"Blue."
"What?"
"Blue." I stared at the door. "She has blue eyes."
CH. 4 - Nora
Well, I guess it was my fault. I really wanted a few snacks for the trip to my friends house in Pennsylvania, but I told myself I wouldn't look at the tabloids in the checkout line. I kept telling myself as I stood inches from them, "Stare straight ahead. Don't glance out of the corner of your eye." I tried to listen to myself, but Dad always said I was too curious for my own good.
I glanced. Then stared. It was even worse than I imagined. My hands shook and I wanted to rip every cover in sight. I thought for sure they'd portray me as some kind of depressed fool. Instead the headlines read, "Heartbreaker" and "She Didn't Deserve Him" and the best one yet … “Back in Rehab."
Back? I'd never been to rehab in my life.
I paid the cashier, bagged my own stuff, and dodged paparazzi as I got in my car and drove away. As much as I loved acting, I was beginning to regret following my dreams, but I couldn’t give up. The best things in life take some work, right?
On my drive to Pennsylvania I drowned my thoughts in music until I arrived at Ella and Gavin's house. When I knocked on the door Ella immediately pulled me into a warm hug, at least as much as her huge pregnant belly allowed.
"I'm so sorry to barge in on you guys." I stepped back and tried to smile. "I didn't think Heidi would appreciate me asking Pat and I just needed somewhere to escape for a little before I meet up with London."
"No, please don't feel like you're a burden." She moved aside, making room for me to walk in. "Where are you two heading off to? Did you decide?"
"She wants to go to Paris. I just want to go somewhere far away and quiet."
"Feel free to stay here as long as you like. I made the guest room special for you and you can consider our house your house."
"Thanks, Ella."
"Here." She walked to the steps. "Come on up so I can show you your room."
I followed her upstairs and laughed when she opened the door to my temporary room. "Oh my gosh. You are so, so hilarious."
"Is it too much?"
"Well." I laughed. "Yeah. But in a good way."
She decorated the entire room like my old room when I was about five. "How did you even remember? And Gavin actually let you paint it for me?"
"He painted it." She sat on the bed and rested her hand on her stomach. "And I remember details like that. Gavin calls it my romance brain. I don't know. I just remember little details. I thought you'd like this because you've been having so many issues with people lying about you. Sometimes it's good to remember who you are underneath all of that, who the kid in you is."
I set my bag on the floor and sat beside her. "I haven't told anyone this before, but maybe you're the best person to tell." I pulled my purse onto my lap, stuffed my sunglasses into it, and pulled out my keychain. "When I was maybe five or six I had this best friend in preschool. I can't remember his name, but ... okay, I know this is weird, but growing up I always thought he was my one, you know?" I handed her the locked attached to my keys. "Open this."
"A picture of him when he was a boy?" Her face brightened as she touched the faded image.
"His parents moved for his dad's job or something and we tore this picture of us in half and I gave him the other half on the playground. I childishly believed the picture would magically make us find each other one day. We were only thinking of it in a silly friend way, but I kept that picture in my sock drawer until ninth grade when I moved it to my keychain. Maybe it's dumb of me, but I wonder if he still thinks about me like I think about him. I know we don't even know each other anymore, but I don't know. It's like—“
“Don’t feel dumb with me." She smiled and handed me the picture. "Remember, everyone thought I was dumb too. Waiting ten years for a guy I only glanced at across a coffee shop. You’d be surprised at the way some people shun the entire idea, saying it’s just too much. Who does that, right? But look at me now. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I would've never found him if I didn't believe in things others laugh at. I think this is so sweet, Nora. And I hope you find him."
"Did you ever wonder if you were wasting your life? I mean, did you ever have doubts?"
"Oh, of course. I don't think dreams are big enough if you don't have doubts, and if they aren't big enough then why dream them?”
"Who will even want me after my second round of rehab?" I laughed and flopped back into the bed.
She stood and tapped my knee. "I'm going to find Gavin and Adelaide." She walked to the hallway then turned back. "Oh, and the right one will want you regardless of any flaws or baggage you carry. He'll see through it."
And then she left me to ponder those words. She was right. Or at least I hoped so. I definitely came to the right house to be inspired. Ella reminded me of that quote by someone I read in high school. Something like, oh, I couldn’t remember. I'm horrible with details. Anyway, she dreamed big and I admired it. In interviews I always said how acting was my dream and passion and how exhilarating it was to achieve such an enormous goal, but every time I said those words I thought of that picture on my keychain and realized my deepest dream had nothing to do with acting. It had everything to do with finding the kind of love that lasts forever and after all of this junk with the media making me look horrible, I honestly believed it would never happen.
Who in their right mind would date me now? Much less love me....
CH. 5 - Sawyer
I wasn't nervous and that worried me. Normally I was nervous before a first date with a girl I really liked, but I didn't feel that way this time. I reclined on my couch watching Fraiser reruns. Seriously brilliant show and my favorite TV series of all time. Downright phenomenal acting and writing, for the most part at least. That David Hyde Pierce cracked me up....
See what I mean. Why was I thinking about Niles and Fraiser when I should've been anticipating my first kiss with her? Come to think of it, I didn't even know her name.
Thirty minutes till show time I flicked the TV off and walked to the door. Gretzky followed me and cocked his head as I twisted the doorknob. I knelt down and rubbed his back. "I'll be back boy. Relax." I closed the door and laughed. Nothing like a Maltese. I'd had a ton of dogs over time, but never connected with one like I did with Gretsky.
I know it's kind of stupid of me, but I accidentally deleted her text without saving her number and all I had was my terrible memory to save me. I thought she said 453 Avondale Dr., but I drove down Avondale four times and there was no 453. I kept thinking she'd text again to confirm everything, but of course that would've made it too easy for me. The best things in life are never easy, are they? I thought about that a lot. Thought about the game. The energy and drive that comes when you work together with a bunch of other guys who love the ice as much as you do. Nothing like it. Sports are so much more than tossing balls or pucks around and scoring points. I can't explain it, but there's so much more.
I tapped the steering wheel and said out loud, "Guess there's no hope in finding her house." I shook my head. She'd never believe that I lost her number. If I even saw her again.
I was just about to give up when I saw her standing in the grass with her hand shading her eyes. I pulled in front of her yard and sighed. "I'm so sorry," I said as I walked around my car. "I lost the address and thought it was 453."
She smiled and pointed to her mailbox. "143. Like I love you."
I broke eye contact. "I, uh...."
"No." She laughed. "The numbers. 143. You've never heard that before? The letter I is one letter. Love is four. And you is three."
"Oh." Right. I knew that. I think.
"Shall we?" She nodded to the car. Man, her eyes were ... and those hips....
"It's been a while since I've dated anyone." I opened the door for her and tried not to make it obvious when I looked down her shirt. Green bra. Interesting.
"I know who you are, Sawyer Reed. You've dated plenty."
I closed her door and walked to my side, then sat beside her. "How'd you know?"
"You gave me your business card. Come on, everyone knows Sawyer Reed. Household name who dropped off the face of the planet."
I turned the keys in the ignition. "Maybe I should get my name changed."
"What are you hiding from?"
I looked at her as I hit the gas. "Myself."
"Well, you don't have to hide from me."
"I don't think you told me your name."
"Danny. My friends call me Danny, but my name is Danielle."
I spent the next few minutes debating whether I wanted to be the friend who called her Danny or the one to call her Danielle.
We had a great conversation over appetizers. I tried to get over the fact that she knew who I was. So many girls dated me just to get some cash by selling details to the media and it caused me to become reserved. I never knew who actually wanted to know me and who just wanted to get something from me. I wished she didn't know who I was. Not yet at least.
"Did I upset you?" she said, then sipped her water.
"No." I leaned into the table. "Not at all."
Her phone rang. She tried to turn it off, but looked up at me. "Do you mind if I take this? It's my brother and I promised him I'd answer if he called."
I nodded.
"Hey," she said to her phone. "Yeah, I really want to help, but I'm on a date." She waited. "Oh, just some guy." Another pause. "Yes, no, and his name is Mike if you must know." She looked up at me and winked.
I think I smiled back. Maybe I could be myself after all.
She hung up the phone and closed her menu as the waiter approached. I closed mine as well.
"What can I get for you two?" the guy said, ready to write it all down.
"The lemon poppy seed chicken," she said.
"I'll have the same."
Her face lit up. "Really?"
I finally relaxed my shoulders. "Really." I leaned back and looked into those eyes. "Danielle."
Later that night I couldn't sleep, so I walked out to the lake and used the grass as my bed. The stars were brighter than normal and the moon made its presence known. I traced the Big Dipper and Orion, then watched the top of the trees move back and forth. Reminded me of a hockey player swaying on the ice. Even the stars reminded me of hockey. I guess the way the glowed seemed like snow. Something wintry about it.
I came outside a lot at night. Mainly for clarity. There's nothing like crickets or toads to clear your mind.
Danielle. She seemed nice. Normal. Couldn't deny that the woman had looks. I don't know, I'm notorious for thinking too much when I shouldn't and not enough when I should, but I didn't like failing. That's why I had such a hard time trying. Everything.
A shooting star, or comet, asteroid, whatever they really are, shot across the sky.
I watched until every trace of it vanished. Gretzky meandered off into the yard. Such a little dog, but not afraid of the dark. He reminded me of my dad in that way. Dad wasn’t tall or muscular like Quin. He was 5’10 and skinny, but the man lived for adventure. I always admired that about him.
Clouds scattered across the sky, hiding the stars for a few minutes. I continued to watch, enjoying the silence and even the loneliness. I loved the way the sky made me feel so insignificant, yet part of something big all at the same time.
Danielle crossed my mind again, like a shooting star fading before it had a chance to live. I tried to think about her more, forcing myself to be excited. I finally asked her out. I’d been wanting to for weeks. But I wasn’t as excited as I thought I should be. Instead, I was more excited to kick back in my yard and watch the sky. Alone.
Something wasn’t right with that.
CH. 6 - Nora
Is it just me or is there something glorious about staring up at the huge night sky when the city sleeps? I reclined in the grass and watched a shooting star sweep across the sky and by the moon. My mind instantly felt about five clicks better. Sometimes you need to look up to realize the little things down here are just that ... little.
Tomorrow a new dawn would push away the darkness. Same sun, different sunrise. Funny how that works. And I would wake up, smile, and begin the most exciting adventure yet. Perhaps I really would find him and complete the picture. He'd run to me through a sea of faces and, out of breath, we'd hold the picture in our hands and look into each other's eyes. We'd know.
The shooting star had to be a sign. Hey, who knows, I thought to myself, maybe he saw it too. Perhaps we were already together in spirit.
I laughed aloud at the ridiculousness and waited for another shooting star, but ten minutes came and went and nothing happened.
Brushing off the idealism of Ella, I shook my head and walked back toward the house. Yet, brush as I may and brush as I might, I couldn't shake the feeling that somewhere under the night sky the love of my life was tracing the same constellations I just traced.
"Cheesy, right?" I said to Ella as Gavin served us bagels with eggs and homegrown tomatoes.
"It's cheesy alright," Gavin said.
"Oh, don't listen to him." Ella handed her daughter Adelaide a half of a bagel. "It's not cheesy. It's romantic."
"No. Come on." Gavin laughed. "Seriously, what are the chances that some guy was watching the stars at 2a.m. at the same exact time?"
"I don't know, Gavin." Ella grinned. "What are the chances?"
He smiled back. "Fair enough."
Ella looked at me. "So what's the plan for today?"
"Not sure. I might go visit Pat and Heidi for a little bit, if she’ll allow it. Maybe take a walk through the city, then tomorrow I gotta head back to New York to get my stuff and meet up with London." I took a sip of orange juice. "Surprised you haven't named one of your kids London with your love for all things British."
Gavin laughed as Ella said, "Not yet at least."
I put my plate in the sink and washed it off.
"Oh, don't feel the need to do that." Gavin tapped my shoulder. "I'll get it."
"It's okay. I'm thankful for everything you guys have done. Who redecorates an entire room of their house for a friend to stay a few days? You guys are unreal. At least let me wash my own plate."
"Stay as long as you like," Ella said. "That room is yours until we need it for something else."
I thanked them again and spent a few quiet hours in my room, then finally turned on my phone to 203 missed texts and 41 new voicemails. Most of them from Maury, my manager.
I didn't bother reading or listening to the messages. Instead I called back and got his voicemail. Didn't leave a message. A few minutes later he called back.
"Sorry," I said. "I needed to get away for a little bit. I'm going on vacation with London and when I'm back we can talk about that script."
"You have an interview with—“
"Cancel it."
"That's gonna make you—”
"Cancel it, Maury. That's the last interview I want to do right now and if it makes me look any worse … can I really look any worse?"
"Yes."
I silently weighed my options.
"Nora, in the end I don't give a damn what people think of me and neither should you, but you're a professional. Start acting like it. You've got an important interview. So, instead of backing out and running off, use this as an opportunity to show them who you really are."
I sighed. "I wish it were that easy, but you know as well as I do that they twist my words and cut off my answers. If they want to use me as the latest bullseye of Hollywood, then they will. Nothing I say will be used in the right context."
"Maybe. Maybe not. Either way the professional and adult response would be to go do the interview. After that, your schedule is free until you return."
"So are you filling in for Claire now too?"
“Get back to the city and do what you need to do."
"Yes, Pa."
He laughed as he hung up. I texted London. Need stay for an interview on Wednesday.
Can we leave Thursday morning?
Sure. Be careful with your words.
Yeah. I'll try.
Truthfully, I was a nervous wreck. Already wiping sweat from my palms. What did I get myself into?
I glanced around the room and so wished I could return to the days of being a little girl. Acting in Peter Pan and Romeo and Juliet. No stress or gossip magazines. I didn't want to complain though. I knew I was lucky. I loved playing pretend for a living. Just hated constantly having to defend myself to the world.
After spending the day with Heidi and Patrick who were trying to conceive a second child with no luck yet, I definitely needed to be alone, so I skipped the city walk and drove around country roads until I found a nice place to watch the sunset. It felt so nice and normal to be alone, driving myself somewhere, no demands or flashing lights. I reminded myself that I was still a person. Underneath the glitz and glamour ... I was still Nora Amber Madison, the girl with second toes bigger than first toes and an uncanny ability to eat an entire package of Golden Oreos in one sitting. Not that I'd use that as the description of the deepest part of me, but bear with me as I'm still figuring that out.
The sun kissed the last of the blue sky with dabs of pink and purple lipstick, all smeared and lovely, until it disappeared and made way for the moon.
I wanted to stay until I saw a shooting star, but my thoughts carried me away to dreamless sleep as I lay in a field who knows where. I woke up and checked my phone. Midnight. Wow.
I ignored the missed calls and texts and rolled to my back again, watching the stars glimmer a few more minutes before I headed back to Ella's.
CH. 7 - Sawyer
I spent the entire night sitting on my brothers steps in the middle of New York City as hundreds of people drove and walked by me, some stopping to ask for a cigarette or a dollar, most ignoring my existence, and only one girl who asked for my autograph, but she thought I was some dude named Josh Duhamel. I just signed his name and laughed to myself as the girl walked away, already taking a picture with her phone.
Marilyn Grey - [Unspoken 06] Page 2
