For all the success, our current tour hasn’t been easy. I fell off the wagon. During the breaks, when I was able to spend time at home, I’d sit on my couch and not move for hours on end. For years I’ve known goddamn well that I’m a drunk, but who wants to admit that? After kicking the strong stuff, why couldn’t I have a little drink now and then? What harm was there in a small indulgence? The answer was serious harm—potentially fatal harm. For me, putting a drink in my mouth is something like putting a lead blanket over my heart. There’s been so much pain in the past few years that I’m afraid to feel, or commit. I pray that this will end. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want to be able to love again. The dream of every drunk—to be able to manage their drinking—is one that has died hard for me. My prayer is that, once and for all, that dream is good and dead.
So I’m back to counting days. It’s nearly two months since I’ve had a drink. By the time you read this book, my hope is that it will be six months. I embrace the day-at-a-time mind-set. For me, there’s no other way to live. I’ve got to stay present.
I am optimistic.
I have to learn to see the beauty in the mundane. I believe this is a key to my spiritual well-being. I have to change my perception and see God’s beauty in everything.
I believe what has kept me intriguing to the public while everyone is usually allowed their fifteen minutes of fame is my chameleon-like nature and my desire to break new sonic and musical ground. Having my own record label—Softdrive Records—has allowed me complete freedom to do just that.
Beyond music, I continue to paint and draw, even if everything ends up looking unconsciously like an Egon Schiele painting. All perspective is out the window.
I’ve realized a longtime dream by starting my own clothing line—Scott Weiland Collection by English Laundry. I love the creativity and artfulness behind great clothes.
Someone called me a jet-setter. Well, it’s one thing to simply jet-set, but to do it while racing down the edge of a razor? Now that takes a certain kind of moxie and the constitution of a cockroach.
I have songs to write and songs to sing. I have ideas for drawings, movies, and other books. My goal is to stay inspired and inspire others. No matter how abstract or diverse my work, I want to leave a footprint of someone passionately interested in expressing his heart and soul. I’m still making that footprint.
I am not dead and not for sale.
THERE HAVE BEEN A LOT OF BANDS AND
MUSICIANS WE HAVE PLAYED WITH, OR WHO HAVE
INFLUENCED US, OR WHO IN SOME WAY HAVE
LEFT A LASTING IMPRESSION. SOME OF THESE ARE:
Neil Young
The Doors
Cheap Trick
Butthole Surfers
The Flaming Lips
Cage the Elephant
Sugartooth
Megadeth
Jane’s Addiction
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Green Day
Elton John
Aerosmith
Thelonious Monster
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Linkin Park
Wiskey Biscuit
Ringo
The Rolling Stones
SELECTIONS
from my
SKETCHBOOK
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
SCOTT WEILAND’S ACKNOWLEDGMENTS:
Deep gratitude to the people closest to me.
My kids, my inspiration and strength for staying on the road when I feel like jumping on the first plane and coming home to them.
My parents, who have supported me beyond belief. Because of my antics, they’re still trying to catch up with their sleep.
My manager, Dana Dufine, who, from the inception of Velvet Revolver, has become both a business partner and family friend.
My brother Michael and his wife, Michael. Michael was my best friend. The legacy he left impacts me every day, and I could not have written this book without his loving influence.
My musical partners. If you haven’t worked in music, you can’t imagine the creative intimacy that flows between musicians. I am grateful to every single musician I have encountered on stage and in the studio.
And to David Ritz, your quirkiness and knowledge is king, and your patience with my rants and me goes beyond appreciation.
DAVID RITZ’S ACKNOWLEDGMENTS:
The brilliant Scott Weiland, Brant Rumble, Dana Dufine, Aubrey, David Vigliano, Roberta, Alison, Jessica, Henry, Jim, Charlotte, Nino, James, Isaac, Esther, Elizabeth, my nephews and nieces, the Tuesday group, the great Pops Ritz, and pals Alan Eisenstock, Herb Powell, and Harry Weinger. I am a believer.
Not Dead & Not For Sale Page 10
