Surprise and confusion flashed through his eyes before he smiled widely at me. “Then I’ll wait.”
“For wh—Why?”
“Well, you were kinda obvious that you don’t want him knowing about your feelings, and you said you belong to him for now. So I’ll wait my turn.”
“Aiden,” I whispered and scratched at my forehead. “That’s not . . . I don’t want you to do that. I don’t want to lead you on.”
“And you’re not.” His smile somehow seemed to get wider as he draped an arm over my shoulders and began walking toward the little coffee shop again. “You told me how you feel, and I’ll respect that. To be honest, I don’t have a lot of time for dating, as I’m sure you can see with Jace’s schedule. Last weekend and tonight with you were some of the best times I’ve had in the last year. So we’ll stay friends, if nothing else. Just know that if you ever change your mind, I’ll be waiting.”
I sighed, but was hopeful that he was serious about staying friends. I had as much fun with Aiden as I did with Kinlee and Jace. “If you say—” I cut off on a gasp. Oh, mother of all that is holy.
My body went rigid, and if it hadn’t been for Aiden’s arm guiding me, I’m sure I would have stopped walking. Barely ten feet from us, frozen with a coffee cup halfway to his lips and his wide eyes on us, was the man haunting every second of my life.
“Hey, Brody! Where’d you go last week?”
My pulse jumped when Aiden said his name, and though I tried to keep my eyes anywhere else—the street, the cars, the shops, my feet—they kept pulling back to Brody. My eyes quickly traveled over the tight-fitting Henley shirt and perfectly worn jeans on his body, and I wished he’d been on patrol so he would’ve been in his uniform instead. A flash of Brody in his uniform went through my mind and I realized that actually would have made it harder to tear my gaze from him. Someone needed to put the man in a cardboard box. No, he just needed to leave and I needed to never see him again.
“Um, I just—I had somewhere I needed to be.” His eyes barely held Aiden’s for more than a few seconds before darting over to me, and over to where Aiden’s hand rested on my shoulder. He blinked a couple times and seemed to clear whatever he’d been thinking about. “What are the two of you up to?”
I couldn’t respond to him even if I’d wanted to tell him what I was doing here with Aiden. My mouth had gone dry, and I had to keep my hands clasped so I wouldn’t reach out toward him. I had a soul-deep yearning to be closer to him, and I knew the second I stepped into his arms I would feel like I was exactly where I was meant to be again. I’d been craving that feeling ever since we’d separated in Kinlee’s entryway, and being this close to him for the second time since then was making it practically impossible to stay away.
“We grabbed some dinner, and now we’re going over to get coffee before I take her home.”
Which means date. Brody knows I’m on a date with Aiden. Obviously, as if seeing us out like this wasn’t enough of a hint. But I hated that he knew, and I hated that I hated that. Brody’s eyes narrowed for a fraction of a second as he stared at Aiden, and his forehead tightened when his eyes met mine again. I would have given anything to know what he was thinking about in that moment. Because I needed him to crush the hope I had that he didn’t look happy about the fact that I was standing here with Aiden’s arm around me. I knew he couldn’t care, but I was making myself believe that he did. And that wasn’t going to help in getting me to stop thinking about him.
“Well, uh, I’ll let you get back to that. It was good seeing you again, KC. Aiden,” he grunted by way of closing the conversation. And with one last look from Aiden to me, he took off toward a dark Expedition parked at the sidewalk.
My body automatically took a step in the same direction, but Aiden started walking us toward the coffee shop again. I exhaled roughly when the sense of loss hit me.
It’s official. There’s something wrong with me. These are not normal feelings to have for someone I don’t even know. It’s not normal to crave and obsess over a man I’ve only had a five-minute conversation with. Aiden removed his arm when we got to the door of the shop, and I turned to look at the dark SUV just sitting there. The need to catch another glimpse of him, or at least hear his voice again, was so strong that I could feel this energy working its way from my chest to my arms, as if calling me to him.
“KC?”
“Huh?” My head snapped back to look at Aiden and his patient smile. I tried to feel something, anything, for the man standing in front of me. But there was nothing. My entire body was now buzzing, and somehow I knew Brody’s eyes were on me, and that knowledge sent a welcome shiver up my spine.
Aiden’s smile faltered when he noticed how distracted I was. “Did you still want coffee or did you want me to take you home now?”
“Of course, I do,” I assured him. “Let’s go in.”
When I stole a glance at the street, the Expedition was gone.
Brody
May 13, 2015
WHAT ARE YOU doing? What the fuck are you doing? I tapped my thumbs on the steering wheel of the Expedition and looked out the windshield toward the shop. It was early Monday morning, it had been two days that felt like a damn week since I’d seen her, and I felt like I was going crazy.
Casey—or KC, as I’d found out—had consumed my every thought over the last week, waking and sleeping. I knew I should forget about her and the weird moments we shared, but I couldn’t. And now here I was sitting in front of her bakery. I’d reminded myself thousands of times over the last week that I was married, that I couldn’t think of her the way I had been . . . but then I saw her on Thursday, and again on Saturday, and Saturday was what broke me. I wanted to rip Aiden’s arm off her. An unwelcome amount of jealousy and pain surged through me when I saw them walking together, and I knew then that my attempts to forget about her were futile.
The fact that it pained me at all to see her with someone else irritated me to no end as I went over everything a dozen times yesterday. But as the day wore on, I realized that what I felt for KC, as strange as it might be, was something I’d never known and something I knew I’d never experience again.
I was prepared to live with that knowledge and never act on it. I don’t know if it was the fact that Tate would have been five last week, or that Olivia came home trashed from her parents’ last night telling me that because I only make fifty thousand a year I’m a worthless piece of shit she keeps around for laughs, but I decided then that I couldn’t keep living my miserable life when there was a woman who made me feel more alive than I had in the last five years with just one look. And before I knew what I was doing, I found myself in front of her store this morning.
I shifted down in my seat as my sister-in-law came bouncing out of the bakery and over to the shop she owned with her mom, unlocked the door, and went inside. My eyes shot back over to the bakery, and even though I knew I shouldn’t, there was no talking myself out of what I was about to do.
A little bell chimed overhead when the door to the bakery opened and shut, and I heard her voice from the back of the shop. Her accent wasn’t as heavy as I remembered it, but God the sound still pinned me to the floor. “What’d you forget, Lee?”
“Uh . . . not Kinlee,” a thin guy standing behind the pastry case called out before eyeing me curiously.
KC came through a swinging door with a black apron on, covered with smudges of what I assumed was flour and cake batter. Her dark hair was pulled back, and a few loose strands had fallen in her face. She looked more incredible every time I saw her.
“Brody,” she whispered and set down a tray of cookies and puffs.
That was the first time I’d heard her say my name, and a million different things flashed through my mind. I wanted her to say it again, I wanted to hear her moan it as I had her body underneath mine, and I wanted to have her whisper it in the dark as we got to know each other on every other level, not just the intimate one.
“Well, hello, Brody,” t
he guy said, and KC made a face before waving him toward the door she’d just come through.
“I have this, Andy.”
Andy and KC seemed to have a short, silent conversation before Andy rolled his eyes and walked to the back. KC stared at the swinging door for a second before turning around. Her body was facing me, but her eyes darted around the bakery—looking anywhere but at me.
I didn’t know how to start this conversation. I hadn’t planned this out. I’d just known I needed to talk to her about what was happening between us. I needed confirmation that I wasn’t the only one who was slowly going insane over this—this—whatever this was. “I need to know what this is,” I finally blurted out.
No “Hi,” no “How are you.” I just went past all the small talk . . . went past everything a normal man and woman would talk about . . . and threw out the issue I’d probably been deluding myself into thinking both of us had been plagued by the past week.
Her eyes widened and met mine momentarily before touching everything else in the bakery again. She cleared her throat twice before stuttering, “What—what what is?”
I managed to close as much of the distance between us as the counter would allow and waited until she finally glanced at me again. “This.” I used my index finger to indicate the two of us. “You have to know what I’m talking about.” God, please know what I’m talking about.
She exhaled deeply and shook her head. Her eyes flickered to the front door, and then to the tray of cookies she’d just brought out, where they stayed. “Brody, you’re married,” she said softly, and the statement sounded so pained I had to grip the countertop when my hand began reaching out toward her. “I can’t—I don’t—you’re married.” Her blue eyes finally met and held mine, and I knew then that this had been tormenting her as much as it had me.
“I know. But I’ve been going out of my mind since I first saw you last Sunday, and I—I don’t know, I know this is insane, KC.” Looking to each side of the counter, I found the space to get behind it and walked over to her as I said, “One thing I’ve learned in my life and my line of work is that life is short, and I know that I don’t know you yet . . . but I know I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I walked away from the only person who’s made me feel alive in years, the only person who’s made me feel—whatever the hell this is—ever. Tell me I’m not alone in this,” I pleaded.
She looked around the store and shut her eyes tightly as she shook her head. I wanted to beg her to open them again, but words left me when she spoke. “You’re not. Brody, I swear the world stops when I look at you.”
My entire body relaxed, and my already quick heartbeat took off.
“But that doesn’t change the fact that you have a wife. So what’s all this for, Brody?” she asked, her pained voice now laced with venom, and the relief I’d felt disappeared. “Just to make yourself feel better knowing that someone else wants you? Or are you just wanting an affair because you’re tired of your spouse? Because if that’s what you want, I suggest you go find someone else who’s looking for the same.” Her blue eyes narrowed and she spoke through gritted teeth. “Do you know that for the last eight days all I could think about was a married man who stirred up emotions in me I didn’t even know I could possess? And it’s been killing me, Brody!”
“No, KC . . . God, no. This is a weird situation, trust me, I know. I’ve been at war with myself with what I know is right, and what I don’t think I can live without. I do not want an affair. I don’t know what something between us could be called, but that word doesn’t do what’s happening between us justice. But I know that my marriage is over, I know I want you more than I want my next breath, and I know I would be insane to walk out that door and away from you.”
Her eyes fluttered shut, and a sound that was something between a whimper and a cry left her lips before she could cover her mouth with her hand. Everything in me wanted to pull her close, but I forced my hands to stay on my hips as I waited for her response. I didn’t know if she wanted me to touch her, and honestly, I didn’t know if I was ready for what would happen if I had her in my arms.
KC looked back up at me and blew out a shaky breath. “I didn’t know I could feel this for someone else, but, Brody, I can’t be the reason your marriage ends.”
“It’s been over,” I said, the truth in my words clear. “We were over before we ever got married.”
“Is that why you don’t wear a wedding ring? Or did you take it off because you were coming to talk to me?”
I glanced down to my left hand and shrugged lamely. “Um, no. Olivia wouldn’t buy one for me when we got married, and never did afterwards. But if she had, I doubt I’d still wear it.”
She nodded, seeming to accept my answer, and then shook her head quickly. “But this is crazy. Whether your marriage is over or not, you’re still married. This . . . it’s wrong.”
“I know,” I murmured. “But I can’t imagine walking away from you now, and from the look in your eyes, you don’t want me to walk away either.”
KC worried her bottom lip for a few moments as she studied me, before admitting softly, “I’ve thought of nothing but you since Jace’s house. Why do you have to be married?” She whispered the last part to herself and huffed a sad laugh. Her eyes slowly met mine as she rubbed at her chest. “I feel like I’m losing my mind. It physically hurts to think about not being with you, and I don’t even know you.”
When I saw her blue eyes fill with tears, I took the last steps toward her and pulled her into my arms. She let out a shaky breath, and her eyes stayed glued to her hands resting on my chest.
We stood there silently for a few minutes before she tilted her head up and looked into my eyes. “What are we going to do?”
I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face when I responded. “I’m not sure, but we’ll take it slow and we’ll figure it out.”
5
Kamryn
May 16, 2015
BRODY LEFT TWENTY minutes later when my first customer came in, but not before getting my phone number and promising to call. It didn’t make sense to be swapping phone numbers given what we’d just confessed—we knew that. But we also knew that in those first seconds after I’d run into him and he’d caught me, we were both already completely lost in each other. And though there were red flags flying up all over the place, this feeling that was drawing us together was strong enough that we were both knowingly, and willingly, ignoring every one of them.
Brody and I knew we wouldn’t be able to talk often, and I had been prepared for that. But I’d had no idea how hard it would be to wait for his call. It was Thursday night, Kinlee and I were out for coffee again, and I hadn’t heard from him once.
“What is going on with you today?”
My head snapped up to look at Kinlee. “What do you mean?”
“You haven’t said more than two words, you just keep checking your phone. Do you have somewhere you need to be?”
“No, no, I’m fine. I’m sorry, I’m just so distracted. I haven’t talked to Barbara in a while, and I get antsy when I don’t.” Part of that was true. I hadn’t talked to Barb in exactly one week. But that wasn’t why I couldn’t stop checking my phone.
I’d put it on silent, not even wanting to risk it vibrating while I was out with Kinlee, and yet I still couldn’t stop checking it. I was ready to take off running out of the coffee shop if he called. Half terrified that Brody would call while I was with her, half wishing he would just call already . . . it was safe to say I was going a little crazy.
“She’ll call, she always does. Are you worried about her or something? The way you’re acting is starting to make me anxious, and I don’t even know her.”
I started to say no but stopped myself. “Uh, yeah, I kinda am. Like I said, I haven’t heard from her in a while, and she’s not in the best situation back home. But I’m sure she’s fine, she’s the sweetest woman you’ll ever meet, but she’s tough as nails.”
Kinle
e fidgeted in her chair as she studied me before shooting me a smile. “Then cheer up, friend!”
I tried to smile as I glanced at my phone again.
“Hey, why don’t you go back and visit, or have her come visit you?”
“You know I can’t, I barely have enough free time as it is with two helpers in the bakery, and I’m not making enough to hire someone else on yet. And she definitely can’t come here, she, uh, she works for some assholes. They’d never give her time off to come see me.”
“That sucks.” Kinlee tsked. “Why don’t you ever talk about your parents? What happened to them?”
“Just never had a good relationship with them, you know? Barb’s the only one I talk to from back home.”
“And let me guess, home is someplace far, far away . . . out east . . . not here . . . somewhere you don’t want to think of again?” she teased as her phone on the table started to chime and she picked it up.
I laughed softly, thankful to her for taking my mind off the call I still hadn’t gotten. “Pretty much.”
“Now, you know I think it’s good for everyone to have their secrets, but I’ve got to know: Where you’re from, was it really that bad, or do you just think I’ll judge you?”
Both. Definitely both. “It’s just someplace I’d like to forget.”
“All right, all right, I hear ya.” She gasped and brought her phone even closer to her face. “You told Aiden you didn’t want a relationship right now?!”
“Uh, yeah.” Not exactly in those words, but same meaning.
“What was wrong with him? He’s freakin’ hot and super sweet!”
“You’re right, he is. But I felt about him the same way I feel about Jace. He’s just friend material.”
“Okay, there has to be something I’m missing!” Her hand flailed out in my direction and started counting off. “It’s been at least eight months since you’ve been with someone. Jace and I have introduced you to tons of guys—all of whom you haven’t liked. Aiden is crazy hot, you can still wear your heels with him, and he’s the first guy you haven’t had something bad to say about. Those are five things that are confusing the hell out of me. Unless you’re gay—then this would all finally make sense and I could stop wondering what’s stopping you.”
Sharing You: A Novel Page 5
