"Boy toy." She laughs. "I like that." She turns to Mark and rubs her hand over his chest. "Let's go to the bedroom. I want to play with my toy."
These two are so disgusting. I can't watch this. I turn to leave.
As I'm walking away, Mark yells, "You better not show up here again!"
I just shake my head. As usual, coming here was a waste of time. Rita doesn't care that she hurt Jen by telling her all that stuff. She wanted to destroy my relationship with her daughter and that's all that mattered. And given that Jen hasn't spoken to me in days, Rita might've accomplished her goal.
When I get back to my apartment I go in the kitchen to find something to eat. I skipped breakfast because I wasn't hungry. I'm still not. I haven't had much of an appetite all week. I open the cupboard and see a half-eaten package of Oreos. I bought them for Jen last time she stayed over. Now just seeing them makes me miss her. I go to toss them out but stop when I hear a knock on the door.
"Bryce?" It's Jen. As I'm walking over there, she knocks again. "Bryce, are you in there?"
"Yeah." I open the door and my heart thumps harder, fearing she's here to give me bad news. She's moving. We're done. It's over. "Come on in."
She steps past me, seeming hesitant, unsure. What does that mean? That she's about to break up with me?
"I'm sorry I didn't call first," she says. "Were you busy?"
"No. I just got home. I went to see your mom."
"Why did you go over there?"
"I don't know. Because I'm an idiot?" I let out a laugh. "For some stupid reason, I thought she'd care that she hurt you by telling you all that stuff. But of course, she didn't. She's still dating Mark by the way."
"I know. He answered the phone last time I called."
I motion to the couch. "Do you want to sit down?"
"Um..." She bites her lip. "I need to tell you something first."
There goes my heart again, pounding so hard I can hear it. "Go ahead."
She looks down. "I got the job. Tracy texted me. She said I'll get the offer letter next week."
A lump forms in my throat. I swallow past it and try to sound happy. "That's great. Congratulations."
She looks up at me. "Yeah, thanks."
She doesn't seem excited about it. Does that mean she's not taking the job? I'm so confused. What's going on here?
"Can we go do something?" she asks.
I'm even more confused. She wants to go out? Doesn't she want to talk about this? I decide to just go with it. I'll take any time I can get with her.
"Yeah, we can go out. Where do you want to go?"
"To that park by your house."
She means the park we used to go to when we were kids. Jen and I went there all the time, but I don't know why she wants to go there now. It's just a small park with a swing set and some other playground equipment.
"If you want to go to a park, why don't we go to a different one? A better one? We'll go downtown to Grant. You love that place and we haven't been there forever."
A slight smile forms on her otherwise sad face. "Can we go there later? Like maybe at the end of the day?"
I smile, suddenly feeling hopeful. "We're spending the day together?"
"If that's okay."
"You know it's okay. There's nothing I'd rather do." I go up to her and lean down to kiss her but she stops me, her hand on my chest. "What's wrong?"
"Can we just be friends today?"
Friends. So she's breaking up with me. Shit. But she said 'today' as in we might be more than friends tomorrow. I wish she'd tell me what's going on here because I don't have a fucking clue and it's making me nervous. Is she ending this or not?
"Come on, let's go," she says, her tone lighter, her smile appearing again. "Do you have any snacks we could bring? Actually, scratch that. We'll just find stuff to eat as we go. It's on me. Your dad slipped a fifty in my purse when I wasn't looking. I swear, you need to tell him to stop giving me money."
"When did you see my dad?"
"This morning. We met at the coffee shop next to my apartment."
This morning? I talked to him on the phone like an hour ago and he didn't mention seeing Jen.
She glances at the kitchen, her eyes stopping on something. "Oreos!" She runs over there and takes them from the counter where I left them, then meets me at the door. "Ready?"
I chuckle. "I thought we were buying food."
"This is for while we're driving. You never know. We might get hungry."
I really want to ask her what's going on but I don't want to crush the good mood she's suddenly in so I keep quiet. As she's walking out, I notice how good her ass looks in the jeans she's wearing. And how the tight black t-shirt she has on conforms to her body. This friends-only thing is going to be hard. I've gotten used to us being more than that, so it's going to be hard not to treat her like my girlfriend.
When we get to the park, she heads straight for her favorite swing, the one right in the middle. I spent hours pushing her on that swing. And even more hours sitting on the swing next to hers while we talked.
We sit down on the swings and I feel like I'm ten again, looking over at my best friend with her beautiful long blond hair blowing in the breeze. I thought she was beautiful even back then.
"Remember when we were eight and it started raining really hard while we were here?" Jen asks, her legs suspended over the ground, kicking back and forth. "By the time we got back to your house we were soaked and our shoes were all muddy."
"Yeah." I smile at the memory. "My mom was so pissed, but she hid it well."
"I would've been mad too if I were her. She had just mopped the kitchen floor and then you, me, and Austin came running in, soaking wet and covered in mud."
I laugh. "We were like wet dogs, dripping water everywhere. And Austin lost his shoe trying to run to keep up with us and started crying because he thought he'd get in trouble."
"Only because you told him he would." She kicks the side of my foot. "That was mean."
"Oh, please. He didn't get in trouble. My mom babied him because he scraped his foot when his shoe fell off. I think he even got a toy car out of it."
"And we got cookies and hot chocolate."
"I know." I smile. "Instead of getting mad at us, my mom fed us."
"Your mom was so great. I really miss her."
"I miss her too." I drag my shoe through the dirt, my eyes on the pattern it makes.
"I loved her so much," Jen says softly.
I look over and see her wiping her eyes. I reach for her hand and she lets me hold it and we sit there quietly, gently moving on the swings.
This is why it's going to be so hard to let Jen go. She's such a huge part of my life. A part of my family. Some of my earliest memories are with her. We've been through so much together, and now she's leaving and I have to let her go.
We reminisce for the next half hour, then Jen gets up from the swing. "Ready for the next place?"
"Where are we going?"
"Lincoln Park. To the zoo."
It's a free zoo so my parents used to take us there all the time. We didn't have much money growing up. It costs a lot to raise four boys and my mom didn't work. My dad was trying to grow the company so a lot of the money he made had to go back into the business to buy equipment or advertising or whatever else. It wasn't until I was in junior high that my dad started making good money.
"Why the zoo?" I ask as we're driving there.
"Because it's a nice day," she says rolling her window down and sticking her hand out to feel the air. "It's warm. Sunny. It's the perfect day for the zoo." She rolls her window up a little. "That's the first place your family took me. Remember?"
"Yeah. I remember."
It was a Saturday in May. Jen woke up that morning and her mom wasn't there. She called me, scared and crying, so my dad went over there. As soon as he pulled in the driveway, Rita showed up, hungover from the night before. She told my dad to take Jen to our house for the day, saying she didn't
want a kid around making noise when she was nursing a hangover. We were all going to the zoo so we took Jen with us. Later, when my dad took her home, Rita was passed out drunk on the couch and some guy was there, watching TV. My dad didn't want Jen there with some strange guy so he left Rita a note saying that Jen was at our house and to call if she wanted Jen to come home. Rita never called.
I didn't know about this until I was older and asked my dad. He had a lot more stories just like it but he didn't tell me all of them, probably because some are even worse. Rita has always been a shitty mom, which is why I don't understand why Jen feels such loyalty to her.
"Isn't this fun?" she asks. We're at the zoo, sitting on a bench eating our hotdogs while watching the chimpanzees.
"It is, but the chimps kind of stink. This probably isn't the best place to eat."
She laughs. "We can go somewhere else for a real lunch. I just wanted a hotdog. She hands me hers, which is only half-eaten. "You can have the rest."
I finish it off, then wipe my hands on the napkin and offer her my drink. She said she didn't want one, but of course that means she's drinking mine. It's one of the many Jen and Bryce things I'm going to miss when she's gone.
"So for lunch, let's go to the burrito place."
She doesn't even have to say the name of it and I know what she's talking about. It's a tiny shack next to our old high school that only sells burritos, nothing else. Jen and I used to go there when we didn't want the cafeteria food, which was pretty much every day.
"You can't even sit in there," I say. "Why don't we go somewhere else?"
"Nope. It has to be the burrito place."
Has to be? I don't get it. But I take her there and we sit and eat on one of the picnic tables set up outside.
"Now what?" I ask when we're done eating.
"A movie. At the dollar theater."
We always went to that theater when we were kids because it was cheap and we could walk to it from my house.
"I think it's three dollars now," I say.
"Oh. Well, that's okay. We're still going."
"We don't even know what's playing. Or the times."
"We'll figure it out when we get there."
As we're watching the movie, I finally get what's going on here. Jen is reliving our past. Going back to all the places we used to go and saying goodbye to them. This whole day is just one big drawn-out goodbye.
Fuck. I hate this. I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want these to be the only memories we have. I want to make new memories with her. I want her to stay.
I take her hand and hold it tightly in mine. She glances at me and I loosen my grip on her hand but keep hold of it. Then I lean over and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear, "I love you."
She turns her head to meet my lips and gives me a kiss. "I love you too," she whispers, then rests her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her and we watch the rest of the movie.
If she loves me, then why is she leaving? Did I screw things up that badly with her that she really thinks I'll run away like last time? How can I prove to her I won't?
The movie lets out at four and Jen and I go out to my truck.
"You still want to go downtown?" she asks.
"Sure. Wherever you want to go."
"But it's expensive to park and it might be crowded."
"It's Chicago. It's always crowded. You want to go to Grant Park?"
She smiles. "Okay."
Grant Park is downtown Chicago. It has a big fountain and lots of flowers and walking paths, and connects with a trail that runs along Lake Michigan.
With traffic it takes forever to get there, and as she said, it costs a fortune to park, but whatever. I don't care what it costs. I just want to make Jen happy.
We walk along a path that's surrounded by flowers. It's April, so most of the flowers are starting to bloom. My mom used to love coming here. She and my dad would walk together while my brothers and I ran ahead. Sometimes I'd look back and see my parents holding hands, looking so in love, and wonder if I'd ever be like that. If I'd ever find a girl I'd fall in love with and want to hold hands with. Now I have her, and here we are, in the same park, on the same walking path, holding hands. Except I don't get to keep her. She's leaving.
"It's so pretty," Jen says as we look out at Lake Michigan. The late day sun is reflecting off the water and it really does look nice.
After we've walked for a while, Jen veers off the path onto the grass.
"Where are you going?" I ask.
She stops under a large shade tree. "I just wanted to get away from all the people."
This is it. This is when she tells me it's over. We spent the day together, revisited our past, and now it's time to tell me goodbye.
"Bryce." She squeezes her eyes shut and I see a tear go down her cheek.
Shit. I don't want to do this here. This place has good memories for me. I don't want those memories tainted by this. By Jen breaking up with me. Telling me she's moving away.
"Let's just go," I tell her.
She opens her eyes and looks at me. More tears fall. Fuck. Why is she doing this now, after we had such a great day together? Couldn't she just wait until tomorrow?
"I don't want it," she says.
I look at her, confused. "Don't want what?"
"The job. I don't want it."
My heart ticks up a beat. "You don't want the job?"
She shakes her head. "No." She sniffles and wipes her cheek. "I don't want to leave here. This is where I grew up. It's home. It's where I'm comfortable. It may not have mountains and skiing, but it has a free zoo and great parks and..." She takes a shaky breath. "You." She sets her eyes on mine. "It has you, Bryce."
I exhale the breath I was holding and grab her, wrapping my arms around her. "You're not leaving?"
"No. There's something about that job and that place that just didn't feel right. And I want us to have a chance to make this work." She pulls away enough to look at me. "Maybe it won't last, but even if it doesn't, I'm not ready to say goodbye to you. You were the first real friend I ever had and I don't want to lose you."
"You'll never lose me. As long as you want me, I'm here. I'll always be here for you." I smooth her hair behind her ear. "Jen, if this is what you want, then why were you crying?"
"Because I feel like...like I failed."
"What are you talking about?"
"I went to college and got a degree and now I'm too afraid to go out in the world and use it. My advisors. My professors. Everyone expected me to take this job, and by not taking it...I feel like I failed."
"Jen." I put my hands on her shoulders. "Nobody thinks that. Not taking a job doesn't mean you failed."
"It does if I can't find another one. This might be my only opportunity and I'm about to turn it down."
"It won't be your only opportunity. The job you want is out there. You just haven't found it yet. And if you're worried about money, then don't renew the lease on your apartment. Come live with me. That week we lived together turned out to be pretty good, right?" I smile.
She smiles back. "That was a good week."
"So we'll do it again, except this time you won't leave."
"I'll think about it."
I back her up against the tree, my hands on either side of her. "So you're staying here," I say, needing to confirm it because I still can't believe it's true.
"I'm staying here."
"And you're still going to date me?"
She smiles. "I'm still going to date you."
"Then can we go back to being more than friends?"
She laughs. "Yes. Let's go back to your place and be more than friends."
I kiss her, then look into her eyes. "I love you."
"I love you too."
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Jen
"So why did we go all over Chicago today?" Bryce asks as we're driving to his apartment. "Not that I didn't like it. I'm just wondering why you wanted to go to all those places."
> "I wanted to see everything again to remind myself why I love it here so much. I wanted to be a hundred percent sure about my decision. And by the time we were done going to all those places, I realized it wasn't just the places themselves that I loved, but the people I was with when I went there."
"You went to all those places with me."
I smile. "Exactly. Which just confirmed this is where I need to be."
This past week has been the most stressful week of my life. My emotions have been all over the place as I tried to make a decision about this job. But it wasn't just about the job. It was bigger than that. This was a decision about my life, and what I want my future to be, and whether or not I want that future to include Bryce.
Now, looking back, the answer seems easy. I don't know why I made it so complicated. That job was never right for me. I knew that, and yet I kept trying to find ways to make it right because I was so desperate for a job. If I'd just gone with my gut, like Mitch suggested, I could've avoided a lot of stress and sleepless nights.
As for Bryce, in order to move on with him, I had to let go of our issues from the past four years, including what he did the night after graduation. So that's what I've done. I've let it go. I want a fresh start with Bryce. Four years ago just wasn't the right time for us. As Bryce said, he was in a bad place back then. He was feeling lost and insecure and unsure about his future, but now he's more mature and knows what he wants and is finally able to tell me what that is.
"You know what we need?" he asks.
We just walked in his apartment and he's kissing me while backing me toward the hallway.
"What?" I ask as we approach his bedroom.
"A shower. We stink like the zoo."
I laugh. "We do not."
He sniffs my chest while unbuttoning my shirt. "You smell like chimpanzees."
"Oh my God, you're such a liar." I sniff him. "You smell like burritos."
"Which is why we need to shower." He turns me around toward the bathroom. "Now get in there."
I thought he was joining me, but I guess not. I was hoping he was because I really want to be with him. It seems like forever since we had sex.
The hot shower feels really good. But it feels even better when a hard body presses up against me.
Can't Let You Go: A Wheeler Brothers Novel Page 28
