by Neil LaBute
Terry Sorry, that just made me …
Drew ’S no big deal. I’m just saying … Anyway. Look, If you need to take off, I understand …
Terry Fine. It’s not you entirely – I’m no good at stuff like this. Meeting folks and all that … fucking hate that shit. As you know. Not anybody’s fault, it’s just …
Drew You were doing great in there.
Terry looks. Drew takes a step toward his brother but keeps a bit of distance too – the guy’s not stupid.
I’m just saying … I saw a girl or two trying to come up to you. They were checking you out, bro! (Beat.) Seriously, a chick from my office, she came over to me specifically to ask who you were, so …
Terry What’re you … watching me? Making sure I don’t embarrass you now?
Drew Not at all, dude – sorry, man, it’s a habit! – that was not at all the case. (Smiles.) I was happy to see you there, talking with Judy and, you know … this makes me happy.
Terry Yeah, well, congrats again on your getting through that programme … / Really seems to be working.
Drew Yeah. / Absolutely … I feel like a hundred bucks! / ’Cause two months of being there – ’S all I got left.
Terry Right? / I bet. (Beat.) Seemed like a really expensive place.
Drew The best. Best in this area, anyway.
Terry Well. So long as it helps …
Drew Uh-huh … (Beat.) Your testimony really did sway the judge, too, so I got you to thank for … anyway. Thanks. / I know it’s not easy for ya, opening up like that. / Both times – up there and in court.
Drew quickly crosses and hugs his brother without any consent. Terry basically just waits it out.
Terry Welcome. / ’S not my favourite, no. / Hey, you do what you gotta do … right?
Terry shrugs again, passing this off without fanfare.
Drew I mean it, man – I’ve done a bunch of stupid shit in my day and, so, you know. Thanks. You saved me …
The two brothers stop again for a moment, listening to a sound of construction in the distance. Drew points to it.
Listen to that … on a fucking Sunday even!
Terry … Yeah, I can hear ’em.
Drew It’s the sabbath, for Christ’s sake! (Beat.) I mean, for somebody.
Terry Yep. No rest for the bad guys …
Drew It’s ‘the wicked’, right? I’m pretty sure it’s not just limited to men … at least I think so.
Terry … Most women’d disagree …
Drew Yeah, well … fuck ’em, they can’t take a joke.
Terry grins at this. Drew walks down the steps and takes a look around. Points out a spot overhead to Terry.
Gonna put a tree fort up there for the kids. Keep saying it, anyway.
Terry That’s good.
Terry nods at this, drifting for a moment. He looks up at the trees overhead – turns back after a bit. Thinking.
Drew Yeah, should be. Lots of memories, but yeah …
Terry Right. (Beat.) Don’t do it if it’s too hard.
Drew We’ll see. Trying to make up for lost time and all that, you know?
Terry I hear ya … (Changing topics.) So. I went and saw ’em …
Drew Huh? / Who?
Terry You know. / Todd.
Drew You what? You … (Looks about.) You saw Todd Astin?
Terry I did, yeah.
Drew Where in the hell did you do that? I mean, how’d you even …?
Terry Wasn’t easy … (Beat.) Some person doesn’t wanna be found, even today it’s tricky – all the fucking email and computers in the world, if you don’t want people to know who you are – you can still do it. Hide.
Drew But you found the guy?
Terry Oh yeah. (Smiles.) ’S the one nice thing about being in security … you meet up with a lot of cops and men like that. Investigator types.
Drew Wow, that’s … I don’t believe it.
Drew wanders away for a moment, listening to the sounds around them but keeping one eye on Terry.
Terry It’s true. Looked that dude right in the eye – fuck, see? Now you got me doing it!
Drew Yeah. (Grins.) And so, Todd was … I mean, what’d he say?
Terry To me?
Drew Yes, to you! Fuck …
Terry Nothing.
Drew Seriously, come on! What?
Terry Honestly? (Beat.) … I’m standing there, looking him straight in the face – dead into his eyes – and I’m trying to decide what to say to the guy. It’s been twenty years, right? And he’s there in front of me. Takes a glance my way – he lost most all of his hair, you remember that, like, golden hair of his? – and he says to me, says: ‘Paper or plastic?’
Drew What?! / You dick …
Terry I swear to God. / That’s what I …
Drew You saw him at, what, the grocery store?!
Terry Worse. Some fucking Gas-n-Go – that he owns. / Yep, runs it, too – he’s got himself all set up, five hundred miles south a’ here.
Drew No! / Holy shit …
Terry Exactly. / ’S exactly right.
Drew That’s … / Hard to believe.
Terry Yeah. Has a little diner, too, and one of those mini-golf courses … which his daughter runs.
Drew Shit! He told you all this?
Terry Oh no – stared right at me … didn’t know me from Adam. (Beat.) Like I said: he took my money, he gave me directions, mentioned the weather and a place to eat – that restaurant of his – and that’s it. ’S no big event. (Waits.) Only part I hated was that he didn’t recognise me, you know? / Even after a bunch a’ years … I figured he’d still know when a guy was me or not.
Drew That’s … I mean, fuck. / Holy shit, Terry! I can’t believe that you … I mean, that you actually went …
Terry Why? I thought you wanted me to.
Drew Well, yeah, but … I mean, I said a lot a’ stuff to you up there, I still never figured that you’d run into the guy …
Terry I didn’t. I went and found him. / I hunted ’em down …
Drew Right, but … / Still …
Terry Took me, like, five weeks but … we got ’em.
Drew We?
Terry You and me, little brother.
Drew What’s that mean?
Terry I did it for both of us, Drew.
Drew Terry, that’s … that …
Terry Don’t worry, I didn’t kill ’em … if that’s what you’re all nervous about.
Drew No, I’m not worried, I just …
Terry Bullshit. Course you are, but forget about it – it’s done now. / I took care of it.
Drew I’m … what’s that mean? Terry … what’re …? / I don’t know what you mean by … (Beat.) Listen, I only wanna know you’re alright, that’s all – seeing somebody like that again can be a real emotional deal. I oughta know …
Terry That’s true, you oughta … But you don’t. You don’t because it wasn’t you that did it. / It was me.
Drew That’s true. / I know …
Terry I’m the one who found the guy. It was me in that place, smiling over at him – and he didn’t have a speck of a notion that I was anybody he ever met. (Beat.) I did that. ME.
Drew I’m sorry, bro. I mean, Terry … I’m really sorry if you feel like I put you up to that.
Terry Nah, it felt good. Like closing a book, really, some book that you’d already read a long time ago, and it needed put back on the shelf – it was a little like that. / (Beat.) You should probably do it, too … gives you a whole different, you know, on the thing. Perspective.
Drew I’m … / Terry, listen …
Terry I’m glad I saw him. I actually am.
Drew OK.
Terry Yep. (Beat.) Met his daughter, too. She was a really sweet girl … and a pretty nice kisser, too! / Yep.
Drew Huh? / Terry, what’re you …?
Terry You know what he calls ’er? Guess.
Drew What?
Terry I said ‘guess’.
Drew
I dunno …
Terry Buddy. That’s his pet name for her. It’s Buddy. / Even put it up on the sign of his golf place … ‘Buddy’s’. Believe that shit?
Drew Wow … / That’s … I mean, that’s a little weird, huh?
Terry Uh-huh. It sure is – calls his own daughter Buddy.
Drew That’s wild.
Terry Yeah, I thought so. Kinda took me by surprise, that one …
Drew I bet. (Beat.) So why did you …?
Terry But a real nice girl, and funny, too! Got that from him, I guess.
Drew Right. He was funny, wasn’t he?
Terry Sure was. He was always a comical guy … I mean, when he didn’t have his cock down your throat … right?
Drew nods at this, even tries a chuckle, but it quickly fades away. Terry stares straight at him.
Drew … Yeah. Maybe we should head back over to the tent, bro.
Terry Nah, I gotta go. I told ya that …
Drew Sure, OK.
Drews starts off again, but Terry isn’t going anywhere. He stops his brother with a sentence. Drew turns back.
Terry I could’ve done anything to her … whatever I wanted, I could’ve gone ahead and done it. (Beat.) I mean, once she kissed me, then yeah …
Drew What’s that mean? / No, seriously. What?
Terry Nothing. / Not a thing – just that I had her, right there in my car for a couple hours. Alone, Drew. Alone and all mine.
Drew Why? How’d that happen?
Terry Doesn’t matter. Fact is that’s how it went down – Todd’s daughter was in my car and she was ready to do basically anything I asked her to. At fifteen years old. Anything … Not just kiss.
Drew … Terry …
Terry And for a second there, man! Well, the mind wanders … (Beat.) I was in complete control and I mean, I was shaking – sitting next to her and shaking like a wet dog …
Drew involuntarily looks over his shoulder to check that they aren’t being overheard – he obviously wants no part of this.
Parked in a little side street and my mind is screeching, ‘Take her! Do to her what he did to you!’ But I can’t, cannot do it … so I let her go. Drove her home, a peck on the cheek and a promise to see her again. (Beat.) Know what she did? Huh, Drew? Gave me this … here, look at it …
Terry pulls the elaborate key chain out of his pocket; the glass ball on one end dances in the fading light.
A thing that means a great deal to her. Yeah. She gave it to me as a memento to remember her by as she ran off up the driveway to home … place she shares with her father. Todd. (Beat.) After that I got back on the main road and went over to that gas station to see him. Look at him right between the fucking eyes. / The rest of it you already heard. (Beat.) I stood there with my plastic bag in one hand, pretending to study the map he had hanging there – not sure if I was gonna pull him over the counter or scream at him or just start – I didn’t know what to do! Right then. I finally just gave a nod and wandered outside to my car. (Beat.) Sat there in the parking lot for about an hour or so and wept like a five-year-old …
Drew Jesus … / Shit. God! That’s just about unbelievable, Terry …
Terry Nah, that’s one thing it’s not. I have spent too much life realising that fact – craziest shit you hear these days, still possible that it might happen.
Drew Right, no, I just mean …
Terry People are capable of fucking anything. That’s what I’ve learned. (Beat.) Which is part of why I’ve done this shit – worked on trying to be a different person. Better. ’Cause you can, you really can do it, if you wanna be. If not … I mean, if you choose not to be good or to make some … well, fuck. Who knows how ya might end up. / Right?
Drew Uh-huh. / Suppose so.
Terry I know so. (Beat.) Couple ordinary guys like us and we’ve got – both of us – so much shit buried down … crap we couldn’t ever even believe about the other person. Right? And I mean stuff that makes us a whole lot more alike than we’d ever care to admit … (Beat.) You know?
Drew Maybe.
Terry Drew – you’re not an idiot, so you know the truth, right? / I mean …
Drew What? / What, Terry?
Terry Dude … Does that help? If I talk like one of your buddies? (Beat.) You know what I’m saying without me saying it, correct? About Todd and me, right? Our history … and not just that, history; I’m saying the ‘real’ story. Him and me.
Drew … I don’t, man, no.
Terry Come on …
Drew Really, bro, I’m not kidding … what are you talking about?
Terry Fine. You wanna play these games, then fine.
Drew Dude, seriously …
Terry Fuck you with that shit, Drew. You and all your chummy bullshit … We are not friends, little brother, we never have been, so do not act like it now, ’cause I hear you say shit like that and, and, I want to puke my guts up – right up on your fucking gardenias!
Drew … I know you’re trying and all, I do, but you still got some serious anger issues there, Terry.
Terry Yeah, you think?
Drew I am, like, a hundred-per-cent sure of it. (Beat.) Look, if I offended you in some way, then I’m …
Terry Nope. We just don’t click as two people, that’s all. Shame that we had to end up related, otherwise I could just walk the fuck outta here and be done with it …
Drew Why, man, what’d I do to you? Like specifically, I’m saying. Not just ’cause I have money, which I know pisses you off … / It does …
Terry … Oh, please … / Nooo …
Drew You know it does.
Terry I wouldn’t take that shit if your kids crawled up to me and begged me to have it! / Pleaded with me to take it from ’em, I wouldn’t …
Drew Yeah, right … / Sure …
Terry advances on his brother a bit – not threateningly but with enough force to make Drew begin to back up.
Terry I mean it. You’ve got a seriously demented sense of what I consider important.
Drew Whatever, man. / Whatever you say.
Terry That’s right! / (Beat.) … Trying to share something with you and I get this phoney ‘I dunno’ shit again – You wanna play that tune then it’s OK by me … We’ll go back to a call at Christmas and say we’re even …
With that Terry starts off, but Drew hops over to him. He gets in the way, with his arms up.
Drew Wait, Terry … / Come on, hold up!
Terry What? / WHAT?
Drew I’m just … Come on, man, I don’t wanna part on bad terms again. We have done that routine too many times, right? Haven’t we? (Beat.) Sorry that I didn’t call you, it has been crazy busy since I got back – work and everything – but I really did want you here, to see you again outside of that, umm, you know … that place. Not what you’d call my ‘finest hour’ or whatever … right?
Terry … Nope …
Drew And if Judy was the one to call you about the get-together then forgive me, my fault, but it was not some slight to you … It’s an oversight and I’m standing up here in front of you saying – honestly – I didn’t mean you any harm by me doing it. (Grins.) Scout’s honour …
Terry … Alright then, let’s let it go.
Drew Cool. I ’preciate it. (Beat.) You sure you don’t wanna say goodbye to the kids?
Terry Nah, I should be … Ahhh, fuck …
Drew What? Terry, what’s going on?
Terry Nothing. / Doesn’t matter.
Drew No, come on now, seriously here … what did you wanna say to me about you guys? / Course it matters! Of course it does …
Terry … Nah, it’s just … / No, that’s not it, Drew … You didn’t …
Drew I mean, I’m sorry that I didn’t see it, you know? Before. What I’d be opening up here, for you … / It was wrong of me to do that. To use you in that way – don’t mean ‘use’ so much as just – if I had any sort of awareness about you guys, even the faintest sort of – just forgive me, OK? I don’t wanna believe tha
t I’d make use of something so painful for you … even though you …
Terry I never said ‘painful’. No, I …
Drew Yeah, I know, but come on … / No, I hear ya, Terry, but it’s …
Terry Didn’t say it. / I never once disliked it, that’s the funny thing. I didn’t … you see books they got out there now, thousands of books about this shit – and I’ve read all of ’em – most of ’em talk about how a child is not ‘culpable’ or something like that, why you’re not to blame, but you know what? I loved it, I did … from the very first time that he placed a finger on me.
Yeah … it was this joy that I felt with him, which was a little bit maddening, you know? But perfect, too. That’s why I was always watching him and Mom and warning you to stay away from the guy. Not ’cause I was all worried about you … or cared so deeply for your safety, ’cause I didn’t. All I was trying to do was protect the one thing that I cared about, which was this guy … this man who came to me and showed me a kindness … this sorta love, I guess. When I was young. (Beat.) ‘Love’ I now see, thanks to you, that he was spreading around like the Pied Piper of … wherever the fuck that fella was from.
Terry stops now, the truth having spilled out of him. He looks at Drew, who is frozen in his tracks. Silent.
… You don’t need to say anything.
Drew No, I … I … I’m just a little …
Terry I know I should hate the guy, I do know that … but I can’t find it in me to, even after all this time … and I’ve tried. Standing there … I’m looking at his stupid fucking middle-aged face and I’m trying to despise him … but I can’t do it. I just … (Beat.) I dunno.
Terry looks off for a moment, trying to find the right words. Drew doesn’t speak. Just watches his brother.
All I do know is I’m scared a lot; how ’bout that? Doesn’t sound like me, does it? Uh-uh, but I am … scared of … shit, everything. Who I am now, what I want or might be capable of … all that. So I keep myself to myself, alone, and work hard at not going where I really don’t belong. I’m afraid of, like, relationships, scared maybe I’m a fag because of what happened and not hating it … all kinds of things. (Beat.) … I keep trying to figure out in little ways if I’m normal or not and so far I’ll tell you what: I just don’t know.
Drew Terry … course you are! You’re … fuck, I don’t know how to say it, but you’re … you know …
