by Krista Davis
She drifted away, and I had an awful feeling that she was looking for someone more interested in bashing Kelsey.
Madison sidled over to me and murmured, “Can you believe a woman Lavinia’s age pulling that kind of stunt? I swear I would die before I did something like that to get a man’s attention! I’m glad to see that Kelsey is appropriately dressed tonight. I saw her at the hardware store the other day and honest to goodness, the men couldn’t take their eyes off of her blouse down to there and her skirt up to you know where.” She laughed. “Listen to me. I’m beginning to sound like my grandmother!”
“Take the time to talk with Kelsey. You might like her more than you expect.”
“That would be the gracious thing to do, wouldn’t it? I’ll go do that right now.”
Jay Charles moseyed up and helped himself to a drink. “I’m so sorry that I haven’t anything to contribute. I don’t cook.”
“Don’t worry about that. It’s all in good fun. Bernie needed to use up the meat he’s cooking.”
“Actually, it’s kind of nice for me. Since my wife died, I eat mostly takeout. It’s good, but not quite the same as a home-cooked meal. I hope you’ll let me reciprocate some time by taking you out to dinner.”
I made a mental note to include him for dinner at my house more often. “That’s very kind, but not at all necessary.”
“Sophie,” he said, “I understand that you were the one who found Hollis in the street.”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Was he able to speak?”
“Yes, but he didn’t say much. He was having difficulty breathing.”
“No clue or hint as to what might have caused his condition?”
“Not really.”
Jay rubbed the back of his neck and gazed at the ground. “Hollis and I were friends for a long time. I was after him for years to shed weight and exercise. If he’d had a heart attack, I would have said I had seen it coming. But I find the circumstances around his death to be peculiar. I pulled some strings and got a look at the autopsy report, which definitely indicates inhalation of some kind of poison. There are indications of an underlying issue that may have made him more sensitive.”
“That’s what Wolf said.”
“Sophie, Hollis wasn’t an idiot. It’s not difficult to imagine that anyone could mistakenly spray an aerosol insecticide in a manner that could blow back into one’s face. But if that happened, anyone would have stepped away for fresh air, thus reducing the amount of exposure. Had Hollis inhaled a great deal of insecticide, it would have made him sick, but probably wouldn’t have killed him.”
I understood where he was going with this line of thought. “And wouldn’t he have told the EMTs if that had happened?”
“Exactly!” Jay beamed at me. “And he wouldn’t have sprayed bees in the dark, after the underground dinner.”
“Not unless Kelsey was afraid and he did it to pacify her. But she claims he came home, took a sleeping pill with a drink, and went to bed.”
“That sounds more like him. Hollis, for all his wonderful traits, was not much of a hands-on kind of guy. He was a pick-up-the-phone type. Even when it was something as easy as trimming bushes or raking leaves, Hollis preferred to pay someone to do it.” Jay licked his lips. “I hope you don’t think I’m criticizing Hollis. He was always very busy. I was raised to do things for myself. More than once I pitched in because Cindy was undertaking something that Hollis should have done for her around the house.”
“We all have our priorities.” I paused for a moment as a thought occurred to me. “If Hollis sprayed the bees, wouldn’t the cans still be in the trash?”
“How foolish of me. Of course! Excuse me, Sophie.”
Jay hustled toward Kelsey. He gave her a big hug, and I was under the impression that he might be expressing his condolences.
The evening air was cooler than normal, probably a consequence of the storm that had passed through. Mars turned off the grill and built a fire in the outdoor fireplace, while I walked around lighting candles and lanterns.
There was no question in my mind that I preferred life with electricity. It wasn’t even close. But at that very moment, in the company of good friends, with the scent of grilled meats and pineapple in the air, the crackling fire and flickering candles added a certain charm that electric lights couldn’t match.
I was setting up the ice-cream sundae boards when Jay sidled over toward me. He whispered, “Kelsey confirms exactly what you told me. Hollis took a sleeping pill with a glass of Scotch and went up to bed.”
Jay pulled out a pen and wrote something on the back of a paper napkin. “I’m going over to look through their trash. Call me if Kelsey leaves before I come back.”
“Maybe you should take someone with you.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Mars!” I called. “Could you give me a hand?”
He ambled over with a tall, icy drink in his hand. “What do you think? I like the fire, even though it’s the middle of the summer. Sort of like a campfire, it adds ambiance.”
“Could you serve dessert?” I asked. “I’ll be right back.”
“Where are you going?”
“Shh. We don’t want to draw any attention.” As soon as the words came out of my mouth I regretted them. There were few things I could have said that would have intrigued him more.
Chapter 14
Dear Sophie,
My wife insists on having a refrigerator and a freezer. I think that’s a waste of money. Freezers use a lot of juice!
Electricity Miser in Humbug, Arizona
Dear Electricity Miser,
Those appliances can be electricity hogs, but you’ll save money by filling them up. Full refrigerators and freezers stay cool longer and use less energy than empty ones. If your freezer doesn’t have much in it, fill empty gallon bottles with water and put them in the freezer to help keep it cool.
Sophie
Jay whispered, “We’re going to paw through the Habermans’ trash.”
Mars’s head snapped up like someone lit a firecracker behind him. “I’m in! Nina can serve the dessert. Hey, Bernie!”
Good heavens, before I knew it, everyone except Kelsey would be digging through her trash. “Shh!”
Mars whispered to Bernie, and I knew I was licked.
Mars handed me his drink. “No one touches this. It’s too good to throw out.”
Armed with a lantern and flashlights, Jay, Mars, Bernie, and Daisy not so subtly left the dinner.
Nina joined me. I handed her a board. “Could you set this on the table, please?”
The large cutting board contained salted caramel ice cream, chocolate chocolate-chip ice cream, and vanilla bean ice cream in good-sized bowls, along with hot fudge sauce, strawberries, blueberries, chopped pecans, almond cookies, chocolate sandwich cookies with a creamy middle, and hazelnut-filled wafers. “Thanks for helping me serve. I love that everyone can take what they want. Sort of like an ice-cream bar, but it’s at the table.”
“I’m not serving unless you tell me what’s going on.”
Why did I have such nosy friends? I motioned her closer and told her what was happening.
Nina shuddered. “And I wasn’t invited?”
“Really?” I whispered. “You want to dig through trash?”
In the glow of the lantern I saw her wrinkle her nose.
“Maybe not.” She took the tray and brought it to the table, where I heard “oohs” and “aahs.”
On the next large cutting board, I placed bowls of dulce de leche ice cream, mango sorbet, and hazelnut gelato. To that I added chopped walnuts and a bowl of caramel sauce. I placed handfuls of chocolate chip cookies, soft oatmeal cookies, and peanut butter cookies in between the bowls. I scattered banana and kiwi slices, as well as strawberries, in the remaining space.
Nina plucked a peanut butter cookie from the tray and noshed on it. “Nothing better than peanut butter,” she muttered with a mouthful.
I was making the rounds with after-dinner decaf coffee and tea when Natasha stood up, raised a hand against her forehead like an overly dramatic star in an old movie, and said in an fake Southern accent, “Oh my! I feel faint.” And with that, she crumpled to the floor.
Everyone moved their chairs away from her. She lay still as death.
Humphrey raced around the long table, wedged his hand under her neck, and started mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. On the other side of the table, away from the fire, they were lit mostly by the light of the lanterns. The crowd had stopped chattering. We waited in silence for Humphrey to revive her.
Suddenly, Natasha lifted her right hand and slid it along Humphrey’s head, almost as though she were holding him in a romantic moment.
“Are they kissing?” asked Nina.
Humphrey had stopped taking breaths.
I heard a chuckle or two.
Humphrey finally pulled away but remained kneeling beside her.
Her eyes were still closed when she murmured, “Ohhh, Jay!”
“Can you sit up now, Natasha?” asked Humphrey.
She opened her eyes, looked straight at Humphrey in horror, and sucked in air. Natasha sat up and said, loud as could be, “I believe I passed out. What happened?”
Humphrey helped her stand, but I couldn’t help noticing that she brushed his helpful hand off her arm the second she was on her feet. She ambled over to me, leaned toward my ear, and said, “Please tell me I didn’t just kiss Humphrey.”
I didn’t have to tell her because at that moment, Jay and his entourage returned. Natasha looked seriously queasy.
Holding a pot of coffee, I walked over and sniffed them but didn’t pick up any stinky garbage odors. “Well?”
“Surprisingly little trash,” said Mars.
“What about the bee spray?”
Jay shook his head. “Not a single can.”
I stared at the three of them for a long moment. “Then what did he inhale?”
“The cans could still be inside the house,” said Mars.
Bernie shot me a look. “Or she could have gotten rid of them elsewhere.”
I hated what they were thinking. Was Kelsey the poor young woman who seemed clueless and helpless? Or the calculating vixen that Trula and others thought? I had always imagined myself as a pretty good judge of character, but Kelsey had me confused. She could be a combination of the two. Softly I said, “Or someone else killed him.”
Jay appeared skeptical.
“That’s right, Soph,” said Mars. “They came home from the underground dinner. An unknown assailant broke into the house and sprayed Hollis with bee spray, but Kelsey knows nothing about it.”
I was sorely tempted to stick out my tongue at him. He didn’t have to be so sarcastic. “I’m just exploring the possibilities.” In a whisper I hissed, “She says she didn’t kill him.”
Mars tilted his head at me. “You bought that story about her horrendous childhood and now you’re trying to side with her because there’s nothing you love more than an underdog who needs your help.”
There was no way I was going to agree with him. But as soon as the power returned, I would do some checking up on her background. Surely the murders of her aunt and sister had made the newspapers. I ought to be able to dig that up. And then it would be Mars eating crow.
Mars eyed the drink he had left. “I trust no one spit in this?”
“I’m tempted to now. What are you drinking?”
“Nina brought them. They’re called A Day at the Beach. Apparently she made them because you’re not going to the beach.”
Bernie wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Isn’t it time you had a bite to eat?”
It was. I helped myself to steak, sausage, coleslaw, pineapple, some of the cheeses, and one of Nina’s concoctions. Even though Mars scooted over to make room for me, I passed by him and wedged in next to Alex.
That put me right beside Natasha.
“I am so embarrassed that I could just curl up and expire on the spot. Did anyone notice?”
“Everyone.” It was mean of me. But it was the truth.
“Look at her.”
“Who?”
“Humphrey’s mother! Didn’t you see that oh-I-twisted-my-ankle stunt she pulled earlier to get Jay’s attention?”
“Is that why you suddenly crumpled to the floor? You thought you’d one-up her and seduce him with a kiss right in front of everyone?”
“You don’t know how hard it is to get a man’s attention these days. I’m as perfect as a woman can be, but I can’t compete with someone like Kelsey. Look at Parker drooling over her. Bleah.”
“Why, Natasha Smith.”
“Shhh. You know I hate it when you use my last name. Seriously, though, wouldn’t Jay and I make the perfect couple? I love those bow ties he wears, and he’s just so gentlemanly with the most exquisite manners.” She paused. “Sophie, I have finally figured it out.”
“That Jay is perfect for you?”
Natasha tossed her hair over her shoulder. “That too, but I meant that I cannot believe I overlooked the obvious for so long. I suppose I’ve sort of been doing it all along with my show, but I always thought it was about being a domestic diva.”
“It’s not?” I tried the drink Nina had mixed and understood why Mars liked it so much.
“In a manner of speaking. I saw a book this morning by a nobody. Just a complete nobody! It’s basically a picture book about entertaining. She sets up a glamorous photo of a tablescape for various events like holidays or a romantic dinner for two, and provides recipes for the food and the proper etiquette. I could do it in my sleep, Sophie. And I realized that books on how to entertain are how Martha got started!” She frowned at me. “Now don’t go stealing this idea from me.”
“Aren’t you stealing it from Martha and the complete nobody?”
“No! That’s entirely different.” She sounded annoyed.
“So you’re going to become a photographer?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s about etiquette and lifestyle. Not just about recipes or entertaining, but that’s part of it. It’s bigger, though. It’s about how you live your life. For instance, I notice that you still haven’t dropped off a dish at Kelsey’s. Very bad manners, Sophie.”
I swallowed a melt-in-your-mouth tender bite of beef. “I presume you have already delivered your Coca-Cola cake?”
“Sophie! There was no electricity!”
Why, why, why had I sat down next to Natasha?
“You see,” she said, “etiquette and manners are part of it, too. For instance, just like you, people don’t know what to do when someone dies. I can tell them! I have the gorgeous house. All I have to do is show people how to live like me.”
At that very moment, I sorely wanted to tell her off. “Excuse me, Natasha.” I took my plate and drink and whispered to Alex, “Scoot over, please.”
He didn’t even ask why. I sat on the other side of him and planted a big smooch on his cheek.
If the light had been better, I suspect I might have seen him blush. He wasn’t much for public affection.
Neighbors lingered, laughing and chatting. Kelsey probably felt it was too light-hearted for what she was going through, but I noticed that Francie had taken Kelsey under her wing.
Slowly our ranks diminished as neighbors headed home.
At midnight, when Alex offered to walk Kelsey to her house, Nina jumped up and said she’d go with them. She tugged at me. “Come on. Let’s stretch our legs a little.”
Jay joined us.
I had to admit that it felt like an adventure. The moon offered the most light. When a cloud passed over it, our world turned pitch-dark. Only a few houses on our street still had gas lanterns by their front doors. While they were charming, they didn’t offer much light, and the flickering took us back a century. It was like walking the streets in an old movie set.
Inside the houses, we saw an occasional flashlight beam sweep past a window. It was totally
creepy.
“Are you sure you’re okay staying by yourself?” I asked Kelsey.
“You’ll think I’m a total sap but sitting alone with a solitary candle sort of matches my mood. I think about my parents, and my sister. And about Hollis and Sassy. And for just a little while, it almost feels like they’re with me, watching over me.”
How sad. The poor woman had lost everyone she ever loved. Maybe I would want to sit by myself in the dark with a candle if I were in her shoes. Instead of fighting her thoughts and sadness, Kelsey faced it head-on. No one could know how they would deal with that situation.
We walked up to the Haberman house. Kelsey unlocked the door. She lighted a lantern that she had left on a console in the foyer.
It lit the small room, casting eerie shadows on the wall. Even our reflections in the mirror were spooky.
I was being silly. Why did darkness make everything seem sinister?
And at that moment, we heard a door creak.
Chapter 15
Dear Natasha,
My ex-husband has died. I’m not friends with his new wife, but I spent more years with my husband than she has. Much as I hate the old buzzard now, I did once love him and am devastated by his death. Is it appropriate for me to go to the funeral?
Old Buzzard’s Ex in Dead Mans Crossing,
Indiana
Dear Old Buzzard’s Ex,
You should absolutely attend the funeral. Take care not to be ugly to anyone, especially the new wife. Express your sympathy, but remember that you are no longer a member of the family, and don’t upstage the new wife.
Natasha
We could have dealt with the eerie creaking if a door hadn’t slammed shut. Nina screamed like she had seen the devil himself.
“A breeze must have caught the door,” Alex said calmly.
Holding the lantern in her hands so that the candle caused shadows to flicker on her face, Kelsey said, “It sounded like the back door.”
