by Lauren Dane
“Christ, Royal, you’re a lovesick idiot. I’m trying to help you.”
“I don’t need your help, Anne. I’m dating someone. I like her. She likes me.” He shrugged.
“She comes back here after being gone for years.”
“Is that illegal now? She was a kid! Jesus. After her mother was murdered, Caroline, at sixteen, went to live with her uncle. You act like she went on TV and denounced Petal as not good enough for her. You of all people ought to understand what it means to be marked by what your parents have done.”
“She’s defending a murderer! People are going to start thinking you’re like her if you keep on this way.”
“I’m not so sure he was really a murderer. I’ve read up a little. Some of the stuff she’s written, some articles about it and her struggle to prove his innocence. But in any case, I can make my own mind up. If people judge me for what someone else thinks, that’s their problem.”
“So if she was a Nazi and you dated her that would be fine?”
He snorted. “It’s a pretty big leap to take from going through the legal system to try to prove someone’s innocence and find the real killer to Nazism. Isn’t there some internet rule about bringing Hitler into an argument?”
She laughed. “Her boobs have entranced you.”
“They’re pretty awesome boobs.”
Things eased between them and he breathed easier. He didn’t want Anne to feel bad. He cared about her. But this silly tantrum over Caro was just that and he wasn’t about to give in.
“I should go. I’m supposed to stop by and get fresh eggs to bring over to Tate’s.”
“You know, she’s going to be here in a while. You could stay and get to know her a little.”
Anne rolled her eyes. “No thanks. I don’t want to elbow in on your action. I’ll see you later.” She bent to drop the cat in his lap and give him a quick kiss.
“Just…be careful please. People get worked up about this stuff. It tore the town in half before, and this sort of thing doesn’t just die away. Everyone in her family thinks he did it. Doesn’t that tell you something?”
Carrying Spike draped over his forearm, he followed her to the door. “Yes, it tells me that when she truly believes something she believes it to her heart. She’s not going to pretend to think or feel something she doesn’t. That’s an important quality in a person.”
“Ugh. You’re totally smitten.” She sighed and slapped his butt before she bent to smooch the cat’s head and scoot out the door. “Later.”
“Later. Say hey to everyone for me.”
Caroline told herself she was going home, but she stopped at the Honey Bear, bought pie and sandwiches anyway. Her car aimed itself in Royal’s direction and she went with it. Heading away from the heart of town to the outskirts, where the houses and businesses dropped away, replaced by rolling hills of farmland and orchards.
Familiar dread warred with the happy memories of it all. This was the way to E and B Family Style Diner and Kitchen. The diner had been a second home. The back room had a desk where Caroline had done homework after school.
She’d learned how to drive a stick shift on this long, straight piece of road, her dad beside her in the cab of his truck. She had no idea how he’d remained so calm as she’d ground his gears over and over. But he never lost his cool.
There it was.
She paused and then pulled over across from the place that used to hold the diner. Patty Griffin’s “Rain” came on the radio. Tears blurred her vision of the empty lot. They’d razed the building to the ground ten years before. No one wanted to buy it, no one wanted to rent it and run a business from it, much less eat there.
Weeds were the only thing left other than the cracked asphalt. She and her siblings owned it now. An empty lot where her mother was murdered and her father had found her. Caroline rested her forehead on the steering wheel.
Even her tears were contraband. In Petal, her grief for her mother had been questioned. Every tear she shed was examined. That she grieved her father too had been some sort of proof she hadn’t cared about her mother.
She never felt this way anywhere else. But it was there in Petal where she ached to be able to talk about her mother with the people who knew her and not have that look come into their eyes. They either thought about how she believed her father or how she left town, or that her mother had been so brutally killed.
It left her feeling examined so closely it was impossible to grieve freely.
But Caroline missed the way her mother had brushed and braided her hair. No one had been able to duplicate those elaborate fishtails and the French braids at her temple that had swept back into a ponytail at the back.
She’d had a crown that day. Her mother had done it before Caroline had left for school. Because there’d been a boy. Caroline couldn’t even remember who the boy was at that point. Only that her mother had been rushing to feed Quique and Mindy, and Caroline had asked at the last minute.
But her mother had sucked in a breath and smiled, asking Caroline for details about the boy as she’d brushed and divided her hair, spraying it with water from a purple spray bottle to make it easier to braid.
The last time Caroline had ever seen her mother alive was when Bianca had called out an I love you from the porch as Caroline ran out on her way to catch the bus.
The police had come to their house with their grandfather. Caroline would never forget what his face had looked like. As if he’d crumple at any moment. Caroline had refused to let them take her hair from that braid for three days until her grandmother had done it when Caroline had finally passed out, exhausted from not sleeping.
From asking over and over when her father was coming home.
In truth, she’d never really come home since then either.
She pulled away from the side of the road, wiping her face on her sleeve and heading to Royal’s.
She knocked on his door, and he opened with a smile, his gaze raking over her and pausing at her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
He drew her inside.
“Nothing. I brought pie and sandwiches.” The cat swayed into the room, saw it was her and after a quick wind around her legs, swayed out.
Royal took the bags in her hand.
“Come on through. I was just getting hungry so your timing is perfect. I have coffee, iced tea, beer, root beer, Coke.” He waved at his kitchen, and for whatever reason, him not treating her like a guest made her feel better.
“I got a few sandwiches because I wasn’t sure what you’d want.” She grabbed a mug and poured coffee.
“A few? There are ten sandwiches in here, girl.”
“Well now you have some for tomorrow when you’re out all day.”
He turned and pulled her close. “That’s nice. I get so busy and I put lunch off and then I rush home and eat a bunch of junk because it’s easy and fast.”
She frowned. “You work awfully hard not to treat yourself better. I’m going to be getting on you about that. Just be warned.”
He kissed her and her sorrow flitted away.
“You taste like tears, Caro. What happened today?”
“Ugh. Let’s eat sandwiches and make out instead.”
He barked a laugh. “We can definitely do that, but I want to know what’s wrong too.”
She paused and wondered if she could let go of it enough to tell him. If she could trust him not to push her away, and if he did it was best to know it early on because she came with all this junk in her life.
“Don’t make me withhold kisses until you share. That only hurts us both.”
She groaned. “It’s just been one of those days.”
“Come on then. Get some food, and we’ll go into my living room and snuggle while you tell me.”
Caroline chose a ham and swiss on rye and her cup of coffee and followed him into his living room. He had a fire going and a blanket he’d clearly been using on his recliner chair. He grabbed it and tipped his chin toward the couch.
/> Bossy.
She settled but he took her plate away and put it on the coffee table. “Take your shoes off, darlin’. I’ll be right back with some thick socks.”
She started to argue, but he left and she realized how dumb it was. Her feet were cold and the idea of his socks sort of made her happy.
As she dropped her boots near the front door, Caroline paused to look at the pictures on the nearby table.
“My mom and my uncle when they were kids.” He grinned as he handed over the socks. “Honey, you need to wear thick socks on a day as cold as this one. Not that I begrudge you a pair of mine, but I don’t like thinking of you with cold toes.”
She followed him back into the living room to put the socks on and get tucked up on the couch next to him. “I had on super-cute boots that I’d normally wear with a skirt. I’m wearing socks. Just not thick ones.”
He rolled his eyes and took a bite of the sandwich. “Thanks for this. So, I take it the brunch sucked.”
She sighed. “My sister’s boyfriend is a self-righteous little prick. He thought he’d school me on embarrassing my family. Apparently the word in town is that I started a fight with Benji instead of the other way around.”
“Who is she dating?”
“Garrett Moseby.”
Royal sneered. “Mindy can do better than him.”
Caroline shrugged. “I can’t give her advice. One, she doesn’t ask for it and two, my grandmother seems to like him. Maybe Mindy can’t do better. Maybe I am embarrassing them. I don’t know. But I do know I won’t let a punk like Garrett give me a lecture about anything but being a punk.”
“Did you punch him in the nose?”
She laughed, leaning over to rest her head on his shoulder a moment. “I’ll have you know I tried very hard not to fight with him at my grandparents’ dinner table. But if I see him in town, he better run.”
“You gonna take him to school? I think that would be a mighty sexy sight so you’d need to do it when you were with me.”
His humor broke that knot of anger loose and she felt a little better. She tried not to smile but she failed. “If I did I’d whip him with a ruler. Who does he think he is anyway? Like I’d stoop to the level of the likes of Benji and randomly start a fight at a bar? I don’t even know the guy.”
It was Royal’s turn to sigh. “Enough people saw what truly happened Friday night that any time someone says you started it, the truth will out.”
“Maybe. People get offended when you won’t believe what they think you should.”
He turned. “I don’t like that he made you cry. Makes me want to punch him in the nose.”
She shook her head. “He didn’t make me cry. It made me mad. The tears.” She paused a moment before deciding to take a leap and trust him. “Do you know that empty lot off the highway near the farm supply store? That was where my family’s diner was.”
He pressed a kiss against the top of her head. “And you have to pass it to get here. They bulldozed the building ten years ago. I’m just so used to traveling that road that I don’t think about it. I’m sorry.”
“This is not your fault in any way. I’m not saying this right. Let’s eat and watch movies and spend time together.”
“Nope. I mean, yes do eat and we will definitely spend time together, but if ever someone needed to get some stuff off their mind, it’s you. I’m an excellent listener.”
“You should know me a while, maybe even touch my boobs before I show you just how crazy my baggage is.”
He reached out and totally felt her up! It was so fast and unexpected she wasn’t offended. Not that she wasn’t absolutely fine with him touching her breasts in the first place.
His pleased laugh made her shake her head. He was so amused with himself. “Oh my God, you’re such a handful.”
“I feel like a Lost Boy, but come with me.” He waggled his brows before he got serious again. “Well, now that I’ve rounded second base, and let me tell you, your tits are fucking spectacular, you can share your crazy baggage. Caro, I’m not going anywhere.”
She took a deep breath. “I should have gotten a beer.”
He got up, went to get them both one and returned. He clinked his bottle against hers. “I know you haven’t always been able to count on people in your life, Caro. But I’m not them.”
“I feel like I can’t express my grief here. In Petal I mean.” She cleared her throat and took a few gulps of her beer. “It’s suffocating. Sometimes the walls feel too close. Like everything I do is under inspection, and I tell myself fuck that, this is my life and I am not ashamed. I try to ignore all that attention, but in doing so I’m sort of hyperaware of it instead.”
He nodded, listening. And it felt good to let go of the words she’d been holding back. “I’m just very careful in my life when I’m here. Hyper conscious of appearances. It’s lonely sometimes and I want to reach out to these people—all of whom were such a huge part of my life until I was sixteen—and I can’t. I want to have that ease Mindy and Shep do with my grandparents. I tell myself that it was my choice and it was. I left Petal, and when I did, I left them. So then I tell myself that I have to show them what they need to see.”
“Essentially the parts of you utterly removed from your parents and the murder at all. You turn it all off to protect them but they have no right to demand it. That’s not fair, Caroline. It’s not fair of them to expect you not to have feelings. You’re still their granddaughter. They need to love you for who you are, for all parts of you.”
She shrugged. “I argue this point with myself all the time. And maybe sometimes I don’t know where that ends. Whatever it is, I’m walking such a fine line. Constantly measuring my reactions to everything, and then I think, oh my God I can’t do this for the rest of my life.
“I’m the oldest, my parents would want me to hold our family together. Anyway, I sat there and looked across the road, and I let go of it. It felt good. I was lightened and I processed some stuff. I’m seeing Petal differently now that I’m living here than when I did when I only came back a few times a year. This is my hometown, and ugh, it’s complicated! And then I feel guilty for being angry over how much I’m having to give up. And I don’t mean my firm or my house or my car, those things. But the ability to truly relax enough to be a whole person. I don’t feel safe enough to do that here.”
He started to speak but she held a hand up. “But I just realized right now that this little moment is sort of a root. A root to building a community, my safe place here. You’re part of that.”
“Contraband grief. Wow, that’s a powerful concept. I’m sorry. I’ve lost my father, and my mother, well I’ve had to give her up little by little as she’s declined over the years. Grief is important. It’ll eat you up if you can’t express it in your own way. You do what you need to. Feel what you need to. Don’t let anyone else police that.”
“Which is easier said than done.”
He snorted. “Yes, that’s true. You’re tough though. And when you need an ear, I’m around. I’m happy you feel like I’m part of what makes you feel safe in Petal. That’s a really nice compliment. One of my all-time favorites, I think. Just know that with me, you can cry or whatever any time.”
She smiled up at him. “We should change the subject now. How was your Sunday?”
He let her.
“So far so good. I slept until ten. I wanted to sleep later, but you know how it goes. Your body is used to five so I think my days of sleeping until noon are past. But I slept in, and then I read in bed for a while before wandering out to make coffee and some food. Caught up on my stuff on DVR. Nothing at all taxing. And now you’re here so it’s a pretty damned good day all around.”
“And did you get everything you needed done yesterday?”
“I’ve yet to actually get everything I needed done when I needed it done. But I came close. Which I’m counting as a win.”
“Tell me about your day yesterday.”
She leaned again
st him as he recounted his day, embellishing here and there to entertain her better.
“You really should have sex with me.” She blurted this in one of their quiet moments.
He paused a moment and then put his beer down. “Should I?”
She nodded. “Yes. I mean, unless you don’t want to. If you don’t want to, then no you shouldn’t.”
He took her face in his palms, kissing her softly. “I really want to.”
This made her laugh and he pulled her into his lap. “I also seem to recall this particular position for kissing being a favorite of mine. I wasn’t wrong.”
She undulated, stroking the heat of her pussy against his cock, sending shockwaves of pleasure through him.
“Yeah, that’s it. I remember now.”
He put his hands at her hips, and she dipped her mouth down and breathed a kiss onto his lips.
This was good. Damn she tasted so sweet. He kissed from her lips to her ear just to hear that little whimper she gave. The weight of her in his lap was so perfect he was nearly afraid of it. Maybe he should be. She made him feel things he wasn’t sure he could.
She reached up and pulled her hair from the chignon at the base of the back of her neck. The material of her shirt pulled up, and his hands landed on the warm, soft bare skin of her belly and he groaned, sliding his palms up her back, skin to skin.
The backyard lights came up as the twilight slid away into full dark. With a muffled curse, he managed to stand with her legs wrapped around his waist. “Come on.”
“Where else could I go?”
He laughed as he headed to his bedroom, kicking the door closed or they’d have a furry visitor.
He tossed her to the bed, and she fell back with a laugh, the spill of all that dark hair framing her face. He moved to turn on some music, trying to find a thread of patience because damn he wanted her right then and there.
