by David Rogers
“Austin.” Jessica said calmly, very calmly. “It’s not the time. It’s not the ammo or the food or the walking or any of that. It’s not even, really, having to leave Candice alone in the house for even two days for something like … like this. We cannot mount some crazy zombie killing crusade of an expedition just because Byron and his crew sat down with us and explained how to butcher birds and deer and keep the meat from spoiling on us.”
“Okay, deep breath.”
Jessica tried, she tried really hard, but she couldn’t keep herself from shaking her head sharply at him. “I’m not panicking, and I’m not losing it. I’ve got Candice to think of.”
“And I’ve got you and Candice to think of.”
“I’m thinking of you too!”
“I know.”
“I mean it Austin.” she insisted. “Losing Candice would break me, but losing you would all but …” she said, suddenly finding her voice starting to quiver. She took the deep breath he’d just called for and looked at him. “And it would hurt Candice too.” she finished quietly.
He came out of the chair, going down on his knees in front of her. Even with her sitting in the chair, he was still basically level with her eyes as he put his hands on her hips. “I get it. I love you too. I’d never do anything to put you guys in danger, and that includes getting myself killed stupidly or blindly.” he said, staring at her.
“A day. Two tops. No zombie killing crusade, no crazy schemes just in case we can pull something amazing off in the face of a messed up situation; nothing like that. Nothing more than we normally do anyway, when we go looking for supplies. We go down to Belle Glade, and maybe we find them. Probably not, I agree. A week’s a long time.” he added, as she opened her mouth. “It’s the right thing to do.”
Jessica looked at him, searching every bit of his essence as he gazed back at her steadily, trying to find … something. Something to hearten her to what he wanted to do, something to motivate her to really put her foot down and tell him no … just something. The moment stretched into seconds, and she found herself turning in mental, in emotional, circles in her head as she struggled to come up with a decision.
And going nowhere.
“Jessica, it’s your call.” he finally said.
“I just don’t know.” she whispered.
“I’d follow you anywhere. Anywhere. If you want to take the pass, fine. I won’t ever mention it again, won’t pick at you about it. Everything is a big decision these days, and there’s danger in everything.”
“This really feels like it’s too dangerous.”
“Doing this wouldn’t have big risk. But consider it like this; those indecisive cowards out on the boat are one of only a few people, groups even, that we know are around here. There’s that family that’s supposed to be holed up somewhere in the forest over closer to Fort Myers, and the four guys we bumped into in Lakeport who said they were hanging on near Archbold. And neither of them have been even remotely as chummy as Byron’s crew. Anyone else we’ve seen has been running and hiding, even from us.”
“Byron’s probably dead.”
“I agree.” Austin said gently. “I absolutely agree. But there might be a chance he’s not, and even if he is, maybe Carlo or Arcelia or Nate aren’t. If any of them come back into the picture, we go back to having a friendly and productive group nearby that we’re on good terms with. And even if they aren’t, making just a small effort toward trying to find them will help us keep those terms with the rest of them still out on the boats.”
“You heard Milo.” Jessica said. “Kids and the old, the rest too traumatized to do anything but squat out there on the lake.”
“If their brave don’t come back, then they’ll either die or find the courage to keep going.” Austin said flatly, such a note of matter of fact finality in his tone that Jessica couldn’t help but blink in surprise. “Whatever they’ve been through before now, it hasn’t been enough to put them to that point yet. You hit it, and chose life. I did, and chose the same.”
“We were lucky.”
“You were brave.” he said, walking on his knees, nudging in between her legs as he came closer to her as she sat in the chair. “Determined, resourceful, and as bad as everything got for you, you refused to give up. You made the hard calls and did hard things to keep going.”
Jessica smiled faintly. “Thanks coach.”
“It’s about a nine hundred million of the billion and one things I love about you. That fire, that resolve. But you’d admit that even you didn’t get through all of it alone. Even when it was just you and Candice, even she managed to help you out at the same time as you were fighting like hell to help her.”
“This is different.”
“Yes, it is.” he agreed. “It’s a choice. An optional one; one we can say no to and still be here after saying it. But everyone needs friends. I could start naming things that might come up, but we both know you’re smarter than me.”
“Stop.”
“You’re the one with plans and lists, who’s always looking not just days ahead, but weeks. You know there are things that having friends could help with, from little things like hearing fresh intel on places we’re not scouting to important things like the game meat to really big important things like some of those ideas I’ve seen you jot down about pulling together some sort of water storage and treatment system so we’re not having to boil everything a few gallons at a time.”
Jessica reached out and put her hands on his face, touching his cheeks, swirling her fingers through the brushy short cut hair on the sides of his head. “Austin, friends are good. You’re not wrong. I know you’re not. But this isn’t trading information or even pulling together on some sort of mini post-apocalyptic civics project. They’re asking us to put our lives, both of our lives, up against zombies. Just so they can keep hiding on the lake.”
“If we do this, we’ll be careful. We’ll take it slow, we’re not going to slug it out with any hordes. It’s just a scouting trip that’s longer than the others we’ve done. And we’ll be hoping to come back with friends, who’ll be better ones if we succeed, instead of a load of supplies we stick in the house.”
She leaned forward, pressing her forehead to his, her fingers still stroking against his face and hair. “No heroics?”
“No heroics.” he promised. “You can even hold the house and—”
“No!” she said quickly. His eyes flickered, and she shifted forward further still to kiss him. “No.” she repeated as she broke the kiss off just enough to frame the word. “If we do this, it’s together. Carefully. Cautiously. And no last stands.”
“Recon only.” he whispered. “The tamest rescue you’ve ever seen if we find them. If we don’t find them by sundown two days from now, that’s it and we’re done.”
“Okay.” Jessica whispered back before hugging him.
Chapter Three — Promises
“Two days.” Jessica said, adjusting the straps on her equipment harness. Austin had found it for her, and once she’d tried it out she’d realized it was actually a really handy way to carry things she needed to get at quickly, or that she needed to be sure stayed with her.
The backpack sitting by the front door held things she could more or less afford to ditch if it came to it. The harness had all her essentials, from compact food like granola bars and two water bottles, and a sturdy survival knife; to her med kit, enough ammo to cover any anticipated immediate needs, and even a couple of less obvious emergency survival items like the little tube of bleach for purifying water and the toilet paper she’d unwound from a roll and flattened into a Ziploc bag.
“Tops.” Jessica continued. “Worst case, we should be back by midday three days from now, if we decide to camp the second night instead of coming straight back. But no more.”
“And you and Austin are staying together, right?” Candice asked.
“Candy Bear, I’m not leaving his side.” Jessica promised. “And he’s not leaving mine. We’ve be
en out before, this is just going to be for an extra day more than we usually leave for.” She was still fussing with the harness as she tried to get it adjusted comfortably. Despite what she’d just said, she was still getting used to getting ‘geared up Austin style’ as she thought of it. She’d only had the harness for two months, and had only worn it a couple handfuls or so of times.
“Can I finish the garden while you guys are gone?”
“No!” Jessica said, immediately leaving off her fiddling with the straps to fix her daughter with a stern dose of Mom glare. “You know the drill.”
“But it’s almost done.” Candice protested. “It’s really just the seeds left—”
“Candice Katherine Talbot, if there’s any work done on that garden that me and Austin didn’t do when we get back, you’re going to see how angry I can still be with you.” Jessica said firmly. She pointed a finger at the girl. “Stay. In. The. House.”
“Because zombies.” Candice said meekly, staring at her shoes.
Jessica dropped to her knees in front of Candice and put her hands on the girl’s shoulders. “I know you’re learning a lot, and you want to help. The people on the boats need a little of our help, so that’s what Austin and I are going to try to do. You can help me, the bestest and mostest, by staying safe in here so I don’t have to worry about you any more than I already am.”
“Mom rules.” Candice said quietly, still looking down.
“So right.” Jessica said, softening her voice. “Your rules are about keeping you safe, and so are mine.”
Candice looked up and met her mother’s eyes. “If I promise to stay in the house, will you promise to change some of your rules to making sure you and Austin stay safe too? Maybe just a couple?”
Jessica felt her eyes moistening, and covered by pulling the girl into a hug. Burying her head next to Candice’s, she squeezed her tight, feeling Candice doing the same. “Maybe a couple. Like, maybe, number three. And five.”
“Just so you’re on the list too.”
“You’ll always be number one on my list. But Rule Three and Five will be me and Austin. I’ll promise if you do, okay?” Jessica said, surreptitiously wiping at her eyes with her fingers so they didn’t betray her.
“Okay.”
“That’s my brave girl.”
“I see the boat.” Austin said.
Jessica relaxed, but didn’t release, the embrace enough to turn her head to look over her shoulder. He was already geared up, looking as ready and able as he always did, standing in the doorway to the back deck. The harness and backpack he always wore when going out were already in place, the loops and pouches bulging in the usual places with gear. Most visible were his weapons; which ranged from the very obvious M4 he carried in one hand, and the fire axe dangling from a loop on the right of his belt, to the baseball bat poking up from behind his shoulder from the sheath he’d rigged up on the backpack, and the visible pistols he habitually carried.
“Okay.” She turned back to her daughter. “Stay in the house, stay safe. Remember the plans in case anything happens and you have to leave, and we’ll find you.”
“You remember the rules, and I’ll remember the plans. And everything will work out.” Candice said firmly.
“You got it.” Jessica said, proud of how even she kept her voice. Even though she and Austin, mostly Austin, had set up hidden supply caches near three separate spots that could serve as suitable bug-out locations, she didn’t want them to be needed. Especially by Candice by herself. But as terrifying as it was to think of Candice alone out there, the knowledge that the girl would know where to go to regroup and have a chance to reconnect with Jessica and Austin, and not starve or freeze doing it, was comforting. Scary as hell, but with just the tiniest spark of reassuring hope to keep Jessica from letting her worry show.
“Nosy kisses.” Candice demanded.
Jessica turned back to her daughter with a smile and rubbed noses with the girl, then slid her hands down to her ribs for a quick tickle. “Nosy kisses. I love you.”
“I love you too mom.” Candice said, giggling and squirming at the touch.
Standing, Jessica looked to Austin. “Ready when you are.” She reached back and checked the scrunchie she’d used to secure her ponytail one last time, making sure it was tight. She’d quickly learned that swinging her head around to keep an eye on things around her was less annoying if she kept her hair pulled back. The easier thing would’ve been to cut it, but she still liked it long. So did Austin.
“Okay, let’s do it. Remember, no loud parties girlie-girl.” he said, switching his eyes down to Candice.
The girl giggled. “It bothers the neighbors. They might come knocking.”
“You got it. Half-five for the road?” he said, holding his hand out at a little above chest height.
“Low for you, high for me.” Candice said, skipping around Jessica and jumping up to slap her palm into his.
“Which makes a half.” he grinned. “See you soon.”
“Bye Austin. Be careful. Don’t let mom boss you around too much.”
“Mom’s in charge. She can boss as much as she wants.”
Candice giggled again as Austin strode past her, then ducked as he reached out to muss her hair. Jessica smiled, hiding her worried sadness, and headed for the front door. She tugged on one of the harness straps in a final bid to find a length she liked more, then picked the backpack up and shrugged it on. When she had it settled, she lifted the shotgun leaning against the wall and checked it over, double checking the safety as always, before she slung it behind her shoulder and tightened the strap so it didn’t swing around when she moved.
When she joined Austin on the front porch, he gave her a wink before he descended the ladder. After he was on the ground, she followed, then stepped back and stood watching as Candice worked the winch to wind the rope through the block-and-tackle and haul the ladder back into the house. The girl got the ladder up, dragged it all the way into the house, then waved once before closing the door. Jessica still didn’t move until she heard the first thumps of the cross beams being put back in the brackets, reinforcing the door.
“She’ll be fine.” Austin said.
“I know.” Jessica said, only half lying. Unfortunately, the other half was whispering “you hope” in her inner ear.
“This place is basically a fort. The area’s nice and quiet. She’s got plenty of food, she’s got the pistol, she knows all the daily chores that—”
“I know.” Jessica said again, a little too quickly to be smooth. “Come on, let’s go be friendly.”
“Yes ma’am. But first, hold still.”
“What—oh, fine.” she said, glancing at him as he stepped closer to her. She waited patiently while he fiddled with the straps on her harness and backpack for a few moments, changing how she had them set.
“How’s that.”
“Better.” she admitted, bouncing on her toes once to feel how it all moved against her, which was hardly at all now. She could never seem to get the harness to ride as well as when he fixed it. And, after the first time she’d waved off his help and ended up with some bruised or sore spots following a day of moving around with it ill adjusted, she’d started letting him show her how to set it up.
“You were pretty close this time.” he laughed. “Sadly.”
“Sadly?” she demanded.
“Yeah. It’s a great excuse to lay hands on you.”
“This is serious.” she said, but the light blush rising on her cheeks spoiled her attempt at a somber statement.
“I know. That’s why I adjusted it for you.”
“You’ll just have to think of something else.” she said. “And I’m the smart one, so you’re screwed.”
“That’s the idea.”
Jessica’s blush darkened, but she managed to level a finger at him while almost glaring. Almost wasn’t enough; he just grinned broader, unrepentant. She shook her head fondly and turned to look at the water as the sound of
an oar became audible.
The boat only held Milo this time, and he looked tired even from this distance. Jessica watched as he finished rowing the boat into shore in the same place as the previous day. Austin came out to help him pull it up.
“I, uh, take it you decided to help?” Milo said. “You look dressed for, uh, to kick some ass.”
Jessica didn’t even bother reacting; she knew exactly what she looked like. Austin generally always wore the same thing; dark clothes with lots of pockets, gear and weapons strapped into place, and came across as what he was; a trained soldier. At his insistence, and with his help, she’d assembled a version of the “Austin Outfit” that fit her. The first time she’d caught sight of her reflection, in a store window in Moore Haven that hadn’t yet been broken out by either zombies or survivors or some other extremely common trauma of the new world, she’d felt like she was playing dress-up.
The woman who’d looked back at her in that reflection, black clad with pouches and filled pockets, holstered pistols, the knife, the shotgun, her hair drawn back, with a ready expression … it didn’t look like her. Even after everything she’d been through, after all the changes she’d accepted in How Things Were Done in the post-apocalypse … it still startled her to see them.
But there was a reason for all of it, least of all the outfit. As usual, when it came to anything in Austin’s sphere of skills and tasks, he was right. Digging through bags, juggling armfuls of this or that, fumbling around to find things; it could get you killed. Taking the time to organize everything ahead of time could save her life, or Austin’s.
When she put all of it on, she looked dangerous. But still usually felt like that desperate woman limping through the North Atlanta outbreak, praying for a rescue.
“Two days, tops.” Jessica said evenly, maintaining her façade of ready calm. “Sundown tomorrow, Austin and I are done and headed back here. That’s the deal. And Austin is the lead while we’re out; he takes the lead and you and I back him up.”
