I ran up the steps and into a large entrance. The kind receptionist directed me to the ICU, which I was hoping not to get directed to.
As soon as I burst through the doors a tired-looking woman walked over to me. "That was fast. How'd you find a flight so soon?" She wiped a tear from her cheek. "I'm Nora's best friend. Lo—”
"London. Where is she? Can I see her?"
"Let's sit down first so I can explain things."
"I need to see her, then we can talk. I want to talk to her first."
"Sawyer, she's not awake."
"I'll wait there until she is."
"She's in a coma."
CH. 18 - Nora
Everything around me was spinning and falling and I couldn't move. My feet were stuck to the floor and people were shaking me. I was inside of a snow globe, only it was raining styrofoam and ice chips. Every few seconds a young girl I didn't recognize came up and forced me to drink water with tiny pieces of hair in it. I couldn't move, so I drank and my throat itched so bad.
Then I saw London on the other side of the glass. She was life-size and I wasn't. I could barely hear, only soft sounds and warmth on my hand.
"London, can you hear me?" I screamed as loud as possible.
She nodded. "We're going to get you out of here, okay? Don't give up."
I tried to move again, wanting to break the glass and escape, but also realizing I was small enough to fit into London's hand and I couldn't live like that either. So I stood there, watching her as though she lived in another world that I couldn't reach. A world beyond my little snow globe.
I started to cry, but a sharp pain shot through my chest, so I stopped and looked around, taking it all in. London kept speaking, but I could only make out words in waves. Ice chips pelted my body, so I focused on London's mouth as she spoke. Everything looked like it was playing in slow motion. I tried to close my eyes over and over again, but they stayed open.
Another face appeared outside of the snow globe and my forehead warmed. I wanted to move toward the face like a magnetic force was pulling me outside of myself, but I stayed there inside the globe, alone. The face moved closer. Sawyer. It was Sawyer. I tried to bend down and remove my feet from the ground. No movement. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to kiss him, like an uncontrollable need so far beyond desire.
But I couldn't.
I felt a tear drop on my cheek and somehow it disappeared before I could try to wipe it away. Not that I would had been able to anyway.
"I'm not going anywhere," Sawyer said. "I'm right here, sweet girl. I'm right here."
I stared at his lips, then to my right at London's eyes. They remained there, one on each side of me, for a long time. Their faces faded in and out like a painting in the rain. I tried as hard as I could to focus on Sawyer so I wouldn't lose him, but both of them faded more and more until vanishing into tiny dots. When I looked down, I had no feet and the rest of my body was erasing in fragments. I looked back up. The snow globe disappeared along with their faces. It was only me left, a small piece of me, until everything went black.
I didn't understand anything around me, but I kept squinting to sort through the puzzle pieces on my lap. I could move my hands enough to feel them, but putting the puzzle together seemed impossible.
"Don't give up," a voice said. "I'm here, honey. Please, I love you so much. Keep fighting, okay? We'll get through this. We'll help you. We're all here now."
"Mom?" I said, confused.
No one responded.
I reached for another piece and almost moved it into place with one of its matches, but I didn't have enough strength to make it happen. "I can't do this," I whispered. "Can you hear me? Mom, is that you?"
No response.
My chest tightened and tears welled up in my eyes. "I can't do this. It's too hard."
My phone beeped and beeped and beeped, but I couldn't find it. I searched all around me every few seconds, wishing someone would just turn the thing off for me, but no one answered.
After a few minutes Ariel from the Little Mermaid walked in and turned on a music player. She played my favorite album Blunderbuss, then a little John Lennon. I listened, trying to sing along. The music went on for hours. It was so comforting that I didn't want it to end, but right after Son House Grinnin' on Your Face ended, the music stopped and the beeping returned.
Beeped and beeped and beeped until finally everything went black again.
CH. 19 - Sawyer
It wasn't exactly the way I imagined meeting Nora's parents. Of course, after our last conversation I didn't expect to meet her parents at all, but I never gave up hope. This only intensified my hope.
Machines beeped. Nurses came in and out. Friends and co-workers sent dozens of flowers and cards. London stayed in the room as much as I did and as soon as Nora's parents made it, we both left to give them some space.
"Want to grab something to eat somewhere?" she said, rubbing her eyes.
"And maybe some extremely dark coffee?"
"Definitely. I'm not one for hospital food."
"Me neither." I held the door for her as we entered the parking garage. "But keep in mind I often come with a crew of inconspicuous camera men. Especially now."
She shrugged. "My best friend is Nora Maddison."
"Yeah and she's way cooler than some dumpy hockey player."
"Way cooler." She laughed. "Let's take my car. I got a rental."
"You live in Chicago?"
"Close enough, but not quite." She motioned toward a blue Toyota. "Nora tell you much about me?"
I shook my head. "We kept our identities private for a while. Talked about life and stuff, but never mentioned names until later, but I know some things about you. I'm sure you know too much about me."
She gave me her keys. "You want to drive?"
"Yeah, I can."
"Nora isn't the gossiping type. I don't know everything. Just what Google told me and that she loves you."
"She does?" I pictured her beautiful face lying in that hospital bed. "I mean, she still does?"
"I don't know. I would think so. I’m not the best when it comes to relationships.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. Guys always break up with me.” We got into the car. She looked down and played with her fingernails. “Love isn't a magical spell. Not to me, anyway. It's easy to fall in love and think it's real, but you're actually only in love with yourself and your own idea of love. The person you love just becomes a means of fulfilling your love for yourself."
We remained silent until pulling up to the nearest fast food restaurant. Wendy's. I looked at the drive-thru, then London. She nodded, so I continued through the line, bought the food and parked in the back.
"Do you think she'll make it?" London said, sniffing.
"Yes."
"How can you be so sure?"
"She's stubborn as hell. Plus, I'll show you when we get back."
"All this because she ate a cheeseburger."
"E. Coli is serious," I said, staring at my bacon cheeseburger. I wrapped it back up and ate the fries. "She has a bad case, but still plenty of brain activity and they've been able to sustain her kidney's. I think she’ll be okay."
"You do realize that she believes you love yourself more than you love her, right?"
"There's not much I love about myself right now, but I love who I am when I'm with her."
"How can you say you love her?" She shifted her position so that she could give me the concerned best friend look. "Do you even know her? You guys have known each other how long now?"
"Okay," I said. "I completely understand your frustration with me. Most of what you know is from Google, and most of it isn't true. I don't use women and never have. No, I'm not a virgin. Yes, I made stupid mistakes while drunk. But I don't use women and I don't sleep around with just anyone."
"Just your brother's wife."
"This is a conversation for Nora and me if she ever wants to."
"You can't expla
in that one to me?"
"I can, but I won't."
"'You're just what I thought you were."
"Or I'm confined to your thoughts and you'll never see me for who I really am because your mind has a different idea it would rather cling to.”
She crumbled her wrappers and sipped her iced tea. "Right. I just care about her a lot. She's been with enough jerks already." She sighed. "So have I. Starting to believe good men don't exist."
"Ask me anything about her."
"You sure you're up for the challenge?"
I nodded.
"Favorite color?"
“Yellow.”
"Favorite movie?"
"Big Fish."
"Favorite song?"
"Jack White's Hip (Eponymous) Poor Boy." I held up my hand. "I meant deep stuff."
"Like what?"
"I'll tell you and you let me know when I'm wrong. Her biggest fear is giving up and her biggest accomplishment, right now, is learning to cook. She loves acting and considers it her biggest passion, but she doesn't realize that she's actually doing it because she's good at it and gets a lot of critical acclaim, so it validates her worth and she's afraid to let it go. It's the same reason she's a target to the media frenzy. She's insecure and vulnerable. They know that, she doesn't. She loves her parents but has never felt connected to them like she has her best friend who she considers a sister. She's idealistic, but grounded because she's afraid of risks. If she knows she will succeed she will jump, but if there's even the smallest chance of failure, she won't jump and if you push her, she'll rebel and run away." I caught my breath. "She's smart, beautiful, passionate, and everything I could imagine wanting in a woman, but I'm not going to force her to give up what she thinks are her dreams and there's no way I can endure them. There's no way any marriage can."
"Who said anything about marriage?"
"I did. When you love someone this much, marriage just kinda pops up as a a potential option."
She laughed. "You sound a lot like her."
"How so?"
"Well, for starters, you see an opportunity for failure and won't give something a chance."
"I fail constantly. That doesn't bother me. But I don't like losing things, people mainly. People I love. And yes, I'll avoid it if I can."
"Better to never love at all than to love and lose?"
"Neither."
"Neither?"
"Neither."
Nora's parents weren't around when London and I got back, so I asked London for a few minutes alone with the woman I loved. She didn't respond much to touch or sound, but we noticed a slight twitch of her eyelids when she was spoken to. There was also one or two times when a tear ran down her face. That drove a knife through my chest like you wouldn't believe.
I sat down beside her and leaned into her bed so that my cheek touched hers. I kissed her and whispered in her ear, "Nora, can you hear me?"
Machines beeped and hissed in the background. Even with tubes shoved into her she was beautiful to me. "I know a lot of people think of you as Nora Maddison, every guy's fantasy. Trust me, I hear it in the locker rooms all the time and it pisses me off. I don't care about this stuff. I care about you. Please understand that I love you for who you really are, not all this temporary stuff. I'll wait for you, Nora. Even if you marry someone else, you'll always be my girl." I brought her hand to my lips and kissed her fingers. Her eyes twitched again. I looked out the window across the room as the sun broke through the grey clouds. Would Nora even be home for Christmas? "God, please. I don't ask much, but please help her get better."
A heart ballon caught my eye. I didn't notice it before, but I barely took my eyes off of her so that's understandable I guess. It was tied to a dozen roses. Curiosity always gets the best of me, so I walked to the window and looked for the card. It was small. All it said was: Look up. Things will get better.
No name.
"Okay to come in?" London entered the doorway.
I nodded and reached into my pocket. "I have an idea." Navigating my phone, I pulled up Taylor Swift on YouTube and hit play on Everything Has Changed. The song started and I watched Nora's response, hoping she'd do something to show me she was there. I know her coma was medically induced and chances were she'd wake up when they wanted her to, but I still worried.
As the lyrics played, Nora remained still.
"Come back and tell me why, I’m feeling like I've missed you all this time. And meet me there tonight and let me know that it's not all in my mind."
I rubbed her hand and she moved her fingers a little. Her parents walked in and came over to the bed. I showed them her fingers and Mrs. Maddison's eyes watered. Then she gasped and pointed at Nora.
She smiled. Nora. It was a subtle smile, but there was no doubt that it was definitely a smile. The song ended and she stopped smiling. I leaned down and whispered to her, “I’ll take 'em down for you.”
Mr. Maddison tapped my shoulder. "Can we talk in the hall for a minute?"
My stomach knotted. "Sure." I kissed Nora's hand and set it down into Mrs. Maddison's palm, then followed Mr. Maddison into the hallway.
He looked at me with a completely stoic face. "Sawyer, right?"
"Yes, sir."
"What relationship do you have to my daughter?"
"Well, uh, as of now we're just friends." I realized I was blinking way too fast.
"Friends? I find that hard to believe."
"I care about her a lot."
"Hm. Okay." He rubbed his chin and studied me. "We know about your reputation."
"Yes, sir." I exhaled. "I deserve to be spoken about negatively, whether it's true or not, but one thing I refuse to do is try to convince people of the truth. I figure the right people will find that out on their own."
He nodded, rubbing his neck. "She's a challenge. Never seen her commit to something besides acting." He smiled and slapped my shoulder. "I hope you can change that."
"I don't want to change her, sir. I want her to realize what she already has without being coerced."
"We spoke with her doctor a few minutes ago. As of now they haven't detected any issues with brain damage, but they said she may need a kidney transplant soon in order to prevent further complications."
"When will that happen?"
"We don't know. For various health reasons, her mother and I can't donate ours. So they put her on a list." He looked down and kicked the floor. "If it takes too long it could ... it could ... it just wouldn't be good."
"Why don't you spend some time with your family? I need to go make a call."
He agreed and went back into the room. I went straight to the nurses station and waited for them to notice me.
"Um, hi." A young nurse blushed. "Can I help you?"
"Yeah, listen, I'd like to talk with someone about Nora Maddison's condition."
"I'm sorry, but we can only disclose that information to her family."
"I don't know her blood type, but if it's a match with mine I'd like to be considered as a donor."
She smiled, wide-eyed. "I'll be sure to let Dr. Rutherford know."
"Thank you. And please keep this a secret. I don't want anyone, including Nora, to know it's me."
"Of course."
I tapped the desk and walked outside, dialing Coach as soon as I hit pavement. "I'm sorry," I said. “I’m going to miss a few games, maybe even the rest of the season."
"Don't you think she'd want you to play?"
"Maybe, but that's not what I want. I need to be here."
"Reed, we can't lose our best player mid-season."
"I need to do this. I'm sorry, Coach, but I can't."
He breathed into the phone. "If you're gone too long it's not fair to let you back on the ice if we make finals."
"I know."
We hung up and I called Chris and explained my plans.
"If your blood type is compatible with hers,” he said. “Let me know and I'll come out there."
"I will. Don't tell your girl
, okay? I don't want this getting into the news."
"No problem, man. How are you so confident that you'll have the right blood?"
"Because we have everything in common."
"Everything?"
"A lot. Hey, thanks, Chris. You're like a brother to me."
"Yeah, yeah. Does that mean you'll steal my wife?"
"Not funny."
"Alright, call me when you have news."
Her dad stared at the clock from a chair in the corner of the room. London sat beside her mom, talking about pressing charges and stuff. Me ... I stared at her face, memorizing every dip and curve, wishing I could look into those golden eyes again. All of our nighttime conversations replayed in my head, like skipping records. I remembered listening to her as she slept, then falling asleep before turning the phone off. Then, I started to sing, out of tune and horribly, "Oh, my love. My darling, I've hungered for your touch...." I finished the song and looked down, hoping I didn't harm anyone's ear drums.
"Thank you," Mrs. Maddison said.
I looked up. "I know I'm not the greatest man in the world, and your daughter deserves that, but I would die for her. Sometimes I feel like I already have." I stood as the room began to cave in on me. I shook my head. "I need some air. I'll be back."
I walked into the hallway and Dr. Rutherford rounded the corner as I reached the steps.
"Mr. Reed, I'm glad I caught you." He shook my hand. "I've been informed of your interest in becoming a donor for Nora. What’s your blood type?"
“O.”
"Okay, that'll work." He sighed in relief. "We'll need further testing done, however. It's quite extensive, so prepare accordingly. I'll get our living donor nurse coordinator in touch with you for more details, but this isn't a guarantee. We still need to get you checked out and make sure it will be a good match all around, okay?"
Marilyn Grey - [Unspoken 06] Page 10
