. Her arms crossed against her chest, her eyes begging for me to rescue her from this mess, she nods and walks toward the store next door.
I take a deep breath to compose myself before I enter. Two girls are chatting at the cash register while a middle-aged man is attending to a short line of customers. I proceed to the cash register, trying to soften my expression with a smile, and greet the girls.
“I’m looking for an employee who attended me last night. Unfortunately, I forgot his name. He’s a tall, lean boy with curly blond hair.”
“You must be talking about Case. He had a night shift yesterday,” the girl with long, black hair replies.
“Yeah, that must be him. Why do you need him?” the shorter one asks.
After sneaking glances around to make sure no one is listening to our conversation, I lean in toward them and lower my voice, “I need his address.” Casually I pull out my wallet, draw two-hundred dollars out of it, and press them on the register desk.
The two girls look down at the bills and then to each other, their eyes growing large with surprise.
“It’s illegal to give away private information about the employees. We’ll get fired on the spot if someone figures it out,” the shorter one points out.
“How about I give two hundred to each of you?” I ask.
The shorter one shakes her head. “Five hundred to each of us.”
“I don’t have that much cash.”
“There is an ATM outside, right around the corner,” the one with long, black hair says. They’re tougher than I expected. But, I’d rather pay a thousand dollars and shut the boy up than let Taylor pay ten times more only to make the boy ask for more.
“All right, you get me the address while I go get the money.” I slip the bills back into my wallet and hurry outside.
Taylor spots me immediately and strides toward me. “Did you find him?”
“No, but I’ll get his address and surprise him at his home.” I find the ATM two stores down the alley and hurry to withdraw the missing amount.
Taylor frowns. “Why do you need so much money?”
“I have to bribe two girls at the cash register to get the guy’s information.” I keep the amount to myself in order to not freak her out.
“How much do they want?”
I collect the notes and shove them in the pocket of my pants. “Nothing compared to how much the guy will want from you.”
“Look, I thought about it while waiting for you. I think it’s the best if I pay him the ten thousand now as he demands. Maybe, he’ll fear I’ll call the police and won’t bother me anymore.”
“He’ll press you for more. You can’t trust him. Those parasites are there to suck money out of people at every opportunity.”
Not wanting to leave her any chance to debate, I rush back to the movie theater and find the girl with long, black hair selling tickets to a couple. Her face darkens when she spots me behind the couple. “My colleague will attend you in a second,” she tells me coldly.
I nod and scan around. Her shorter friend appears in a minute and motions with her head toward the door. Perhaps, she doesn’t want her other
colleagues to know about our little exchange. I follow her outside nonchalantly and take the money out of my pocket.
“Why do you need his information? Are you going to hurt him? He’s a very nice guy,” she says nervously, holding a piece of paper tightly in her hand.
“He’s not as nice as you think of him. But, don’t worry I won’t hurt him. He has something that belongs to me.”
“Where is the money?” Her eyes dart around. Guilt must be eating at her. That mother fucker is getting into yet another person’s good conscious.
“Here.” I show her the thick roll of twenties in my hand. She grabs it and counts it hurriedly, before handing me the paper in her hand. At that moment, it dawns on me she may have jotted down a random address just to get her hands on my money. “The address better be correct, or you can be sure I’ll come back.” To get my point across, I stare directly into her eyes, which are now large with fear,.
“I swear I’m not playing with you. I took it from his file in the administrator’s office. It must be correct.” Her voice falters, and her chin trembles. Probably, she’s thinking I’m from the mafia or a gangster.
“Okay.” I look down at the address and drift my gaze back to her. “One more thing. No word about our little transaction here, all right?”
She nods and runs back to the theater at the first opportunity.
Taylor finds me right after the girl is gone, her arms across her chest. “I don’t have a good feeling about this.”
“This is the best we can do under these circumstances.” I hold her hand and hastily make it back to the parking lot.
The address the girl gave me is in Korea Town and takes us only fifteen minutes of driving, thanks to the lack of traffic. When I stop the engine in front of the apartment building with the right address, I turn to Taylor. “You stay in the car.”
She shakes her head and winces as if a bee stung her. “No, I’m coming with you.”
“It’s too dangerous for you to be out there.”
“Why? What will you do to him?”
