by Katie Ashley
I took Catcher by the elbow and dragged him into the bedroom. After crossing my arms over my chest, I tilted my head at him. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Um, I believe it’s called an investigation.”
“Don’t be a smartass.”
“I was just answering your question.”
“Yeah, well, there’s the fact that you didn’t look too surprised to see me.”
“You ran out on me this morning,” Catcher accused.
I scrunched my brows in confusion. “Yes, I’m aware of that. But what does that have to do with you being here?”
“Everything.”
After throwing my hands up in frustration, I glared at Catcher. “Why must you be so infuriating?”
“Because I don’t like waking up alone after a night of amazing sex.”
“Oh, really well—” I had already started to argue with him, but his reply stopped me cold. “Whether the sex was good is not the issue at the moment,” I argued feebly.
Catcher quirked his brows at me. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but did I not give you—” He paused to wiggle his fingers at me. “Five orgasms over the course of the evening?”
Ah, that would be a yes. Five of the best orgasms of my life actually. I rolled my eyes at him. “You already know the answer to that, so why are you asking me?”
He grinned. “Because I just like to hear you acknowledge it.”
“Fine. You gave me five orgasms. Are you happy now?”
“No. Since my record was seven in one twelve-hour span, I’d like for us to get together again to see if I can beat it.”
I wrinkled my nose at him. “You’re seriously disgusting.”
“And you’re still avoiding the question.”
“You answer mine first.”
Catcher swept his hands to his hips. “Fine. I was working on my case when the call went out about a murder in Taylorsville. When I heard the name Olivia Sullivan mentioned, I had ulterior motives in volunteering to help out Agent Solano and his team.” When he took a step towards me, I eased back until I bumped against the door. “The truth is I wanted to see you again.”
“Because you’ve always been the first to run out after a one-night stand,” I countered.
He shook his head. “Because I had a good time with you last night.”
I couldn’t tell him I had the best sex of my life last night. The same went for telling him what a good time I’d had with him outside of the storeroom and Holiday Inn bedroom I could, but it would only encourage him. There wasn’t any joking in his expression either. I knew that face. Did he really want more? With me?
As my traitorous heart soared at his words, I gave a resigned sigh. “Last night was wonderful. It really was. But let’s acknowledge what it was—a one-night stand.” When he started to argue, I held up a hand to silence him. “I will always be grateful to you for ending my sex drought, but there’s really nothing more.”
“Bullshit.”
“Excuse me?”
Catcher closed the gap between us, causing me to shrink back against the door. Suddenly, he was just too close, too built, and too sexy. If I didn’t get out of there soon, I was going to end up mauling him for more sex.
“You and I both know that we had a good time outside of the sex,” he stated determinedly.
“I usually don’t rate dates on whether or not we win a bar fight.”
Catcher’s blue eyes flared. “You can’t blame a groping redneck and hillbilly brawl on me. And deep down, you know that’s not what made last night memorable. It was me fucking you up against the storeroom rack and then all over the hotel room.”
At a knock on the door, I covered Catcher’s mouth with my hand. “Yes?” I questioned weakly.
“Oh, I was looking for Agent Mains,” Agent Solano said.
Catcher removed my hand from his mouth. “I’m in here, E.”
“Look. I’m going to take Agent Capshaw and do a perimeter check.”
“Sounds good,” Catcher replied. At the sound of Agent Solano’s retreating footsteps, Catcher pressed against me. “There’s not just a spark between us. There’s a full-on raging inferno.” He rolled his hips against mine. “Don’t put it out.”
It took everything within me not to attack his face with my lips and tongue. And I do mean every ounce of self-control. The man smelled mouth-wateringly delicious. The heat rolling off his body singed my exposed skin. I wanted to melt my body against him. Sans clothes. The truth was I didn’t know why I was fighting him. Something within me just screamed “Caution” like one of those annoying flashing yellow lights.
When I shook my head, Catcher growled into my ear, which drenched my panties. “Dammit, Olivia. Why are you being so stubborn?”
“Look, I can’t talk about this anymore.” After prying myself away from him, I whirled around and fumbled for the doorknob. I fled the guest bedroom and started back into Randy’s.
Unfortunately, Catcher was right on my heels. “This isn’t over. Not by a long shot,” he hissed behind me.
“Excuse me, but I have a job to do.” I threw back at him. Ignoring the curious looks from Ralph and the others, I stomped over to the bed. “Newt!” I called.
I heard some hustling in the hallway before Newt appeared in the doorway. “Yeah, Olivia?”
“I’m ready for you to photograph the body.”
“Sure thing. I got two more shots in the bathroom, and I’ll be right there.”
“Fine.” I grabbed the sheet bunched at Randy’s waist and tugged it to the floor. The horrified chorus that rang around me sent me jumping out of my skin. My hand flew to my chest to still my erratically beating heart. While still rubbing my shirt, I glanced back at the others. They had all paled slightly and wore a look of horror on their faces.
“Sweet Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,” Todd said while crossing himself.
“I’ll be damned,” Ralph muttered while Catcher merely blinked a few times. He appeared so shaken that he had lost the ability to form words. Ha, I bet that was a first.
Considering the trio consisted of a funeral attendant, a sheriff, and a GBI agent, I couldn’t imagine what could have possibly freaked them out so much. I mean, they had to have seen their fair share of traumatizing things in their careers. And then when I looked down at Randy, I truly understood the horror.
Just like with Jesse’s latex-allergy-induced eggplant dick, what I saw would haunt me for years. It would be one of those things that after you fluffed your pillow, snuggled under the cozy covers, and turned out the light, you would suddenly want to scream out in terror because it was emblazoned on the back of your eyelids. It was a vision all the bleach in the world wouldn’t remove. It would be the thing when you were old and grey that strangers curiously asked if you really saw. Like your own version of Big Foot or the Loch Ness Monster.
Protruding from an overgrowth of dark pubic hair was not one but two penises. I furiously blinked several times as if I could somehow wake myself out of my stupor of a bad dream. How was this even possible? Our victim, Randy Dickinson, mild-mannered pharmacist, civic volunteer, and bass in the church choir had two penises. Or was it peni? He was packing two schlongs, two meats and four veg, double dongs, a duo of dicks, a couple of cocks, twin trouser snakes, two tallywackers. I shook my head to try and get a hold of myself. I wasn’t someone who was easily shaken on the job, but Randy and his two dicks had me absolutely gobsmacked.
Curiosity got the better of me, and I leaned forward for a better look. Although they began at the same base, they grew separate of each other. Neither one was circumcised, which considering Randy’s age wasn’t too surprising. I couldn’t help wondering if they were both functional for urination…and for sex. How in the world does one have sex with two dicks?
“One in each orifice or maybe double-dicking one hole?” Catcher suggested.
Mortification filled me not only because I had somehow managed to verbalize my inner monologue, but at how Catcher had answered. I didn’t want to i
magine anyone “double-dicking” a hole, especially not Randy. It was hard enough picturing him having missionary sex least of all something kinky like that.
Damn. No wonder he had never married.
It was then I realized the others had crowded around the bedside to get a closer look at Randy’s endowments. Both Todd and Ralph wore the same expressions of wide-eyed wonderment. I guess I couldn’t blame them. Considering how men felt about their manhood, this would be like hitting the Powerball in the penis lottery.
Todd blinked a few times before asking, “Uh, Olivia, have you ever seen anything like that?”
“No. I haven’t.”
“Doesn’t that—” Ralph paused to motion to Randy’s crotch area, “have a name?”
“Diphallia,” I replied at the same time Catcher said, “Freak.”
I shot him a scathing look. “Don’t you even have a shred of decency in you?”
He grinned. “Sorry. It got shot to hell the moment I saw the dude had two dicks.”
Catcher’s comment, coupled with the absurdity of the moment, caused the others to break out in hysterical laughter. I rolled my eyes at their antics. “Excuse me, gentleman, but regardless of the victim’s endowments, I still have a job to do. So, if you’ll please give me some room.”
“By all means,” Catcher replied.
“Thank you.” Not wanting to appear weak in front of Catcher, I rolled Randy over myself. Once he was on his side, I examined his back lividity. Here’s some fun forensic facts for you. When a body had been dead between two and eight hours, you could press the skin, and the color would disappear. With a body that had been dead twelve hours, the color stayed. It was kind of crazy that poking around a corpse could reveal so much.
I pressed the four fingers of my right hand onto Randy’s back. I was immediately met with the icy cold that takes over a body within one to two hours of death. The clinical term was Algor Mortis.
When I removed my fingers, the colored remained. I glanced back at the others. “We’re looking at least at twelve hours.”
“So maybe the murder took place sometime around nine last night?” Ralph suggested.
“Yes. Let me take his temperature.” After I dug my thermometer out of my bag, I started to spread Randy’s butt cheeks when Catcher stopped me.
“Do you seriously have to do that in his ass?” he asked with a disgusted look.
I rolled my eyes as I thrust the thermometer into Randy’s rectum. “Yes, Mister Big Shot Agent Man, I do. Just like when you’re alive, rectal temperature is the most accurate.”
Catcher shuddered. “I’ve only seen it done under the arm when I’ve been on investigations in the past.”
Choosing to ignore him, I focused on reading the numbers. “He doesn’t have two assholes, does he?” Ralph asked.
“No. Just the one.”
I heard Ralph exhale in relief. In the first twelve hours of death, the temperature would decease 1.4 degrees Fahrenheit every hour while after twelve it went to .7 degrees. Once I measured Randy’s temperature, I used the calculator on my phone to determine the equation. “Based on both Rigor and Algor mortis, I would guess the murder took place sometime between nine thirty and ten PM.”
Both Ralph and Catcher nodded. “That gives us something to go on until he comes back from the crime lab,” Catcher said.
When I eased Randy onto his back, a sense of déjà vu filled me when another horrified chorus echoed through the room. But this time, I screamed with them. Both of Randy’s dicks were at full attention.
“Hold the phone. Is he not dead?” Todd demanded.
“Why he’s deader than a doornail,” Ralph replied.
Now that I’d had a moment to collect myself, I felt silly for my over-the-top reaction. “Postmortem erections, while rare, do occur.”
Catcher shook his head. “I’ve seen people who shit and pissed themselves, but that’s a new one.”
“I guess when I put Randy on his side, the shifting lividity sent the blood forward to his penises.”
After scratching his chin, Catcher asked, “So if they both got hard post mortem, does that mean they were both functional when he was alive?”
“I would assume so. But since blood isn’t pumping through the cardiovascular system, it’s hard to tell.”
It was at that moment with the four of us standing around eyeing Randy’s pumped up peckers, that Agents Solano and Capshaw came into the bedroom. Both of them skidded to a stop, their expressions frozen in disbelief.
“What. The. Hell,” Agent Solano said while Agent Capshaw appeared to be trying not to vomit.
“You guys look surprised. Don’t tell me you’ve never seen a dead guy with two hard cocks?” Catcher grinned, amusement dancing in his eyes.
“That would be not just no, but hell fucking no,” Agent Solano replied while Agent Capshaw merely shook his head.
“Did you two find anything during your perimeter check?” Catcher questioned.
Agent Solano nodded. “Looks like the perpetrator came via the river.”
“They did?” I questioned.
“There are disturbed places along the shoreline where a boat was kept. We found a few shoe prints that we’ll make a cast of. I’ll go get the kit and get started.”
“Thanks, E.”
Agent Capshaw picked up Randy’s phone off the nightstand. “We’ll need to take this with us to crack the combo code to get into his contacts.”
Catcher nodded. “Put it in the bag with the laptop and computer that Solano found in the office. We’ll need to check all the files.”
“Got it,” Capshaw replied before starting out the bedroom door.
“Any idea about a next of kin?” Catcher asked.
Ralph adjusted his chaw. “That’s a good question. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him mention any family. He always closed up the pharmacy on holidays and went out of town. Where I have no clue.”
Catcher nodded. “Did you check the nightstand for a little black book?”
“Although we didn’t check, I’d be damn surprised to find one. Randy was not that type of man.”
Catcher tilted his head at Ralph. “Considering the man was hiding two dicks in his pants, I think it’s safe to say whoever you thought he was is a lie.”
“Well, damn,” Ralph muttered as the realization finally hit him. He proceeded to start rifling around in the nightstand drawer. “Aha!” he cried.
“You found a black book?” I questioned. I hoped it was something as innocuous as that. I didn’t think my heart could take it if Ralph pulled out Randy’s hot body oils collection or a pocket pussy. Well, I guess in Randy’s case it would have been two pocket pussies.
“Actually, it’s something better.” He held up something that resembled a credit card. As I leaned forward to peer at it, I read Emergency Contact Card.
“Let me see,” I said, holding my hand out. Ralph passed me the card. It looked like something that had come with a prescription, which made a lot of sense considering Randy’s profession. After years of reading Randy’s handwritten prescription instructions, I would have recognized his handwriting anywhere. He had personally filled out the particulars that he had no allergies or major illnesses. Under the person to notify in case of an emergency was:
Patricia Crandall.
1801 Bare Haven Dr.
Hawkinsville, GA
678-953-9451
Without hesitating, I dialed the number. Two rings in and I got an annoying monotone voice in my ear, causing me to grimace. “It’s no longer a working number,” I announced to the others.
Ralph snorted. “Why am I not surprised? This just keeps getting weirder and weirder. In all the years I’ve been in law enforcement, I think I’ve only had one or two cases where there wasn’t a clear next of kin, and those were both indigents who ended up buried in the pauper’s field out in Monroe.”
I sighed. “It certainly has me stumped. I guess the only thing I can do it try to talk to this Patricia Cra
ndall and see if she can make sense of all this.” I looked at Catcher. “You G-Men could do a reverse address to try find a current phone number, couldn’t you?”
“Sure we could. But there’s something even better you could do.”
“What’s that?”
“You can go with me to talk to Patricia Crandall.”
I blinked at him. “Are you joking?”
“Nope. A hundred percent serious.”
“What about Agents Solano and Capshaw?”
“What about them?”
“Doesn’t protocol dictate that they should be the ones helping question Patricia Crandall rather than a small-town coroner?”
“I’ll be the one interrogating Ms. Crandall. You’ll simply be informing her of her obligations as Randy’s emergency contact and next of kin. Besides, Solano and Capshaw need to be here working the scene.”
After crossing my arms over my chest, I eyed him suspiciously. “Why do I think this is just a ploy to get me to be with you?”
Catcher appeared insulted. In a low voice, he said, “Surely you don’t think I’m suggesting anything inappropriate, Ms. Sullivan?”
“Oh please.”
He ducked his head to whisper in my ear. “Mmm, I do love when you beg.”
I shoved him away. “Fine. I’ll go with you to talk to Ms. Crandall. Since I need to know where to send Randy’s body when he leaves in the crime lab in forty-eight hours, it’s imperative to find his next of kin.”
Ralph glanced between the two of us. “You sure you’re all right going, Olivia?” He gave Catcher the stink eye. “I could always go in your place to talk to Ms. Crandall.”
“Thank you for the offer, but I’m fine.”
Catcher motioned to the door. “Shall we?”
“I need to finish up here.”
With a nod, he said, “I can wait.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
I then went back to finishing up my investigation of Randy’s body. The final part being that there was no exit wound. Therefore, the bullet was lodged somewhere in his chest cavity, and it would need to be recovered during the autopsy to help locate the type of gun used on him.
After finishing my write up, I turned to Ralph. “Can you wait with Randy until the crime lab arrives?”
