"I'm glad you think so," replied Susannah fervently. "And now, if you don't mind, I'll go see what the cook is doing to the roast. I tried to explain the recipe, but I just hired her last week and she barely speaks English. Dinner's at eight, so why don't you come down whenever you're ready? Avery will be home soon and he's dying to meet you."
Twilight had dusted the woods with silver light by the time Cathryn descended the winding tower staircase. From the family room—the only room in which Susannah could bear to remain for any length of time—Cathryn heard the murmur of voices and the bright tinkle of Susannah's laughter. Cathryn smiled upon hearing it. She didn't recall ever seeing Susannah this happy with husbands number one, two, or three.
Susannah glided forward to greet her, her flowing crimson dress echoing the glowing embers in the fireplace beyond. Cathryn recognized Avery by the distinctive silver wings at his temples. Suave, sophisticated and elegantly attired, he was everything Susannah had claimed.
"I'm delighted to meet you," Cathryn said, offering Avery her hand.
"Welcome," he said, smiling down at her. He pulled Susannah close. "Susannah and I want you to stay as long as you like. Don't be in a hurry to get back to Palm Beach. Susannah will enjoy having company here in this big place." He smiled fondly at his wife.
"I can't stay as long as I'd really like to because of my studio," began Cathryn, and before she knew it she was embarked on the stock explanation of her busy life, telling Avery about the speech she was going to make at the conference and outlining her plans for the rest of the year.
Through it all, Avery listened carefully, thoughtfully, and Cathryn couldn't help but admire Susannah's current choice of husband. Avery, so interested and attentive, was the dignified counterpoint to Susannah's brashness. Perhaps this marriage would not go the way of Susannah's first three after all, thought Cathryn hopefully and with considerable surprise.
It was evident throughout dinner that Avery adored his wife. Communication between them was special and deep, and they seemed entirely in tune with each other. Just as Drew and I once were, Cathryn thought unhappily. Why, oh, why, when she saw a happy couple, did her mind always fly to thoughts of how it might have been if she and Drew had stayed together? But why think of that? What was the use?
She pushed the thought of Drew from her mind. In spite of her sadness, which contrasted with Susannah and Avery's happiness, Cathryn turned her attention at once to the job she had traveled here to do.
She spent the next few days studying the house, talking with Avery and Susannah to determine their preferences in home decor, and studying how they spent their days.
"Mostly, I want this house to be comfortable," insisted Susannah, flipping through color charts. "And colorful. It should be welcoming, so that people will want to visit."
As she listened, Cathryn formulated a design plan in her head that included taking advantage of the lovely big family room overlooking the pool and making it the heart of the house. Since Avery had assured her that money was no object, she would also order new furniture for the entire downstairs, perhaps including lots of European antiques, preferably in light woods. She made quick preliminary sketches of drapery treatments that would take advantage of the quaint mullioned windows. Susannah and Avery were thrilled when she described how their house would come alive with its new look.
"You know, this estate is charming, Susannah," Cathryn told her friend earnestly a day or two before she was planning to leave. "That is, once you get over the shock of the castle. But the trees, this winding road—all of it is beautiful."
They were walking along the driveway beneath foliage bright with autumn colors. Their path was strewn with leaves of brown, ochre, and russet. Shafts of light from the autumn sun shone through treetops, casting patterns on the stone walls of the castle and mellowing them into a charming backdrop. As Cathryn spoke, a saffron-colored leaf floated down and landed on Susannah's blue cashmere sweater; impatiently she flicked it away. The air blew cool with the breath of approaching winter.
"I like this place, too," Susannah said, smiling. "The country, the fresh air—well, it's not Palm Beach, but I'm comfortable here."
"You are happy, aren't you?" Cathryn asked curiously.
"I've never been so happy in my life. I love Avery so much."
"And he loves you. It's easy to see that."
Susannah turned serious eyes upon Cathryn. "It's the kind of love I hoped you would find with a man. Avery and I truly care about each other, Cathryn. I thought that with Drew you might—"
"No!" cried Cathryn sharply. It hurt even to hear Susannah speak his name.
They walked on in silence, Susannah biting her lip. "I'm sorry," she said quietly after a time. "I had no idea Drew was such a sensitive topic, even though you haven't mentioned him since you've been here."
"Forgive me for being so morose these days," said Cathryn unhappily. "I'm afraid I haven't been especially good company."
"Of course you have! But I admit that you haven't seemed quite your old self. Do you want to talk about it?"
Cathryn took her time in replying. "I got out of the relationship with Drew," she said finally. "It... it wasn't working out. He wanted to get married, and I couldn't."
"You couldn't? Why on earth not?" Susannah stared at her as though she'd taken leave of her senses.
"I didn't have time for both Drew and my career, especially after his daughter came. My work suffered, so..." She lifted her shoulders and let them drop. "He wanted to get married, but I couldn't see myself planning my life around the needs of a child, and—"
"You thought he wanted to marry you just so you'd take care of his little girl?" Susannah was incredulous.
"No, it wasn't like that. But Selby is part of him and would be very much a part of our marriage, especially if Drew gains custody of her as he would like. She's only seven, and she needs a lot of attention."
"I sympathize," Susannah said. "After all, I got stuck with husband number two's Heather Marie. She used to bite me when he wasn't looking."
"Selby isn't like that. She's a sweet child, very loving and dear and—"
"Then I don't understand the problem. If you love him and you like Selby—"
"I grew to love Selby," said Cathryn unhappily, fighting tears.
"Then you should have made room in your life for her," Susannah insisted. "Why couldn't you leave the nuts and bolts of Cathryn Mulqueen Interiors to your assistants? You've built it up, made it grow. Can't your business thrive on its own now, with just an occasional nod from you?"
"That's not the point. I am my work. I wouldn't be the same person without it. Don't you see?"
Susannah shook her head. "Not really. I wouldn't allow anything to come between me and the man I love."
Living with Susannah and Avery, Cathryn had to admit that she'd been envious. The secret glances they shared, the quiet laughter when they thought they were alone, the tender touch when they believed she wasn't looking—all this convinced her that Susannah and Avery were meant for each other and were deeply in love.
"You and I are not much alike, Susannah," was all Cathryn said.
Before the silence became brooding, Susannah suggested they turn back toward the house. Suddenly she said, "Avery has tickets for a dance next week. It's a charity ball in the Grand Ballroom of the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel, and we'd like you to go with us. You will, won't you?"
"But I—"
"Of course you will. It'll give you something to look forward to after that stuffy conference. And it'll get your mind off Drew."
"I don't know what I'd wear, and—"
"You can wear anything and look like a princess. Oh, please go, Cathryn. It would be such a good time, honestly."
"But I won't know anyone, so—"
"I've already lined up a date for you."
"A date!"
"Yes," Susannah said with a sly glance. "So you can hardly say no, because that would put me in the position of telling him you canceled, and I've
already given you a big buildup."
Thoroughly exasperated, Cathryn said, "You had no right to ask someone without my permission. For heaven's sake, Susannah, will you ever grow up?"
"Probably not." Susannah laughed, and she looked so pleased with herself that Cathryn found herself giving in.
"All right," she said, shaking her head. "But don't ever put me in this position again, you idjit."
Susannah smiled. "Don't be silly. Would I take my chances?"
Probably, thought Cathryn, but she couldn't be truly angry. Susannah, in her own way, was only trying to cheer her up.
* * *
Contact with other interior designers from all over the country stimulated her, and there was so much happening at the conference that Cathryn had little time to dwell on her own thoughts. That was good. She didn't want to think about Drew and Selby.
But there were those inevitable moments alone in her hotel suite when she had all too much time to mull over past events. At those times she resolutely chided herself. The affair with Drew was over. It was over because she'd wanted it to be.
Even after all these weeks, she missed his bright presence in her life, his openness and honesty, his capacity for tenderness, and his total understanding. Being around Susannah and Avery had only made her remember painfully how rewarding a close relationship with a man could be.
Missing Selby was almost as bad as missing Drew. She knew now that she should never have allowed her natural liking for the child to intensify into love. It was a lesson she thought she'd learned with Terry Ballard and his adorable little boys. But, no, she had allowed herself to be drawn willingly into Drew and Selby's family unit and had experienced a new kind of encompassing love that included all three of them. Now that it was gone, there was a hole in her life. It made the parting from Drew all the more painful.
Her week in New York would help. Here she was caught up in activities that would culminate at the banquet at which she was to speak.
The matronly president of the League of Interior Designers took Cathryn under her wing. The morning of the banquet she asked a surprised Cathryn, "How would you like to be on television? They want somebody to appear on one of the local cable shows on Friday morning to talk about the League. Will you do it, Cathryn? You're such a good spokesperson for our organization, and you're so photogenic."
"Of course," Cathryn said. "But what will the interview be about?"
"Your life, your career, and current design trends. You know."
That night after the banquet Cathryn took a quick shower and slipped on her robe before she sat down at the desk in her suite with pages from the speech she had just given, hoping to capture a few of the highlights. This would help her to think clearly when she was being interviewed on television the next morning, she reasoned.
She jotted a few sentences on paper before restlessly tossing it into the wastebasket. She stood and walked the length of the hotel room. When she plunged her hands into the robe's deep pockets, her fingers closed over something hard and round. It was the shell she had found on the beach at Hobe Sound months ago when she confided in Drew her fears about sharing him.
She stared at the seashell, remembering how she had studied it that day as she thought about its inner design.
The intricate interior of Cathryn Mulqueen had protected her from everything until Drew Sedgwick came along to tear down all the barriers and change the very form of her beliefs. He'd let in space and light where none had been able to penetrate the convoluted passages before.
And with Drew she had discovered that she no longer needed the protection of the barriers. She'd learned to love and to share. Learning the art of loving and sharing was every bit as important as learning to build a career, and in fact, it held the promise of becoming even more fulfilling.
She whirled toward the desk, and the sudden stirring of air ruffled the papers on which her speech was written. They flew onto the floor, where they lay like so many leaves scattered by the wind. And all at once, Cathryn was haunted by certain inescapable thoughts that she had been avoiding for much too long.
She had sacrificed to get to the top of her field because her career gave her pleasure and a sense of reward. But during the past few weeks, she'd struggled with thoughts of Drew, thereby finding it difficult to concentrate on anything she was doing. That was why her work was no longer pleasant for her and certainly not as fulfilling. In fact, her career, instead of being a source of strength and happiness, had become a tremendous burden.
This was an earthshaking realization. The new office building awaited her attention back in Palm Beach, and the idea of returning to it was suddenly loathsome. She dreaded sitting down at her desk, and despite her protests to Susannah, she would rather do anything than get back to work. Such protests, she knew now, were nothing more than the force of habit.
She sat and stared at the wall, utterly shattered. Because if her work was her whole life, and if her work was no longer meaningful, then her life had no meaning.
She stood up and paced the floor, driven into motion by the torment of her thoughts. Her first reaction was stubborn denial. No, it couldn't be! Hadn't she always said that her work gave definition to her personality and that she wouldn't be the person she was without it? Suddenly she had come face-to-face with the person she was, and she didn't like that person—that lonely, ever-remote person—very much.
Cathryn had never perceived herself with such clarity before. Was this the way Drew had seen her? If so, what had given him the strength, the caring and the steadfast and enduring persistence to, as he'd put it, melt the ice?
Only one thing, she realized out of the depths of her solemn soul searching, only one thing could have given him that persistence: love.
She spent a sleepless night. The next morning, after carefully applying makeup to conceal the violet shadows smudged beneath her eyes, she approached the television interview with trepidation but with a single-mindedness and determination that surprised her. She would go on the show, and she would get it over with. And then she would fly back to Palm Beach and make definite plans to diminish her involvement with Cathryn Mulqueen Interiors.
How would she accomplish it? Plans reeled through her head one after the other. Let Zohra and Natalie manage the business? Call the pesky lawyer for Designers International and tell him she was ready to sell Cathryn Mulqueen Interiors? Take the money and go on a long trip, a vacation during which she'd ponder the direction of her future? She'd always wanted to travel to Asia. Japan, maybe. Or Thailand. Maybe she'd even find time to begin painting again.
It was too late to do anything about what had happened with Drew. Sadly, he was out of her life. It wasn't too late, however, to arrange her life differently. To work on her own interior, to let in space and light, to design it so that there would be time for important things, now that she knew what the important things were. It was not having those things that made it clear to her at last that Judy and Ron and Susannah, and especially Drew, had been right all along.
She must get through the television interview that she had promised to do, and, of course, she must attend the ball tomorrow night. Those were her immediate obligations, and she'd always been one to honor obligations. But then she'd take time off to think about her own interior designs.
Chapter 14
He shouldn't have crashed this party, thought Drew, watching them. He might have known she'd have someone else. He didn't know who it was, but he was a handsome man, and he was gazing down at Cathryn with unabashed desire. Well, what man wouldn't? Cathryn was beautiful, intelligent, and more desirable than any woman he'd ever met. The guy would be crazy not to want her.
He'd spent the morning rounding up evening clothes that fit him. Drew knew after watching that segment on the cable network that he had to see her, if only from a distance.
The woman interviewer had introduced the piece in a way that had made him interrupt his shaving routine and rush out of the bathroom to turn up the volume. The introduct
ion had mentioned the League of Interior Designers' conference.
And then, there was his Cathryn. She was as cool and composed as usual. She smiled graciously, answered questions, and played to the camera in all the right places, yet somehow she remained distant and one step removed. She talked about her work, about her life, and she seemed to be the epitome of success. She was so beautiful that it wrung his heart and left it empty. He loved her. He had tried to get over her when he'd realized that he couldn't have her, but he loved her still.
He didn't know if Cathryn would talk to him if he called on her cell phone, and if she was at a conference, she was probably very busy. It had taken more than one phone call to Judy before he found out how to reach Cathryn. Even then, all Judy would do was to put him in touch with Susannah.
When Susannah heard Drew's voice, she went suddenly silent. And then she told him exactly where Cathryn could be found that evening.
That was why he stood at the edge of the dance floor in the Grand Ballroom of the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel, watching the love of his life gazing raptly into the eyes of another man.
* * *
Cathryn had prepared for the ball without enthusiasm. Such events were superfluous, but she had promised Susannah, and Susannah had gone to the trouble of supplying an escort.
She had piled her hair on top of her head in a loose knot, allowing a silken strand to curl in a ringlet down one side. She wore a simple gown of rich jade green, its V neck plunging and skirt slit to the knee. In her ears she wore a pair of dazzling diamond-drop earrings. Even to herself she looked stunning and worthy of any date Susannah produced.
When Susannah and party arrived at her hotel suite, Cathryn was ready. After the knock sounded on the door of her room, Susannah called out, "It's just us, Cathryn," and Cathryn released the chain and opened the door. Susannah, radiant in rose-red silk, was flanked by two men, one of them Avery, and another who looked vaguely familiar.
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