He gave her a relieved smile, and patted her arm, his demeanor completely changing. Resentment bristled down her spine, especially when he replied. “You let me take care of that, mo chridhe.”
A huff of breath escaped her as he walked away. She didn’t need him; she didn’t need any of them. She only wanted… She squeezed her eyes shut. She wanted Colin.
The one man she couldn’t have. With a sigh, she followed everyone to the dining room. As the men discussed the events of the day and debated how to keep Scotland’s people on its shores, Fiona turned off her mind. She thought to rides along the loch or the beach. She dreamed of sailing in the wind, and, secretly, of passionate kisses in the hay under the stars.
She barely spoke at all, and when the meal ended, the men began to file out to smoke their cigars and drink their whiskey. She stood too, and crossed to her father.
“Da, may I take a walk on the veranda? I’ll stay within sight if you’ll just wait a few moments to retire to the smoking room,” she murmured. While it seemed polite, her real motive was to keep any of her would-be suitors away. She was tired of all of them.
“Of course, would ye like me tae walk wit’ ye?” His eyes crinkled in concern.
But she shook her head. She didn’t want to talk about it now, and that was what would surely happen if he came out with her. “I’ll only be a moment.”
Then she turned and slipped out the French doors located at the end of the room. A moment of fresh air and peace would do her good.
Colin watched her walk outside, his gut filling with worry. Looking over at her father, he saw the look he must be wearing mirrored back at him.
He’d known Haggis for as long as he could remember. As he approached, Haggis reached out and placed his hand on Colin’s shoulder. “I’m sorry to hear yer da is ill. Fiona told me he’s taken to bed again.”
He took a breath. “Thank ye, Haggis.”
“Ye know if ye need anythin’, we consider ye to be family.” He squeezed Colin’s shoulder and Colin gave a curt nod.
He appreciated the words immensely, he knew Haggis meant them. But conversations about feelings were never something he’d been comfortable with. “Thank ye. Yer friendship has meant so much to all of us.”
Haggis cleared his throat. “I’ve known yer father most of my life. He’s stubborn, if nothing else. These episodes always pass.”
Colin’s eyes were trained on the floor. “This time is different. He’s ill as well as…” His voice trailed off not wanting to say the words. “Somedays, I dunnae ken what I wish. He’s suffered so much.”
“Aye, he has. Fiona was asking me about yer parents just the other day. I was telling her, yer mother has eased yer father’s suffering immensely.”
Colin looked up then. “I dunnae ken that he would agree. He has missed his first wife.”
Haggis’s mouth turned down as he shook his head. “It’s not my place to say more, but yer father would never have made it this long without yer mother.”
Colin closed his eyes. So his father had been right. His second choice of a wife had been the better one. “It’s hard to ignore the heart.” He muttered almost to himself but he saw Haggis’s eyes narrow. He needed to change the subject. “Fiona is struggling, I ken.”
“I ken ye’ve got a great deal to think about, and I’m sorry to ask with everythin’ that’s happening with yer father, but I am hoping ye might ken what’s happening wit’ her.”
Colin shook his head. Talking about Fiona was a welcome relief. “She’s trying to be what ye want her to be.” He didn’t add that he’d gotten her in trouble to begin with or that he’d made it worse on this trip. If Fiona were sad, he shared the blame with Haggis that was for sure.
“I didnae want this.” Haggis waved in the direction of his daughter. “She is a shell of herself and I dunnae like it at all. One of the best things about her is her spirit.”
“I agree.” Colin tried not to smile. “Have ye talked to her?”
Haggis looked to the floor. “I am trying, but she drifts off every time I start.”
It was Colin’s turn to clap Haggis on the back. “You should try again but I can talk to her first if ye like.”
Haggis jerked his chin, giving his consent. “I think ye should. Thank ye, lad.”
“All right, Haggis.” He looked out to see her on the veranda looking up at the stars.
Skirting around the room, he opened the door softly. “Fiona,” he called.
She didn’t look at him. “What do ye want?”
“Yer father sent me out. He’s worried.” He walked over, standing next to her. While she looked at the sky, he took in her lovely profile.
“This is exactly what he wanted.” She waved her hand, as if dismissing him. “What ye both wanted.”
“I never wanted this,” he spit out. How could she think that?
“Ye don’t want me, so ye must want me tae find someone else.” She had softened her voice and he cursed. Fiona had finally figured out that being quiet was sometimes far worse than being loud.
He wanted to yell that he hated seeing her with other men. That it drove him mad. But he couldn’t say that. “Any man that doesn’t want all of ye shouldn’t have any of ye.”
“What if no man wants me the way I am?” She barely whispered but he could hear the pain in her voice and it nearly undid him. His chest ached and it took all his strength not to drop to his knees.
“That can’t be true. I…” Words failed him. Because the truth was one thing he couldn’t say. He wanted her exactly as she was.
“It is, Colin.” She looked at him then, accusation all over her face. “My da, for all his worry now, has been telling me as much fer years.”
“Fiona, do ye even like any of them? Any of those egits courtin’ ye?” He tried one last tactic.
She shook her head. “It’s only important that I marry. No one cares if I am happy.”
“Now that just isn’t true.” Colin grabbed her arm. “Talk to yer father and tell him how ye feel. He’ll change his mind. He’s ready.”
Surprise lit her eyes but then a dullness glazed them over again. “If I do that, I will continue to be a disappointment. I’m sure of it. I dunnae ken how to be a lady and myself.” She shook her head. “I am strong enough to make a good match and survive it.”
He huffed a breath. “Are ye supposed to just survive marriage? Don’t ye want to be happy?”
She started to answer but then stopped, her gaze appraising him until he near squirmed under her scrutiny. “What do ye want, Colin? Do ye want to be happy?” she asked.
The question hit him in the gut. His father’s advice had always been to make a match that was tolerable. Stay emotionally detached. But thinking of Fiona that way, it sounded terrible. Still he couldn’t let his father’s advice go. He focused on Fiona instead. “You deserve better than that. And ye’ll have it. I swear ye will.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think it’s possible for me.”
“Oh, it’s possible all right.” One way or the other, Fiona would be happy. It wasn’t what he expected for himself but she’d absolutely have it. “I’m goin’ tae help ye.”
“Ye dunnae have to--” But she stopped suddenly her eyes over his shoulder. Without a word she tugged him toward her as something large and heavy glanced off his shoulder, sending pains shooting down his arm.
He turned to see who had attacked him but the figure was cloaked, his hood covering his face. Colin’s arm was limp by his side as he used the other to fend off a blow from the club the assailant wielded.
As the man came at him a third time, he watched Fiona toss a heavy urn at the man, using all her strength to hurtle it. It sailed through the air, catching the man in the chest and knocking him to the side. It was just the opportunity Colin needed to rush in and kick the club from the man’s grasp.
Jumping up, the hooded man ran deeper into the garden. For a moment, Colin wished to follow him but his arm was limp at his side and he
didn’t dare leave Fiona.
She came next to him then, touching his chest, shoulders, and arms to check for injuries. When she got to the tender spot on his upper arm, he winced, but it wasn’t as bad as he’d thought it would be. “Thank ye for helping me.” His good hand came to her waist to hold her close.
She slipped her arms around him and pressed him to her chest. “Are ye all right?”
It was so natural for Fiona to fight at his side, check him for injuries, hold him in comfort. More and more often, he questioned the wisdom of his father’s words. But could he put Fiona at risk for a question? He’d seen the destruction love had caused in his own family. They seemed to be cursed when it came to love. “I’ll be fine. It’s not too serious. It’ll ache for a few days is all.”
“That scared me near to death.” She placed her forehead on his chest. His hand came up to stroke through her hair, his breath heaving from his chest. Hopefully, Fiona likely thought it was from the fight. But the truth was, it was her proximity that had his heart racing.
“Ye were so brave, Fiona.” His lips grazed her temple.
She shook her head. “I can’t take the credit this time.” Then she slowly pulled back. “My da will worry if we’re out here for too long.”
He didn’t want to lose her, not yet. “In a minute. First we have to figure out how we’re going to get rid of your current batch of suitors.”
Chapter 7
Fiona looked at Colin her eyebrows raised near to her hairline, hands on hips. “I don’t care about them, we need to talk about who just attacked you and why.
He sighed. He’d bet his inheritance it was Alistair. Same height, build, and the nastiness was a perfect match. “I think those two conversations are one and the same.”
“Ye think one of my suitors did that?”
It was his turn to look up at the stars. “I can’t say for sure. But I can’t think of anyone else who’d want me out of commission. Either way, we need to get rid of yer current suitors. They’re Bod ceanns, the lot of ‘em.” He gave her a wicked grin. It was a naughty Gaelic name for men who are less than upstanding and it made her feel more like herself than she had in days.
“Then what?” she refused to smile, but he could hear the amusement in her voice.
“We can check out some of the other possibilities for potential suitors. I’ll ask around. Maybe I’ll pretend to be infatuated wit’ ye. Nothing gets a man who is considering a woman moving like real competition.” He swallowed, hating this plan. But it wasn’t about him. It was about Fiona. If she needed to marry he’d make sure that she’d had the best options. And he refused to acknowledge the little voice that insisted he himself was the best option.
“Yer real competition, are ye, pretending to like me?” Her hand came to her hip and a smile spread across his face. This was his Fiona. Well not his, but his friend. The woman that he… He stopped himself, focusing on the conversation.
“If that doesn’t work, ye have to appeal to yer father for more time,” he answered more softly. “I won’t be able tae help ye so much once we return home, but…”
“When we get back, it’s me who should help ye. We haven’t had much time tae talk about yer da, but ye ken whatever ye need, I can help ye wit’. I ken things have been different between us, but ye’ll always have my support.”
“Thank ye,” he wanted to pull her into his arms but he couldn’t. He’d already done it once tonight and it only muddled things. “Should my father pass, my brother will need yer father’s help as he transitions into laird.”
“Is it that bad then, yer father’s illness?” She bit her lip.
“I’m afraid it is, though my mother will not say.” He stepped closer and caught a whiff of her scent on the evening breeze.
“I’m sorry, Colin. I’ll make sure my father does whatever he can fer yer brother. But I ken ye’ll help him too. It’s one of yer gifts.”
He shook his head. He should tell her he was leaving, moving away. That he couldn’t help Shamus any more than he’d be able to help her. But she’d only just come back to herself and he didn’t want to watch her slip away again. “Yer father will be a much bigger help than I will.” He cleared his throat. “Give me a little time to come up with some plans. We’ll meet tomorrow night to discuss them.”
Fiona hesitated. That alone annoyed him. Because usually Fiona never hesitated before she jumped into any scheme of his.
“I promised me da that I wouldn’t leave me room.” She looked away again.
He wanted to kiss her right then. He wanted to run away with her so that he could watch her ride wild and free every day of their life. He hated this Fiona who was unsure of herself. But instead, he whispered. “A little something like that never stops the girl I ken.”
She gave him a small smile. “I’m pretty sure me da is watchin’ the door. Yer goin’ to have tae help me out the window.”
A laugh rippled through his chest, his worries about his father slipping away. Fiona was a balm, her spirit lifting him up. “That is the best thing I’ve heard in days.” With a wink he turned. “I’ll be there, tomorrow night at midnight.”
Then holding out his arm, he felt her place her hand in the crook of his elbow. It was small, the touch light, as he walked her back toward the door. Something about it pulled at him. It was more than just the heated moments they’d shared. With her hand like that, he wanted to protect her, keep her safe and make her happy.
With that in mind he began formulating a plan. The current suitors he’d scatter directly, then set himself up as her primary love interest. He’d work on making her look as attractive as possible to see if anyone else stepped forward.
He didn’t want to think about how he would feel if one actually did. Rather he focused on how much he would enjoy sending Rutland, Halfmann, and Alastair on their way.
He’d start immediately. But he’d need Haggis’s help.
With that in mind, he waited for Haggis to escort Fiona upstairs and then he met him in the smoking room.
“How did it go with Fiona?” Haggis asked as Colin sat next to him.
“Better than I expected.” Colin smiled.
“That’s good.” Haggis nodded. “Did she say why she’s been so quiet?”
Colin leaned in. “She doesn’t know how to be a lady without losing herself and none of her suitors are right for her.”
Haggis sat back in his chair a perplexed look on his face. “Ye ken, I thought perhaps she was upset about ye leavin’.”
Colin harrumphed. “I havenae told her yet. I dunnae want to upset her any more than she is with ye forcin’ her to marry.”
Haggis’s eyes grew wide and then narrowed. “I’m just curious to ken who might have kept her out the entire night a few weeks back. I wouldnae have to force this. She needs to be married because she could be ruined at any moment.”
Colin swallowed hard. “Fiona was out all night?”
Haggis leaned forward in his chair again. “I always thought you and her might end up together. Yer closer than any man and woman I’ve ever known. I love me wife wit’ all my heart but ye and her, thick as thieves.”
Colin tried to recover from that but he couldn’t think of what to say other than to ask. “Did ye always love yer wife?”
“From the first moment I laid eyes on her, though I resisted at first.” Haggis cleared his throat. “Best thing I ever did was marry that woman.”
“So love hasn’t ruined yer life?” Colin asked again, hoping the answer was no.
“No son, it didnae ruin my life. It made it the best life it could possibly have been.” Haggis clapped him on the knee.
“It wasnae like that fer me da.” Colin looked down at the massive hand. How different would things have been fer his father if his first wife hadn’t died?
“Colin,” Haggis’s voice was soft. “It’s nae me place to speak on this, but ye told me to talk wit’ Fiona earlier and I am tellin’ ye to talk wit’ yer mother. She knew yer father before
his first wife died.”
Colin’s head snapped up. “What does that mean?”
“Talk wit’ her son.” Haggis nodded. “Now, what were ye goin’ to say about the suitors?”
In a low voice, Colin began explaining why he disliked each of them and his plan to use himself as a carrot to attract another bunch. Haggis frowned, but in the end, he gave his consent.
“I’m warnin’ ye though, boy,” Haggis’s voice dropped low. “I allow ye a few liberties to complete the ruse but if ye publicly tarnish her reputation, ye’ll be takin’ a bride to the highlands wit’ ye.”
Colin kept a calm façade on the outside, but inside, he gave a start. He didn’t know if it was excitement or fear. But either way, it would be decided soon.
The next night, Fiona paced her room waiting for Colin. She kept looking out the window, to see if he was there and wondering what sort of plan he might have to get her outside. Colin had always been her greatest ally in tricks and schemes.
The creak of the sill made her turn her head, and suddenly, he was there, grinning as he unfolded himself from the window.
“I thought ye were goin’ to get me out.” Her hands landed on her hips. “How’s yer arm?”
He shrugged. “It’s fine. This seemed the best place to have a private conversation.”
Her cheeks turned pink. “Ye’ll nae be touchin’ me tonight. If ye do—”
“Yer father has already told me, if I tarnish yer reputation, we’re to marry.”
“Ye told me da?” She couldn’t believe it. How could Colin be so heavy-handed?
One of his eyebrows shot up. “Aye, we talked. Ye ought tae try it sometime.”
“What did ye say?” She moved closer then as he plopped down on her bed.
Her hair was in a loose braid, the wild curls free on the end streamed over her shoulder. His eyes were fixed on it, so much so, she looked down to see if something was stuck in the tresses. “What are ye lookin’ at?”
Heart of a Highlander_Scottish Historical Romance Page 6
