I didn't expect him to apologize. The way Bryce acted today is how he always acts when some guy is interested in me. He always tells me they're not right for me, and then he tries to hide his anger when I go out with the guy. I'm always secretly happy that he doesn't want me going out with someone else. It gives me hope that maybe someday he'll wake up and finally ask me out. But his apology is making that hope fizzle out. If he no longer cares if I go out with other guys, does that mean Bryce has no interest in me? Is he finally moving on? Ready to give his heart to someone else?
Bryce has dated a ton of girls but it's never gone beyond a few dates. He's never called a girl his girlfriend. But maybe that's changed. Maybe he met someone, or wants to. Maybe he's ready for this game we're playing to end once and for all.
"Jen, are you still there?"
"Yeah. I heard you."
"So what are you doing right now?"
"Just watching TV."
"You care if I come over? I know it's late but I'm close to your apartment and it's been a really shitty day and I could really use some Jen time."
I smile. That's what we call it when we need each other. He needs Jen time and I need Bryce time.
"Yeah, you can come over."
"I'm gonna stop and get some food. You want anything?"
"Sure. Just bring whatever. You know what I like."
"I'll be there in a few."
As soon as he hangs up, I race to the bathroom to dry my hair. I put it up in a ponytail, then go in my bedroom to change out of my pajama pants and tank top. But before I can change, the doorbell rings. He's here already? Shit. Well, he's seen me in pajamas before.
I hurry to the door, and when I open it I see Bryce standing there holding two sacks of food. My stomach does that little fluttery thing it does whenever I see him.
"Hey."
"Hey." As he says it, his eyes drop down to my chest and I realize I'm not wearing a bra. But I don't bother covering up. It's not like he hasn't seen me braless before.
"How'd you get here so fast?"
His eyes dart up to mine. "I already had the food when I called."
"Then why'd you ask what I wanted?"
He comes inside. "Just in case you wanted something different."
I close the door. "So what'd you get?"
"Tacos, two orders of nachos, and a caramel apple empanada."
He got the empanada just for me. He doesn't like them but I love them.
"That's a lot of food," I say, taking the bags from him.
"I'm starving after ripping out tile all night. I should've stopped at home and taken a shower. Sorry if I stink."
"You can shower here if you want."
"You wouldn't mind?"
"No. Go ahead. I'll keep the food in the sacks so it doesn't get cold." I reach in one of them and take out the empanada. "Except for this. This gets eaten now."
He smiles. "I should've got a couple more. I'm gonna run down to my truck. I've got some clean clothes in there."
When he returns, he goes straight to the shower. He's never showered here before and knowing he's in there makes me want to sneak in and join him. I wonder what he'd do. Would he kick me out? Think I'm crazy? Get mad at me?
The water shuts off and I come to my senses. What was I thinking? Jumping into the shower with Bryce? I was probably only thinking that because of my mom's stupid comment, telling me to have sex with Bryce. The truth is, I would have sex with him if he was willing, but he's not. We sometimes flirt with each other, but that's as far as it goes.
Bryce comes out wearing a clean pair of jeans and a gray t-shirt, his short dark hair still wet. God, he's hot. My body agrees, as evidenced by my quickening pulse and the heat rising inside me.
"Ready to eat?" I ask as I unload the food from the sacks.
Bryce comes up behind me and opens the cupboard above my head and takes out two plates. He's over here enough to know where everything is. He grabs some glasses and sets them on the counter beside me. I yank open the drawer in front of me to grab some forks and back right into Bryce. I didn't know he was still behind me. I freeze because my ass is now right up against him.
"You okay?" he asks, his arm going around my waist, keeping me held against his body.
"Yeah. Sorry," I say, sounding breathless. "I didn't realize you were still there."
Instead of moving, he reaches around me and takes two forks from the drawer. "Anything else we need?"
"Um, no. Just the drinks." I shut the drawer and turn around to face him.
He still hasn't moved, and now he's staring at me with those gorgeous blue eyes of his.
"Did you need something?" I ask.
"I just wanted to say thanks. For letting me come over."
"What are you talking about?" I let out a laugh. "You know you can come over here anytime."
"But I shouldn't." He looks down. "I shouldn't just drop in like this."
Why is he acting this way? It's like he's pulling even farther away from me. We always drop in to see each other. We call first, but it's not like we give each other much notice. We don't have to. We're friends, and friends drop in to see each other. So why is he acting like we shouldn't be doing that anymore?
Does he have a girlfriend he didn't tell me about? Is she banning him from seeing me? Or is it something else? Is he trying to end this? End our friendship? God, I hope not.
CHAPTER FIVE
Bryce
Jen's hurt, and confused. I can see it in her face. She doesn't understand why I said that just now. But she should. She should know it's time to move on. I shouldn't be stopping over like this or calling late at night. We shouldn't even be friends anymore. Our friendship should've ended after high school. If it had, she wouldn't have gone to college here and been stuck dealing with her mom the past four years. I screwed up her life but I'm not going to keep doing it.
And yet I haven't stepped away from her. She's still backed against the counter, my body blocking her in. I want to move closer, press myself against her, and lower my mouth over her slighted parted lips. And then kiss her. Kiss her like I've wanted to for four fucking years.
"We should eat," I say, forcing myself to snap out of it. She's not mine. She never will be.
Jen nods, but her smile is gone. Dammit.
"Are you seeing someone?" she asks quietly, not looking at me. "Is that why you don't want to come over anymore? Because she doesn't want you to?"
"Jen, no. It has nothing to do with that." I run my hand along her arm, up and down her smooth skin. That's another reason I shouldn't be around her. Because when I am, I'm always touching her. I try to limit it to just innocent touches—her hand, her arm, her hair—but I shouldn't be doing it at all. It'll just make her think I want to take things farther, which I do, but I can't. "Besides, you know I'd never let some girl tell me I couldn't see you."
"You might if she's your girlfriend."
"I don't have a girlfriend. And if I did, I wouIdn't let her tell me what to do." I put my hand under her chin and lift her face to mine. "Would you let some guy tell you you couldn't see me?"
She smiles a little. "They've already tried and it didn't work."
I drop my hand from her face. "What the hell? Who was it?"
"Pretty much every boyfriend I've ever had." She gets serious again. "You're the reason Zach and I broke up."
"He didn't want us hanging out?"
She shakes her head. "He was jealous of you. He said I spent too much time with you, time I should've been spending with him. I kept telling him that you and I are just friends but he didn't believe me."
I knew I didn't like that guy. But I can kind of understand where he's coming from. If my girlfriend was spending all her time with some other guy, I'd be pissed.
"That's why I shouldn't be coming over so much," I say, although it's not what I want. I don't want our relationship to change, but it has to. I need to let her go. Otherwise she'll never leave here and never move on. "I'm scaring all the guys away." I
let out a laugh but Jen's face is serious.
"I don't want to lose our friendship over some guy. I don't want that to ever happen."
"But you know someday it will." I rub her arm again. I keep telling myself not to touch her but I can't seem to stop myself. I have to touch her. "When you find someone, someone you really want to be with, he won't want us being friends."
She shuts her eyes and lets out a frustrated sigh, then her eyes pop open and she pushes past me. "Let's eat. The food's getting cold."
Fuck. Now she's mad at me. But what does she want me to do? Does she really think I'd trap her here for the rest of her life? I'd never do that. I love her way too much.
We eat our food in front of the TV. Instead of sitting next to me on the couch, Jen sits on the chair that's next to it. Maybe it's good that she's mad at me. It'll make her not want to see me, although neither one of us can stay mad at each other. We've tried but it never works.
"I'll take this out to the dumpster." I gather our food wrappers and stuff them in the bag.
"Then are you leaving?" She swigs the last of her Coke and hands me the can.
"Yeah. It's late. I need to go."
She doesn't respond as I get up and walk to the door. I go down to the dumpster and toss the trash, then come back to her apartment. She's on the couch with a blanket over her. It's late, but despite what I said, I don't want to go. She and I used to stay up late all the time, watching movies or talking or pigging out on junk food. I miss those times.
"You got a parking ticket?" I ask, holding it up. I just washed my hands in the kitchen, and as I was drying them, I noticed the ticket sitting on the counter.
"It's not mine," Jen says, flipping through the channels. "It's my mom's."
"Then why do you have it?" I ask, but I know why and can already feel my anger building.
"She needs me to pay it for her," Jen mumbles. "Just put it down. I'll deal with it later."
I march over to her, the ticket in my hand. "This ticket is $210. You are not fucking paying this."
Jen snatches it from me. "Don't start." She tosses the ticket on the coffee table. "I don't want to hear it."
I'm constantly telling Jen to stop letting her mom control her and yet she still allows it. Rita is a freaking genius when it comes to manipulating people, and she's got Jen wrapped around her finger. But not me. I see right through Rita's shit, and so do my brothers and my dad. That's why Rita hates me and my family. She thinks we'll convince Jen to stop doing whatever her mom tells her to. So far, we haven't been successful in doing that, but we still try.
I pick up the ticket. "Why the hell can't she pay this herself?"
"Because she doesn't have the money," Jen says, her eyes on the TV.
"That's bullshit. She has money to get her hair bleached and her nails done. If she has money for that, she has money to pay her own damn parking ticket."
"Bryce, I don't want to get into this."
I sit beside her, tossing the ticket aside. "She can't keep doing this. She uses you like you're her own personal bank account and it's not right. You're working three jobs just to pay for her shit."
"I work to pay for school. And rent."
"And to pay your mom's bills." I take the remote and mute the volume on the TV. "Did you pay her heating bill again last month?"
She sighs. "Yes, but I had to. I'm not letting my mom freeze to death."
"Rita has the freaking money, Jen. She's only making you pay for it because she knows you will."
"She doesn't have a job. She doesn't have any money."
"Really? Then how does she pay for her cigarettes? She goes through a carton a week. What's a carton? Like sixty bucks? Add that up over a month and that would more than cover her heating bill."
"She'll never give up her cigarettes. You know that, Bryce."
"I also know she'll never stop making you pay for shit as long as you keep doing it."
Jen hugs her knees to her chest and pulls the blanket up to her chin. "She is who she is. I can't change her."
"No, but you can stop letting her control you. And you can start by not paying her bills."
She finally looks at me. "Ivy helped her dad pay his bills. Why is it any different for me?"
"Ivy's dad hurt his back and had surgery. He had an excuse why he couldn't work. Your mom doesn't. And Ivy's dad never once asked her for money. She had to practically beg him to let her help with the bills. But Rita just expects you to. It's gotten to the point that she doesn't even ask. She just gives you the bills."
"That's not true." Jen looks down.
"Then how did you end up with her parking ticket?"
She doesn't respond.
"Jen, I swear, if you don't tell me, I'll take that ticket to her house right now and ask her myself."
"No." She grabs hold of my arm. "Don't. I mean it. She won't pay it. She'll..." Jen takes her hand back and buries it under her blanket.
"She'll what? Tell me what she said."
Jen chews on her lip. "You know how her new neighbor is a cop?"
"Yeah." I lean back on the couch, putting my arm up behind her. "And he has no idea he's living next to a con artist. If I had proof, I'd turn her in."
Jen turns to me. "Don't even joke about that. I don't want her going to jail."
Rita not only swindles men to get what she wants. She also shoplifts and fakes injuries so she can go after big companies with phony lawsuits. She's a criminal. She deserves to be in jail. But Jen refuses to see that, or accept it.
"Just tell me," I say. "What did she threaten to do this time?"
"Have sex with her neighbor in exchange for getting out of paying the ticket."
"Bribing a cop with sex?" I let out a laugh. "Even Rita's not stupid enough to do that. She's playing you, Jen. There's no way your mom would do that. She's not going to risk going to jail over $200."
"It doesn't matter. She still won't pay it, and then she'll get arrested for unpaid parking tickets. I'm just going to pay it."
"If you do that, this never ends. You can't keep bailing her out."
She grabs the remote from me and takes the TV off mute. "You should go."
"Are you going to bed?"
"No. I'm going to stay up and watch TV." She lies down on her side and pulls the blanket over her. She has that sad look she gets whenever her mom uses her like this. I hate seeing her sad. I can't leave her when she's sad.
"Hey." I move over, sitting beside her feet.
"What?" she says, staring at the TV.
"Get over here." I pull her blanket back.
"Why?"
"Because you're freezing and I always warm you up."
She pulls the blanket back over her. "I thought you were leaving."
"I'm watching TV with you. Now get over here." I tug on her arm until she sits up.
"It's after eleven and you have to be up early tomorrow," she says shifting her legs to the other side.
"Yeah? So? I'm not tired. I'm not ready to sleep." I lean back on the couch and put my arm out for her. "Come on." I motion to my chest. "It's toasty warm."
She half-smiles as she snuggles up beside me and lays her head on my chest. "I don't know how you stay so warm all the time, even in winter."
It's true that I tend to run warmer than most people, but that's not the only reason I'm burning up right now. It's also because I'm with Jen. The attraction between us is so freaking strong that keeping it under control is a damn workout. Like right now, having her this close to me is torture. I want to kiss her and touch her in a way that goes far beyond friendship. But I force myself to hold back and just be her friend. Because that's what she needs right now after being manipulated once again by her mom.
I take the remote from her and she swats at me. "Hey, I was using that!"
"You haven't changed the channel since you picked it up. And we're not watching a documentary on turtles."
She laughs. "Is that what this is? I wasn't even paying attention."
Because her mind was on her mom. And probably also on me, trying to figure out what I'm doing here. I shouldn't be here, with her lying in my arms. I told myself I wouldn't do this again, but shit, Jen's like an addiction I can't break. When I'm apart from her, all I can think about is when I'll see her again. And when I'm with her, I go back to old habits, like having her lay on me on the couch.
I'll try again tomorrow. That's what I tell myself every time I break my rule to stay away from her. But then tomorrow comes and I'm back to wanting to see her again. It's a cycle I just can't seem to get out of.
"Here," I say. "We'll watch this."
"Monster truck racing? No way. Give me the remote." She sits up, reaching for it.
I hold it away from her, smiling. "Fine. We'll watch something else." I flip to ultimate fighting. "How about this?"
"Bryce." She holds her hand out for the remote.
"You know I'm just kidding." I flip through the channels, stopping when I see one of her favorite movies.
"Oh!" She smiles. "I love this one!"
"I know you do." I set the remote on the side table and scoot down a little, getting comfortable. Jen situates herself on my chest and adjusts the blanket over her legs.
The movie is a sappy romance, but Jen loves it. She loves all those romance movies, I think because they're so opposite of what she saw in real life growing up. Her mom has never been in love. She just has sex with guys, using it to trick them into giving her what she wants. If that's all Jen had seen growing up, she probably wouldn't even believe love exists. But she does, because she grew up around my parents, who loved each other more than anything.
A half hour into the movie, I feel Jen's head drop down and notice she's asleep.
"Jen," I whisper. She doesn't move. "Jen, you should get to bed."
She's sound asleep and doesn't hear me. I gently pick her up and carry her into her room and set her on the bed, tucking the blanket around her.
I lean down and kiss her forehead. "I love you," I say in a whisper so faint I could barely hear myself say it. I'm not sure why I did. Maybe because I want to tell her that so fucking bad. But I can't, at least not when she can hear me.
Can't Let You Go: A Wheeler Brothers Novel Page 4
