But even after his truck was off our drive and out on the highway, Seth made no move to relax.
“Stella,” he growled with his back to me.
“I’m just as mad at you, so don’t start with me,” I hissed quickly before he thought he could behave like that and get away with it.
He was silent for a few moments, his shoulders tight with tension. Slowly, he turned around to face me and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. His expression was purely frustrated anger; his lips were thinned into a disappointed line. But it was his damaged and vulnerable eyes that broke my heart. It was the disappointment that was the biggest blow; it was the shattering of my heart when he looked at me like that.
“Stella, he doesn’t get to touch you,” Seth stated plainly.
I steeled my resolve and jutted my chin. I wasn’t a piece of property and I wasn’t already betrothed. “Didn’t we already have this conversation earlier? I’m taking my time.”
“And breaking my heart while you do it. Do you want there to be no trust between us? Are you trying to damage everything that could be good?” He demanded.
I felt sick at his words, physically ill. “Seth, I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m just trying to….” I looked away before I could finish. It wasn’t fair that his golden eyes could so easily undo me. “I’m just trying to figure me out.”
A ripple of emotion swept the atmosphere around Seth at my words, it was strong enough that I forced myself to look at him, to make sure he was…. Ok. He held my gaze easily, effortlessly, and I supposed he always would, I supposed that was one of his superpowers. He was the other half of me and I was fighting against a destiny I couldn’t control.
“Be careful you don’t lose me in an effort to find you, Stella,” he warned ominously. “Trust someone that knows, you won’t ever be whole without me, you can’t be complete without me. You have feelings for him fine, but I am your future, I was made specifically for you. He’s just a distraction that’s keeping you from everything you were meant to have.”
He walked away then, cold and withdrawn. He was warning me about losing him, but I was starting to wonder if I already had.
Chapter Three
I woke on a loud gasp sometime after midnight. I was strung tight with anxiety, my body completely battle-ready.
I felt the danger he was in, but I still hesitated, taking a moment to stretch and adjusting to waking up from a dead sleep. Chances were Seth was just having a bad dream, something we realized drew all kinds of Darkness to him while he slept.
Ever since Jupiter and Seth moved in a few miles away, I’d been waking up on occasion, feeling the Darkness as it hovered over him. He didn’t realize the danger he was in, or that he needed to be woken up. It was like night terrors for Angels.
Part of me thought about just calling Jupiter and letting him deal with it. Seth had been overbearing and rude today and then I’d spent the rest of my day feeling guilty, when I hadn’t even done anything wrong. I turned Tristan down for his date. And I wasn’t going to let him kiss me.
Still I was punished.
Ok, I wasn’t that callous, I knew I was in the wrong too. But right now I didn’t feel like doing anything about it.
The other part of me, just wanted to go to Seth and forget the day happened. I wanted to be with him and make sure he was alright. I was miserable like this- I hated that we fought.
Even without his distress right now, I would have been desperate for him, desperate to work this out between us.
I needed him right now- this very second. Maybe even more than he needed me.
And that’s what prompted me to get up and slip some yoga pants on. I paused at my parents’ door to tell them where I was going and why and then raced down the stairs.
Suddenly it was imperative to get to Seth as quickly as I could.
Because we didn’t want to draw any attention to ourselves, especially after a battle of the epic-proportions-variety back in February, I was forced to drive my dad’s truck. I sped through the backcountry roads of eastern Nebraska, swerving over gravel and braking for the occasional wandering wildlife.
Seth was only a fifteen-minute drive from my farm. During that time I thought over why he had bad dreams to begin with, because the source of his problems, was also the source of mine.
When Seth was little, his parents had been murdered in front of him by the same bad guy that hunted us today- Aliah. And if that weren’t enough to scar him for life, his older sister had stepped over their dead bodies- quite literally- and joined Team Evil. Seven haunted my thoughts on a daily basis, but she also haunted Seth, not physically, but in his dreams, in his thoughts, in every part of him. Seth still mourned his lost sister and the pain of her betrayal.
Now Aliah’s mission in life was to recruit Seth to the dark side in the whole, “Luke, I am your father” bit. Only, he wasn’t Seth’s father. He murdered Seth’s father.
And even though Aliah made his plan absolutely clear, I was surprised he was able to fit in head-hunting my Counterpart, when he had so many other things on his plate- like world domination, destroying the entire realm of heaven and turning Earth into another desolate wasteland.
Obviously he had a personal assistant.
The early spring air chilled me as I jumped from the truck. Just like last time, even though oppression settled around the house, nothing physical had manifested yet. There were no Shadows lurking through the night or Fallen waiting to fight. It was just Seth’s dark thoughts and haunting dreams.
I used my own key to let myself into the small ranch farmhouse Jupiter and Seth shared. I’d been gifted one shortly after Seth’s first episode, when I’d entered the house, Chuck Norris, style and broke down the front door with my foot. Jupiter thought it would be easier if I didn’t have to do that every time- not for me but for him, the man that had to replace all the broken doors.
As soon as I walked through the front door, I felt the physical oppression that weighed on Seth. My heart clenched tightly in my chest and my lungs froze as I empathized with his pain.
Quietly, I crept through the darkened house, even though Jupiter probably already knew I was here. I opened Seth’s door and paused for a moment to take him in. He was completely transformed in sleep- sweet, gentle, off-guard. He looked perfect all the time, but something about watching him sleep tugged on every heartstring.
He was shirtless in bed and his sheet had slipped below the waistband of his plaid boxers- his only pajamas. His hands were tucked under his pillow and he rested on his side with his knees pulled partly up. His skin was tanned and golden-esque, but while deep in one of his nightmares there was no healthy glow illuminating his dark room.
I sat down next to him as softly as I could and ran my fingers through his unruly hair. “Seth,” I whispered, hoping to wake him gently. “Seth.”
He stirred, but just barely. He shifted to his stomach, stretched out on his mattress and made an unintelligible grunting noise.
I smiled, unable to stop myself. He was absolutely charming like this. I moved my fingers through the silky waves of his hair again, loving the feel and texture of his thick waves. “You’re having another bad dream,” I whispered a little firmer this time.
He made another sound and then reached out for me. His arms wrapped around my waist before I could protest and he had me tucked into the spoon of his body before I could even process objecting. His body was hot against mine, so hot and comforting. I fit against him perfectly, and our feet tangled in each other instinctively, as if this were the most natural position in the world.
“Mmm,” he sighed contentedly; his words rumbled against the nape of my neck. “You came to me.”
My heart jumped at his words and how peaceful he sounded now that he was awake. He’d told me how terrifying his dreams could be, how messed up they could make him. I was thrilled to know that I made it easier for him to detox from the evil that seeped in his subconscious mind.
And more than that, I was elated
that he was happy I was here. The pleasure rushing in my stomach felt a lot like butterflies and a lot confusing- considering I was holding back as much as I could from Seth.
Still, I promised, “I will always come to you, Seth.”
He acknowledged me with another sigh. “Stay with me,” he pleaded, pulling me tighter against his strong, muscled body. “I need you tonight. Stay with me.”
“Alright,” I agreed instantly. His voice was deep and raspy with sleep. His face had just the shadow of a beard and it scraped against the bare skin at my nape.
“You’re my Light, Stella,” he murmured in a voice that proved he was falling asleep again. “When I’m lost in Darkness, you are my Light.”
I felt his breathes even out against my back, his arms relax their hold. He was asleep again. But it would take me a long time to fall asleep after those words. I wanted to fight this bond between Seth and me, this future that I wasn’t ready for. But when he said things like that and held me like this, everything felt so natural I wondered how I survived without these things- without him. He was meant for me.
He said he needed me, but I needed him just as much.
I just didn’t know what to do about that yet.
----
“Stella,” Seth’s voice breeched the deep nothingness I was floating in. “Stella, wake up.”
Gentle fingers were running across my bare stomach, I was hotter and more content than I had ever been. And I felt safe.
And these days, I never felt safe.
I realized then how afraid I’d become of my everyday life. How thoughts of Seven or Aliah or awaiting evil had crept into my bloodstream and started controlling the flow of blood to my heart.
I hated my weakness in that moment.
But I hated Aliah more.
My eyes fluttered open and immediately met Seth’s golden gaze. His eyes were bright with affection and his skin a warm, soft heat that wrapped around every part of me.
Somehow in the night we’d turned to face each other and our limbs had tangled in an attempt to press as tightly together as we could get. His head was propped up by one hand and his other wrapped around my waist, holding me to him.
“Sorry,” I nuzzled my face into the pillow so I sounded muffled. My morning voice was hoarse and scratchy, but my morning breath was worse. “I didn’t mean to spend the whole night.”
“I’m glad you did,” he murmured, pulling me tighter against him. I sucked in a breath at hardness of his body. Every inch of him was firm, taut muscle from where my feet wrapped around his calves to his thighs pressed against mine, to where my arm wrapped around his waist. He was so…. manly, even though he wasn’t technically a man. So maybe he was more male- all testosterone and alpha-instinct.
“My mom is going to kill me,” I groaned.
“And Jupiter won’t exactly be pleased,” he chuckled.
I buried my face in Seth’s chest at the thought of having to walk out of this room and face Jupiter this early in the morning. Awesome….
“But I needed you, Stella,” he whispered.
I lifted my face to meet his golden gaze again. “I know.”
He stared down at me for several moments before he whispered, “I think I’ll always need you.”
My heart stuttered in my chest and I didn’t really know how to respond to that. So I tucked my face back against his heart and let the steady rising and falling of his chest soothe my tattered nerves. That was a lot to wake up to.
He sighed, but tugged me impossibly closer for just a moment before releasing me completely. With quick, swift movements he was out of the bed and yanking on sweatpants over his boxers. He took his delicious heat with him and I felt the coldness as it seeped into my very bones.
But I got up too, knowing I was the one forcing us to keep our distance.
“Last night… I mean, you haven’t woken me up in at least three weeks. Are you…. is everything alright?” I crossed my arms and watched as he tugged a white t-shirt over his head.
His naturally highlighted mess of hair popped through the top before his perfect face appeared. His eyes were darker than usual and his jaw had a muscle popping in and out.
“I’m fine, Stella,” he almost growled out. “I don’t know why those wake you up. I can’t even remember my dreams.”
“Nightmares,” I countered.
“I can’t even remember my nightmares.”
A heavy silence fell between us; the force of it laid on guilt like a physical weight. There were so many things I was doing wrong these days. So many things I didn’t even want to face, let alone deal with. Like I was capable of handling the pressure and consequences. I was sixteen.
Still, I promised Seth, “I know I’ve put this…. distance between us, but Seth, if you ever just want to talk to me, I’m here for you.”
His steely mask cracked just a little and he looked up at me with some of his old warmth, “I know, Stel.”
Some of the pressure eased off my heart and I bent over to slip my shoes back on- they had come off sometime in the night. Seth tossed one of his sweatshirts to me and I just barely caught it. Sometimes it was astonishing I was able to handle a sword.
“I don’t need this,” I shrugged. “But thanks.”
Seth’s gaze flickered over my chest and minimal tank top and he cleared his throat a little nervously before he said, Trust me, you need it.”
I scrambled into the huge piece of clothing, secretly relishing the warmth and feel of it as it draped my body. It had to be relatively new, because it was so soft on the inside. I wanted to rub my face against the cotton, and it still smelled like Seth- like wind, and fresh snow and something entirely foreign, but familiar to me at the same time. The sleeves covered my hands completely but I kept them like that, afraid if I pulled them out I would lose the warmth that came with something that belonged to Seth.
“Thank you.”
He smiled then, big and toothy and I was so thrilled we’d found our naturalness again. I hated the in between fighting that came whenever I pushed him away or he asked too much of me too soon.
“I’ll call you later, alright.”
“Alright,” I agreed and then left him alone in his bedroom.
I passed Jupiter on the way out of the house. He barely lifted his eyes from his coffee and paper to acknowledge me.
“Thanks for not breaking down my door,” he grunted. And then he went back to his paper. That was his only comment. No reprimand? No scolding? His blasé attitude was strange.
But even stranger was arriving home and greeting my parents who were both wearing sleepy smiles. They were both sitting over steaming cups of coffee too and seemed to be in quiet conversation.
“I’m sorry,” I said immediately on impulse- in case this was a trap.
“For what?” My dad looked at me, his piercing blue eyes seeming to see all the way through me.
“For….” I was kind of at a loss. Last time I’d slept all the way through the night with a boy I had been in huge trouble. A few months ago they had been pissed that Tristan had snuck in my bedroom window and we’d fallen asleep. Now they were just shrugging it off? After I walked in the door at dawn? Had they been body snatched??? “For staying the night with Seth. We accidentally fell asleep and-“
“It’s alright, babe,” my mom cut me off with a tender smile. “You told us where you were going last night.”
“But…. but… but you were so mad when Tristan spent the night!” Was I trying to get myself in trouble?
My parents shared a look and then my dad said with one eyebrow raised, “We were angry when Tristan spent the night in our house, without our permission or knowledge.” And that was the tone I was expecting from the beginning. His next words shocked me though, “But Seth isn’t Tristan, Stella. You of all people should know that.”
My mouth unhinged; I shook my head at them. “I’m going back to bed,” I declared. “When I wake up, please try to be back to normal.”
They chuckl
ed at my retreating back. And my mom said, “We’ll try.”
Chapter Four
“What are you doing after practice tonight?” Piper asked in an excited voice from her locker next to mine.
“Why?” I pulled out the books for my next two classes and stuffed them into my backpack. I was supposed to train tonight with Jupiter and Seth, but I would take any excuse to get out of it. Jupiter wanted me to work with alternative weapons and it was my worst nightmare. I didn’t want to imagine bludgeoning an enemy until the head fell off, let alone experience it- even if they were a Fallen.
“Lincoln’s parents are gone again, and we were thinking about having a very low key get together.”
Piper and Lincoln had been officially together for a few months now. They were the cutest, most confusing couple I had ever seen. Where it was clear that Piper wore the pants in the relationship, she seemed to treat Lincoln with a mixture of neglect and tough love. I adored my best friend, but she was too independent for her own good.
“I don’t know if I can, it’s only Thursday,” I shrugged. “Why can’t he have it tomorrow night?”
“Rigley wants to have a proper party tomorrow night,” she explained. “This would just be couples- you and Seth, Rigley and Tristan.”
I snickered. “Seth and I aren’t a couple.”
“Whatever, Stella,” she groaned. “You need to be, so I’m going to refer to you as one until you are. It’s easier that way.”
“For who? You or me?”
“Me, obviously.”
“You do what you need to do, Babe, I’m just saying, it’s probably not going to happen for a while.” Nine more years, in fact. Well, if I had anything to say about it.
She let out another groan and then linked arms with me so we could walk to class- slowly. There was only a month left before school was out and we were definitely feeling spring fever. Generally speaking, we were a school filled with farm kids. Either we were direct products of living on acres of fields and crops, or extended family living nearby with enough work to keep us busy through the summer and fall harvest. Occasionally, you had the odd kids whose parents raised livestock instead of corn or soybeans, but they still understood the busy seasons and what it was like to do chores before the sun was up and go straight home from school to help out until bedtime.
Sunburst (Starbright Series) Page 3
