I shook my head and glowered at Aiden, who petted my head and smiled. “You’re mean.”
“Ah, come on, little sis, tell me you didn’t enjoy that.”
“I didn’t.”
Jackson wacked Aiden with the towel and shoved him away, and took Aiden’s place in front of me, holding out the frosty covered spoon. I made sure to make eye contact with Aiden when Jackson raised the spoon out and let me have a taste. Vanilla. My favorite.
“Cruel. Too cruel, Emily. And here I got you a nice birthday gift, too.” Aiden said, clutching his heart.
I rolled my eyes. “It’s my birthday, Aiden. I get to do whatever I want.”
Jackson smile and placing the spoon down, moved in until I was wrapped in his arms.
“That’s right,” he whispered in my ears. “You get to do whatever you want. Will you promise to be gentle with me tonight?”
I shoved him away and climbed off the island. “You’re horrible,” I said, feeling a small blush gracing my face. Jackson laughed softly, and before I could get away, he had me wrapped in his arms and planted a chaste kiss on my temple.
I pulled away and looked up at him. The kitchen was suddenly much too quiet, and a quick look around told me Aiden and Grant had left outside to the backyard.
Jackson smiled, and then he kissed me. I closed my eyed just as his lips touched mine, and everything disappeared.
He teased me, never allowing the kiss to go any deeper until I clutched both hands on his shoulders and took control. I deepened it, the wet, hot feel of his velvet tongue gliding against mine, eliciting a moan to come out as I tightened my hold on him.
He kissed me deeply, kissed me like I was the only person he had ever kissed, the only one he ever wanted to kiss for the rest of his life. Jackson cupped my face, and pressed his forehead against mine when he pulled away. I kept my eyes closed, afraid if I open them, the world would once again intrude in the fleeting moment of peace I was able to steal.
“Emily,” he whispered against my lips, and I felt his hot breath whispered across my face.
“Jackson.”
“We have to go celebrate your birthday.”
“Not yet, Jackson. Okay? Can you just hold me? For a few moments longer? Please.”
I didn’t wait for his reply, instead, buried my face in his chest. He didn’t push me away. I knew he wouldn’t. He tightened his arms around me, holding me close.
And I stayed like that, taking in his strength. Because I hadn’t felt brave or strong in recent days, in the recent month.
I hadn’t felt invincible, and I wanted to taste the feeling again.
I wanted to become invincible again.
40
Past: Emily
The lights were off, the orange and blue glow of the sky indicating dusk just behind me. Aiden and Grant surrounded me, all with smiling face as Jackson carried out the cake that held eighteen lit candles, and carefully placed it in front of me.
“Make a wish, sweetheart,” he said.
I closed my eyes. I wish to be better.
And then I blew out the candle, and even though there was only four of us, the cheers and claps were deafening as it was joyous. I laughed and opened my eyes, to see light smoke slowly disappearing in front of me.
A medium size box wrapped in shiny red wrapping paper was shoved in front of me. I looked up to see Grant smiling. “Open it,” he said. I took it from his hand and carefully pulled the wrapping paper off. Grant laughed. “Only you would be so careful.”
“Hush you. It’s my birthday. I get to do whatever I want.” I shot Jackson a look to tell him to keep his mouth shut. I didn’t need any more of his perverted comments in front of our friends.
He laughed but thankfully remained silent.
When I finally pulled off the wrapper, I looked up, surprised. I diligently flipped through the book. It was small but thick. There had to be at least thirty pages in here, and the contents it held were much too precious.
“When did you take these?” I asked.
“Oh, you know. Here and there, at random times.” He winked at me, and I tried hard to keep the tears at bay. “I’m guessing you like it?”
“Like it? I love it.” I threw myself in his arms, and he caught me on a laughed. “Thank you.”
The present was perfect. It was an album book that Grant had put together base on all the pictures he took of me, of us, and of Jackson and Aiden as well, all put together for me to keep.
“Me next, me next,” Aiden said somewhere nearby. I pulled away from Grant only to have Aiden engulfed me in his arms.
“Aiden, you dork,” I said. I had thought he wanted me to open his present next. He was waiting in line for a hug.
I looked up and found him smiling down at me. “Happy Birthday, Emily.” And he placed a square package in my hand, a little bigger in size compared to Grant’s gift. Though it was wrapped in brown paper, held together by yarns.
I sat down and opened his gift. Then I looked up at him. It was a journal, leather bound, and pretty big in size, the pages’ blank. The cover was beautiful, though, brown with intricate designed imprinted on the leather that seemed to be tribal of sorts.
“To hold all your thoughts,” Aiden said. “You know, for when things get too loud, and you just want to put it all down, to make sense of it before you talk to someone.”
I got up and hugged him again. “Thank you,” I said softly. It was the most thoughtful gift anyone had ever given me. When I looked around the room, I found Jackson eyes on us, a reflective look on his face.
“Is it time for my gift now?” Jackson asked gruffly. I nodded. “Come here, Emily.” I did as he asked, stopping only a foot from him. “Closer.” I smiled at the gentle command and moved in closer. He grabbed my hand in both of his, and I was surprised to feel them trembling.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Me? Never been happier in my life.”
“Okay,” I said softly. He played with my fingers while I kept my eyes on him, not wanting to miss anything. Somewhere off to the side, I heard Grant gasped, but I wasn’t sure why. Not until I noticed Jackson had gotten down on one knee. “Oh, my God.”
Jackson coughed a few times, before he said, “You came into my life, and I was hooked. There wasn’t any way for me to let you go, not when everything about my life started to revolve around you. I noticed you, before. Before you were ever mine, before I ever even kissed you. I noticed you, but never in a million years did I think a girl like you would ever look my way. But you did. And you didn’t look away. You saw me for me, and that first kiss we shared? Do you remember?” I nodded as tears flowed down my cheeks. “Did you feel me tremble in your arms? Did you hear my heart beating so loud it drowned out all the other voices? Because that’s what happened. And it still happens each and every time I kiss you. I knew it then. I knew I was going to marry you someday. Emily Lewis, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone and I will continue to love until the day I draw my last breath. Will you marry me?”
I helplessly sobbed as I stood there, unable to do more than uttered out the word, “Yes.”
Jackson was on his feet in an instant, and then he had me in his arms, where I continued to cry into his chest, ruining both my makeup and his shirt.
“I will cherish you. I will make you happy. I will…” he choked on his words, and then I felt wetness touched my skin. I pulled back and wiped away his tears, much as he was doing for me. He smiled.
“I love you,” I told him.
“I love you.” He brought my left hand up to his lips and kissed it, and my heart stuttered when I found a diamond ring on my finger. I didn’t even feel him slip in on.
“How did you…” He smiled and winked at me.
“This was my grandmother’s ring. My grandparents were married for fifty-two years before grandmother died. And every single day, my grandpa would look at his wife like she was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. I want our marriage to be as happy
as theirs.”
It was a beautiful ring, simple and eloquent. A big diamond surround by little diamonds in a circle, all held together by a thin gold band. I loved it.
“Okay,” I said and sniffled.
Grant and Aiden both clapped then, reminding me that we weren’t alone. Jackson laughed and turned us toward our friends, who cheered.
It was to date, the best day of my life.
Late at night, when our friends finally left, Jackson grabbed ahold of my hand and led me up to our room.
“Are you ready for your birthday gift?” he asked with a mischievous smile.
I frowned, looking down at my ring. “I thought this was my gift. You know, you giving yourself to me.”
His eyes softened as he pulled me into him. “I am already yours, way before you even looked my way.”
I blew out raspberries with my lips. “I hope that will always be true.”
He tweaked my nose. “Of course it will. You already tie yourself to me. I won’t ever let you leave. Now, do you want to open your birthday present or not?”
I nodded eagerly, climbing into the bed and holding my hand out. He indicated for me to wait with his finger, walking into the closet and coming out moments later with a white box, and a pretty big red bow on the top. It looked too nice to be opened.
He placed it on my lap with a smile. A smile I knew all too well. That smile spelled Trouble with a capital ‘T.’
“What are you up to?”
“Just open it, Emily.”
I did as he asked. Then I looked up at him and blinked slowly. “Is this gift for me, or for you?” I asked playfully.
He laughed. “Both?”
“Jackson, I don’t know.”
“Come on. What’s there to know.” He sat down and pulled my hands from my lap and clasped them between his. “I want you to feel confident in who you are and know that I find everything about you incredibly sexy.”
I shook my head, a slight blush making its way up my pale skin. “I’ve never worn something like this before.”
He smiled. “I know.”
It was a pale blue babydoll nightie, and God helped me, matching panties. I couldn’t look Jackson in the eyes, but I knew I would wear it. Still avoiding his eyes, I climbed off the bed with my birthday present and walked into the bathroom.
Jackson didn’t say anything, though I felt his eyes on me the whole time.
I placed the box on the sink and leaned against it, taking a deep breath. My eyes were wide, my cheeks flushed, but I recognized for what it was, and it wasn’t fear or anxiousness, but something else. Something much more potent.
It was excitement.
I wanted this as much as Jackson wanted it, if not more.
Taking off my clothes, I stared at my body in the mirror, and instead of questioning what he saw, I tried to see myself in his eyes.
From my wide doe-like eyes to my long blonde hair, that I supposed, didn’t look bad at all.
Then there was my smile, which Jackson seemed fond of. I bared my teeth in the mirror and found I look rather nice when I smiled.
My skin was soft and somewhat pale, something I had always thought made me look sickly, I now realized only worked to make my dark eyes stand out.
I quietly slipped on the nightie, and taking in a deep breath for courage, I opened the door and stepped out.
Jackson was sitting on the edge of the bed, shirtless, and facing me. His eyes made a slow perusal of my body, from my toes to my eyes, the heat in them obvious. Even the evidence of his arousal was plainly there for me to see, through the thin lounge pants he wore.
“Emily,” he said, standing up. Then he was walking to me, his steps sure and confident. “I am the luckiest bastard alive the very second you said you would marry me.”
He grabbed my hand and led me to the bed. “Do you want to know what I see when I look at you?” he asked.
I shook my head. “What do you see?”
He leaned down and kissed me, pulling away just as quick. “I see the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on. And not just beautiful on the outside, but inside as well. I see someone who makes me want to be a better man just so I can be deserving of her. I see my future in you. The future I am going to fight really hard for.” He cupped my cheek, and sitting down on the bed, pulled me until I was seated between his legs, facing him. “I don’t know what demon it is you’re fighting when you go to sleep at night, and I know you’re not ready to tell me the whole truth behind your nightmare.”
I opened my mouth to argue, though I didn’t know how I would argue against the truth. Jackson stopped me with a single finger pressed against my lips. “It’s okay, Emily. I just want you to know I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to stay right here, and fight with you every step of the way until you let me in.”
I looked down. “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“I want to tell you. I do. I just, don’t want to as well. A part of me wants to forget. I don’t know how to say it without letting it break me even more than it had.”
“Oh, sweetheart. I won’t let it break you. You have to know that. Don’t you?”
I didn’t say any more. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer for a kiss. The kiss ended all further conversations.
Jackson kissed me back.
I pushed him down until his back was flat against the mattress and I was on top of him. It was a position I rarely allowed us to be in because it left me feeling too exposed and much too vulnerable, but not tonight.
Tonight, I was bold and seductive, and as Jackson said, I was sexy.
It made me feel powerful, an addicting feeling I wished I could forever keep with me.
As I kissed him, he moved his hand between us and cupped my breast. The thin fabric that surrounded it did nothing to protect me from feeling everything, even the way he kneaded the tender skin, making my nipples point out in erected peaks.
He pulled at the straps until my breasts were exposed to his gaze. He played with my nipples, the heat in his eyes told me all I needed to know.
He found me sexy.
My arms were restricted by the straps, but I placed them on his chest and let Jackson do all the work. I moved up on my knees so Jackson could pull my panties to the side.
His thumb found me he rubbed around in circles. My hands pressed down harder on his chest, with my eyes closed, and I screamed out his name.
“Let me in, Emily,” he gritted out. I nodded, and he guided himself into me. I felt stretched out, the pleasure of how it felt to have him inside of me overwhelming.
Tears pricked my eyes as I begun to move. The position we were in allowed me to control the pace, something I had never done before. A heady, powerful rush of feeling course through me and I reveled in it. Reveled in the fact that I was able to make Jackson lose his head.
I smiled a little before Jackson did this thing with his hip, and even from the bottom, he could still make me lose myself.
“God,” I said when he did it again.
“That’s it, sweetheart. Move as fast as you need to.” It was his way of telling me to use him. I did as he asked and moved faster, harder.
My nails dug into his skin, and when it became too much, I closed my eyes and savored and exquisite fall.
Jackson flipped us around, and pulled out of me, sitting between my opened legs on the bed. I stared up at him, but for some odd reasons, he seemed to have gotten blurry.
“Jackson?” I looked around in confusion when my vision darkened, and I could no longer see around the room. “Jackson?” I called out his name again, but he was no longer with me.
The door creaked as it opened, allowing a yellowish glow to penetrated through the room.
There, a shadow stood in front of my door, and I tugged the blanket over my body.
I couldn’t move.
It was like one of those dreams, where you watch danger approaching you, and no matter how hard you willed y
our legs to move, to run away, you just couldn’t, and frustration along with fear mixed together, creating something like desperation to break inside of you.
The shadowed moved, and then the door closed behind him. I feigned sleep, hoping he would go away, but this didn’t matter to him. He didn’t care whether I was asleep or not.
The blanket slowly left my body, the pathetic armor I had gone without much effort from the monster.
I opened my eyes and shook my head. No. No, no, no! No… Please, no.
He moved his finger to his lips, telling me to be quiet. Even in the darkness of my room, I knew his eyes glowed with malicious satisfaction that twisted my inside to shreds.
And then his hands roamed my body without permission and I… I hurt. Please let this be a dream, and if it is, please let me wake up.
“Emily, wake up.” I looked around for the voice, but couldn’t find where it had come from. “Come on, sweetheart. Come back to me.”
I struggled against the hold the monster had on me. I knew he was stronger, smarter. Even still, I struggled.
I felt hands on my shoulder, but this touch was different. It was much too gentle.
Slowly, I opened my eyes. I was no longer stuck in my nightmare, but back in the room I shared with Jackson.
I was safe.
I let out a whimpered and felt something touch my face. I looked up and found Jackson face pinched together in concerns as he wiped away the tears falling down on either side of my cheeks.
The night came back to me in a rush.
I had come out of the bathroom wearing Jackson’s birthday gift, and we made love, then Jackson told me to go to sleep, and I did.
And I dreamt of Jerimiah and the terrible things he did to me in the absence of my mom, and I wasn’t sure who I hated more, my mom or Jerimiah.
I pulled Jackson down until he was practically lying on top of me. He didn’t say anything, though his heart seemed to be beating too fast for my liking.
I kissed his bare chest and closed my eyes. “Hold me close, Jackson,” I whispered.
Jackson's Girl: Being His Duology Page 33
