“Here’s Baby A,” she said, and then scooted her hand over to another splotch, “and here’s Baby B. All the ordinary bits and pieces accounted for.”
I squinted at the splotches. They didn’t look like babies yet, just grey splotches on a black background. My little twin splotches. I put a hand to my belly. It made sense. Both David and I had multiples in our family. A sudden thought occurred to me.
“I’ve been taking birth control. Will they be ok? Will the medicine hurt the babies?”
She smiled. “The babies will be fine but go ahead and quit taking it. It’s just progesterone, a hormone you’re already producing for the pregnancy. It won’t hurt the babies if you did continue it, but it also isn’t recommended to mess with your hormones when pregnant.”
“And the vaccines I received before coming to the Philippines, they won’t hurt them?”
She shook her head and grinned.
“If you were going to react adversely, it would have happened within hours. If anything, your babies will inherit your immunity. Don’t stress about what you were up to before you knew you were pregnant. Unless you were taking recreational drugs or doing something really dangerous, there’s no reason to be concerned. Your body knows how to protect your babies. They look perfectly healthy.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. My little splotches were perfectly healthy. With one worry resolved, another intruded. David.
“I need to talk to David,” I told Dr. Cruz. She looked at me seriously.
“Is David the father?”
I nodded. Again, her expression was sympathetic and nonjudgmental, but this time it didn’t comfort me. This time, nothing could comfort me.
The father of my children. My babies. Our babies. The thought seared my brain, changing me forever. My heart was pounding in my ears and I was finding it difficult to breathe. What would David say when he found out?
Dr. Cruz looked like she was trying not to smile, and it irritated me immensely. She didn’t know him, or me. “Do you want a moment first?” she asked.
“No,” I told her after a second. “I want to get this over with, and I want him to see… them. The babies.” I pointed at the Rorschach blots on the screen. If I really strained, maybe they looked a little bit like two kidney beans.
When David entered the room alone a minute later, he looked frightened but resolute.
“Before you say anything, Casey, I have to tell you something.”
24
David
“It’s actually two things that I need to tell you,” I continued. My heart was pounding in my head and the noise was so loud that it was giving me a headache. “Will you hear me out first? I’m pretty sure you have a rather large announcement to make, and I really want to tell you this stuff first. It’s important.”
Casey, who was lying on the cot next to an ultrasound machine, nodded hesitantly. I took a deep breath and grabbed her hand in both of mine. I stared down at her delicate, tiny hand and thought about how fragile she was. I prayed she would still let me touch her when we’d both said everything we needed to say. Before she told me anything more, I had to tell her the truth. The whole truth. Even the bad parts.
“Casey, I love you,” I told her, looking her in the eye as if I could force her to believe me. “I love you and nothing is going to change that. I know you didn’t want me to tell you that I loved you if I wasn’t sure, but guess what? I’m sure. I’m very sure. I’m so sure that I feel like my heart is going to explode. I don’t know what I can do to convince you that it’s true… I just love you. I love everything about you.”
Casey’s eyes were enormous in her pale face, and a tear crawled down her cheek.
“Oh, David,” she said before choking up. Her voice was tiny and tremulous, but she smiled up at me.
I kissed her tear away. It tasted like salt and Casey. To the core of my being, I wished this was all I had to tell her. I didn’t want her to cry any more. One tear was already more than I could handle. She swallowed hard, and I knew she was on the verge of telling me she loved me back. It took everything in my power to put a finger to her lips.
“This time I have to be the one to tell you to wait. Wait before saying you love me.” Each word felt like it added a grey hair to my head. “You might change your mind when you hear the rest. I have to tell you something that I know is going to make you angry, something bad that I did…” I trailed off, too scared to continue.
Casey’s lips parted. “Just say it,” she whispered.
Usually it’s easy for me to find words, or at least mindlessly prattle on, but not today. I took a deep breath, and then another. I plunged forward before I could lose my nerve.
“I lied to you. There’s no distribution deal for the show.”
She looked confused. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that nobody ordered the pilot for The Quest. No network has ever even heard of this show. I haven’t shopped it. There are no executive producers other than me. It’s just me and this idea.”
Her expression remained confused. “But the funding…”
“I funded it by myself. I knew we had to hit the ground running.”
Casey’s mouth drew down into a frown. She was thinking, I could almost read her mind. She was probably thinking about the money that had already been spent on extremely expensive equipment, company formation, computers, people, travel, permits… It was well into the high six figures by now, and we hadn’t even started the real editing.
“You really are rich, aren’t you?” she said after a moment.
I nodded. “Yeah, I mean yes. I really am. My family is. But personally, I don’t have the liquid capital for this. I’ve basically used every dime I had on this production.”
“Why did you lie to me?” Casey’s voice was so neutral I didn’t know how she was leaning. She wasn’t looking at me. Instead, she was staring down at her hands, one of which was still gripped in mine.
I sighed. “I knew we needed to move quickly from the start. After Alberto died… I just needed to get here. I needed to do this. To find the flame-leaf, alive, and bring it home. I literally needed to do it from a financial perspective. I didn’t have another option.”
“I don’t understand. You just told me you were rich. Everyone knows your family is rich.”
I groaned internally. I was not doing a good job at explaining any of this. I’d had a solid hour in the hallway to plan it out, and I was totally failing. As usual, I was just word-vomiting.
“I’m not trying to be confusing. My family is rich but I’m personally in debt,” I admitted. Just saying the words made me feel dirty. It was like admitting to liking ketchup on a hotdog. “My asshole uncle has given me a loan, or rather, a blank check to fix my disgraceful legal issue. This is all because of the whole Out to Lunch debacle. I’m being sued by Kyle Anders and his production company. In order to finance the legal miracle necessary to keep my restaurants—the things that mean the most to me—belonging to me and not Anders, I had to take a loan from Durant Industries. My army of lawyers is fucking expensive. This whole thing will cost tens of millions in advance and I don’t personally generate that much cash. Essentially, I’m in debt to my uncle over my own dumb mistake and it’s killing me. I know he’s going to use this loan to control me. The Durant dynasty is… manipulative to say the least.”
Casey nodded, but stared at me when I didn’t continue. “I think I understand your financial predicament, but that still didn’t answer my question,” she said when I fell silent. “Why did you lie to me?”
“This herb has the potential to revolutionize the world. Two worlds really. The culinary world and the biochemical one. I really believe that. If I can be the first to present it to the world, study it, use it, I can get out of debt. Yes, my motivations are somewhat selfish, but I’m also not a pharmaceutical company. I wouldn’t patent the compounds and then lock them away forever, so I can continue making money off my expensive synthesized drugs. I will share this with the worl
d.”
Casey thought about that for a moment.
“David, why did you lie to me?” She asked again. I thought I was telling her why, but apparently not. I tried again.
“Because I was afraid if I told you the truth, you’d say no. And I needed you. I needed a producer to put together a real, legitimate film crew. Only then could we get the permits we needed to visit. Only film crews and academics can get the permits we needed to come into the country and travel around freely in these ecologically sensitive areas. God only knows how Klaus and his spooky friends got here. I’m fairly certain they’re here illegally...”
Casey refocused us before I could get too off-track.
“So, this was never about making a reality show at all. It’s only about the permits to get to the fern,” she said. Her face had begun to harden.
“No! It’s both. I want to shoot the show, but I need to get the fern.”
“You lied to me because I could get you access to this island.”
“No I didn’t… ok, yes. I did. But I lied to you mostly because I’m a fool.”
“Oh good, we agree on something,” she snapped.
“Please don’t shut me out, Casey,” I begged, “please understand and forgive me. Please.”
I knew I didn’t deserve her understanding. I probably didn’t deserve her at all, but I wasn’t above begging. I’d beg for the rest of the day if it helped. The rest of the week. The rest of the year. I stared at her lying on her little cot on this stupid, tiny island in the middle of nowhere that I’d brought her to and prayed she would forgive me for being stupid and selfish.
“David, lying to me about this production was not ok,” she said. “You didn’t need to trick me. You could have hired another producer. You could have told them the truth—plenty of producers would still take a risk on you. Hell, you could have told me the truth and I probably still would have come. I really did hate Forgotten Extraterrestrials, even if you did ghost on me.”
“I’m so sorry, Casey,” I told her. “I really am.” I was incredibly ashamed of myself.
Silence lengthened between us, created a distance that I didn’t know how to cross. I needed her to forgive me and couldn’t figure out how to make that happen. I felt like my whole future was melting away and I was helpless to stop it. I knelt down and put my head on the bed next to her.
She sighed after a little while and turned on her side. She put her hand on my forehead and turned my face to look at her. Being touched filled me with hope, even though her face was solemn.
“David, please don’t ever lie to me again,” she said. Her voice was calm, but I had no doubt that she was hurt. There was pain in her eyes, and I hated that I was the one that had caused it.
“Does that mean you forgive me?” I asked, looking up at her plaintively.
“It means that I… It means that I’m hurt that you lured me all the way to freaking Nico Island,” she said tartly. “As for forgiving you… I’m gonna’ need a minute. It hurts that you lied to me. Most importantly, you need to come clean to Trevor and Curtis. You made me lie to them. They deserve to know the truth.”
I nodded reluctantly.
“Ok. I’ll tell them the truth. I love you though, can you believe me about that?”
She sighed. “I think so. But I’m also pretty pissed off right now.”
I nodded. As long as there was a chance she could love me, and find it within herself to forgive me, I could live with Casey being angry at me.
25
Casey
“How long are you going to be mad at me?” David asked me, looking up at me with sad puppy dog eyes.
I sighed. My anger had already drained out of me, but he didn’t need to know that.
“A while. I don’t know.” In truth, I felt obligated to keep up the act. I did have my pride. “I guess I should also tell you I’m pregnant, although I have a feeling you already figured that out. You kind of ruined my grand surprise with all your lies.” My voice was tart.
David nodded, his eyes going even wider. He sat back on his heels. “I thought so. When Dr. Cruz rolled in the ultrasound machine and given the timing…” he trailed off for a moment. “Is it…” his question trailed off uncertainly.
“Yours?” I asked him, raising a single eyebrow. “Yes.” We’d discussed how there was no one else.
His Adam’s apple bobbed at the confirmation. He nodded.
“I never thought I would have kids. I should be really, really scared. But somehow I’m not.”
“You’re not scared?” The words spilled out of me, followed by a disbelieving laugh. “Well that’s just great because I’m fucking terrified.” The fact that he wasn’t scared made me even angrier than the lie about The Quest. Maybe the pregnancy hormones were already making me irrational. I suppose it wasn’t his body that now needed to grow an entirely new human being over the course of the next few months.
“No, I’m not scared,” he told me, reaching out to brush my hair away from my face and tuck it behind my ear. I jerked away and pouted. “I’m excited.”
His attitude was beyond irritating. He ought to be quaking in his boots. He ought to be petrified, stuttering, crying. Instead he was smiling. What was wrong with his brain?
“We’re having twins. Scared now?”
David blinked.
“Twins?” He repeated the word like it was foreign.
“Yep. Two of them.”
He grinned, and I swear I wanted to punch him.
“Being a twin is great,” he mused. “It’s like having a built-in best friend.” He looked even more excited now.
“Tell that to my brothers, they fight constantly.”
“You have twins in your family, too?” The fact that we’d never discussed this only proved to me how in over our heads we were.
“Worse. Triplets. My younger brothers.”
David laughed, and I scowled. “At least we aren’t having three!” he said.
“No shit. I can’t believe how calm you are about this.”
“Me too,” he admitted. “Maybe I’ll have a nervous breakdown later?” I imagine that I looked a bit hopeful when he said this.
David laughed at himself. He really did operate on a different wavelength. I could appreciate him, but I was beginning to think that I’d never really understand him. Perhaps only his twin could. The twin I’d never met.
“I’m scared,” I admitted. “I’m really, really scared.”
He squeezed my hand. “What are you scared of? We can figure this out. I won’t pretend like I know what the future is going to be like, but I know I love you.”
I blurted out the first thing I could think of.
“My family isn’t going be supportive.”
“Why not?” He looked genuinely confused.
“They’re conservative. They think babies and sex should only happen in marriages.”
“My family too, at least publicly. Privately, they’re a bunch of ridiculous hypocrites. Are yours Catholics?” He asked it hopefully. I shook my head.
“Baptists.” My people were good people, but we disagreed vehemently when it came to social issues. And also dancing. I just never have been able to wrap my brain around why dancing, of all things, would make God so very disappointed.
“Well, that might be tricky from a planning perspective, but whatever. Let’s just get married.” David said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. My jaw dropped open. He looked perfectly serious.
“What?”
“Let’s get married,” he repeated. He looked like he was getting excited about the idea. “Maybe someone on the island can marry us today. Then neither one of our families could complain.”
Before he picked out our wedding registry, I needed to shut this down.
“No.”
“You want to wait until we get home? Have a big, fancy wedding? We can do that. Or we could do both! We can have two weddings.”
I could barely form words I was so overwhelmed.
“David, we can’t just impulsively get married. We barely know each other.” I was sputtering.
He looked honestly confused. “But you said your family would be angry about the babies, and I love you. I think you like me too, at least a little bit. Why wouldn’t we get married?”
I let his comment about me liking him ‘a little bit’ slide.
“Because it’s… permanent. Getting married would be way premature. We don’t know whether things will work out between us.”
“They will. You’ll see.” He smiled at me like he knew. “But ok. No wedding yet. What else are you afraid of?”
“I’m afraid of my life changing.”
He nodded. “I can understand that. What specifically are you afraid of happening to change your life?”
“I’m scared I won’t be able to work like I want to. That I won’t be able to achieve my potential.”
“I’m fairly certain I can afford a nanny,” he said, displaying the rich-kid haughtiness that occasionally slipped through his goofy demeanor. It was almost cat-like, this dichotomy in him. One moment he was laid back, and then suddenly stuck-up. I could easily imagine him sassily batting someone’s glasses off a counter in a previous life. “There’s no chance that childcare will impact your professional life if you don’t want it to. What else are you afraid of?”
Was he intent on soothing all my worries? Convincing me everything was ok? Because if so, this was going to be long conversation.
“I’m afraid I’ll be a bad mother. I’m afraid I’m not ready to be a parent.”
David laughed out loud. “No way. You’re going to be the best, coolest mom ever. We already know you’re very patient.”
“I am?”
“You put up with me.”
Fair point. David was surprisingly self-aware when he wasn’t being obtuse and infuriating.
“I’m afraid I’m going to get gigantic while I’m pregnant.” This was a very real concern. LA was already the land of women who bounce back from pregnancy like it was a heavy meal. What if I couldn’t bounce?
Lost and Found (Scions of Sin Book 4) Page 14
